What the Pinhoti.

Guest Post by Chris the Husband. There we were, the five of us, unlikely comrades in an unlikely place – a dry-heaving, lost, and injured party – with one unlikely hero to save us all. ****** 12 Hours Earlier: I stood at the start line in the early dark. It wasn’t very cold – 60 […]

Protein Gummies: easy, quality protein when all I want is carbs.

When I eat, I want carbs. Especially when I just want a snack or I’m in a hurry. Carbs are delicious, are the easiest things to eat, and are the easiest things to find to eat. I struggle to get enough protein on a daily basis because protein is high-maintenance and usually just too dense […]

The Things that Stick With Us.

Every Christmas around this time, I remember and appreciate a girl that I actually don’t remember at all.  It was my first semester in college, I was a measly 17 years old (incidentally, the age my oldest will be in just a few weeks, and who just finished her first dual enrollment class on the […]

The Lady’s Handbook for her Mysterious Illness, and the path to JERFing.

This summer will mark 10 years since I very suddenly began my journey with dysautonomia. Although I try not to think about all of the symptoms all at once, it has and continues to change my life in drastic ways. Some of those ways are good, like my illness being the impetus for starting Picture […]

Bird Brain.

I was at church, and my phone and Fitbit had SOS alarms going off. Loud, repetitive, chirping, SOS alarms. Clearly they were automatically set up to notify local emergency response crews, as I could hear sirens in the background, growing closer to church. I frantically hurried through the hallways, looking for somewhere to sit down […]

Book Recommendations For Your Winter.

Whether you need last-minute Christmas gifts or some fantastic books to curl up with on rainy (or snowy, depending on where you are – you lucky, lucky person) winter days, here are my latest favorite books. To check out my past recommendations, click here. Current Favorite Author: Kate Milford. She has written 8 (or 9, […]

The Slippery Slope of SCOBIES.

I never envisioned my life to include caring deeply about a giant slab of living snot. But here we are. Not only do I have one pet giant slab of living snot, but I actually have five adorable pets. And I do care for them very deeply. A SCOBY is the stuff of my children’s […]

Just Another Late Night in Bama.

“That’s a strange sound. What is it?” It was 10pm at night. I got up and walked behind Chris, out the screen door of our back porch, and onto the unscreened part. I wondered briefly why I was the one investigating the metallic knocking noise, but I am the nosier one of the two of […]

The Summer Fun Machine.

For every summer since first grade (except for 2020 … which as an aside, the phrase “except for 2020” should be a given addendum to nearly any sentence about anything), Noah has attended two weeks of day camp at our church, Camp Adventure. It is the most exciting, fun, delightful 70 hours of Noah’s entire […]

Finding Millie: The Diary Project.

Chris’ Grandmother, Millie, was a tiny precious woman that I met when she was already quite advanced in age. She was always kind to me, and I liked her very much. I think she liked me, too, as I provided her, at 90 years old, with her first great-grandchild. She met Ali just a couple […]

The Great Husband Match.

The thing is, I’ve always been mostly against matching. I have written about it here. Multiple times. Sure, Ali and her best friend had matching pjs when they were toddlers – but match my husband and my son? Never would I ever. My family knows this. My family has watched me agonize over wardrobes for […]

An Unexpected Detour To The Grand Canyon.

My plan was always to save the Grand Canyon for an epic trip – when I had time to plan it, time to fully process and prepare to hike down in it, or take a helicopter ride above it, or all of the above. But once we realized that it was more or less in […]

Saguaro National Park.

Saguaro National Park. It’s a tiny little spit of land – or actually two spits – one hugging each side of Tucson like strangers in the airport that insist on sitting right next to you, despite the luggage barrier you tried to create. We’d not planned on going to it, as aforementioned, but when one […]

Making Travel Lemonade on the Fly.

We’ve had a solid run of unsurprising air travel. On time flights. Made connections. Baggage arriving with us. Nobody in the family has used an air sickness bag. Yet. But we pushed our luck a little too far scheduling a trip to the high desert in peak winter. In our defense, we thought it was […]

On Getting COVID at the Beginning of its Junior Year.

I had become convinced that the Callahans had superpower genes. None of us, and only a mere single one of our extended relations on either side of our family, had contracted Covid. This felt very promising that we were part of The Chosen Remnant of people that simply seemed not able to catch this world-rocking […]

The Curse of the Learner’s Permit.

When I turned 15, I went to the DMV on my birthday, my anticipation too high to wait another day for the pleasure of being a licensed (learning) driver. But I failed the written test on my first try. I was mortified. Embarrassed. Humiliated. I made my mom swear not to tell my older brother, […]

A Journey Through 15 Christmases.

This is just a meander through the years…just for the enjoyment of seeing my children grow up before my eyes. 2007 2008 2009 2010 2011 2012 2013 2014 2015 2016 2017 2018 2019 2020 2021  

The Colorado-on-the-Cheap Experiment.

Our trip to Colorado was an experiment on two fronts. I used all of my strategies in making it the least expensive trip possible. It was just myself and the kids – no husband or friend to be the backup adult-in-charge or to give me an adult to talk to. Regarding cost, the children and […]

Colorado Days Three and Four – Snow, Elevation, and Trains.

The third day of our Colorado trip was the day Noah had been waiting for: Rocky Mountain National Park. The kid is in the middle of a serious love affair with National Parks, so it didn’t matter how cool horseback riding was (or whether he’d admit it or not) – what he wanted was national […]

Colorado Days One and Two: Anaphylaxis, Hiking and Horses.

In Mid-October, The week after I turned forty, the children and I flew to Colorado. It was rather a last minute trip, taken because I was desperate to get out of town, there was a great deal on flights and that I was able to combine with several other tricks to make the trip incredibly […]

The Bank of Tiny Withdrawals.

In the midst of crazy times, sometimes the little moments stand out as rays of sunshine. The week after we got back from an epic family trip to Montana, Chris’ Dad passed away. He had been diagnosed with cancer several years ago, but this was much more sudden than we had expected. So there was […]

Montana and Yellowstone: When the Consolation Prize is Better.

“Do you know why I wanted to come to Montana?” “Nope. Why?” “I read about it in a novel and it sounded amazing.” “That is the EXACT reason I went to Maine last year!” I was thrilled that Ali and I are equally inspired by literature in our desire to see the world. Fernweh, Chris […]

Radicalization by Fear.

I wrote this essay in the fall of 2020, before the election and right in the middle of the extreme tensions surrounding the election, COVID issues, and racial justice issues. I would rather not enter into the fray of current debates when they’re actually happening, and still am not debating any of the issues themselves. […]

On 2021, Society, and the Loss of Humor.

I have been doing a lot of pondering, and a bit of mourning on why I cannot write anymore…or why I do not write anymore…whichever it is. I miss writing terribly, and I’ve tried several times over the past couple years to return to it with regularity, but I find myself unable to do so. […]

A Summer of Mourning.

This has been a difficult summer for us. Chris’ Dad passed away on September 5, and My Grandmother, Mammaw, passed away on September 17, three years to the day since my Dad died. Papa with Noah and Ali  Mammaw on her 90th birthday with her family We are grieving, we are tired, and we are […]

Alabama History, in Clumps.

School is officially out. I mean it has been for a while, but if you haven’t noticed, I’ve been having trouble with the writing lately. Noah made our last day of school signs this year, hence his extra-proud self: Wait no. That’s just his first-and-last day of school expression. And yes, 8th grade is done […]

The Dark Side of the Island.

Chris and I are on our 20th anniversary trip. We are at Jekyll Island, Georgia, an island with a dark and mysterious past, many dark and mysterious rainforest-like trails, and going with the theme, everything seems to have a delightful dark side. This island was owned in its entirety in the early 1900’s by a […]

Strange Encounters of the Documentable Kind.

Noah had a doctor’s appointment. A smiling nurse, about my age or maybe a little older, called him back for vitals. She weighed him, then stood him up against the wall ruler to measure his height.  She put her finger above his head. “He’s…right here. What is that? It’s…right between 4’10” and 4’11”.” Noah and […]

Zero Optional Equipment.

Hello…so I’ve been gone for a minute. Probably the longest minute I’ve been gone in the 13 years I’ve been writing here (an anniversary that passed during my absence. Happy anniversary, self!) So you remember last fall when I introduced you to Karen Walker… She was my special friend, that lovely ovarian cyst that was […]

A Snake’s Official Response.

Sometimes, after listening to your pastor’s sermon, you feel a need to respond. Other times, your beloved family pet feels that need.

Carving Out Time in December

From a distance, December always looks like this euphoria of slow, quiet days and a relaxing break from school. In reality, December becomes a crazed sprint of shopping, planning, gathering, familying, Christmasing, and Birthdaying. With two children’s birthdays sandwiching Christmas, there’s never a lull in my to-do list. And then I end up in mid-January, […]

Birdlet, The Overly Friendly Woodland Animal.

Yesterday as we were leaving a hike at Ross Bridge, there was an extraordinarily tiny bird hopping after Luke, one of my kid’s friends, as he got in the car to leave. I found the bird’s actions strange, and Ross Bridge Parkway is a busy place for a strange bird, so we got out of […]

The Conclusion of Maine – Days Six and Seven.

We have arrived – at last – to my final post about Maine. So that means I may leave immediately to go back to Maine, right? Saturday was our longest road trip day – there were a couple of high priority tourist destinations that I wanted to experience that were an hour and a half […]

Maine Days Four and Five: Adding a Second to the Trip.

Day four was to be my last day alone – that evening I would be picking Chris up from the airport to join me! I loved every minute of my silence and solitude, but I was more excited to show Chris the wonderland that was Maine – I felt like I’d discovered a New World, […]

Moose Tracks, Signs, Gales, and Heaven: Maine Day Three.

The day started with my phone alerting me with a gale warning, so I decided to scrap the itenirary for the day, which had included a 1.5 hour drive inland, and limit my adventures to one peninsula over, Georgetown Island. That way I wouldn’t be more than 40 minutes away from my room if I […]

The Maine Diaries: Days One and Two.

I did a lot of research before going to Maine, because every time I thought I’d found the end to the goodness of the state, I’d come upon something else and be like “WHAT?! There’s a mile long granite walkway into the ocean that ends at a LIGHTHOUSE?! And I’m just finding this now??” and […]

Mainely Alone: Silence and Beauty.

“This is your fall. You should maximize it.” Chris said those words to me because this would be the first fall in 22 years that we haven’t spent most of our fall Saturdays going to Alabama Football games. (More falls than that for him – since he was 13 – but that’s just my fall […]

Karen, The Unwelcome Ovarian Tenant.

Note to fellow men, from Chris The Husband: Fair warning, this post is about lady things. Lady parts, lady problems, lady doctors, lady procedures, and lady fluids. If you are squeamish about such things, reading this post will be a great help in your desensitization process so you will no longer be squeamish about the magical [...]

The First Day of School and the Unclaimed Tooth.

Monday was our first day of school. Except that it wasn’t actually our first day of school because Friday was our first day of school. But we started school with a field trip day, as one does, therefore making Monday the first day we sat down with textbooks. So we’ll go with Monday. As with […]

2020 Needs A Dance Break.

“I don’t remember SENDING that to you…” “You didn’t. I found it when I opened my computer, since you sent it to AJ and I get all your texts.” Just another normal conversation between a teenager and a parent, I’m sure. It’s the one that Ali and I had after I told her that I […]

The COVID Diaries Part One: The Lockdown Months.

We’ve now been in this new state of reality for circa 150 days. Remember when we thought it would be two weeks? How we reassured ourselves it wouldn’t affect the fall?? How your husband planned to celebrate all the holidays we missed (Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Easter, birthdays, etc.) with a big cookout on the […]

Break to the Future.

It’s 1985. Doc Brown has just arrived back from the future, steps out of his DeLorean, and tells me, “Great Scott! Whatever you do, DO NOT go to 2020!” Why not, Doc? “There’s a global pandemic! The world gets shut down, you won’t go into a store for 53 days, you’ll have 3 trips cancelled, you’ll forget […]

If Not In Quarantine, Then When?

It has become my theme statement. It applies to all things. …If I can’t sit in my front yard and read for two hours without feeling a shred of guilt during quarantine, then when? …If I can’t clean out my office closet, paint my office (no more poop beige!), the front door, and the bathroom […]

Trust Nothing But Numbers. And Maybe Don’t Trust Numbers.

Before I begin, let me say that Coronavirus is a very serious situation. We as a family are doing all we can to socially distance and shelter in place, and my heart has been broken for friends whose relatives have passed away. This post is about numbers and projections and objectively analyzing them, and about […]

The 55 Stages of COVID Grief.

1. When you first hear of other countries’ lockdowns. 2. Reading the new rules that apply to you. Every day. 3. What you think of the rules when you first hear them. 4. Arguing with the new rules. 5. Realizing the rules are happening with or without you. 6. When you find out you’re non-essential. […]

A Social Distancing Fail of the Most Fascinating Variety.

Spring has sprung here in Birmingham. Flowers are blooming and trees are filled with pinks and whites and greens. It makes me wistful when we walk around our neighborhood, as seeing the trees around us makes me remember all the trees I can’t see right now at the Botanical Gardens, and Aldridge Gardens, and pretty […]

Homeschooling Tips for the Quarantined.

I’ve had some readers ask me to write a tips post on homeschooling for those of you who very suddenly found yourselves involuntarily in such a situation, thanks to COVID-19, who is apparently homeschooling’s hardest lobbyist. There are a ton of resources already floating around about that, though, so I’m not going to retread a […]

Grasping for Objectivity in Probiotic Social Distancing.

I’ve spent half the week trying to understand the coronavirus. All of the conflicting reports and graphs have just confused me and forced me to keep digging to find some objectivity in all the mess of opinions and prophecies and, of course, legit funny memes. After words left me boggled, I finally went to my most trusted friend, numbers. I […]

Books For a Time of Personal Distancing.

I mean, they’re not books about personal distancing, because what we all need right now is the feeling of community, even while we’re preparing to avoid community. But I’ve read a bunch of books since my last book report, and for such a time as this, thankyouverymuchcoronavirus, we all need a healthy stack of books (or five) for our […]

Diary of a Tired Mom – The Please No More Words Edition

It’s been a weird month for me. My subconscious wants to write very badly – I have dreamed about writing blog posts multiple times in the past month. And those dreams have not been limited to when I was asleep. When I got my first dose ever of “the gas” at the dentist, I was […]

A Proper Fear of Snow.

The thing about living in the south is that we’re kind of…afraid of snow. We don’t handle it well, as I’ve told you many times, and so it’s hard for us to imagine it as a risk-free endeavor. I mean, we LOVE snow, but if we have snow, it’s a “sit at home and enjoy […]

The Calamity of Educational Gaps.

Sometimes people ask me how I know what all my kids need to learn in their homeschool education. “How do you make sure there’s not a gap in their learning, or be assured that you didn’t forget anything?” Since I was homeschooled, and know very little about the pre-college group education scene myself, I suppose I could […]

Meant for Making.

A mind meant for making things never finds peace for long. The ache always comes back. But that’s nothing to worry about. The worry is that one day it will go for good. – “The Left-Handed Fate”, Kate Milford 2019 was a creatively quiet year for me. I started the year still mourning my Dad’s death, finding […]

Introducing: Buddy The Snake.

We are a little over a month into being A Pet Family. Meet Buddy the Snake, Noah’s much awaited ninth birthday present, a tiny baby Ball Python.    Buddy is an extrovert, always doing crazy things like hanging upside down to drink his water (show off), Fixing my hair in new and creative ways, Curling up […]

The Education of Anaphylaxis.

Last week, the kids and I went to Greenville to visit Not-Crazy-Renee. We make it there a couple times a year to see our former neighbors, and to take their Christmas card pictures. My kids love going up there, but Noah especially was excited about this year because he was really looking forward to visiting […]

On Running To and From Dismal.

A couple of weeks ago, I had the strong urge to leave town. It had been a rough summer, and it was the week before the first anniversary of my Dad’s death, and all the blech and sadness and ick was making me quite dismal. I haven’t felt like writing, photographing, staging roadkill, or even […]

On The Consideration of Being a Pet Owner.

You know how kids go through that stubborn phase where they will absolutely not try anything you want them to, for no other reason than because you want them to? “Seriously, son. You will LOVE this dessert, made with all the things you love – chocolate, marshmallows, graham crackers, and more chocolate.” “NO. I WILL […]

Red Light Therapy: Insights and Updates After Nine Months of Daily Use.

I have now been using my Red Light Therapy panels for nine months, so I wanted to share an update, answer some of the questions I’ve received, and share some stories from friends. Because I’ve gotten so many questions about my lights and how they’ve been performing long term, this post is going to be a little […]

Let’s Curl Up With A Good Book.

So I’ve been reading a lot in the past few years. But the last time I told y’all about my favorite books was February of 2018. Since that post, I’ve read 131 books. Ergo, I clearly have a backlog of amazing books (and also a few awful ones. Should I list the books I didn’t enjoy? […]

The Right Time for Words.

Today is my dad’s birthday. He would have been 67. Way too young to not be here anymore. I’ve been thinking about him a lot lately, as I just had my second experience with the agony, exhaustion, and honor of end of life care…my second experience with a beloved man dying all too young…my second […]

Too Much Candi In the Pool

We arrived on our vacation three hours before check-in. The reason we’d chosen this particular neighborhood was for the fantastic pool – it was large and decked out like a resort, with rock features and waterfalls in the center of the pool and around the edges, a gorgeous covered area with legit outdoor couches comfortable […]

Summer Reading For Rebels.

Guilty Confession: I don’t hate the library, per se, but I might believe that the library hates me. Our branch is always crowded and loud and I struggle mightily to find the books we’re looking for. I used to try and do the right, the expected, the moral thing, and take my children to the library […]

How to Race Like a Jerk.

1. Give Pro Tips to Random Runners. They LOVE it. Chris and I discovered several races ago that, although I like running with him quite a bit on normal days, I like running quite alone for half marathons. Besides the fact that I run more positively when alone (I always feel like I’m trying to […]

The Definition of Mild Soreness.

“You might feel some mild soreness for the rest of the day. Resume your normal activities tomorrow.” That’s what I was told on Wednesday, after having my Endoscopy with multiple biopsies and double dilation of my throat. Before the procedure, I wasn’t told anything – I just assumed that surely such a procedure would make […]

The Problem With Paris.

Last week, I was in Eastern Europe. I’m still mentally unpacking all of the beauty I saw and all of the beautiful people I met there.  But getting there…was not so pretty. Specifically, Paris. When I saw our flight itinerary and realized we were going to be flying through Paris both coming and going, I […]

Hashtag, Thunderhike.

I gave a speech this weekend to the AHTS (Alabama Hiking and Trail Society) about nurturing and encouraging children’s love of hiking. It’s way too long in its current format to share here (it was 45 minutes – perhaps the longest I’ve ever talked at one time ever), but in the process of writing it, and […]

It’s a Dream, Not a Race.

Guest Post by Chris the Husband Lake Martin was my first 27 mile race in 2016. My first 50 in 2017. My first 27 with Rachel in 2018. I wanted it to be my first trail 100. I planned it for over a year. Before Rachel and I did the 27 together last year, I […]

12, going on 27.1.

Guest Post by my daughter, Ali Callahan. So I decided to become an ultra marathoner. An ultra marathon is anything over 26.2 miles. I don’t remember why I wanted to do it originally, but I have been training for a year. The first race I wanted to do was the Lake Martin 27.1 mile “fun […]

On Becoming a Spelling Bee Drama Queen.

We Callahans like Spelling Bees. There’s something so…objective about spelling, and yet so very challenging as well, because English is stupid. Every year at the beginning of the school year, I check the Scripps site daily for the release of the year’s list of 450 words. Because you can never be too early in starting […]

Things You Don’t Want to See In The Woods.

“Because you don’t want to be alone in the woods and run into some random guy with an axe….” These are the things girls say jokingly to each other when setting out for a trail run together. However, I run in the woods alone fairly regularly, and when I do, my mantra is more like […]

The Ballad of Nearly Headless Noah, or How to Give a Kid Hair Stitches.

I have paranoid, careful children. They get it from their father. I mean, while growing up my family made fun of me for being too paranoid, but next to Chris, I’m basically tightroping across Niagara Falls every dang day. Having such a careful family does much to mitigate our injuries. (Other than mine, as I […]

Spit and Polish.

My Mom has chickens. And as such, I know way too much about chickens. I know that the rooster shows his love by plucking a ring of feathers off of his favorite hen’s backs while he’s also…on their back. I know that you can buy aprons for favorite hens to protect their poor feathers from being brutally […]

Backwards Blessings.

My 92 year old grandmother, my Mother’s mom, moved in with my parents in Mid-April, five months before my dad passed away. I remember the week she moved in – it was an extraordinarily chaotic week for our entire family. Mammaw had had a bad day at her house, which was the impetus for getting […]

My Experiment With Red Light Therapy.

Two months ago I had chronic and continuous back pain (caused by dozens of recurring muscle knots) - I was seeing a Physical Therapist regularly, taking a muscle relaxer at night, 1-2 doses of ibuprofen a day, and having to take 1-2 heating pad breaks every day.  I also had sharp hip flexor pain when I [...]

The Incident at Walgreen’s.

We were on our way home from dinner. The weather was abhorrent, but we needed two things from Walgreen’s. I went in on behalf of the whole family, because I’m sacrificial like that and also because one cannot trust one’s husband to pick out an eyebrow filling pencil. He probably doesn’t even know I fill […]

Cognitively Speaking…

Noah turns eight on Wednesday. His overachieving (and awesome) summer camp (Camp Straight Street) sent him a birthday card last week. Which is great and kind and made him feel special and….when mixed in with the 4-5 Christmas cards we receive every day, also made him feel rather inferior and needy of more, CONSTANT birthday cards. […]

The Difference Between Girls and Boys.

My birthday was last week. As always, I woke up to an array of handmade cards from the children. Every year, they’re getting more detailed in expressing their feelings. Ali created this lovely card, With these even lovelier sentiments. And even drew me a bonus picture. See Mom, that’s Dad away from the nest working and […]

When The Intersection Rule Failed Us.

In our hiking club, we really only have one rule. (Aside from the obvious rules like don’t pick up snakes but CERTAINLY don’t scare them away because Miss Rachel will definitely want to see them and photograph them and maybe pick them up if she’s mostly sure they’re not venomous.) The one rule is this: […]

Die Like You’re Living.

I wrote this on September 4, two weeks before my dad passed away.  “Live Like you’re dying.” We’ve all heard it and nodded thoughtfully at the platitude. Yes, yes yes, we should do all the things you would do if you were dying. Like appreciate life more, even if the garbage disposal just vomited in […]

In Remembrance.

Chris wrote this beautiful eulogy for my dad, and I wanted it to be forever here on my blog. Peter James Victor “Vic” Zannis went to be with his Lord on September 17, 2018. He lived a life of passionate adventure, dedicated skill, and serving love. He attended the University of Montevallo, graduated from Samford […]

The Best Dad.

My precious dad passed away early Monday morning. He adored his wife, kids, and grandkids more than anything else in his fascinating and adventurous life. He always prioritized making memories, imparting wisdom, and causing smiles and giggles. He had a spectacularly infinite range of talents. He was an expert on antique automobiles and their engines (and […]

An Update on The Pause.

I have written more in the past week than I have written in months. But first, let me tell you how I got there. This process of pausing has been very bizarre and not at all what I expected. Last week’s post was something I’ve dreaded publishing for quite some time because I feared that […]

Hitting Pause.

I’ve been struggling through my relationship with this blog for the last three years, for a myriad of reasons. …Writing is so much harder for me than it used to be (I’ll get back to that.) …Blogging is a “dead art.” …My kids are growing up and not as entertaining/deserve their privacy. …School and life take more time […]

Random Analogies of Life.

I had a groundbreaking realization the other day while running – which makes sense, since that’s when my brain is most oxygenated. (Too bad I can’t write while running or I might write as often as I used to.) But seriously – this breakthrough could change the economic direction of the American public – are you […]

Here’s a Little Ditty, about Willard and Eugene.

You may remember dear, kind former neighbor, Not-Crazy-Renee. Or  maybe you don’t. If you don’t, I demand that you immediately go do your homework and read everything in this category. You won’t regret it. Snakey Butters Buttercup made appearances in at least two of those stories. We’ll refer to her as SBB, out of mercy for my […]

Two Sprinkles of Life.

I got a much needed haircut last Friday. It’s been at least a year since I got a trim and the ends of my mistreated hair felt like Rumplestiltskin’s Straw (before turning to gold). I had to find a new hairdresser because mine moved out of state, so that’s something I can put off for forever. But […]

That Time That Butterflies Explained it All.

I was walking along, minding my own business, enjoying the sweltering humidity that is a June-Day-Between-Thunderstorms, when I all of a sudden found myself in a deeply philosophical place. There was a flutter of activity, and I looked about. Butterflies. Blue butterflies. Green Butterflies. Orange Butterflies. Busily flapping about and clearly engaged in an important task. Then I noticed […]

The Snakiest of Springs.

****TRIGGER WARNING**** This post contains pictures of actual snakes. And of me holding one of those actual snakes. If you have a fear of snake photos, this post isn’t for you. Here’s a beautiful Luna Moth for you to look at and then just go ahead and click off of this page. It’s really bizarre […]

The Perfect Puddle Fail.

I’ve been a bit obsessed with puddles lately. Which is convenient, since we just had a Tropical Storm come all the way up the middle of our state. (Granted it wasn’t a Tropical Storm when it reached me, but it was still pretty dang wet.) I don’t usually get hung up on getting a specific […]

A Letter: From the Cat, To The UPS Man.

Dear Bringer of Brown Squares, Hi. I am the cat that calls the porch of the blue house my own. They call me Thomas, but others call me Midnight, Snape, Voldemort, and That $%*#& Stray Cat. You brought a couple brown squares and left them on the porch today, as you usually do. I always […]

The Varied Impressions of California, as seen by Alabamians.

A couple of weeks ago, Chris and I went on our seventeenth anniversary trip to Newport Beach, California. It was a completely random destination, chosen not by desire but by necessity, as we had reservations in St. Thomas, then St. Thomas went and got hit by two hurricanes. They cancelled our reservation and gave us […]

Meandering Along the Continuum of Maturity.

On the continuum of maturity, I’m somewhere in the middle of my two children. This is a very strange place to be, and it leads to all sorts of awkward situations, along with starkly opposite parenting strategies. The following conversation happened with my eleven-year-old about a pair of “distressed” blue jeans… “WHY would you buy […]

On Break

I’m taking a bit of a writing break to reboot my brain. Be back in a couple weeks…

The Long Haul. With Kids.

This past weekend, while on a hike, Ali and I were talking about our Hiking Club Summer Bucket List. I told her I’d asked the other moms what they’d wanted to do this summer, and asked her what she wanted to do. She lit up. “I want to hike farther than I’ve ever hiked. I […]

The Laundry Basket From Above.

I live near a lot of fancy suburbs. I do not live *in* any of them. In fitting with my renegade style of life, I live in the unincorporated county, where no one can tell me what to do and I am endlessly confused as to what should technically go on the third line of […]

Why Me.

Dear Instagram, I know you listen to my conversations and feed me ads accordingly. I can even tell that you’re having Google read my emails and feed me ads that fit into that. But whatever you read or heard that made you think I am the type of person to buy leggings based on how […]

Your Personal Shopper In Waiting.

Have you been itching to house a collection of multicolored Furbys around your neck? Or are you looking for the perfect sports bra to give you coverage and support you crave as you run your next race? Looking for clarity in the many, many boot choices out there? Or are you done with boot season […]

Orr Park Scavenger Hunt.

You may have noticed I’ve been on a bit of an outdoors binge for a half a decade or so. (Which, by the way, is the most insulting word in the English language. “Outdoors.” AS IF doors had been there first, then nature cropped up all around them and so we had to call it […]

A Day in the Woods.

I started running four years ago. Well, I actually ran for a short time 15 years ago when Chris started running, and I hated it. A couple years in, unrelated to running (maybe), I had to have two foot surgeries, and my surgeon told me I’d never be able to run again, and I totally […]

What’s That Sound, The Lucky Episode 13

Seven is an age of deep thoughts, misheard phrases, paranoia, and brute honesty. Ali: “How long until dinner?” Me: “Not too long. Maybe twenty minutes.” Ali: “Oh good. I just wanted to know if I had time to go upstairs and dilly dally for a bit.” Noah: “DELETE ALI?? What does that even mean??” I’m […]

For the Mamas Thinking About Homeschooling.

Every year about this time, I have a fresh crop of preschool moms who ask me about homeschooling. I’ve never considered myself an expert at homeschooling – I don’t read all the books, attend all the conferences, or lobby for laws. But having homeschooled as a child for 12 years, and now having made it […]

Boom. A Decade.

Last week was my ten year anniversary of writing on this blog. As in, a decade of my life has been lived, and is recorded, on this website. Photo by Jake Marvin It’s really quite mind-blowing – to me, and probably only to me. My first feeling about all that is that I am so […]

Pokemon Is The Best Thing That Ever Happened To Me.

My exhaustion of hearing about the HP of every Pokemon ever created can be a heavy burden. And I grow weary of hearing the difference between GX and EX and Ultra and Mega and X. I languish from my child asking me for eBay searches and Amazon browsing for more and more and more Pokemon […]

An Education of the Wild Yeasts.

In my thirty-six years on this planet, two things have completely eluded me: Jury Duty and Sourdough Starters. Although not even being considered to sit on a John-Grisham-worthy international espionage trial did bother me, being left out of the sourdough club disturbed me at a more intrinsic level. I was beginning to think that all […]

Stop the Barbarians and Their Toxins.

If there’s any modern truism, it is that we cannot have nice things. Any new good thing is immediately picked apart and ruthlessly demonized for its harmful effects on some segment of Earth-dwellers, be they human, animal, or plant. My dear fellow Earth-dwelling humans, it is time for me to discuss how we have all […]

’tis The Season to Curl Up With a Good Book.

I did a LOT of reading while I was recovering from my surgery, and since then, on sub-freezing days, I’ve done a LOT of reading to self-medicate myself through the evil ailment of winter. So it’s clearly time again to share my favorite reads (the last two versions can be found here and here, and […]

Helpful Tips for an Extreme Time.

So our lives have come to this. All that we care about, all day, every day, is not catching The Flu. Am I right? So I’ve compiled a list of helpful tips for all of us to keep fighting the good fight. Wear a Camelbak filled with Purell at all times. Perfect for squeezing onto […]

Rage against the Feline.

Thomas The Porch Cat. I despise him with all of my physical and metaphysical being. When he first started hanging around full-time, he (our assumed pronoun – we’ve never checked) was shy, thoughtful, and timid. He was grateful for the food we gave him and was never demanding or rude in any way. That was […]

The Prodigal Fitbit Daughter.

I had been a happy FitBit wearer for three years. It motivated me, gave me beautifully geeky tracking tools, created new friendships, and fed my obsession with statistics. Yet, at the beginning of October, I replaced my FitBit with an Apple Watch. And then, on December 22, I found myself 126% overjoyed because I convinced […]

How to Make Glow in the Dark Frozen Bubbles.

I discovered this just in time. I was about to completely lose my mind over the fact that it was COLD. And we didn’t get snow. And what was supposed to be a nice, iced-in, mid-week weekend compliments of the snow that visited everyone but us had turned into just another COLD day. And then […]

Diary of a Tired Mom: Dead of Winter Edition

I’m afraid that all of my motivation and Type A-Ness was housed in my uterus. It’s been nearly six weeks since its removal, and I don’t feel like running, eating vegetables, eating less Christmas chocolate, writing, cleaning, educating my children (which I am managing to do anyway – whether quality education or not), or really […]

A Journalled Year.

This delightful kid turned eleven yesterday. Ali recorded her year much better than I did, so I thought we’d tell the story together. January 2017: her tenth birthday, and when she finally allowed me to start calling her a tween. Also, she made sure to record her little brother’s fairly impressive abilities. February: She’s always […]

The Highs and Lows of Winter.

When you live in the south, you really don’t expect the freezing point to actually mean something. To me, it’s always felt more like a guideline. “Water could start freezing at 32 degrees.” But no. I really actually means that water freezes. And as such, it’s been freezing around here, so we’ve been experiencing the […]

On Proving that The Mayflower > The USPS

November First. That’s where this story begins. It was the day I received an order from England for one of my Roadkill Calendars*. I have shipped plenty of things overseas. I’ve shipped to China – with the endless label written in Chinese. I’ve shipped to Africa. I’ve shipped to England. I’ve shipped to many random […]

Finding Color in the Gray.

If you follow me on Instagram, you might’ve already read part of this, but I felt like sharing it with a little more detail here. This week, I finally started venturing out of the house again. I know, I know – I got out the day after surgery to take snow pictures. But then I […]

The Seven-Year-Old Silver Screen Star.

Noah turned seven today. And it’s been a long, arduous, lifetime of work for him to achieve his (not-so-much) dream of being a television star, which also happened this week. All because being a blogger has weird side effects. Such as your images being super searchable, and sometimes your most random image can be the […]

Surgery, Snow, Smoothies, and The Senate.

All The Laws of Physics were contradicted this past week. 1. It snowed, in Alabama, in early December. Significantly (for Alabama) – 4-12 inches. 2. Said snow stuck, stayed around an extra day, and some snow is still on my yard as I type. 3. I had my uterus removed yet came home looking four […]

Give me a T… Give Me an M… Give me an I!

Disclaimer: This post is graphic and most likely not for people of the male persuasion. Unless they’re the overly-curious type. But I recommend they close this window and run screaming like a boy. Secondary Husband Disclaimer: I let Rachel blog about my vasectomy, and this post is sort of similar, but girly. Seriously, this blog […]

On Building Ones Own Race Car.

Noah is six years old, and this year was his fifth year to attend the Petit Le Mans race. My dad is a Tech Inspector for the Le Mans series, and the importance of being related to such a cool guy might have gone to Noah’s head. Granted, I don’t think most kids would blame […]

Stop What You’re Doing and Read This Book.

So the kids and I took a road trip recently to South Carolina. I haven’t shared this news here because it’s just too tragic to talk about, but Not-Crazy-Renee, best neighbor ever given to a blogger and star of the Package Thief saga, and the holiday houseguest scarer; the owner of a snake and the […]

Oops, Alabama Did It Again…

Hi y’all. It’s time for your straight-from-the-state-where-it-happened political commentary on Judge Roy Moore. Because I’m here to make sure that you’re informed. I know, I know – you’re all like, You’re welcome. But by the end of this post, you may feel more like this. So this all picks up where our dear old Luv […]

A Week In The Woods

From Monday to Thursday evening of last week, I was in the woods. No wi-fi, perilously spotty cell service, and all the fallishness I could ask for. (And Ali didn’t mind it, either.) We rented a cabin at Oak Mountain State Park, which is close enough for Chris to commute to work, and the children […]

Adult Smash Cakes are the New Promposal.

It’s hard to identify what a decade is about when you’re in the midst of it, but oh-so-easy after they’re over. The ‘70s didn’t know they’d be remembered for their Disco and groovy polyesters. The ‘80s didn’t imagine we’d mostly recall their patchy vests and Duck Head shorts. And the ‘90s had no idea we […]

A Tale of Two Muses.

I tend to be a dichotomous person. I sometimes exhibit characteristics that seem diametrically opposed, such as having purple hair and being a homeschool mom. And writing extensively on the internet but never mentioning politics (in a serious manner, anyway.) Opposites make me extraordinarily balanced. Right? Because of that extreme personality balance, I take photos […]

It Doesn’t Take a Village [Of Strangers.]

Most of the time, I am highly amused at the odd antics of strangers – especially since I seem to attract so many of the especially bizarre. However, there is one stranger behavior that irritates me like no other – the “volunteering” to parent my children. I need my friend’s and family’s help in parenting […]

The Secret Life of a Happy Hiking Heart.

My children, particularly the youngest, have a propensity to whine when I tell them we’re going on a hike, which is a once or twice a week occurrence, especially in the fall. But forced hiking is the mother of invention, and my children are never as brilliant as they are when the mood hits them […]

Blogging: May Cause International Friendship.

I regularly struggle about this blog. Besides the fact that blogging is a dead art, I have less to write about than when my kids were tiny, I have less time (thanks, kids, for not napping anymore), I have more varied interests that take up my time (running, hiking, photography, reading), and it’s harder for […]

36 for 36.

I have always loved to read, but it has been a pastime, like many, that comes and goes based on my stage of life and ability to concentrate. As a kid I read constantly. As an adult, I’ve had short spurts of reading often, followed by long breaks of zero literary pursuit. 2017 has been […]

What’s That Sound, The Dozenth Volume.

These are Noah’s new “drinking glasses.” Hopefully this isn’t his idea of preparing for college. Ali and Noah were discussing the pros and cons of their various babysitters with my friend Kelly. Noah explained that they have a system of points. Ali insisted the point system is based on a ten point scale, but Noah […]

When Being an Early Adopter Spins Out.

I am aware and annoyed that the world tends to hate on new things as they come along, picking apart all of the potential dangers and drawbacks before anyone has had a chance to even try them. Remember when Pokemon Go came out? All the news stories were about people walking over cliffs or wrecking […]

The Death of a Grasshopper.

“Hey Mom! There’s a hurt Grasshopper out here!” Noah had gone to the front porch to feed the neighborhood cat that is known at our address as Thomas. (Thomas has many names – many more than we probably even know. He works the feline benefits system well, just as his predecessor Fred, ingratiating himself to […]

On Discovering That I’m a Prodigy.

The year of 2017 will be forever remembered as the era where I made a monumental breakthrough on my journey of self-realization. If I were given one of those standard employee reviews where they asked me what my strengths and weaknesses were, before 2017 would be lacking a vital component of who I am. Because […]

On Needing More Chill.

If we were playing the “I Have Never” game, until last week I could easily say “I have never bought a refrigerator.” I am nearly 36 years old. Chris and I have been married for 16.5 years and have lived in three different dwellings. And we have never bought a refrigerator. Each house came with […]

On Finding Swagger.

I cannot communicate in barber language. I’ve been trying to figure out a way to style Noah’s hair differently for pretty much his whole life. His hair refuses to do anything except exactly what it does. Which is to hang. In a straight line. No part. No body. No nothing. I’ve felt as if he […]

When We Get Around To It…

…That’s when we’ll start school. (I answer that question a lot.) We do enough educational tasks during the summer (all of which I track on my templates, which you can download here) that we can afford to start school when God intended: In the glorious month of September. But this year, we actually started on […]

Congratulations on Your Simple Existence.

Last week, I had a male nurse tell me all about how he has no health problems and takes no medications. He told me a hilarious story about him going to the doctor for the first time in years just so that he had a primary doctor if he ever needed one, but he probably […]

The Time Has Come.

It will be here in just a few days… To be quite honest, after every single ArtWalk, I tell myself “I am NOT doing this again.” It is most likely the most exhausting thing an introvert can do to herself. But I always do it again anyway. Because I have a year to recover. Because […]

The Weird and The Wonderful.

If you’re ever bored waiting for your kids to pick out books at the library (or play endless games on the library computers), here’s my library entertainment secret. Go to the children’s biography section and imagine it as a dinner party. Each book is a person sitting around the table, making small talk with those […]

On Keeping A Relationship Fresh.

Sometimes you can live with someone your whole life and still not really know them. You might think you have them pegged – especially if they share DNA – and know exactly what decisions they’ll make in each scenario. But then some random recessive gene will pop up and shock your socks off. Such has […]

The Last (Beach) Stand.

It was our last trip of the summer, and our twelfth(ish) annual family vacation – the one we take with my family instead of buying each other presents. Not having to buy presents AND a “free” vacation? It’s such a win. We started this tradition when there were no kids, then eventually began adding one […]

On Being Absolutely Delicious.

Our family has two distinct branches. There’s the Chris Branch. Chris does not recall a time when he had a run-in with any poisonous-plant-caused rash, and does not have the pleasure of experiencing bug bites of any kind. Sometimes he feels a bug on him and is annoyed by the biting sensation, but does not […]

Diary of a Tired Mom: Beliefs and Dreams.

Every time I need Triple Antibiotic cream, I can only find Hydrocortisone – and not just one tube, multiple tubes. Every time I need Hydrocortisone, I can only find Triple Antibiotic cream  – and not just one tube, multiple tubes. I no longer believe that these two creams are separate entities. They cannot exist at […]

The Five Second Journey.

Guest Post by Chris The Husband. There are times in life when things happen in real time very quickly, but in your mind, time slows to a crawl, as your brain seizes onto reality and attempts to grapple with it. Such was Saturday, at the pool. It was a standard late poolside July afternoon. Hot, […]

On The Killing Of The Rodent.

When your friend that spent 90% of her life living in Central America invites you over for Taco Night, you go. No matter what. Last night our small group had the privilege of just such an occasion. And besides the best tacos we’ve ever eaten (including the magical pork-and-pineapple mixture that I’m now kinda craving […]

Mom’s Worst Adventure Ever.

Sometimes Moms make mistakes. Sometimes Moms have inadvertently terrible timing. These things could both be said of me on Wednesday, but I’m going to choose to blame Noah instead. You see, we had to do an errand. And he decided to wear his extraordinarily dapper hat that Chris and I bought him last year when we […]

What’s That Sound: Volume Eleven(ish)

Having a boy child is often a confounding situation. Like, how does this happen? And more importantly, after it happens, how does one hang up their coat, look at a sucker stuck solidly to the hoodie, and say “eh, I’m good.”?! This kid. So let’s document the inner workings of such a powerful mind. On […]

Origin Stories.

Every year about this time, I write a post similar to this one. Then I don’t publish it, out of concern that my words would be misread or misunderstood. This year I decided to go ahead and hit that publish button. For the past ten years, the constants of my life have been that I am a writer, a mom, […]

Theories on a Grand Target Adventure.

As I was driving down Highway 280 on Saturday afternoon, lost in thought about all I had to accomplish in the next day and week and year and lifetime, I approached a set of flashing police lights in the median. I slowed down, as one does, out of caution and to ensure that it wasn’t […]

On Discovering Michigan.

On the First of July, I and my six fellow small group ladies found ourselves in the great state of Michigan. We take a girl’s trip once a year, and whether it is hosted by an Irishman in Bugtussle, includes a contest to find the highest heels in Unclaimed Baggage, or involves the breaking of […]

Let Freedom Spew.

It was the Fourth of July. I had woken up at some crazy early hour to check out of our Girl’s Weekend rental house (more on that later), drive to the Detroit airport, and fly home. That night, we had our annual fireworks watching “party” planned, for which thankfully Chris had made the preparations and […]

When a Tropical Storm Comes Knocking.

Continued from here… So the Tropical Storm. Let’s first be clear: the Actual Tropical Storm Cindy made landfall on Thursday in Louisiana. She may have been weak, but the woman could cover some land mass. As such, her torrential rains started Monday night in Florida. That was when I discovered the downside of an extremely […]

The Longest Vacation And How To Do It.

Nine Days. I have literally not been away from home that long since I was 16 years old. Well over half my life ago. I accomplished this feat by Magical Vacation Stretching (MVS.) How does MVS work? I shall teach you. Are you ready? This is some extra VIP information. 1. Prove to your husband […]

Moments of Vacation.

We’ve been on our annual double-family vacation, during which I took a writing hiatus. I’m still gathering and editing my photos from the trip, but here are a couple of stories from my favorite moments. The Ghosterhood of the Traveling Skirt. All four kids shared a bunk room for the first time this year. It […]

What You Hear While Getting Needled.

I don’t talk about Dysautonomia at length here very often, because frankly, I find it annoying. Same for running – I run nearly every day, but I just don’t find running a very interesting subject to talk about. I like running a huge deal. It makes me feel better. I put one foot in front […]

The Summer Ticket.

Summer began this year before I completely realized what was happening. Usually the first day of summer is a day of huge fanfare and excitement (me celebrating raucously because I don’t have to teach my children anything of great import for a couple months), but this year it was sandwiched between mine and Chris’ anniversary trip, our […]

Stepping Into The Light.

Trigger Warning: Dear Mom, don’t read this post. (I made the mistake of telling my Mom the some of the details of this adventure on Sunday. She asked me to please never ever tell her if I did this or anything like it again.) Stephens Gap Callahan Cave Preserve (no relation to any Callahans or […]

A Visit to Hilton Head.

It’s been over a month since mine and Chris’ annual anniversary trip, and I still haven’t finished this blog post about it. Because every time I try to write, I find myself in this situation…. I’m supposed to be blogging right now. But instead, I’m browsing online, trying to figure out the best way to […]

Revisiting The Past.

I know that the trendiness of photo re-creation was at its peak a couple of years ago, but for some reason, it peaked with me over the last couple of weeks. First, there was a soccer picture of my brother and I. We were more of a baseball/softball family, and we only played one season […]

Motherhood: The Ghost Story.

Quiet time is for Mommies. My kids have a set time period each day where they can play on their iPads and watch two television shows. The purpose of this is not for my children’s electronic pleasure. It’s 100% for me. It’s so that I can get computer work done, edit photos, blog, or in […]

Hands-On Alabama History: The Conclusion.

From the beginning… I promise this was from the beginning of this school year. Ignore the wrong dates. I’m a qualified teacher really I am. To the end. It was an absolute adventure. And my most ambitious and longest school year yet is finally over. Although we’d finished most subjects, we officially ended it all […]

Protected: The Bullfrog Liberation Army.

This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below: Password:

Extra Special Trends for Summer.

I walked into Nordstrom Rack on Wednesday, realizing as I walked that I was literally a walking Rack. I was currently wearing the following that had been bought at Nordstrom Rack or HauteLook: – Shirt – Shoes – Sports Bra – Pants – Sunglasses – Purse Literally the only things I had on or with […]

Temporarily Closed for Battle.

I haven’t disappeared or thrown away the merits of blogging in exchange for being in the woods all day every day (although we have been having a exquisitely lovely Spring and most recently a divine three day weekend, so that possibility is most definitely always there) (and also might I add, we’ve been watching Anne with an […]

The Resurrection of Long Butt: Finding a Better Swimsuit.

When a fashion trend troubles me, I find myself studying it intensely, attempting to mentally work out a solution. How could we keep this look but ditch everything that makes it absolutely horrendous? These questions plague my mind in dark, subconscious corners until I concoct a solution. That’s how, in 2009, I found myself publishing […]

The Alabama Skimm

I’ve mentioned before how much I like The Skimm, and there’s been a lot going on here lately, so I decided to give you guys a bit of my own homestate Skimm. Alabama’s been talked about a lot lately. First, our Governor had a, well, a situation that ended up giving us a new Governor […]

The Romper’s Creepy Uncle Has Arrived.

I tend to be a late adopter of new fashion trends. I like to justify that this is with good reason – as trends take hold, they get tweaked and redesigned, and if said trend withstands the test of time, the end result is much more flattering than where it started. Skinny Jeans are a perfect example of […]

The Hero We’ve Been Waiting For. The Hero We Deserve.

OhMyGoodness Guys. I have SUCH GOOD NEWS. For the past two years, nearly everyone, on all quadrants of the political spectrum, have been living in existential dread. Overwhelming percentages of people have expressed a grave distrust in our political situation, and the entire world seems to have the same problems: political systems are hopelessly corrupt […]

Please Sell Me Beachfront Property in Wyoming.

Something about the marketers that have been trying to reach me lately has seemed a bit…off. So I saved their ads. For us to discuss. Do I wear a hair tie around my wrist most days? Yes. Is Facebook secretly videotaping me so that they are aware of this behavior? Probably. Are we seriously to […]

The Robin Hood of Animal Memorialization.

There’s been a serious dearth of opportunities for roadkill kit utilization lately. And it wasn’t for my lack of looking for those to memorialize eternally – I had been keeping my eyes especially alert for a rabbit all through March and April, as I had a set of tiny Easter Eggs that really needed a job. […]

Revisiting The Black Spot

The Year was 2013. I was experiencing, for the first time in my life, the harrowing realities of having a two and a half year old male creature. He was fantastically adorable. Which did not make up for the fact that he was two and a half and therefore made me fear for his life […]

Pour Some Sugar on Me! No Wait – Don’t.

As mentioned previously, I’m doing monthly goals and challenges this year. On my list of potential experiments, I’ve had two in particular that I simultaneously dreaded and really wanted to try. Giving up sugar, and giving up gluten. It took 90 days to work up the courage to try one or the other, and I […]

Just The Four Of Us.

This past weekend we tried something new. We prefer doing what we know works – we’re not the type to be like “hey let’s try this new big thing with our kids! I bet they’re old enough to not make it miserable!” No. We wait until we are solidly sure that they are absolutely more […]

An Alabama Fairytale.

For those of you who live in Alabama, you may have had enough already of this story. Or maybe you’ve been avoiding it and waiting for the overview. But I’ve had a lot of people – locally and not – ask me “what exactly happened down there?”, so I felt it my duty, since I […]

It’s Hard Work Being His Favorite.

  “Mommy, You’re the Best.” “Hey Mommy………..I love you.” I hear each of those phrases at least forty-eight times a day. Noah likes me. A lot. And by a lot I mean he really prefers to be with me at all moments. It’s utterly precious until it’s not. All the honest Moms out there say […]

The Super Bowl of Homeschooling.

To a homeschooler, there is nothing more thrilling than standardized achievement tests. …Okay actually this is way too blanket a statement and is vastly over-applied. To myself and my daughter and perhaps a few other homeschoolers, there is nothing more thrilling than standardized achievement tests. I adored them every year when I was a kid. […]

The Opposite of StormChasing.

The Alabama Weather Scene has changed since I was a kid. Not in content so much – I remember tornadoes and warnings and staying indoors as things were flying about Wizard-Of-Oz style from my youth. My mom claims to have sat in a rocking chair on the front porch with me in her arms while […]

Hands-On History: Sloss Furnaces

Sloss Furnaces, part of the reason for Birmingham’s existence, has always fascinated me – especially photographically. I’ve taken pictures of it for years, but have never truly explored it. I have left it so unexplored that I didn’t even realize they had a gorgeous visitor’s center, gift shop, and museum. But naturally it was on […]

Things I’ve been Enjoying.

I have not cared to blog AT ALL the last couple of weeks because I have just finished my first re-read of all seven Harry Potter books. One of my favorite book series, I’ve wanted to do this but never felt like I had “the time” to dive in. But Ali finished book 4 (Goblet […]

Trading Professional Snacking for Soccer.

Last year when Ali started back in gymnastics, I asked Noah what he might be interested in doing. We had not gotten him involved in any organized sports yet, and even though I didn’t at all want more commitments in my life, Mommy Guilt was getting the best of me. But he quickly said, “I’d […]

The Genesis of A Palette.

An update to my last post, about the discovery of my children’s Grapheme-Color Synesthesia…it probably won’t make much sense if you haven’t read that post first. A couple of nights ago as I was lying in bed, I finally remembered what app Noah had played most when he was learning his letters – Starfall. I […]

Unearthing a More Colorful Brain.

“1 is red – right, mom?” This matter-of-fact question Noah asked Monday morning while doing his math (in my dirty dressing room floor as I hung up clothes) turned his school day on end. What followed was a fascinating day of me interrogating him while becoming more and more intrigued with his brain as he […]

A Perfectly Romantic Roadkill Date.

We first saw him on the way to church Sunday morning. I squeeeeed with happiness. He was lovely. His hands were up in the air as if grasping for the light. He wasn’t gory – just looked like he’d been keeled over in shock. I’d been keeping my eye out for a raccoon for months. […]

Two Quick Notes…

If you’re into basketball or not into basketball and just into making brackets or letting your kids make brackets (as we have been since our oldest was two, because we like to teach important life skills), if you’re quick (I know – I really meant to get this out earlier this week but THIS WEEK […]

Hands-On Alabama History: DeSoto Caverns

DeSoto Caverns was not on my all-encompassing spreadsheet of Alabama History. In fact, after studying Alabama History and reading one very detailed story about how Hernando De Soto came to Alabama with the sole purpose of stealing from and brutally slaughtering as many Native Americans as possible, I felt a bit queasy from the happy […]

Hands-On Alabama History: Helen Keller

So I think I missed a couple things in my own Alabama education. I missed that Helen Keller was an international superstar, and I missed that she lived until the late 1960s – she died only 13 years before I was born. The first fact I believe I missed precisely because I’m from Alabama. Sure, […]

Charting New Territory.

In the world of baby-having, things have changed a lot since I partook – largely due to social media. And, much like all that’s changed in the world of wedding-having, I am not sad that I missed it. Any of it. I’m not sad that Pinterest Pressure was an unknown substance 16 years ago, and […]

Death By Leggings.

Leggings make me feel dead inside. Yet I still have exactly 8 pairs. It’s true – even the sequins don’t make them better. As I sit back and ruminate on where I went wrong in life, I must surmise that I fell into this slippery slope because of running. Running leggings are amazing. Compressing in […]

Love Me With Your Whole Emoji.

Of my 1,171 Facebook friends, approximately 1,500 of them currently sell something that involves a product, a downline, and a requirement of a plethora of Facebook posts. My Facebook feed covers them all. Multiple times over. I will never be without the ability to buy Matilda Jane or Advocare or Avon or Young Living or […]

Desperado.

I live for spelling bees. I only participated in one when I was a kid, but I remember relishing the thrill of competition. I’m also a fairly good speller (except for the word dilemma) and would greatly appreciate it if my children would join me in that vital pursuit. Last year was Ali’s first round […]

The Best New Crafting Bling: Fimo Slices.

It’s been way too long since I’ve made a craft project worthy of sharing. Today’s is brought to you by purchasing the wrong product, because sometimes you discover something fabulous by screwing up. Such was the case with Fimo barrels. I loved making Fimo beads when I was a kid – the rolling into a […]

A Valentine To Remember.

I have strong personal convictions about Valentine’s Day. I think it is inanely stupid. It’s contrived, it’s expected, and it’s downright annoying. It forces single people to feel sad, it obligates non-single people to feel pressured to write something disgustingly mushy on Facebook, AND it’s the single worst night in the year to attempt to […]

The Inner Poet.

My daughter is the epitome of a cheerful optimist. She is nearly always happy, always pointing out the beautiful and amazing things around her, and is constantly looking to thank me for something or state how much she enjoys whatever it is we’re doing right then. “Thanks for taking us on this run, Mom. I […]

Tinglewood at Orr Park – Faces in the Trees.

A study pops up in my orbit semi-regularly that makes the case that neurotic people are more likely to see faces in random objects. If this idea scares you with regards to your own mental health, do not – I repeat DO NOT go to Orr Park in Montevallo. If it doesn’t, though, you need […]

Hands-On History: Brierfield Ironworks

After a few false starts, we finally got back into the groove of history field trips after the holidays. It’s harder now, because our dear friend and adventure comrade Carla Jean has moved to Colorado, and nothing is as much fun when you lose your buddy. We set out to Brierfield Ironworks, a furnace built in 1862, […]

Diary of a Tired Mom: New Year, New Rambles.

Musings, stories, and random observations of a tired mother don’t always promise to make sense. Saturday morning, as I was driving to my favorite place to run, which happens to be in the middle of Birmingham’s fanciest suburb, I saw a fully grown man, with a salt and pepper beard, skateboarding down the road, in […]

The Politics of Poop.

Noah has decided, with certainty, that he is a once-a-week pooper. He informs people this at random, and they are more educated for it. But when that once a week time slot comes along, he’s as dramatic as 100 senators complaining about each other. “I’m gonna need twenty minutes. Do we have twenty minutes?” “No […]

A Round-Up of the Random.

Let’s have a round of not-at-all-important distraction, shall we? As I’m sure you can tell by the way I live my life, designer copy paper is an absolute requirement. So thank goodness Staples had this deal on Cynthia Rowley’s designer case of plain white copy paper. …Because my paper deserves better than to come in […]

Hands-On History: Heart of Dixie Railroad Museum.

Birmingham was founded on the iron industry, and the iron industry required some heavy transportation to succeed. Therefore, trains are a vital part of our history, too. The Heart of Dixie Railroad Museum is our favorite place to experience that piece of our past. The HODRRM can be found in Calera, about 45 minutes outside […]

On Creating a Roadkill Kit.

The cliché “You Snooze, You Lose” has never been truer than it is with regards to roadkill. I sadly lost both a raccoon (would’ve been my first!!) and a beautiful armadillo last week because I put off for tomorrow what I could have done today. These two sad misses occurred for two reasons: 1. Both […]

The Reset Button.

It should be mandatory that all mothers get a day to themselves after the holidays are over, and perhaps two days if their children’s birthdays sandwich the holidays. There is a significant amount of damage done to the maternal figure’s inner wiring that can only be repaired by complete isolation and a significant break from […]

Qixels are for Mommies.

There are certain things we buy our children for Christmas only because we love them. With dread and self-loathing, we purchase those sets that we know will lose two pieces on the first day and never work again, those million-tiny-parts that we are quite confident will be scattered throughout our house in 23 minutes flat, […]

What a Homeschool Mom’s Therapy Looks Like.

It was the first day back to school after the holidays. Not only after the holidays, which included two 3.5 day weekends with Daddy at home, but also after a “snow” weekend, full of frolic and laziness. There was no way this would go well. And indeed it did not. No one was prepared for […]

Red Legos & Hamm

Guest Post by Chief Husband and Editor Chris It’s Championship Eve. The last holiday cometh. Tomorrow, my team, the Alabama Crimson Tide, will rematch Clemson to defend their national title and try to go 15-0 for the first time. It just so happens that most of this weekend was spent iced in at home. Everything […]

A Life of Adventure.

Yesterday, Ali turned 10 years old. Double digits. Officially a Tween. (I’ve been calling her a tween since she turned 9 but she is very insistent that tween only refers to double digits that don’t end in a teen. So at least we can put that argument behind us.) When I started this blog, she […]

The Greatest Snowstorm of All Time.

I believed in my heart. I waited with anticipation. I followed the forecast, minute by minute, keeping three radar apps, a weather blog, and a constantly updating Twitter feed up on my phone. This one – this is the one that would happen. The Winter Wonderland my kids deserved. The Winter Wonderland I deserved. Finally, […]

Hands-On History: Tannehill

We go to Tannehill Ironworks Historic State Park fairly often. It’s not close to our end of Birmingham, but it’s a beautiful place to hike, get outdoors, explore pretty places, and to photograph. Plus, my family camped there often when I was a kid, so I have very fond memories. I do not, however, remember […]

The Tale of Buck Skywalker.

Noah’s most prized gift that came out of Christmas was his very own Noah-Sized Darth Vader. Darth wasn’t from us or from Santa, but from Tanya, who knew JUST what Noah was missing in his life. Noah, who has been wearing a Stormtrooper costume daily since his birthday. Noah, who told me pre-Christmas as I […]

What are You Wearing, New Year’s Eve?

New Year’s Eve is a fashion must, especially when you’re a mom who has no plans because her husband is attending a College Football Playoff Game. You better look good for those kids covered in Christmas Candy Dust, ya know? (For the record I could have absolutely flaunted my fashion fantasticness at said College Football […]

Hands-On Alabama: Archives and History Museum

One of the dozens of benefits of Carla Jean joining us on our project (aside from her fabulous research, entertainment of and by my children, having another adult along for long car trips, and her spectacular articulation of our journeys) is that people have read her articles and emailed her, inviting us to places we […]

Hate-Fueled, Lovingly Crafted Christmas Cards.

A couple of weeks ago I got served some sponsored posts that made me very angry. It was an illogical anger – holiday-induced-insanity even – but it happened. The first one occurred on Instagram. First let me say that I do not follow Melissa Joan Hart. I do not follow any celebrities (with the exception […]

The Reasonable Quest.

Guest Post by Husband and Chief Editor, Chris. Hi. My name is Chris. I’m low-key obsessed with buying an NES Classic Edition. It’s a tiny box that contains 30 classic Nintendo games, all in the tiny box, no cartridges required. But low-key will not get it done. There are too few of them trickling into […]

What’s That Sound: Birthday Edition.

Today, this kid is turning six. He’s become quite an adventurer this year, always willing to take on a challenge. And ask questions. And ask more questions. And also more. Questions. Here are a few things he’s said or asked recently… “These mints are too spicy. I’m going to save them for when I’m older. […]

To Bake or Not To Bake.

In my B.K. era (Before Kids, or Before Kaos, or Before Konstant Losing Of My Mind, but that, I suppose, would be B.K.L.O.M.M.), I enjoyed taking on Extreme Holiday Baking. I reveled in making lists of the various homemade treats I would create, then keeping a tally of the number of each I created (often doing double […]

Everything is Awesome…in the Nativity.

For those of you who have been around for a while, you might remember Chris’ Lego Nativities. They started out rather normal, then grew into something more grand, then took a plot twist, then added wheels. My mantel has still hosted Lego Nativities the last couple of years, but I’ve been on a break from […]

Drought Updates from Lake Purdy.

On November 4th, right before it was announced that we were in a Stage Four Drought Emergency, I took a trip to our water supply, Lake Purdy, to see what it was looking like. November 4: A few days later, I went back to take sunset pictures. November 11: For more of the sunset pictures, […]

Alabama History…Err, Geography: Horse Pens 40

All I knew about Horse Pens 40 was that it was one of the places that will live in infamy of the “embarrassing” stories my parents tell about me. (I’m not really embarrassed but I assume they keep telling the same stories over and over in hopes that I will become so – revenge or […]

Cheer Amidst Chaos.

November and December are the busiest, are they not? I’ve barely been able to put coherent thoughts together to talk to my children, let alone write. But I have been taking pictures and screen shots. So I’ll share those with you to buy myself some time. Audible has decided to really hedge their bets on […]

Not-Crazy-Renee and the Big, Big Favor.

As all good adventures do, it all started out with a text. A text from Not-Crazy-Renee, specifically…right before she headed out of town for the holidays. Explanatory Footnotes for this text: 1. SBB refers to Snaky Butters Buttercup, Renee’s five-year-old’s pet Ball Python, who has grown a good deal since I last shared photographs of […]

Hands On History: Alabama’s Origin Battle.

First of all. If you’re following our history journey to either emulate it now or later, I have recently discovered a complete game-changer: the dream series of books about Alabama history. I happened upon them at the Vestavia library, thought they looked interesting, and grabbed them to look at later. When I finally pulled them […]

Not-Crazy-Renee and the Creepy Middle Child.

“How’s Not-Crazy-Renee doing?” I’m sure you’re asking that right now, since that’s what all blog readers want to know when they see me. She is, after all, the all-time favorite blog character. With good reason. To answer your question, she’s doing fine. She still feeds Snakey Butters Buttercup, her five year old’s pet python, every […]

CDC Warning: New FTD, Lularoe, Now Classified as Pandemic.

  FTDs, or Facebookually Transmitted Diseases, are now at an all-time high. Please be aware of the latest FTD, know if you are at risk, and prevent further transmission. Lularoe. Any woman who is Facebookually active can get Lularoe. Lularoe can cause very serious complications if not treated, and is extremely easy to transmit to […]

These are Two Pieces of Important Information.

First piece of important information: I want to personally invite any local (or non-local, if you really love me) people to come see me next Saturday, November 19. I teamed up with the fantastically talented Sarah and Allen Woodall to present a pop-up shop at West Elm (at the Summit.) We’ll be there from 10-4 […]

November 10: National Day of Rainbows and Unicorns.

“You know what the world needs more of today? Rainbows and Unicorns.” These were my thoughts when I opened up Facebook. Two minutes into my feed… “Unicorns. Rainbows. Stat.” Five minutes in… “I NEED A UNICORN CRAPPING A RAINBOW THIS INSTANT.” I opened up my Bitmoji app to try and find the picture of my […]

Ali Had a Little Lamb.

It’s been a while since we discussed my One Hit Wonder Modeling Career, but yes – when I was 10, I sat for a painting by William Hallmark. It was popular in Christian bookstores in the 90s, but now it can be found largely in antique shops (yes my Mom found me in an antique […]

Drought Explorations.

This afternoon, I thought I had a hair appointment. But I apparently did not – it wasn’t until the next Friday. And so, I found myself with no kids and an entire afternoon to fill. (The misery.) (I’m sure all moms would agree.) On the way to my nonexistent appointment, I had rolled by our city’s main […]

The Discovery of Trick or Treating.

This is the first year we haven’t participated in our Church’s Trunk or Treat, pouring oodles of hours into creating a family theme (or, in the case of last year, throwing it together at the absolute last minute three days after what would be a half-a-year-changing wreck.) It’s not that we quit – our church […]

High Ponytails and Parental Grievances.

You know how we all have those random childhood memories where our parents let us down in some miniscule way, but for some reason we still remember it clearly 25 years later? I’m sure I’ve already given my kids libraries full of these, and their childhoods are only 1/2 and 1/3 complete. Obviously I hardly […]

Hands-On Alabama History: The Native American Trips.

We’ve still been keeping busy with our Alabama History project and field trips, but I’ve been waiting to catch up on posting about them until I could share some fun news: a dear friend, Carla Jean Whitley, jumped onto our Alabama History bandwagon a couple of weeks after we started. She is an author of […]

The Day The Tide Turned Brown.

The history of Alabama Football is nuanced and deep in its tradition. Why, for instance, would our mascot be an elephant, yet we’re called The Crimson Tide? It came from a simple phrase used by a journalist. In 1907, there was a particularly momentous game – the Iron Bowl, in fact – that was played […]

40 Spectacular Spots for Birmingham Photo Shoots

Page Two 11. Modern City Murals: The murals and graffiti on the alley behind Redemptive Cycles and Faith Skate Supply (2nd Avenue N and 13th St.) is unusual, artsy, and fun. Besides this multiple-eyed woman and Vulcan, You can also find some graffiti tags and a Super Mario Brothers throwback. 12. Closer City/UAB View: The […]

On My Whirlwind Relationship with a Spammer.

I came across this post in the course of conversation recently, and the memory made me giggle. So I decided it was worth re-sharing. Originally posted September 23, 2014 As a blogger, I get hundreds of emails a day. Of those, approximately one is a real person emailing me to genuinely correspond. If I’m lucky. […]

From my Brain Straight to Your Eyes.

Darn life. It gets in the way of all that is fun and right in the world. No really. I seem to have lost the time to write. I’m rarely home in the afternoons anymore, and when I am, my children have already fried my brain into oblivion. Which means that I either a) need […]

Because We Need an Unexpected Presidential Gift.

GUYS. The weekend. AmIRight? It was my birthday weekend and the world had to fall apart. HOW DARE IT. Anyway. Y’all don’t come to me to hear my political views (I do have them, believe it or not) – y’all come to me for escapism. I was saddened last night, on my birthday, that I […]

A Meandering Tale of Aliens, Lizards, and Art Appreciation.

Ali drew a picture of an alien. It was a quite nice alien – friendly, geometric, and with wildly fascinating fingers. Yes, a perfectly fine alien. She showed it to me that morning. I praised her delightful drawing and we moved on. It became a long day, much in thanks to her little brother. Whining, […]

The Scandalous Side of Botany.

Parental Guidance Suggested. I love our Botany book. I struggle with finding history and science books that I like, but this one – it’s just perfect. The organization of the chapters is clear and succinct, the writing is beautiful, and the experiments are easy enough that even this severely un-experimenty mom can make them happen. […]

I Still Hate Dogs.

I love ALL of God’s endlessly imaginative creatures. In fact, I’ve been on an animal finding bender lately. (And not just dead ones.) I stalked a giant, pizza-pan-sized snapping turtle down a creek near my house, (He even had spikes on his tail! I now understand Super Mario. BOWSER WAS A SNAPPING TURTLE.) I’ve been […]

7 Things Better Than a Debate.

Tonight is the first presidential debate. I know, right. Approximately 55% of the country moans in desperation, crying out to God, asking “Is this the judgment we’ve read about in Revelation??” Apocalyptic or not, a debate between Trump and Clinton is perhaps the last thing I want to watch, especially since they’re not even letting […]

The Stranger Stuff of Life.

Facebook has suggested that I find a new way to tell my stories. That’s right, it’s time to quit blogging. It’s time I started sending you a message on a potato instead. I had to go to potatoparcel.com and figure out what was up. I mean, this could be the next wave of communication, guys! […]

The Ghost of Fort Morgan.

It was a dark and stormy morning. No really – it actually was. We went down to the beach last weekend to visit the Chris’ Aunt Kitty and Uncle Leo (famous around here for many things, such as Toenail Art and Crochet Shorts.) It was actually a month after our planned trip to visit them, […]

Hands-On Alabama History: Weeks Two and Four.

We’re doing a year’s worth of Alabama field trips to study our history in a hands-on fashion. For an introduction to what and why we’re studying Alabama History, click here. We haven’t moved on from dinosaurs just yet, because I wanted to take my kids to experience The McWane Collection. Housed inside The McWane Center, […]

Into the Mountains We Go.

As a refresher, my family – parents, brothers, sister-in-law, nephew and nieces take a family trip every year rather than giving each other gifts. 2016 was our twelfth trip. As I mentioned earlier, we stayed in a “resort neighborhood” in the mountains for this year’s family vacation. It was in the mountains in North Georgia, […]

30A: 2015 Oops Edition.

We were getting ready to go on our annual family vacation when I remembered that I never ever finished LAST YEAR’S annual vacation blog post. We’ve even been to 30A again since this unpublished post occurred, but no matter. I dug it out of drafts to publish as a comparison to this year’s trip. Because […]

Planning Your Weekend For You!

I know, I know – I usually give you more notice about Birmingham Artwalk. But not this year! It’s today and tomorrow, and I would love to see YOU! Here are the facts: What: The best art show in the Birmingham area – over a hundred artists in a fantastically fun atmosphere downtown. There are […]

Three Ingredients For Adventure: Ford, Hilton, and Twitter.

We left a night early for our annual family vacation so as to detour for an Alabama History field trip on the way. We planned to stay near the field trip destination, a couple hours north of Birmingham. Except that, 45 minutes out of town, my car beeped, presented a message telling us we needed […]

The Varying Degrees of Tubing.

For family vacation this year, we went to a mountain “resort neighborhood” that might have been the most confusing place we’ve ever visited. But that’s not what we’re here to talk about yet. While we there, my mom, Ali, and I decided to take a tubing trip down the river that ran through the resort. […]

Encouragement for the Sick(o) at Heart.

Although I haven’t mentioned it here recently, mine and my dear friend Tanya’s foray into Fun With Roadkill has not stopped. To recap quickly, there was Sloppy the Squirrel, who held a brief life as a marketing squirrel, and then I gifted him to Tanya in coffee mug form as a celebration of Christ’s birth. […]

On the Growth of a Man.

Noah has been busy lately, growing up and stuff. He’s become a puzzlingly model student (he has for his entire life held a staunch non-education policy), his imagination is running wild with ideas of commerce, and he got his first loose tooth. He tried to play the tooth thing cool, just slipping it into conversation […]

On Learning the Art of Theme Parking.

On Friday morning of our two mom/five kid adventure, we sat out for our first true undertaking – to Dollywood, the theme park. I am quite inexperienced at the whole theme park thing – remember Disney? Yeah – they didn’t even let me in the front gate. So I was beyond thankful to discover that […]

Not-Crazy-Renee And The Dollywood Adventure.

A couple of weeks ago when we were on our way home from our beach trip, during the window of “Last Hour of the Road Trip Home” which has a very strict rule of “No serious conversations because we WILL get snippy with each other”, I got a text from my dear friend and neighbor, […]

Hands-On Alabama History: Week One.

As we approached 4th grade, I felt my rule-following self and rebellious self fighting each other (which is a pretty much daily battle anyway.) I know that it’s “expected” to study state history in 4th grade, but I still remember my textbook. It was awful. And with a little research, I found out that Alabama […]

The Nuts and Bolts of Education.

So. Yesterday in my tiny moment of impressedness with myself for a change, I had a fantastic fail – caught by the first commenter (and then everyone else all day long.) I snickered about it over and over. Did you catch it? Yeah. It’s 2016-2017, Rachel. Clearly I’m qualified to teach children. So on that note, shall […]

A Rare Motivation.

Last week, we did something I have constantly said I’d never do. We started school in early August. I’m just as shocked as you are. First of all, why would we do that? We homeschool so we should start school when God designed for school to start – after Labor Day. But more importantly, even […]

The Tale of Bugtussle.

This Giant Tabby Cat is the only photo I have from that rental house. It was the only photo I dared take. But I do have the memories. It was a Girl’s Trip last year – myself and three other moms. I drove up first, along with one of my friends, who was quite pregnant […]

Crown Jewels of the Rental World.

Typically when we travel, we: – Do NOT want to be in a one-room hotel room with our children, and – Often travel with other people. As such, we usually find rental houses or condos using VRBO (Vacation Rental By Owner – also known as HomeAway.) I’m a pro and sifting through their not-so-easy-to-navigate website, but […]

Kidtopia.

We spent most of last week making our children’s dreams come true, as we attempt to do every year. Okay we attempt it every day but at least once a year we actually succeed – and more often than not, it’s on this trip. The time had come for our formerly-semi-annual-but-now-annual beach trip with their […]

The 2016 Shoe Election Crisis

After having loved and lost my perfect running shoe when it was discontinued, the experimental replacements I have attempted have slowly damaged me in different ways, much like that new friend that you thought was normal but then turned out to be just a tiny bit psycho. One gave me blood blisters on the bottom of my feet. Another […]

It Gets Easier. No Really.

There’s a universal set of lies that mothers of adult children tell mothers of small children. 1. Enjoy every second – I sure did! 2. You’ll blink and they’ll be graduating high school! 3. Oh honey, keep your chin up – because it only gets harder. I’ve spent the last nine and a half years […]

How Hamilton is Actually a Parenting Self-Help Guide.

Haven’t you always assumed that life would be more fun if it were a musical? Me neither. I never did understand how people could sing their lives in perfect rhythm and rhyme in real time – not to mention in harmony with their fellow life-livers. However. Hamilton has changed my mind. Due to the constant […]

The Highs and Lows of Camp.

In June, I planned my first ever Week Off Since Becoming a Mom. Or at least, five days straight of 9am-4pm Vacation. Noah is finally old enough to go to our church’s fantabulous multiple award-winning summer day camp (where every week has a different theme and it’s complete kid wonderland and I’m a little jealous […]

The Story of Hosting Woes: A Cautionary Tale.

So two weeks ago was…stressful. It wasn’t planned to be, insomuch as one ever plans a stressful week. It all started at the end of June, when my blog / Picture Birmingham’s hosting company, HostGator, billed me for my annual renewal. I’d managed to talk them down last year to 40% of the list price, […]

What I’ve Been Up To: An Update on Picture Birmingham.

If I’ve seemed not quite as present this summer, it’s because I’ve been working quite feverishly on restarting my other project, Picture Birmingham. It’s not that I ever quit, really – or at least I didn’t quit taking pictures. But since the wreck (I know – like ancient history, right??) and resulting 5.5 months of recovery and Physical […]

What was Said at Arby’s.

WHY ARE CRAZY PEOPLE ATTRACTED TO ME. Like, for reals. If I had to rate myself on a scale of Super Approachable to “Hazardous Area – Stay Away”, I’d be on the “Nuclear Waste – Clear the Area” end of things. Not by choice or plan – I just think my resting unapproachable face scares […]

How PokemonGo Will Make Your Momming Better.

As I purposefully shy away from trends and adamantly avoid hopping on bandwagons, I was ripe to avoid PokemonGo completely. But I saw potential. Potential for entertained kids and interesting hikes. I mean, I’m pretty dang good at making hikes interesting. Sometimes we even find abandoned boobs! But despite how AMAZING I am, and despite […]

The Awkwardly Intense Busybody Club: Corporate Edition.

The Awkwardly Intense Busybody Club used to be my favorite bizarre occurrence to report on, garnering itself its own category on my blog. But now that my kids are older (the AIBC tends to be more magnetized to babies), it’s been a while since I’ve had a stranger tell me what I ought to do as […]

What’s That Sound: Volume Seven

I’m kinda sorta taking the week off from writing because much is going on and it’s a holiday week and I feel like a vacation. But I figured I’d let Noah do the writing instead. So here’s a collection of his recent musings… We were playing restaurant. Noah asked, “What would you like?” “Chocolate Cheesecake.” “We don’t […]

Printables for Your Summer Sanity

Summer is in full force. Even for those weird people who don’t get out of school until the middle of June. And it’s no Summer Break for Moms. I get it. I really do. Even though I homeschool and therefore am home with my kids all year long, summer adds its own set of painful complications. […]

The Trouble With Elbows.

I have a doctor. I really love him. He listens to me, he remembers me and all my particular anomalies visit to visit, he diagnoses me properly and treats me accordingly, and he’s off on Thursdays and the weekends. I always get sick or injured on Thursdays or the weekends. Chris does not have a […]

Diary of A Tired Mom: Uncomfortable Truths.

This post felt like I’d taken two familiar genres and thrown them into a smoothie together: my Diary of a Tired Mom posts, and my friend Katherine’s madly fantastic Uncomfortable Truths, which has  66 volumes (and counting.) Be sure to read hers, because they’re delightfully more uncomfortable than mine. 1. Although my elbow and shoulder (and finger) are […]

Making a Roadkiller

A Guest Post by Chief Editor and Husband, Chris. Roadkill is a 2016 thing for us. Rachel and I look for it. We photograph it. We share it. We analyze it. We grade it qualitatively. In some instances, we decorate it. Runs are always good opportunities to find it. Recently, I was out for a […]

Short Stories From A Busy Week.

On Saturday, we went on the newish-annual Road Rally. This isn’t new for my family, as my Dad has driven in epic road rallies (like, China-to-Paris epic) and has created many slightly-less-epic road rallies for different groups pretty much our entire life. But last year was the first year he revived the practice to share […]

The Awesomenesses of Life.

I saw this car at the playground the other day and couldn’t help reading it as one long sentence. AS IT WAS MEANT TO BE READ. I love Zombies. Save the tiny red dog ta-tas, Mom. _____ I get weird trends. I used to be a teen, a youngster, hip and all that. You do […]

It’s Not Summer Until Somebody Cries at Swim Lessons.

I have a stubborn, finicky five-year-old. Who tries to convince me and everyone else otherwise with his charming blue eyes. No really. He’s stubborn and finicky. It is for this reason that, when he began swimming on his own two weeks before his first round of swimming lessons, I texted his father and said “Swim […]

Alabama, The Hunger Games Arena.

For the first time in my life, it has recently been pointed out to me that Alabama is an unsafe place to live. And also for the second time in my life, less than a month later. I really had no idea. I was in denial. It’s so beautiful…It has to be perfect! All places […]

The Best Worst Comments: Volume IV

It’s a good year when I get to have two Best Worst Comments posts before summer even begins. It’s a good year because people are really getting passionate about the important things – like sherbet. And….bass turds? I don’t even understand what that has to do with sherbet but I’m pretty sure it’s not an […]

The Lilies, the Snakes, and the Misplaced Boob.

It was time for a new adventure. And I wanted to see firsthand, for the first time in my life, The Cahaba Lily. It’s a famed flower in our area, being very rare, quite endangered, and living in sparse, hard-to-access clumps along the Cahaba River, which is a relatively tiny waterway that winds itself through […]

How Mommy Nobel Peace Prizes are Won.

“I’m having a bad day.” “I’m having a bad day too.” “Wanna join forces and do something really difficult together?” “Sure! Let’s be sure to take on something so challenging that it will surely be physically impossible for us to accomplish it with the quantity and ages of children that will be accompanying us.” “Perfect! I’ll pick […]

Marketing 101: A Crucial Skill For Parents.

Last Wednesday night, Ali had her Awanas awards ceremony. Noah had his Cubbies banquet the week before, and I remembered the agony of trying to get him to sit still through Ali’s ceremony last year. It negated any ability I had to celebrate my oldest child, and I had no desire for a repeat. So […]

Very Short Stories from Mexico.

“Not at all creepy.” Our resort had a spa. The upcoming sign is not from our resort. In fact, it was in front of a roadside tent shrouded in bedsheets. As in, park your moped here on the sidewalk for a moment and follow me into my dark hole between the sheets for a …. Yes, they […]

The Squirrel of the Caribbean.

As our plane was coming down in Cancun and I saw all of the scrubby, foreign trees lining the city, I immediately began dreaming of all of the exotic, wildly colorful snakes that must be in those trees. I was so excited over the prospect of spotting one because I absolutely adore reptiles and amphibians. It’s not […]

Protected: A Properly Improper Education.

This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below: Password:

Vacation Paralysis.

My suitcase is still sitting in my floor, virtually untouched, except to retrieve my makeup and my razor. (I need a couple other things but I’m having trouble finding them. I could probably discover them if I unpacked, but no.) I finally finished downloading and editing all my photos, but now they’re laying in my computer in a […]

For my Wistful Future Self.

A few weeks ago, I shared this video on Instagram. This is Noah’s current favorite phrase to me, thanks much to Farkle from “Girl Meets World.” When your five year old watches every episode of Girl Meets World 20 times with his nine year old sister…and he picks Farkle as his role model. It works […]

The Road to Purple Hair.

Since I’m having a rare introspective + selfie posting week….. So I finally got the purple highlights that I always wanted. Okay maybe not always because there was that one time I attempted to get pink hair but that was just a misguided desire for purple I’M SURE OF IT. But OF COURSE, Prince had to die […]

Self-Esteem Lessons From the Petting Zoo.

So. Not-Crazy-Renee and I took our kids to Oak Mountain State Park on Friday. We went on a hike, and then to the petting zoo. The goats, peacocks, donkey, and pony were as much fun as usual, and the mixture of animals and children made for delightful photographic opportunities. At one point, I took a […]

Rachel, Mommy Matchmaker.

One of my good friends is moving away. I’m not happy. Her moving date is over a year away, granted, but I’m still not happy. However, luckily for her, and thanks to all of you random people who befriend me in other cities, I happen to know someone in the city/state she’s moving to. A blog reader – […]

A Bathroom Conundrum Worth Discussing.

Saturday afternoon, Chris took me out on a date. He arranged babysitting, made reservations, gave me specific instructions (put your hair up and bring your camera), and that’s all the information I got. I had no idea where we were going or what our date entailed. I WAS surprised when I was still in the […]

Finishing by the Skin of my Teeth.

We. Have finished. Like the Loaves and the Fishes, God somehow multiplied our days and we got in not the 165 required minimum, and not the 175 recommended, but 176 school days. One hundred seventy-six days of school since I took this picture. Despite the wreck. Despite spending a full week and the better part […]

Not ANOTHER Outdoorsy Post.

  So I took 2,457 pictures this past weekend while we were at Oak Mountain, and edited and kept 265. It took me approximately 16 hours to go through them all and save and edit, so I decided that I would subject you to more of them. Because I deserve your attention, guys. And also […]

On Running Away While Staying in Town.

Starting Friday afternoon, I took an unexpected four day/three night vacation. …Something about that sounds like I went to prison, but no. We, as a family, discovered the pure joy in taking a completely unplanned weekend getaway. It all started at noon on Friday. Chris had told me he was going to be trail running […]

Exploring Secrets in Birmingham.

A couple of weeks ago, I shared 30 really cool places that the kids and I like to visit on hikes. But, regardless of the destination’s level of “knownness”, pretty much all of them are on the grid. They can be found on hiking maps, they’re not hidden, and they’re available for public use. But since I published that […]

A Spring Wardrobe Reassessment.

It’s beautiful outside (at least if you live in Alabama) and definitely the season to start thinking about new wardrobes and shorts and tank tops and all the summer things! (Except bathing suits. They are never to be thought about. Or tried on in dressing rooms with rigged mirrors that make one look 100 pounds […]

Minecraft, Soap Opera Mod.

“You know, I bet you and the kids would really love Minecraft, as much as y’all are into Lego.” This sentence, spoken by a very naïve version of myself sometime last year, solely goes to prove that “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me” is a LIE. Since that […]

The Grand Bug Hunt.

“Do you need me to babysit this week? I need your kid’s help catching insects.” “Ummm, no…but you’re welcome to come over and we’ll help you catch bugs.” This conversation took place with my least in-tune-with-nature babysitter, Giann. Her idea of “outdoors” is going to an outlet mall, or perhaps eating outside – if the […]

It’s Not About the Journey: 30 Hiking Destinations around Birmingham

In the past seven days, my nine and five year old have hiked 15 miles with me – and this isn’t unusual for us. There were tears once, whining a few times, and EMERGENCY NEEDS TO PEE twice, but overall, they were excited, running ahead of me, and looking for adventure. The secret to this […]

The Dangers of Avocado.

There are certain foods that God created for the purpose of letting us eat toppings. Because toppings are a life blessing. Potatoes, for instance. On their own, they’re not that exciting. But when you add butter and sour cream and cheese and bacon and maybe some bar-b-que while you’re at it, they’re the sparkling unicorn […]

The Fight Against Clutter.

Editor’s Note: I acknowledge that this post is way too long. I apologize profusely for my inability to break it into smaller posts. However, as a token of my sorrow, I offer you loads of pictures of the mess that my life was/is. May you take comfort in that. I could never put “Homemaker” on […]

Redefining Hard.

A Guest Post by Chief Editor and Baby Daddy, Chris. I’ve written about running before, several times. Running tourism, my first half, my first marathon, my second marathon. A central theme in all my running blogs is accessibility. As in, you can do this. You, the reader, if you are in reasonably decent health, can […]

You Can’t Go Back.

Chris and I started dating in 1999. It was a previous century – quite literally. I was 17 and he was 23 and neither of us had much money or culture. As such, our most elaborate dates happened at The Olive Garden. There was only one Garden Of Olives in town at the time, and […]

Just a Tiny Note…

This week has been all about stuff. Exciting stuff is happening, but all that stuff is taking up ALL my time. For instance, I spent 10 hours Monday BUILDING SHELVES. WITH MY HANDS. I didn’t even know I was capable. On Tuesday, I walked five miles within the walls of my house CLEANING OUT STUFF. WITH […]

On Visiting The Knife-Happy.

I’ve noticed that there are two types of 30-somethings. Those that have a regular visit to the Dermatologist to get every millimeter of their skin scanned for abnormalities and are constantly mentioning what they’ve recently had removed, And those that have never visited a Dermatologist. I’ve always been in the second group. Not because I […]

Living Two-Sun-Sixteen To the Fullest.

As I demanded and expected after surviving last year, 2016 has been going my way. Or rather, Two-Sun-Sixteen. So much so that, every now and then, I wonder if the whole “Power of Words” thing has something to it. The fact that I named Two-Turd-Fifteen before the flood, before the tornado, before the hospitalization due […]

Like Five-Year-Olds Dating.

Noah and Loulie have been close since they met. She’s the Girl One Street Up, he’s the dashing gentleman with the giant blue eyes. (She’s got some pretty fantastic blue eyes herself, so my grandkids are going to look AMAZING.) Noah often makes plans for their future, as in this conversation: “I am a boy […]

On Oldies and Parenthood.

As a kid, I remember my parents singing us the oldies. My mother had goofy taste – her favorite lullabies included She wore an itsy bitsy teeny tiny yellow polka dot bikini and Yellow Submarine and Puff the Magic Dragon. (Not sure what my Mom was doing during the sixties and seventies but really it’s […]

The Perils of Standing Up.

It took weeks of parental foot-putting-down for us to convince Noah to stand up to pee. He liked sitting down just fine and saw no reason to stand, thank you very much. Lazy peeing is good peeing. And finally, when out of sheer obedience he would stand, he would inch closer and closer to the […]

From Where All Knowledge Gurgles Forth.

While I was helping Ali find a haul of reading material at our local library earlier this week, I happened upon this instant classic. Right?! Surely the authors were just trolling parents of tweens. Surely they realized what they were doing. Right?? Then again, maybe they’re of that new generation – the cross-section of humankind […]

Protected: Clowns in the Attic.

This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below: Password:

Eight Years in a Nutshell or Two.

This month is my blog’s eight year old birthday. I don’t usually even think about my blogging anniversary, let alone mention it, because it happens every year. So what. But this year I’ve been pondering it more – I think possibly because this past year is the first time I’ve ever seriously thought about quitting […]

Questionably The Most Intelligent Creature.

A giraffe calf can stand up and walk within an hour of its birth. …Yet we’re wiping butts for at least four years. Baby dolphins have spines on the sides of their tongue that zip up to make a straw so that they can drink milk without getting salt water in it. …Yet we’re cleaning […]

On Parenting The Male Variety.

“That bad smell you’re sniffin’ is my feet.” Because that’s what a little boy tells his sister, who is across the room, when she happens to have the sniffles. He was sitting in my lap, though, so I should know – he wasn’t wrong. His shoes have smelled so dead-rotted-carcass lately that one night I […]

Second Time’s a Charm

Guest Post by Chris the Husband. Last year about this time, I ran a full marathon for the first time – with a disgusting sinus infection in a light rain – and called it a win. I finished without being miserable. This, boys and girls, is why we train – not only so we survive […]

Running The Weekend Away.

Running. I know. It’s an obnoxious subject. I have a friend who is a serious frenemy of my running habits, and she has informed me that I was really close to getting an intervention after I posted this photo of Chris and I a couple weeks ago: So I do understand that I am pushing […]

The Simple Joys of Being Observant.

I get it, Hot Wheels. You want in on the hype, too. But a white car with extra large rear hubcaps does not a Princess Leia make. Speaking of female role models with buns (the hair kind…and also the other kind now that I think about it), watching American Idol this year made me realize […]

Let Siri Do The Talking

So I’m sick, and do not feel a tiny bit like writing. I was not sick all weekend but also did not feel like writing. (I actually don’t think I opened my computer from Friday through Sunday. It’s probably going through withdrawals. It appreciates your thoughts and prayers.) But thankfully, I don’t have to think […]

Crack Muffin.

Our family’s introduction to Crack Muffin came about in a bizarrely serendipitous way. It all started last summer. We were at our usual grocery store one day, casually shopping for our usual groceries, which did not include any boxed baked goods. As I surveyed the cracker aisle for the cracker option that was on sale […]

Preparing for That Special Night.

I am not a fan of Valentine’s Day. I adore my husband, have plenty of romantic feelings toward him, and love to celebrate anything with a date or weekend away whenever we get the chance. But I would prefer to not fight the entire world for a table on those occasions. And Valentine’s just feels […]

Not-Crazy-Renee and the Family Pet.

Not-Crazy-Renee is a homeschool Mom like myself. That somehow puts one in a different category of willingness to do bizarre things for educational purposes. Couple that with Not-Crazy-Renee being not-crazy and…well… So Loulie wanted a pet snake. Loulie is Not-Crazy-Renee’s oldest child. She and Noah are tight – so much so that they are already […]

You Can Check Out Anytime, But You Can Never Leave.

Saturday night, after a full day of snow and fun and constant parent/child interaction, I decided that certainly the kids were prepped for an early bedtime. Or at least I was prepped for them to have an early bedtime. Introverted Parenting Tip: When traveling with kids, sitting in the hotel bed in the dark listening […]

The Day of Snow.

Picking up from yesterday‘s post…So snow. Somehow, the kids decided to let Sarah and I sleep in until 9am Saturday morning (blackout curtains are straight from the Holy Spirit), but were thrilled to peek out the window when they did wake up and see the beautiful fantastic dream-come-true half-inch of snow. I presented them with gifts of […]

Stumbling Into Epic Adventure

“I’m starting to feel antsy to get out of town again – I guess that’s a good sign.” I had just told Chris that last Sunday, and it was the first time I’d even thought about leaving town since the all-too-often mentioned wreck twelve weeks ago. Sitting with my legs down for more than half an hour […]

But How Will They Be Socialized?

It’s the most legendary question that homeschoolers get asked. I remember being a kid and my parents getting asked, as a first reaction, from everyone they met who had yet to understand this radical new way to educate children. (In front of me, no less, as if they could see through my eyes a profound lack […]

The Best Worst Comments: Volume III.

Volumes I and II can be found here and here. I adore my regular readers and their lovely and encouraging comments – I seriously cherish with all my heart. But the random Googlers that find my blog and leave bizarre and angry comments also have a special place in my heart. As such, the time has come […]

Just Because It’s Friday…

“Hey Mommy. Is my butt still clean?” “You mean your bottom? Clean from what?” “My bath last night.” “I mean, probably…why?” “Well, I’ve touched it twice today with my hand and haven’t washed it.” (Holding up a finger.) “You touched your bottom with that finger?” “Oh no I touched my butt with my whole hand. […]

Re-gifting The Squirrel.

Yes – we’re back around to this. AGAIN. It’s the dead squirrel that just won’t die. It’s just that Sloppy The Squirrel was just too good of a friend to let go. And, although I did not buy my dear friend Tanya the note cards or canvas that I considered, I did create her a […]

Updates of Life and Injuries.

So, although The Great Wreck seems to come up in most blog posts to explain one facet of life or another, I haven’t really updated about the recovery process itself in a while. Mainly because it’s not my favorite thing to talk about – it gets old and it’s seriously hard work to make it […]

On Crossing the Bridge from Kid to Tween.

Dear Ali, Something about turning nine is clearly a large step – we’re entering into something new, something unknown, a completely different territory of life. Maybe it’s not that exact age for everyone, but we sense it with you. You’re growing up, figuring out who you are, becoming more self-aware of your personhood. We’ve been having lots […]

Not-Crazy-Renee and the Holiday Houseguests.

Chris’ Aunt Kitty and Uncle Leo came in town for Christmas celebrations. They were staying at our house, despite the fictional package thief that surely puts our neighborhood in the Top Ten Least Safe Places to hang out. Since the weather was ridiculously hot over Christmas and the following weekend (even bringing tornadoes and what-not), […]

How to Clean Out Siri’s Ears.

So I’m a complete idiot. As I told you yesterday, I spent a year trying to decode Siri’s ridiculous reminders – and it turns out, it was all my fault. I realized why Siri couldn’t understand me just a few hours before reader Sheri commented the solution. So Sheri, I just want you to know […]

A Year of Siri’s Helpfulness.

I don’t ask Siri for much. Or at least not for a large variety of things. My requests almost entirely consist of “What time is sunset?”, “What’s the temperature today?”, and “Remind me to…” But the reminders…they age me. I’ve watched in awe as my friends dictate giant novella text messages to Siri and she […]

24 Hours with a Five Year Old.

The following happened between the hours of 8:30am December 21 and 8:30am December 22. Monday. 8:30am: I threw clothes at him and told him to get dressed – we had to go to Physical Therapy. After a few mandatory whines about the unfairness of having to wear clothing, he disappeared into the bathroom. The next […]

How to Properly Celebrate Two-Turd-Fifteen.

When I originally blogged the above phrase on the first day of April in the blessed(ly almost over) year of Two-Turd-Fifteen, I really had no idea. Sure, we’d been pretty much constantly sick since The Unspeakable Christmas four months prior, but it was nothing compared to what would come. Some would say I asked for […]

Not-Crazy-Renee and the Neighborhood Package Thief.

Not-Crazy-Renee (my neighbor, who I introduced to you Monday) has had an intense holiday season. For one, she’s post-partum. No one should have to be post-partum over the holidays – I should know, as Noah was born on December 19. (Happy birthday, son. You might get a sweet and touching birthday blog post…at some point.) […]

The Delight of Paper.

So my neighbor Renee (of “Fall Craft During Labor!” fame) and I have been hanging out a lot – she had a baby, I had a wreck, we’re equally disabled, and so we sit and talk while our children entertain each other and her new baby sleeps on me (because we’ve bonded and all.) It’s […]

Rare Taste And The Replacement Thereof.

So I got a new Flex. It was not an easy process, as nearly everyone hates the Flex but me. And furthermore, those few that do not hate it want theirs to be painted in shades of my self-forbidden colors. I promised myself many years ago that I would never own a colorless car. Colorless […]

Strange Stuff Finds Me.

…Like when I accidentally look up at the wrong moment and witness this awkward exchange. Who knew? Dancer and Prancer greet each other just like dogs do. Alabama is an interesting place. People are very passionate about their politics, their faith, their trucks, and their dogs. But not always quite as passionate about their spelling. […]

Protected: To Bake Or Not To Bake: The Deleted Scenes.

This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below: Password:

In the Collecting of Obscure Medical Procedures…

When I wrote my last post, I had no idea that I would find myself needing every one of those words the very next day. But first, let’s back up a bit. So for the last year and a half, I’ve worn duct plugs. It’s a really fun phrase to say over and over out […]

Properly Training Your Child to Curse.

Somewhere between last week and this week, Noah learned the word “dammit.” I really don’t think it was from me because I keep my dammits mental, under my breath, and only out loud when I’m alone without my children. Because I’m a hypocrite like that. But who knows. It could be my fault. Maybe he’s […]

The Grand State Park Tour.

We did it. A mom, 2 kids, and a Grandmother, 50 hours, 436 miles, Over 8 hours in the car, 0 bathroom breaks during said drives, 4 State Parks, 3 State Park Restaurants, 2 State Park Lodges, 3 Hikes totalling 6.7 miles, 1,438 pictures taken. And it only took me a month to actually blog about […]

On Nuts and the Blogosphere.

Like you, my inbox has gotten its usual case of severe Winter Flu. It’s a pox, really. A Plague. Every retail establishment I’ve never been interested in is sending me multiple emails a day about their Black Friday Deals and their even better Cyber Monday deals and their EVEN BETTER final sale prices and their […]

On Not Being Mostly Dead.

Being skewered, electrocuted, burned, suctioned, and scraped. It’s what saved my life, or at least what gave me my life back. Ten days ago, I couldn’t lift my arms without excruciating pain, I couldn’t pick up anything heavier than a couple pounds without my shoulders screaming at me, I had several nights where I didn’t […]

On Going Over to the Dark Side.

Disclaimer: This post contains pictures of roadkill. Not nasty bloody roadkill (I only linked to that one) – just fresh, vanilla roadkill. If you think you might be offended and feel the need to berate me tirelessly in the comments, please click here to read this post instead – it’s the Luna Lovegood to this Lord […]

Thankfulness, Prioritized.

Ali brought home a thankfulness list from church last Wednesday night and proudly presented it to me, asking me to read it in its entirety. I suppose she thought I would be relieved and happy to come in fifth on her list of thanksgivings, and I suppose I am. It’s not like I’ve gotten to […]

A Brief (or not) Summary of the Week.

Disclaimer: Don’t expect this to be too amusing. Muscle relaxers make minds mushy. Narcotic pain pills make minds even mushier. And I can’t make tragedy humorous unless I have at least a day or two away from it, and I only got one day away from it and I didn’t sit around writing. But more […]

Doctor’s Orders.

My neck injury from the wreck has been getting increasingly worse for the past week, including radiating pain down through my shoulders, arms, and hand. I’ve also gotten to experience fascinating symptoms such as burning skin, the superpower of being instantaneously heated from the inside out, tremors, and finger tingling. All of this led to a […]

The One Thing You Must Have To Road Trip With Children.

I have discovered the one and only true Holy Grail of Kid-Included Road Trips. Without this, you will surely meet your doom, as your children will find you keeled over from over-questioning, exhaustion, and lack of alone time. And they won’t dial 911 because they have no idea how to use a phone without FaceTime. […]

Fall is Calling.

The time has come for my annual trek north. North(ish), anyway. It took longer than usual this year, but Alabama is finally experiencing some crisp temperatures. Which I know is a completely relative term, what is considered crisp and all, but for us, the temperatures have finally dipped into the 50’s – maybe with a […]

On Labor, Collision, and Candy.

This won’t make a bit of sense without first reading Part One and Part Two of this soap opera. And then there was Friday. I knew it would be a whirlwind day, what with both of the children having doctor’s appointments in the morning and me having one that afternoon. So Ali and I hurried […]

What Happens After a Collision.

Continued from this post… Our ambulance arrived at the hospital and Chris was waiting for us. As they opened the doors, I was so relieved to hear his voice, although I couldn’t move my head to actually see him. The children arrived a moment later, Noah bubbling over with joy and reports of ambulance bliss. […]

The Road Is Always Greener on the Other Side.

It’s actually not, people. Staying on your side of the road is the greenest thing you can do. Because cars getting crushed and heaps of paperwork being made from Police, Paramedics, ER Docs, and Insurance companies is not green at all. And that’s without even mentioning all the plastic used in my lovely neck brace. […]

In Memoriam.

THE SPACE TOASTER, FLEXI – Age 5, of Birmingham, passed away October 28, 2015. Funeral will be at The Assembly of Towing Impound Lot at noon on Friday. Flexi will be remembered fondly by her friends and family. She had a heart for others and ultimately made the journey to the other side while sacrificing […]

On Petit Le Mans.

We’ve been traveling quite a bit this fall – a bunch of random trips all somehow congregated and decided unanimously to happen at once to make our lives extra chaotic. I’ve hardly had time to process these trips, let alone blog about them, so this week will be a bit of Callahan Travelogue. Some of […]

The Authoritative Truth Behind the Poo Emoji.

Emoji play a crucial role in my life. I have made this clear time and time again. I use them, I am opinionated about how and when they should be used, and I look forward to each and every addition to the Emoji Dictionary. For instance, this week’s updates, as best as I can tell, […]

The Revelations of Pineseptic.

The 80s were the end of a fascinating pharmaceutical era. Big pharma was just starting to take over the market, with local chains being conglomerated into national chains, and medication warnings and fear of litigation ruling the inventory. In the next decade, giant convenience-store-like pharmacies would pop up on every corner, and everything would become […]

The 2015 Trendiness Index.

Grab a calculator (okay let’s be real – pull up the calculator on your iPhone.) Be prepared to add up your trendiness. +100 if you CrossFit. It’s more than an exercise group – it’s a religion. +10 if you’re also Paleo. +20 if you actually IronTribe – because everyone knows they’re the only one that interpret […]

It Happened One Thursday.

The date was October 1, and we were trying to get out of town. Not right away, which was good as I hadn’t packed for anyone. But in the afternoon, leaving town was the plan. Ali was going to my Mom’s for the weekend, and Chris, Noah and I were going to Atlanta for the […]

Fall Fever: Spooky Encounters.

For the prequel to this post, click here. After school on Tuesday, we set out on another hike – this time to a place that I went constantly as a kid but had never taken my own kids – Tannehill Ironworks State Park. They were in love from the start. They ran in and out […]

Fall Fever: The Tale of Luna.

Every fall, as the weather shows the first signs of getting cooler, I become a little bit manic. Because Alabama falls are so magical. And so fleeting. Because if it’s cool today, it’s gonna be 90 degrees tomorrow. Then it’s gonna go straight to 40 degrees and – oops! You missed fall. And also, I […]

The 10 Stages of Schooling Double the Students.

Noah is now four years old. Last year, I sent him to 3K at a preschool – for many reasons. It was quite lovely. This year, he is doing 4K at home – for many reasons. It will be lovely. Dear God please let it be lovely. We’re four weeks in, but that first week […]

On Independent Study.

Ali has a lot of free time compared to most children her age. She’s nearly nine and in the third grade, which is prime time to be besieged with the first loads of homework. But since we homeschool, she escapes this fate. I am never one to tell people that they should homeschool, nor do […]

All the Answers: The Last Batch.

I think I’ve made it through everyone’s questions! If I missed anyone, please let me know. Kyla asked, How do you avoid angering any family with what you write? Although you are one of the most positive people out there. I send emails to a few family members, but have avoided blogging because I don’t […]

All The Answers: Staring at my Innards.

You guys have so many questions. Good questions. Piercing questions. Fun questions. Thank God not a single political question. Let’s continue where we left off yesterday, and be sure to hang around until the end of the post to see visual evidence of my shortcomings. Aadrw (Darcy) asked, Are blog conferences worth attending? It totally […]

All the Answers: Planes, Texting, Guilt, and Harry.

Here we go again. I’m really enjoying writing daily again – it’s been a while. Don’t get used to it. Unless y’all just keep asking questions endlessly, which I suppose I’ll find myself writing daily for the rest of time. Sheri asked, Have you ever travelled outside of the U.S.? Where? Yes, twice – once […]

All the Answers: Notes on Choosing a Camera.

In my recent round of Ask Me Anything, Sheri asked what kind of camera I use. Since I was planning on blogging about this soon anyway, I decided to give this question its own post. So you remember a couple of months ago at the beach, I broke my camera. Or rather, the most evil […]

All The Answers: Part One.

My eyes have finally recovered! They got worse before they got better, and then I went to the beach and exposed them to the Florida sun for four days straight. So yeah. I take care of myself like that. But your questions. THANK YOU for your questions. Seriously. They’ve been extremely therapeutic for me to […]

On Medical Leave. {And Ask Me Anything}

My eyes hurt. A lot. I’m sure it has nothing to do with posing for this picture. No really. They’ve been hurting longer than that but that picture certainly wasn’t the cure. They have been bothering me for a week and a half, and I finally forced myself to go to the eye doctor to […]

The Fruits of Laziness.

I am not the best at adulting. My office looks like The Room of Requirement, my dishes are never completely done, and the other day I looked up from bed and saw a pile of clean diapers on our dresser – and Noah has been potty-trained for at least two years. Chris joins me in […]

The Washing.

Yesterday, I took a three hour nap. I cannot recall the last time I took a nap at all – but it came with reason. Last weekend was Birmingham ArtWalk. Besides the frantic preparation all week, Artwalk itself consisted of Friday night from 6-10pm (and setup starting at noon), followed by Saturday from 10am-6pm – […]

Epic Camping: The Downs.

Read Part One and Part Two here. Yesterday, I showed you the beautiful moments of our camping trip. Today, I unweave the rest of the story. As I mentioned in my first post, Chris and I have never tent-camped with children – we used to do it pre-kids, but not since – the whole waking […]

Epic Camping: The Ups.

Everyone should go tent camping. Everyone. Unless you have children under four or you are pregnant or live in north Canada or have an aversion to bugs or can’t sleep to the sound of crickets or are addicted to your Sleep Number bed or don’t like peeing in bath houses while large spiders watch you […]

Protected: The Jewels of ArtWalk.

This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below: Password:

Epic Camping: The Origins

So I went camping last weekend. This camping trip, as you will come to understand, deserves a three-part series. Part one, the origin – how it came to be that I tent camped for the first time with children. Oh and did I mention – without my husband. In part two, I will share with […]

Come See Me at ArtWalk This Weekend!

Local people! I would love to see you this weekend – so come say hey! For those of you who don’t know, I have another web site – Picture Birmingham. It is where I sell my photos of Birmingham, sunsets, and the places I travel so that I can give all the profits to The […]

The Great Questioning.

Ninety-three percent of the relationship between a mother and her children is comprised of answering questions. The same questions. Over and over and over. They never tell you that in the parenting books. Or at the hospital. “This is how you change a diaper…and here’s how you get them to latch on…and you need to […]

On Neighborliness: A Cautionary Tale.

It’s been three weeks since I may or may not have killed my new neighbor’s chicken, so maybe it’s okay to blog about now. Time heals all wounds and all. (Except for fatal ones. On poultry.) Chris and I are very dedicated to neighborliness. In our last neighborhood, we had a lot of those super […]

Little Ditty about Charles and Kathleen.

Meet Charles and Kathleen. They live in bowl wrapped in a Kid’s Menu. Luxurious by snail standards. Charles was the second new member of our household (pictured on the stick-like object). He joined our family in the early summer, when he was found washed up on the sidewalk after a recent downpour. The adoption of […]

The Fabric of America.

Ali asked me to play with her the other day. I agreed, as I was feeling a moment of Mommy Guilt over the fact that I am not the best playing-Mommy that ever was (actually I’m terrible at just sitting down and playing with my kids – I much prefer cuddling or reading or hiking […]

It’s All In My Head.

I started using the LoseIt app again last week. This seems completely unfair to me, that I need to count my calories, because I run nearly every day. I should get to eat whatever I want!! Anytime I want!! But alas. That is the kind of logic that makes one need to get back to […]

Lessons Out of Appleton.

Guest post by my Dad. To see all of his previous guest posts, click here. I was angry.  But then, I had a right to be! As I arrived at the airport and turned in my rental car, I received a text message that my 10:15 flight was delayed until 2:30. Why couldn’t they have […]

The Convenient Truth.

I have a major problem with all hotels. They think we’re stupid. Like, super stupid. Like, don’t-understand-that-when-a-Mom-says you need to take a nap because you’re sleepy actually-means I need you to take a nap because I’m temporarily tired of you stupid. My main beef with hotels is this ever-present piece of literature – a variation […]

Arranged Marriage By Stealth.

We’re not monsters – we aren’t picking our kid’s spouses for them. We actually have several potential options for each child. (But we want them to stay within those possibilities we’ve picked out for them. Which is completely reasonable.) In fact, so reasonable that Ali has agreed with us on the Number One pick we’ve […]

Test Post #3.

Sorry, I’m fresh out of donkeys. But if you see this post and feel like being my best friend forever, please let me know. I promise to end these wild and crazy experiments very soon. (My email address is rachel@graspingforobjectivity.com) (And, although I really don’t want you to see this post, it WAS fun getting […]

Infusion Lost in Translation.

My fruit-infused water obsession has grown tremendously since I last posted about it. I ordered two more water bottles, carry one with me almost all the time, and now refuse to drink Dasani or Aquafina even if it costs an impressively expensive $1.79 at the gas station. Pah. Water that tastes slightly of cucumber is […]

Second Test Post

Still testing a feature. If you see this post in a feed reader or on my blog or in any other way (Like, if you get an email with this post), then please email me at rachel@graspingforobjectivity.com to collect your prize of a brand new pet donkey!!!   (Donkey not included.)

Test Post

Testing a feature – if you see this post in any way, email me at rachel@graspingforobjectivity.com to collect your prize!! (Prize features a pet donkey. Donkey excluded.)

The Awkwardly Intense Busybody Club: Bookstore Branch.

It’s been far too long since I’ve run into a member of The Awkwardly Intense Busybody Club. It has saddened me, really – I’ve missed their bizarre advice and awkward statements about and to my children. I blame it on the kids for growing up: The AIBC are magnetized to babies, so once you’re through […]

Protected: The Tuscaloosa Honeysuckle.

This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below: Password:

Backwards Parenting: Because Nobody’s Perfect.

I don’t blog too much about Ali anymore – after all, she’s eight and a half and has earned the right to privacy in most matters. Not sharing her stories is my decision on her behalf, as she has certainly never expressed this to me, and quite enjoys reading back through my old blog posts […]

Vacation Like it’s 2005.

We just returned from our fifth traditional summer beach trip with our friends, David, Ashley, AJ, and Tessa. We arrived Wednesday evening in Isle of Palms, South Carolina (just a few minutes outside of Charleston), got unpacked, and hurried out to the beach to enjoy the last colors of sunset. The skies, the water, and […]

How To Be a Terrible Sunsetter.

Sunsetting is an introvert’s sport. Only they can truly appreciate the long spans of time spent watching the skies…the fiddling with camera settings…the locating of the perfect angles…and the quiet admiration of the cloud iterations. It’s like fishing – but minus the fish and plus a camera. And minus the water and plus the sky. […]

The Life and Times of Busy the Bee.

Eli is my seven-year-old nephew. Eli is a fantastic kid, mind-blowing in intellect and often infuriating in adventure. He is intensely curious about the world around him and has very little impulse control. As such, there is nothing I adore more than hearing my sister-in-law Lindsay’s rundowns of his daily pursuits. Last week, those episodes […]

Protected: The Inside Scoop: The Diva Cup Diaries.

This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below: Password:

Infusion-Induced Insanity.

On our last few hotel stays, Chris and I have discovered a magical commodity that hotels sometimes offer: fruit infused water. Displayed beautifully in a large dispenser with multi-colored fruits, three recent hotels have had it in the lobby, with those lovely little clear plastic cups that make everything taste better. One hotel even made […]

Apologies.

I pulled the post I published this morning because I became concerned that it could be misconstrued as mean-spirited. I didn’t mean it that way, but sometimes it’s hard to write about experiences without saying things that could be misunderstood. I never in any way want to come across mean-hearted, even if that means not having […]

The Adventures of Creep and Crack.

Up until the point in question in our home renovations, our contractor has sent out the most impressive sets of workmen, scoring Class A (or even better) on The Creep Scale. The Creep Scale, a scientific document based on surveys of ones of housewives. Class A*: This person is a stranger in your home, but […]

This is How I Feel…

This is how I feel about dyed armpit hair. This is how I feel about a Facebook invite to play Dragon City. This is how I feel about sixteen year olds wearing cut-off mom jean shorts. This is how I feel when I realize a single Facebook friend is selling Mary Kay, Rodan + Fields, […]

Under Lock and Key.

Ali spent an entire Saturday morning planning and creating an extraordinarily intricate blanket fort. Like Fort Knox itself, her construction boasted of all of the necessary building components to create the highest security possible – chairs, every blanket in the house, random objects like hammocks and toys to fill in the gaps left by the […]

The Snotty Truth: a Tonsillectomy Recovery.

I am an Adult Tonsillectomy Survivor. I know, I know – you’re probably as tired of hearing about my tonsillectomy as you are my running. I get it. But I wrote about my surgery day and never got back to writing about the recovery. Because of this gross oversight (and yes it is definitely gross in all […]

Summers are For Kids.

Our summer thus far has been the most fascinating family paradox. While Chris and I have been wrestling with it in a most epic fashion, the kids have literally had The Best Summer Of Their Lives. I had surgery = The kids got ten days of fabulous playdates with different friends every. single. day. Then […]

On Fighting Weather Fears.

In April, we experienced some pretty strong and unexpected straight-line winds in our neighborhood. Ali and I actually saw the storm in all its intensity, which was over by the time we ran down to the basement. But the memory has stuck with Ali. She’s an unemotional and severely logical kid, which is extraordinarily nice […]

22 Things Learned From a Year of Running.

Today is my One Year Runningversary. In the past 365 days, I’ve run nearly every day, totaling 1,258 miles and a calorie burn (supposedly) of 135,000. I was determined to run to fight my dysautonomia, was finally able to get motivated enough to start running by the below “before” picture, and became obsessed with running […]

Going Pro in Chick-fil-A.

The struggle is real – every single time. I coach myself. “You can do this. You were born for this.” I do a few warm-up drills. “Reach to the back seat reach to the front seat reach reach reach” I breathe deeply, attempting to tune every muscle of my body for the exertion that is […]

Slip Sliding Away.

For the past two years, my husband has been the chairman of the building committee at our Church. We’ve been building onto our current buildings to connect them all and put in an elevator – because our property is on a slope, has been built onto several times, and it was all…well, wonky. It needed […]

When the Digits Go Wrong.

The Texting society in which we all now exist has changed the appropriation of the phrase “You’ve got the wrong number.” In the past, when we actually talked on our phones, before you revealed any sort of real information about yourself, you inadvertently indicated that you’d messed up the digits. “Hi! May I please speak […]

Modeling is a Dog’s Life.

A few months ago, I shared with you the inner thoughts of indignant models. Their expressions said it all – we felt their sadness, their resentment, and their rage over what they’d been forced to wear. Two days after publishing that post, all of the model’s heads were mysteriously cropped out of the new batch […]

What’s that Sound, Volume Six: The Questioning Edition.

Noah has solidly entered the 437 Questions a Day phase. It’s high time that I get Chris’ lap counter out for a day of objectively counting them as I did for his sister. I suspect he’ll break her record by lunchtime. He sees questioning me as something akin to an eternal game Keep Off the […]

A Burning Question About Toilets.

Last week, my husband bought us a new toilet. During the process, I felt like I earned a “Low Maintenance Wife of the Year” Award: I MEAN. I don’t care whether the toilet paper rolls from the top or the bottom, and I don’t care about the geometric shape of my toilet. I’m a catch, […]

Tonsillectomy: The Procedure.

When I first posted about my upcoming tonsillectomy, I was shocked at how many of you also had experienced this lovely procedure as adults. My second shock was how many thought it was the worst thing that ever happened to them. This was not exactly, shall we say, encouraging. But I appreciated the heads up […]

Ten Types of Runners.

I’m no trailblazer when it comes to running – although I’ll take a new path for an adventure, on my normal runs, I prefer the most favorable locations. Minimized elevation changes (difficult to find in Birmingham), close to my house, running trails or sidewalks, and a clear route. As such, I pass and am passed […]

How Spiderman Wasn’t Made.

Once upon a time, a spider got trapped in my son’s underpants and attempted to eat his way out. Once upon a time was last week. I woke up Friday morning to a text and two emails from my husband, who, despite happening upon a middle-of-the-night crisis, feels strongly that all crises are best handled […]

The Shirt of Summer.

Style is extraordinarily important to Noah – in a way that it never has been for Ali. All shorts must possess six pockets – back pockets, front pockets, and cargo pockets. The cargo pockets cannot be too low on his leg or they’re tragically unacceptable. He has three pairs of sunglasses that he has with […]

On Being a Hotel Resident.

  We lived in the hotel from Saturday night until Wednesday night of last week. Although I was quite reticent at the idea of packing up and moving to a hotel room with my children on a minute’s notice during The Crisis, I must say that I got exceptionally accustomed to hotel living. In fact, […]

A True Story About Swimsuit Shopping.

There are few things as panic-inducing as getting stuck in a swimsuit in a dressing room. It should also be noted that all swimsuit dressing rooms are rigged. Their mirrors are always without a doubt the fattest mirrors ever created*, and are hung at a downward angle to make you look four foot six. The […]

On Hopes and Dreams.

A few months ago, I asked the kids a question. “Would y’all like to be on a billboard?” Ali’s eyes lit up. “YES! That would be AWESOME!!” Noah’s brow creased. “NO. They’re way too high. I might fall.” Fair enough. I had been working here and there with a local company, Alabama Outdoors, with regards […]

When Adventures Overlap.

It was day nine of my tonsillectomy recovery, two days away from being released back into normal life by my doctor. It was the day that I finally started feeling better. It’s a strange thing, anesthesia. You don’t realize how much it subtracts from your living until all of a sudden you wake up from […]

When Missionaries Fight Crocs.

This is the last installment of my Missionary Friend’s Stories, and then I’ll be back soon to tell of the adventures that have befallen our family in the past two weeks. To read the whole Missionary series, click here. I am eternally appreciative to my friend for covering for me while I was out – […]

The Baptism.

This is the fourth fantastic story in a series from my friend The Missionary. To read the whole collection so far, click here. Shortly after our arrival in the far far far away place we now call home, one of our staff members approached us and asked if he could take an hour off that […]

The Stories Missionaries Can’t Tell You: Broken.

This is a series of stories featuring very real things that happen to missionaries that just don’t fit in on the Sunday School slideshows. See the first post for an introduction to my anonymous missionary friend, along with the whole story behind missionaries and boobs. But this one is The Ultimate Story. Although I am […]

The Stories Missionaries Can’t Tell You – True Love.

This is another lovely story by my Missionary Friend. While I am recovering from my tonsillectomy, she is sharing very real things that happen to missionaries that just don’t fit well in Sunday School slideshows. If you missed her first post, you absolutely must click back and read it – because it’s not every day that you […]

The Stories That Missionaries Can’t Tell You.

While I’m recovering from my Tonsillectomy, I asked a dear friend to write a series of guest posts that just need to be shared. I guarantee that you will adore them as much as I do. My husband and I and our two kids live in a far away place. A far, far, far, far […]

Under the Knife.

If you’re reading this, I survived my surgery enough to hit “publish”. I thought about publishing it automatically, but then what if something went horribly wrong? Did I really want this to be my last blog post? Because these are the things I think about. Which is why, on Tuesday night, I was having that […]

Recordkeeping All Year Long. {Free Homeschool Templates}

Warning: Homeschool post ahead. I am not the most organized person. Based on my personality profile, I should be, but organization is the first thing that goes when life gets busy. And life has been busy since approximately…2008. However. One thing that I do stay on top of is our homeschool recordkeeping. I have several […]

On Graduating Preschool.

First and Last Day of 3K Noah is officially done with preschool, now giving him the privilege of saying that he’s done something I never did – he has gone to school outside of his home before college. I know. Quite an accomplishment. It was strange for me, being a parent in a world I’d […]

The Consignment Report.

I’m a hoarder by default. It’s not that I want to be a hoarder – I want more than anything to get rid of tons of stuff in an efficient manner and live a less cluttery life. Well, more than anything…except for using my time to do anything but that. I always have too much […]

An Appropriate Goodbye.

We’ve been inseparable for 33 and a half years. Unequivocally attached to one another, bound by each other’s decisions, moods, and words. But in one week and one day, that will end permanently. My tonsils will be cut from my body and thrown away without so much as a proper goodbye. In fact, I’ll sleep […]

The Feeling Is Not Mutual.

This post may make a lot of you tune me out forever. You may hate me, say mean things about me, and write me off as a feelingless monster. I accept this reality and understand that you have to do what you have to do. But I can’t hide my feelings any longer. I must […]

What Happens at Mom’s Running Club.

A few months ago, I launched a running club for the moms in our church community group. On a given Sunday afternoon, we congregate in a pack of 2-5 moms, where we jog, walk, run, and talk. The talking part is what we do best. We discuss our kids, our husbands (all good stuff obviously), […]

Breaking: Age Guessing Website a Conspiracy

It has been discovered today that how-old.net, the currently viral website that allows you to upload a photo and then tells you how old you look, is actually a conspiracy by multi-level-marketing behemoth Radon + Folds. Redarn + Flan is a direct sales skincare corporation that relies primarily on women who don’t mind utilizing Facebook […]

A Matter of Taste.

We live adjacent to a really nice part of town. “Adjacent”, in this context, is a synonym for “undesirable”, and that’s fine. Our quirky little neighborhood is unincorporated and we embrace that unincorporation. Without silly zoning rules to hold us back, we have such fineries as skateboarding half-pipes and 400-600 white pigeons in portable buildings […]

Mommy Jeopardy!

“Welcome to this very special episode of Mommy Jeopardy! Our contestants, all too sleepy to actually introduce themselves, will choose from six categories today, all related to their occupation of Motherhood. Let’s get started.” “I’ll take ‘Kids are for the Strong of Stomach’ for $200, Alex.” “The answer is…” “What are toddler boy feet after […]

Fully Endorsed Anxiety.

These are the things I worry about: stray cats slipping into my car while I’m unloading groceries, my phone becoming sentient and turning on the camera at inopportune times and live-streaming those inopportune times to the world, and the consequences of endorsing my husband’s name on the backs of checks. Every now and then, he’ll […]

On Disagreements and Marriage.

It’s been fourteen years, celebrated by a trip to Savannah last weekend. Fourteen years happened to mark the time period where our perceived age and length of marriage crossed over a precipice together: after asking how long we’d been married, everyone looked at us like we were lying and/or possibly the victims of an arranged […]

Pinterexia Nervosa: A Diagnostic Guide.

Originally published June 13, 2013. Pinterexia Nervosa is a body/home image disorder in which people have an intense anxiety over ensuring that their life is completely pinnable at any moment. This disease is most often diagnosed in women and most prevalent post-childbirth, as the quantity of contractible symptoms grow when children are involved. What are […]

Moms Need Retreats.

A couple of months ago, my husband gave me an assignment. He demanded that I plan a trip for the moms in our small group. He also made the suggestion that changed everything. “Pick a date. You’re going no matter what. And whoever can join you, great.” …Because we’ve tried this before, and it’s never […]

On Experiencing a Personal-Sized Tornado.

Last weekend I went on a girl’s trip with a few Moms in my small group. But I’ll get back to that another day. I got home from that trip around 3:15 Sunday afternoon, and when I drove up and parked, Fred (The Cat) came running up to me, with a very uncharacteristic nervous series […]

Discovering The Soul of Trains.

Last Sunday was our annual trek out to Calera to visit Thomas the Train. But this year, we managed to get there earlier than usual, and it was much less crowded than it has been in the past. These two factors gave us ample opportunity to explore everything else at the location – something we’d […]

An Important Opinion Piece on Emoji.

Emoji have always been a peculiar thing. A thing that I use every day, but that also creates many problems in my mind. A year or so ago, I began documenting these issues in a note on my iPhone, hoping that one day, Siri would read my note and offer an answer for my many […]

Bits and Pieces Of Life.

I’m seriously behind at life right now. Despite the fact that I feel like I’ve been breathlessly working all week to get caught up. Okay no I lied. I’m too obsessed with outdoors and Springtime and my new hammock to try and put together thoughts anymore. (But that’s Ali, not me. I can’t take a […]

On Becoming a Texter.

Using my voice has been a challenging exercise in the past week and a half, and it was at its peak of impossibility last Thursday. Chris had arranged for his Mom to stay with the kids all day so that I could rest quietly upstairs, which worked out well since I ended up getting checked […]

The Epic Battle Of Tonsil Hill.

I’m running out of optional body parts. I’ve had a foot bone removed, my gall bladder removed, and now my tonsils are on the docket. I mean, what’s left? My appendix, my uterus, and my teeth? (I always did think that dentures would be easier.) But my tonsils. It all started out like any other […]

I’m Going To Need a Bigger Porch Swing…

2011… 2012… 2013… (The Year of the Forgotten Porch Swing…and Easter Joy.) 2014… 2015. Happy Easter, from our [growing] family to yours! And no, Mom. “Growing” does not mean I’m pregnant.

The Year, In Emoji.

This symbol is what one of my friends so artistically created to represent how many of us feel about this year. Aside from the smile in the middle of the turd, it’s accurate. Because everyone we know is experiencing. Maybe it’s just Alabama – or maybe it’s all of the United States. Who knows, maybe […]

Your Official Invite to My Reality Show.

I’ve always been a technological early adopter. From texting before it had a name, to joining Twitter in 2008 and scrolling through every user in Birmingham then writing my first tweet: “I don’t think Birmingham is ready for Twitter just yet.” (And we weren’t. But I came back year later, and we were.) But in […]

This Week’s Headlines

This week’s household headlines: “’Hopping around is so much fun – when you’re naked’, Agree Toddler Boys Everywhere.” “Negligent Mother Makes Children Wait Until She Finishes Her Lunch Before Fixing Them Their Third Lunch. Authorities Launch Investigation.” “Toddler Places Open Mouth on Meat Counter at Publix Three Times – Then Acts Shocked At Mother’s Screams […]

On The Issue of Being a Morning Person.

God has blessed me with children who appreciate the fine art of sleeping. Ali napped until she was five, Noah’s still napping at four, and they both wake up well after the 7 o’clock hour (and have been known to sleep until 9:30.) As such, it is only right and honorable to homeschool my children. […]

Crochet Shorts: The Review.

There has never been any news article released that both my readers and friends felt such unanimous urgency to send to me than Crochet Shorts for Men made out of recycled vintage afghans. The tweets, Facebook messages, emails, texts, and IRL “You have GOT to SEE THIS!” lasted for well over a month. Perhaps it […]

10 Best Hikes and Runs in Birmingham.

It’s the first day of spring, guys. I can nearly feel all of the viruses and bacteria of this infested winter die. Isn’t it wonderful? And it’s time to get back outdoors and enjoy our beautiful state. We’re blessed with winters that are mild enough to allow us to comfortably be outside regularly, but the […]

Stuff Finds Me.

Thank you, Antibiotics, for going above and beyond the call of duty to take your share of the blame for life’s uncomfortable moments. I MEAN. What clinical trial intern saw that 15% of their victims reported diarrhea weeks to months later, and said, “Yeah, sure – we’ll claim that side effect. Heck, we’ll even put […]

Cherries, Take Me Away.

My life has been the definition of “train wreck” lately. Nothing devastating or life-changing – no worries. Just a constant onslaught of sicknesses and injuries and roadblocks and traumatic doctor visits. The upside is, they often make good blog posts. Y’all have read about some of them, but I haven’t written about a lot of […]

Because Printing Is Hard.

In this digital age of presentations and tablets and electronic interfacing notes, we have lost the fine art of simple printing. Ink on paper. And archaic and environment-destroying though it may be, sometimes it is still necessary. I miss Kinko’s. All I wanted was a black and white coloring book – the one I told […]

VeggieTales: Noah’s Ark {Giveaway}

We’ve been watching VeggieTales’ newest movie, Noah’s Ark, on repeat at our house for the past couple of weeks, and they sent us a couple of DVDs and Bobs to share with you guys! Ali loves this movie because she gets all the humor (or most of it – but they always put those nuggets […]

Half Notes.

Okay. You guys have put up with not one, but two posts about running races in the past two weeks. And I am well aware of how obnoxious runners are to non-runners. I was a staunch non-runner for 32.75 years and had zero intentions of ever becoming a runner and would’ve totally told that joke, […]

The Model’s Commentary.

I admit it. I do so much shopping on Hautelook (okay – all of my shopping), that I’ve gotten to know the models. Each one and I have a special bond. I especially appreciate their ability to show me their true feelings about the clothes they model – because HauteLook has some awesome stuff, and […]

Seven Days To Myself.

Oh my goodness, guys. I took an entire week off of writing. Like, I didn’t write a single thing, nor did I think about writing a single thing. (Okay except for a quick giveaway post. But that doesn’t count.) And it was glorious. I mean, I love writing (which is convenient since this is my […]

A Tale of Two Mercedes.

A Guest Post by Chris the Husband. Mercedes and I have a history. We loved, and we lost. Ingrid, wherever she is now, is a 2002 SLK AMG, a two-seat retractable hardtop convertible with 350HP. I cling to the happy memories, and think of her fondly when the Spring peeks through the cracks in Winter’s […]

It’s Time To Visit Thomas. {Giveaway!}

Visiting Thomas the Train has been a long-standing tradition in our household, starting in the ancient year of 2009. Each Spring, Day Out With Thomas rolls into the station in Calera, Alabama, and we highly anticipate our drive out to visit him. Ali was a hipster before hipsters were cool (which is actually the definition […]

If My Life Were a Children’s Book.

Friday If you want to get a haircut, you ask your Mother-In-Law to come watch the kids. If your Mother-in-Law comes to watch the kids, your youngest is sure to ham it up and play especially sick. If your youngest hams it up and plays especially sick, she will tell you he didn’t get off […]

Superheroes on the Run.

Ali has been running with me since last summer, and she’s shown a surprising amount of proficiency at it, along with enjoying it most of the time (that may be due to the fact that we usually run to the candy store, but no matter. We all run for chocolate, am I right?) A couple […]

Diary of a Tired Mom: If the Shoe Fits.

Thursday night, there was a strange man with a high-beam flashlight walking around my front yard. I never got up to check, nor did I scream for my husband, because I totally assumed that he must be one of Fred the Cat’s dozen or more common-law owners, and he was out looking for Fred to […]

Why I Quit Bathing My Kids.

My friends of the Daily Child Bather Variety (which thankfully are rare) cannot understand people like me. They’re still in denial that the facts prove that most people are indeed like me but since I’m open and vocal about my anti-bathing stance, I must take the brunt of their shock. But here’s a little story […]

The Unpaved Road to Kid’s Market.

This has been my permanent position this week. Because I’ve begun the process of consigning. For the first time in my life. With eight years of children’s clothes to wash, sort, match, pin, tag, and tape. Take special notice of the container of apple juice on the coffee table, where children have begun to resort […]

Diary of a Tired Mom.

Why is the most overused song lyric in the history of the world “All Night Long”? The phrase spans decades and genres, has been in more songs than the words bae, shawty, and boo combined, and IT IS A LIE. You know what happens all night long? Not what they’re talking about. No. Uh Uh. […]

Gifts for the Lego Lover

Thanks to a swarm of Christmas and birthdays, I’ve been tipped off to, have searched for, and have randomly found a plethora of Lego-Themed gifts. A bunch of it showed up in Chris’ stocking, to which he kept exclaiming, “How did you even find this stuff??” So, in order to help you all find Lego […]

She’s That Kind of Mom.

Sometimes you get lucky, and it’s sunny and 60 degrees on a Saturday in February. It might even look miraculously green outside, as if your dream of stepping into a time machine to take you to Spring actually occurred. You get even luckier when you have the time and the forethought to go on a […]

Top Secrets Learned about Rachel.

Here’s the thing. When you’ve never met someone in real life or even had a single phone conversation with them, but then come and live at their house for five days, you learn a lot about them in a short amount of time. In a normal friendship, these peculiarities are spread out over such a […]

Valentine’s Day For All.

Most of you know about my side project Picture Birmingham – it is a site where I sell items made from my photography so that I can give all of the profits to The WellHouse, a ministry that rescues and cares for victims of human trafficking in the United States. If you have no idea […]

When Readers Come to Stay.

When it comes to me being a real person (which I am, by the way,) there are several different kinds of blog readers. 1. The Voyeuristic – This blog reader sees me out, watches me while I eat an entire meal, studies my interactions with my family, and then happens to mention two weeks later […]

Returning to Eufaula.

A couple of weekends ago, we returned to Lakepoint State Park in Eufaula, Alabama, because I tend to get antsy in January. After surviving the holidays and both my children’s birthdays, I find myself desperately needing to leave town. Plus, for the last 365 days, my kids have begged me at least once a week […]

One Oil to Rule Them All.

At Young Living Essential Oils, we pride ourselves in being on the cusp of technology, purity, and usefulness with our oils and oil blends. My Step-By-Step Guide can help you find all answers to life’s questions of health, well-being, prosperity, and immortality. But now, your life will be reinvented with our new line of oils, […]

What Really Happened In Eufaula.

This past weekend, I felt compelled to return to the scene of the crime. My crime. The Place: Lakepoint State Park in Eufaula, Alabama. The time: One year ago. My conviction: Utter selfishness. My sentence: a year of guilt. I never really told my story. How I actually felt that weekend…because it would have been […]

Where Shopping is Not A Pleasure.

Editor’s Note: “Buggy” is the correct way to say “shopping cart”. I know that not all of you agree, but I cannot force myself to type shopping cart twenty-four times. That’s exactly 168 more characters than are needed. A character savings that I just lost with this explanation. 1:40pm: Walk through the parking lot of […]

The Panty Incident.

So I was buying panties. That’s how all good stories start, right? I was buying panties, and had just handed them to the store clerk to ring up. She looked down, had a spark of eureka come over her face, and I watched as my future panties lassoed a memory in that cashier’s mind and […]

Babysitters are Bad Salesmen.

Marketing is supposedly essential for almost any business. Good marketing doesn’t just inform people about your stuff, or invite people to use your stuff, but it awakens the desires inside people for your stuff. M&Ms melt in your mouth, not in your hands. Disneyland is the happiest place on earth. You’re not yourself when you’re […]

Your Worst Nightmares…Stuffed.

I don’t understand why I just found out about this – it should have been breaking news. My friend should have known. I should have been told immediately. But alas, I wasn’t told until weeks later. But at least I was told. A friend of ours gave another friend of ours a very special Christmas […]

A Weekend Concert.

Noah has been sleeping with a cucumber tucked tightly by his side since I brought Larry home to him this summer. As such, Larry has become a part of our family, weaving into our bedtime stories, mealtimes, desperate pre-bed searches, and…song lyrics. Chris composed this Silly Song over Christmas and performed it nightly, and the […]

The FaceTune Challenge.

So. Remember my post about using Facetune, and then feeling guilty for making my skin so smooth? I eventually did feel guilty enough to replace all of my profile pictures with the unedited images – they looked more like me, anyway. And the skin-so-smooth-I-haven’t-actually-had-that-since-I-was-seven was starting to annoy me. But one night as I was […]

That Time I Fought Captain Hook and Won (Sorta).

On Sunday night, Chris and I watched the next to last episode of Once Upon a Time’s Season Three. It featured a lot of Captain Hook (Also known as the beautiful and charming Killian Jones), along with a good deal of time travel. My subconscious was greatly impacted by these things. The first time I […]

Why I Ended My Relationship With Downton Abbey.

It’s that time of year. The time when everyone starts asking me questions. “Don’t tell me any spoilers, but is this season worth watching?” “Where’s your chart for this year?” “Please tell me no one’s going to die.” It’s because I have had a known and public love affair with Downton Abbey. So much so […]

Don’t Be The Butt of The Joke.

When I opened up my Christmas presents from Chris, there was one particularly long and skinny one. As soon as I saw what it was, I gasped and looked up in horror. “You DIDN’T. WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?!” “Wait! No…this isn’t a Selfie Stick! THIS, my dear….THIS is a SUNSET STICK. “Ummmm…..it […]

The Birthday Post.

Today is Ali’s eighth birthday. And, in my ongoing effort to lazify my life, she has to share it with her brother. (On here, anyway.) His birthday is six days before Christmas, and hers is 14 days after Christmas. This unfortunate timing may make me the worst sort of Mom when it comes to actually […]

It’s Time for Some Resolve.

– I resolve to run into less objects, which leave mysterious bruises on my upper thighs that I then spend days trying to remember what exactly I ran into. – If that resolution doesn’t stick, I resolve to keep a bruise diary. – I resolve to invent a car floorboard that eats Chick-Fil-A crumbs and […]

Why Alabama Lost.

So Alabama lost. Did you hear? My husband handled it awfully well – I think he nearly tuned out the last fifteen minutes of the game, clearly as a psychological coping mechanism. But it was effective, as the children didn’t get woken up by screams of agony and defeat, which is a much better fate […]

A Christmas Story.

I hate that movie because it’s a train wreck. And I despise all train wreck movies – Ben Stiller and Chevy Chase are my nemeses. Yet, I set myself up. Saying that we needed to reorganize Christmas by illnesses, then post-scripting it with a “no really I’m just kidding – we’ll all be okay by […]

2014 Parents Are the Worst.

Ten years ago, parents used to worry that their kids would embarrass them in the middle of their Christmas plays. Or kindergarten graduation. Or gymnastics meets. Kids. They’re likely to pick their nose and rub their boogers on the child next to them, or perhaps pull their dress up over their head in the middle […]

The Urgent Reorganization of Christmas.

I began noticing the rampant nature of it last week. Everyone I talked to told me of their illness woes, of their family’s, or of their school’s. “My kids have been throwing up since last Wednesday.” “Just so you know, two people who were here yesterday have been confirmed to have the flu, and I’m […]

Quick and Easy Last Minute Gift Wrap Idea

I am feeling really lazy this Christmas. Usually, Chris and I truly enjoy finding some sort of creative way to wrap presents, like the year we made Word Search Gift Wrap. I also usually make my own gift tags, too, but as I’ve already admitted this year, my ability to live up to my Christmas […]

The Thumb of Christmas Present.

My husband is Clark Griswold. I’ve mentioned this a few times – in his house lighting projects, in his pining and chasing the perfect holiday moments, and definitely in his reaction when those holiday moments are ruined. I have come to realize this, and so I prep him before Christmas morning. “Honey, someone is probably […]

How to Properly Dress Your Children for the Holidays.

It was a bit of a last minute decision. Chris came home from work and was like, “Hey! Let’s go to the mall tonight and soak up some Christmas atmosphere. And see Santa if the line isn’t too long!” So I did what any sane mother would do. I hurriedly redressed my children, changing them […]

What’s That Sound, Volume Five

Preschool has been a treasure trove of puzzling stories and observations from Noah. Since his godmother is his teacher, it’s been an unspoken agreement that I will text her Noah’s version of the events of the day, and then she texts me back with what actually happened. Disclaimer: Names have been changed to protect the […]

The Stages of FaceTune Guilt.

A few weeks ago, I discovered this amazing new app. I actually think Apple tempted me with it. Somehow they suggested it to me – I don’t remember where, but I do clearly remember the wording. “Wondering how all your friend’s selfies are so amazing? This is what they’re using.” I was intrigued, because all […]

Things In Which You Shouldn’t Run.

Okay. So I wear leggings as pants. Clearly, that came as a terrible shock to many of you – at least based on the comments, the Facebook conversations, and the in-real-life justifications I’ve had to offer since making my grand admission. So, in an effort to regain your confidence, I’d like to present you with […]

The Potentiality of Being Eliminated.

This is just urban legend…rumors passed down from generation to generation… But I’ve heard that there are those that have their Christmas Card recipient list printed out, ready to receive their reciprocal Season’s Greetings. Each card that comes in gets checked off the list – approved to be bestowed upon the next year with yet […]

Don’t Text and Drive, But Feel Free to Garden.

My poor Flexi the Space Toaster is in the shop this week thanks to a busted water pump, which is entirely not at all cheap to fix. While I wait for her luxury stay at the spa to pass, Chris got me a rental car. It’s a Ford C-Max, which I had never heard of. […]

Five Jeans That Shouldn’t Exist.

As I’ve noted a few times, I do about 90% of my shopping on HauteLook. I’m a fan of shopping on my phone, and I’m fairly good at gauging what will fit and what won’t. Plus, I return what I don’t want and everyone’s happy. And they have some ahhhhmazing jeans on there. For ridiculously […]

Smells Like Tween Spirit.

My daughter is tall – like 90th percentile tall. She’s always been tall. And we’re not quite sure why. Lately her tallness has been catching us off guard – if Chris takes a picture of her, I flip out a little on the inside at how old she looks. http://instagram.com/p/vtpUMIsb8i If I take a picture […]

Dinner Placemats of the Thankful Variety.

I’m taking the week off of blogging for the holiday, and I thought I’d leave you with what Ali and I created last Thanksgiving. But don’t let this post fool you – I haven’t done a single holiday thing with the kids yet this year. So if you have any quick Thanksgiving-ey craft ideas that […]

Isn’t it Time to Talk to Your Doctor?

Have you found yourself weepy during this deplorable deletion of Daylight Savings Time and simultaneous bout of horrific weather? Have you looked out the window to the darkness, cursing its existence? Do you feel hopeless, as if warmth will never return to your life? Then you may be suffering from Seasonal Affective Disorder, or SAD, […]

The Day I Started Wearing Leggings as Pants.

It’s a tough row to hoe, sharing one’s principles on the internet. Because sometimes you end up changing those principles. And there’s nothing the internet loves more than hypocrisy. For instance, the time that I made fun of Toms, then had to admit that it was all my son would wear – and worse, that […]

The Journey of a Year.

This time last year, I was beginning to realize the layers of beauty in what I call “Double Blessing Shopping”. I blame this on a blog reader. I learn so much from all of you – if you didn’t keep me informed and educate me on the best stuff, my life would be so much […]

The Communication Habits of The Next Generation.

There was a time where hearing a voice without video to go with it absolutely terrified Noah. He would scream and run and have nothing to do with a non-FaceTiming telephone, whether on speakerphone or not. It was the stuff of demons. Then, I got a corded phone. Yes, we still have a landline. No, […]

Drug of Choice.

This blog post has not be evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. It is not recommended to assume its contents are useful medical advice or life advice. Actually, that might be true of this entire website. I am currently taking 125 calories worth of Vitamins a day, with the option of 20 more calories […]

Just Another Day at the Playground.

My kids are blessedly now both at the age where they are Independent Playgrounders. Aside from the occasional “Give me a starting push on the swings”, they blissfully run around, make friends, entertain themselves, and gift me with a Mommy Break. Sure, I could join the hordes of parents along the perimeter of the playground […]

The Great Alabama Outdoors.

So, camping. The weather could not have been more perfect when we arrived to the annual family camping trip. They were the ideal conditions for asking your son to pose for a picture, When in reality you’re trying to covertly snap a photo of your camping neighbors taking their dog for a walk…in a pink […]

Just Escape.

Every year about this time, there is a clear and defined day where it actually starts to feel like Fall in Alabama. And every year on that day, I go crazy. I become an obsessed antsy fool who can think of nothing but going North. Sometimes I fantasize about North Alabama, sometimes the mountains of […]

The Night We Turned into Lego.

On Friday night, I found myself putting on makeup while squinting at a tiny Lego Minifigure for reference. The night before, I was designing a hoodie and yoga pants – while studying that same minifigure to guide my fingers. There are far too few times in life that this occurs, but our family made the […]

A Full Shut Down.

This blog has been temporarily suspended due to the author being in the middle of a near death experience. Though not Ebola, the author accepted into her bloodstream a severe dose of Poison Sumac, an element that she is quite familiar with, as it plagued her already-awkward tween years with large, weeping mounds of burning, […]

The Brush of Death.

I’ve made many humiliating parental admissions on this blog. You guys know that I only bathe my children twice a week. You are aware that I never make their beds. You have been apprised of my issues with Sippy Cups and Mold. So you probably won’t be shocked that I’m not the best teeth-brushing mother, […]

The Kicking.

Ali and I had downtown lunch plans, so after dropping Noah off at preschool, we decided that the big downtown Birmingham Public Library would be a great place to get a little of her schoolwork done. I have fond memories of the vast expanse that is the downtown library, so I love taking my kids […]

The Best Worst Comments, Volume II

You may have heard…bloggers live for comments. They are just the best. They add richness and depth to the story, offer wisdom, information, and differing viewpoints, as well as giving us the positive feedback we need to keep writing – because every blogger’s Love Language is Words of Affirmation – why else would we spend […]

Tales from the Porch Swing.

The kids were playing outside while I was lounging flat on my back on the porch swing. (That happens more than it should. But Motherhood as an introvert is exhausting.) (And I’m exceptionally good at lazy when I want to be.) Noah needed to go to the bathroom, so he headed over for me to […]

Work of Worth: Pretty Things Changing Lives {Giveaway}

Third World Entrepreneurial Philanthropy. It sounds all big-wordish and heady, but it’s one of my favorite concepts that has been made easier due to the internet age. In short, it means freedom. Freedom for women enslaved in sex trafficking. Freedom for families who have no way to support their children. Freedom from work that exploits, […]

The Grade of Two.

It typically happens that each fall, my blog gets all schooly for a while, as my brain is filled with homeschool thoughts and therefore that’s what comes out. But for some reason, that hasn’t happened this year. So either I’m not focused enough on educating my child or I’ve just learned to compartmentalize and not […]

Off to the Races.

“Hey Eli, would you like for me to tell you where to stick it?” These are the jewels that you hear when you travel with a three-year-old and a six-year-old boy. (No, Noah had no idea what he was saying. Yes, he said it in the kindest, sweetest little boy voice ever. Yes, I laughed […]

Case Closed: The Mystery of Fred.

I am not the kind of person that can leave a mystery unsolved. Uncle Joe had to be found. Dr. Pepper TEN needed to be explained. It was an absolute must that I tracked down my twin. When someone hacked my PayPal account, it wasn’t good enough to just fix it. I needed to find the […]

The Baby Book of Burning Questions

Today is my birthday. And how should one always celebrate one’s birthday? By looking through one’s baby book, of course. Wanna look over my shoulder? Oh goody – I hoped you would. (Originally shared May 2, 2010.) When Ali was born, my Mom allowed me to take out a semi-permanent loan of my baby book […]

Life is Weird.

I saw an image tweeted by a Twitter friend, Abbey Crain, that I couldn’t believe was real. Surely this was in a list of “The Worst Advice the Internet Ever Offered” or something similar. So I googled the entire phrase on the “tip” to see for myself what kind of list would disseminate such horrible […]

The Tearing of the Veil.

If you ask Ali what she’s going to be when she grows up, she’ll tell you that she’s going to own a bakery (and that she’s an artist). The bakery is a big deal to her, and we have many urgent conversations as to the particulars of running the business, as she’s deeply consumed with […]

When Death Is Stranger than Fiction.

It was bath night. We had been to the playground, we had eaten popsicles and let them drip down our entire being, we had handled with our bare hands an opossum jawbone found in the wild (another story for another time), and, most compellingly, it was technically our twice a week appointed bath night. There […]

Callaway Gardens, a Photographical Journey.

Chris and I wanted to go off for my birthday (early, by the way – you still have time to mark October 9 as a Very Important Date on your calendar), but we didn’t know where to go. We only had a weekend available, so we needed to go somewhere relatively close, and we wanted […]

Sunsets By the Package.

In two days, I got two emails from different guys that I have zero connections with. (They were real emails from real people, guys!) One wanted advice as to where to take his girlfriend for a special date, and the other wanted advice as to where to propose to his girlfriend. This might sound extraordinarily […]

Burning Questions of the Public Restroom.

I visit public restrooms more often than I’d prefer. My preference would be zero times per lifetime, of course, but as I drink 100+ ounces of water a day, that’s just not going to happen, unless I go all Boo Radley on you and never leave the house. And if I did that my blog […]

On My Whirlwind Relationship with a Spammer.

As a blogger, I get hundreds of emails a day. Of those, approximately one is a real person emailing me to genuinely correspond. If I’m lucky. I adore emails from real people. In the stack of emails, there are definite patterns that can be found. PR Firms sending me press releases, hoping that I’ll write […]

The Runaway Incident.

My parents have what we often refer to as Grandkid Heaven. Right around the time that Chris and I started dating, they went in with three other families and bought 70 acres of land 20 minutes out of town. It was the cheapest land anyone could buy, because it was completely unreachable – a mountain […]

The Dilemna Dilemma.

I hated English in school, and I don’t expect that my blog follows the rules of the AP Stylebook – like, ever. I have endless grammar quirks that I am positive make my journalist friends secretly despise me. However, I have always been a fantastic speller. I’m convinced that spelling is something you’re born with […]

A Brief History of Football and Offspring.

My husband has had the same Alabama football season tickets since he was a wee lad of 13, making this his 25th anniversary to sit his butt in that same spot on that same bench every fall. It became a necessary relational hurdle for me to learn to enjoy/tolerate (depending on the day) the sport […]

Doilies Aren’t Shorts.

I know that summer is almost over (or very over) in some parts of the United States. Those of you in South Dakota and Colorado have already seen…snow?? Weirdos. However, we have at least another month, maybe two, of wearing shorts, getting sunburned, and sweating our brains out. Especially at football games. Saturday was no […]

The Cost of Extroversion.

“Hey…did you know The Redmont Hotel is still open? I mean, who knew, right?” I groggily recounted this extraordinarily urgent information to Chris at 6:15am Saturday morning. I had not slept all night, and was entrapped in a heavy delirium that later made it impossible to walk in a straight line. “I mean, I figured […]

The Profit of a Yard.

The best thing we did in 2013 was get sod in our front yard. Previously, our slightly sloped yard was nothing but dirt – with a few weeds, a bunch of gumballs (or pricklies, as we call them at our house), and plenty of tree roots. It was a shame, as most yards in our […]

The Moments of Artwalk.

I survived my first two-day art show for Picture Birmingham. Here were the moments I won’t (or, in some cases, can’t no matter how hard I try) forget. 1. I got stuck in a ditch. Literally. That’s my friend Radford, illustrating exactly how stuck I was. And no, I do not have four-wheel drive. And […]

Run With Me – For All The Kids.

Every time we’re downtown, we see at least one helicopter land on the roof at Children’s of Alabama. My kids stop what they’re doing and watch it with amazement, and we talk about how they are saving the life of a child. Ali and Noah are always in awe – and so am I. In […]

Short Stories From the Road.

So you drive a Prius. You park next to me at the bank. With an empty parking space on the other side of you. The bank has very, very spacious parking spots, too, by the way. Yet you park so close to me that I literally (and I do mean literally literally and not figuratively […]

The Grasshopper Incident.

There’s a lovely walking trail somewhat near our house – one that I often run on when I can get away by myself. When I am accompanied by my entourage, I bribe the children to walk (without whining) in exchange for a stop at a candy store halfway through our route. Occasionally, we also have […]

It’s Time We Met. Don’t You Think?

I meet at least a dozen blog readers a year – sometimes intentionally (I’ve even driven to Georgia and Mississippi to meet blog friends), and sometimes accidentally, when one of you spots me in public and introduces yourself, which I always adore. (It’s way way WAY better for you to say hello than comment on […]

How to Properly Use Alabama Jell-O Molds.

In a huge announcement of unprecedented importance, Jell-O proclaimed that they were releasing University of Alabama Jell-O Molds. (Along with molds for 22 other Universities, but I’m positive none of them took it nearly as seriously as Alabama fans.) Because I love my husband and I’m a sucker for a good Jell-O mold, I immediately […]

Birmingham, Meet Meat. Meat, Meet Birmingham. {Giveaway}

Guest Post by Contributing Editor, Chief Husband, and Meat Expert Chris. There are certain pivotal moments in the history of the world when things change for the better, when life as we know it receives an upgrade to its operating system that – like Siri, or Instagram adjustable filter intensity – opens the door to […]

The Running Disease.

“Let’s get the white elephant out of the room first. So you’re running now.” I had lunch yesterday with my friend Jamie, the occasion upon which that accusation was made. I leaned in and lowered my voice. “Do you want to know how bad it’s gotten? It’s like really, really bad. Chris arranged for the […]

A Public Service Announcement, for Parents.

I have been up front and honest with you many times about all of the things I forget to do, put off doing, or downright neglect when it comes to my role as a mother. I’m not the most thorough, organized, on-top-of-it person out there, and my parenting is no exception. It often looks as […]

Signs of Vacation.

A flock of Emus in a Wastewater treatment plant… The Church of Holy Water/Wrestling Federation… A Labelmakered all-caps toilet instruction – “DO NOT FLUSH ANYTHING BUT TISSUE” – to which we almost left a post-it note underneath it saying, “But where do we put the poo?”… These are the things I didn’t manage to get […]

The Ticket to Preschool.

As I mentioned a few months ago, Noah is attending Preschool this fall – three days a week, and his teacher is his precious Godmother, Miss Janey. …whom he calls “Miss Jamie”, because I make him eat lunch with Jamie of Jamie’s Rabbits way too often and once one has encountered Jamie and her Rabbits […]

On Stalking Vegetables {And a Giveaway}

I have been a fan of VeggieTales since I was thirteen years old and a babysitter-in-training. The kids I babysat for introduced me to it and I was all like “Whaaaaaat? Vegetables on cartoons?? That can’t be good.” Until I watched one. I *might* have bought my own VHS copies as a teenager. I also […]

Why I Homeschool.

  18. If my kid is going to pass notes in class, they’re going to have to be to me. And I DO love getting a good note – especially if it’s creatively folded and contains at least twenty hearts. 17. I like being able to answer the question “When are your kids starting back […]

On Buying the Children a Virtual Hamster Wheel.

Within a day of Chris and I buying our FitBits, the kids split up. Ali was Team Daddy, and Noah was Team Mommy. They began cheering us on accordingly, attempting to keep their opponent from getting ahead (okay only Ali tried to sabotage me), and constantly asking to see the leaderboard to gauge how well […]

Ambassadors for Honesty About Parenthood.

Originally published August 25, 2011, I think it bears repeating. Often. She was standing, staring listlessly at the merchandise on the children’s medicine aisle at CVS. As I searched for Ali’s Ibuprofen, she turned to me and asked, “How do you know what to buy?  I mean, there are so many options.  It’s just overwhelming!” […]

My Break From BlogHer.

Originally Published August 8, 2011. If you ever wondered what was wrong with my head… I have been known to break my nose whilst blogging. I have also been known to visit the emergency room at wee hours due to sleepwalking injuries. I like sticking to a theme. Which is why, I suppose, I took […]

How a Turd in the Tub Saved my Saturday Night.

Originally published November 19, 2012, this story is and will remain one of the shining jewels of my parenting career. It all happened on Saturday: It had been a bad afternoon. I felt impatient and emotional, completely unrelated to the fact that I was still coughing and hoarse from the illness that Noah had so […]

Dr Pepper TEN: An Investigative Report.

Originally published October 17, 2011. Although I don’t drink any carbonated drinks anymore, if I did, it would be Dr. Pepper TEN. Because we have a history. And The Doctor emailed me. And it is tasty. On our trip to Atlanta last weekend, Chris and I were introduced, via the ripe discovery grounds of a […]

Sightings Near and Far.

I’ve seen just The Dad removed. I’ve seen The Dad and One Kid removed. But this lady…do NOT cross her and her formidable shopping bags.   Come to life?? IN A REAL, TANGIBLE BOARD GAME?? Mind. Blown. Because nothing sells like your Grandpa telling you that his Honey Flax Flakes are… “This stupid two-dollar make-your-own-company […]

How To Be Cool.

“I don’t want to be special. I want to be cool. God made me just cool. Race cars are cool.’” ~ Noah The Great, Millennial Philosopher Hi! Noah here. So I heard you want to be cool. Okay fine I didn’t hear that. But you’re reading a blog post called “How To Be Cool” so […]

Wal-Mart’s Revenge.

Sam’s Club. Despite my feelings toward his mother Wal-Mart that I shared without reserve last week, I’ve always found Sam to be a delightful fellow. Big quantities, cheap prices, more locations than Costco, adorable little old ladies handing out samples… Actually that last point is starting to change. Because my third to last visit brought […]

What’s That Sound, Volume Four.

We read the bible almost every night to our kids, they go to Sunday School, and we have conversations about God. But you never know what they’re really picking up and what they’re not. And what they’re pondering in their heart of hearts. A few months ago, I had this conversation with Noah. Noah: “They […]

On Raising a Parrot.

In our pre-kid days, Chris and I had the peculiar hobby of reading Screen It reviews before, during, or even instead of watching movies. Geared toward parents, the site gives an intensely detailed yet discreet laundry list of every profanity or slightly negative word in the movie, detailed descriptions of all violence, drug use, or […]

People of Wal-Mart: The Live Show.

Wal-Mart. I’d rather dance through a hunting reserve in a deer costume than go to Wal-Mart. Ever. There’s just something about the atmosphere there that immediately stresses me out – I’m pretty sure God removed His presence from all Wal-Marts many years ago after one too many scary human sightings. No matter how little I […]

A Call for Felinism.

A guest post, by Fred the Cat. The time has come for a revolution. We live in America – the land of the free, the land of equal opportunity, the land of respect. But cats, my friends, are not getting these basic rights. Cats are humiliated on YouTube. Villainized by Disney. Ignored by Government. Scoffed […]

A Time to FitBit.

Really, it was all the old man’s fault. He was ambling around the edge of the cliff at Weathington Park, offering to take everyone’s picture with their phone. I don’t know if he was doing some sort of undercover operation to plant a tracking device on everyone’s phone or what, but he was quite insistent. […]

A Brief Analysis of Doc McStuffins.

My kids were late the the Stuffin party, but we arrived with gusto and obsession. Doc is now the preferable cartoon above all others – including but not limited to Sophia the First, Jake and the Neverland Pirates, Team Umizoomi, and even the revered My Little Pony. (Which is a shame because the latter show […]

How to Use Essential Oils: A Step-By-Step Guide.

1. You will receive your first (and second, third, and four hundredth) introduction to Essential Oils via your favorite social network – most likely Facebook. This glorious day in your life will occur when you happen to mention any form of personal discomfort. A headache, scabies, a sword wound, or split ends. If the stars […]

A Tale of a Few Cards

A good friend shared her story with me at dinner not long ago, and I insisted that she write it down. Please enjoy it heartily. I have taken my family on a terrible rollercoaster of borrowing and lending. At times I have binged and maxed out my card. I have even occasionally missed a deadline […]

The Summer of June Bugs.

As Chris and I sat on the lawn of Gorham’s Bluff basking in the wonders it possessed, we noticed an impressive bug convention going on around us. Chris watched them reservedly and said “Are these ground bees or something?” I stared down at them, waiting for one to do a fly-by for me to identify, […]

On Declaring Independence.

I know that you’ve all been waiting with intense anticipation for an update on the fallout of Noah’s stomach virus. I am here for you. I am gleeful to report that, although it did last through the night and he woke up Thursday morning with his bed in such an abominable state that if I […]

Toddler, Interrupted.

I woke up yesterday morning holding a handful of vomit. I quickly took in my surroundings, trying to orient myself as to how I had come into possession of someone else’s stomach contents. There was a screaming toddler sitting on his bed in front of me, his carpeted floor was dotted with stepping stones of […]

Science is For the Birds.

I was pretty sure the mother died just a day or two before their hatch date, so I wasn’t surprised to find bird embryos in the eggs. But I was startled at how beautiful I perceived them to be…in their own alien-esque way. This was Baby A, the pink baby. At first I thought the […]

When Children Are Like Salt in a Wound.

Ali lost her fourth tooth in a month on Thursday night. Okay, “lost” doesn’t accurately portray the traitorous and forceful separation of tooth and child that had to take place. Unlike the three previous teeth, this one wasn’t eager to turn loose, and I didn’t exactly achieve stellar parental ranking by a) insisting on removing […]

Cherries Need New PR.

I spent 31 years of my life automatically assuming that I despised cherries. There was the cherry cough syrup I was given against my will as a young child, shaping my first impressions of cherries as The Fruit That Tastes Like Gastric Acid. Then there was cherry-flavored candy – it didn’t matter whether it was […]

Technology Killed the RomCom.

I admit it. In the past, I was a Romantic Comedy junkie. (I still really really really like them but have tried to move on to more adultish genres.) (I am sometimes successful at this.) The 80’s and 90’s were a hot bed of Romantic Comedies, and as that paralleled with my impressionable childhood and […]

The Slumber Games.

Guest post by Lindsey Murphy.   Two tributes: One adult male, one adult female. Three rivals: District 4: Male, four years old. Tactics include wetting the bed, loud footsteps, and the desire to play with other tributes at ungodly hours of the morning. District 3: Female, three years old. Susceptible to bad dreams. Deep attachment […]

35 Things to Do in Birmingham.

I’ve lived in Birmingham my entire life. Seriously – even college. The longest I’ve ever been away from this city was six weeks at the age of 16 when I went overseas. As a kid, Birmingham was clearly a dying city. My parents told stories of what it once was, but it was impossible to […]

“Life is Hard,” Say Kids Everywhere

Tuesday’s plans included the grocery store and the pool. When I told the kids this news, Ali said with a sigh, “Let’s go to the grocery store first. I like to get the hard things over with first.” “Oh really, honey, is going to the grocery store so hard for you?” “Yes, it’s just not […]

An Anniversary of Questions.

June has come back around. It has been a year since I quite suddenly became unwell. I remember the night that it started – a Friday night – wide awake half the night, my lungs overcome with pain and feeling like they’d been deflated, my head dizzy and full of pressure, my heart beating faster […]

Hosepipe.

If I understand the differences in regional dialects correctly, some of y’all don’t call this a hosepipe. You call it a “garden hose” or just a “hose” or some other type of gibberish. In Alabama, we call it summer entertainment. That is, unless you’re not the one holding the hosepipe. Then it’s called a source […]

The Gravity of Granting Permission.

I’m not one to write a post for a particular day such as Easter, Thanksgiving, or Christmas, and especially not Father’s or Mother’s Day. I don’t even acknowledge it on Facebook or change my profile picture to include the appropriate parent. I know – I‘m a social media pariah. I get my cynical anti-bandwagon genetic […]

Parenting By Manipulation.

For those of you who were around last year, you will remember that Ali got fired from Private Swim Lessons. And rightfully so – she doggedly persevered in her 6.5 year rebellion against allowing water to come into contact with her face. The child doesn’t have a strong-willed cell in her brain – except when […]

Pinterest and The Potato Substitute.

Pinterest has all of these freakin’ crazy ideas about food substitutions that will make you look just like the well-toned scantily-clad ab-crunching extremely photoshopped girls that are unfortunately plastered on way too many pins. “Broccoli so good it tastes like steak!” “Baked Zucchini sticks that are better than French fries!” “Whipped Eggplant that you will […]

The Perils of Sunset Chasing.

So the sunset betrayed me last week. Birmingham isn’t an easy city to photograph – we have hills and trees and trees and hills. BUT. The downtown area is in a basin. So if you can get above it in any way, it’s MAGNIFICENT. Besides the mountain ranges on the south and east sides, there […]

Three Teeth and a Babysitter.

Upon the loss of one’s eldest child’s first tooth, parental discussion has to take place. Are we going to do the Tooth Fairy thing? How far does our willingness to “Fairy It Up” go? How much does the Tooth Fairy pay for teeth these days? We agreed that yes, we would do the Tooth Fairy, […]

The Origins of Topper.

A couple of months ago, Chris and I took our nasty, stale, extraordinarily aged wedding cake topper on our anniversary trip. Our thirteenth anniversary trip. Topper got to enjoy every aspect of Asheville, The Grove Park Inn, Sunset Chasing, Chocolate Shop Visiting, and we even took him to The Biltmore Estate. I’m waiting for them […]

Where to Find Birmingham’s Sunsets.

“Do you go to the same place every time you sunset chase?” (Nope.) “Do you take all those pictures from your house?” (Not a single one.) “Do you have to trespass to get sunset photos?” (No. You don’t have to. And I almost never do.) “Why are you so obsessed with sunsets?” (That’s a long […]

A Culmination of Sweet, Sweet Justice.

Chris and I have been on a date weekend in Atlanta for the past couple of days, and I was completely lazy, took a couple of naps, and wrote not. Plus, Atlanta reminded me of this fabulous, fabulous night that changed the status of our relationship forever. Originally Posted January 25, 2012. Chris and I […]

Just Peel It.

  Last week while we were at the beach, we went out to eat. I added a side salad to my dinner as I sometimes do. When it arrived, I went through my all-too-familiar Cycle of Salad Emotions. CYCLE OF SALAD EMOTIONS …The ranch looks homemade and thin…happy! …The tomatoes aren’t completely juiceless crunchy tomato […]

Seven Years Comin’

From our honeymoon onward, Chris and have I adored the beach. We would spend entire days laying on the sandy shores of Alabama, reading, napping, swimming, and living as if we had no responsibilities. NONE. It was our most freeing happy place in the world. And then, six years into marriage, we had a baby. […]

The Beach Trip of Dreams.

Six years ago, we teamed up with our friends David and Ashley to take our toddler daughters, Ali and AJ, to the beach. They had been best friends since near birth, and at 1 1/2 years old, had grown to look quite oddly alike. Two years later, we decided to repeat the trip – this […]

If Only God Had Expounded.

I think we can all agree that God could have been more detailed. I mean sure, He wrote the #1 bestseller of all time and it is QUITE voluminous. But there were some items that He could have really made our lives smoother if He’d fleshed out a bit more. Sprinkle or dunk? Wafers or […]

School Completion Badge: Unlocked.

Let’s talk about what changes between the beginning and the end of the school year. 1. The transition from fully Pinterested-Out, pre-printed and thought-out signs to OHDEARCRAPINEEDTOMAKEASIGN moments that happen approximately 30 seconds before the photo is snapped. (I wouldn’t have even remembered to notate the last day of school with a picture except that […]

The Truth is Brewing.

Guest Post by Chief Husband and Contributing Writer Chris. I’m not really picky when it comes to coffee. I like the Keurig. I like independent coffee shops like Seeds, Church Street, and small chains like O’Henry’s. I like coffee all the way up to Fresh Ground Central American Fair Trade Environmentally Sustainable Politically Non-Controversial Organic […]

One Girl at a Time.

My friend Katherine writes a series called Uncomfortable Truths that is positively brilliant. I love this feature so much that I might have contributed my own not-so-comfortable facts once or twice. However. In a recent installment, she discovered a fascinating bit of information about the way we go about restraining ourselves. Katherine hooks her bra […]

Weekending at the Georgia Aquarium {And a Giveaway}

Chris and I have always loved taking one-night date trips to Atlanta, but we’ve never taken the kids to experience the “kid side” of Atlanta. We talk about it…we think about it…but we just don’t get around to it. So when the Georgia Aquarium contacted me and wanted to bring us for a visit so […]

Modern Communication with Men.

I prefer texts over all forms of communication. (Except for the fact that iPhones won’t let you mark texts unread. This might be the most glaring failure of technology in our society today.) Besides all of their other benefits, sometimes texts can tell you so much more about a person’s belief system than conversation. Because […]

Mother’s Day Wishes and Dreams.

I do hope you all had a fantastic Mother’s Day and were overwhelmed [like physically overwhelmed – literally covered up with cards and stickers] with your children’s unconditional love and kindness [bursting through your door and waking you up first thing in the morning] – just like I was. I’m not exactly sure what she’s […]

The Emperor’s New Mom Jeans.

I wrote my first jeans post in 2009 – more as a humor piece than fashion statement, but it did have some valid advice. I readily admit that some of the information in that post is outdated, no longer accurately expresses my opinion about certain items (such as skinny jeans), and that certain items have […]

The Circle of Art.

I’ve never told you guys that I’m a model. (I’m in between jobs right now.) (Like, 22 years in between.) But still. It all started with a family portrait when I was a toddler. William Hallmark was a friend of a friend of my parents. He was a teenager at the time, and quickly becoming […]

A Cure for the Common Ant.

“Uh Oh! I dropped an M&M on the ground!” “That’s okay. Just throw it in the bushes. No – wait – why don’t you go put it on top of that ant bed you were looking at a while ago? I bet they would love it.” After all, it was Easter Sunday. Everyone deserves a […]

A Triad of Short Stories.

Thank You: Private Eye. I received a thank you note in the mail last week. It was addressed to “Mrs. Callahan” and was signed “Mrs. [insert last name I’d never heard before here.]” It was a rather generically written thank you card for a wedding gift that I did not remember giving. In fact, I […]

Twenty Minutes Away: Revisited.

Sunday was the three year anniversary of Alabama’s unforgettable Tornado Outbreak, the day that brought us 62 tornadoes, killed 140 people, and injured thousands. Two days after 4/27/11, Prince William and Princess Kate wed. And two days after that, Osama Bin Laden was killed. Needless to say, the national news quickly forgot the fact that […]

Noah Steps Up.

We’re fine – thanks for all who checked in on us!  It seems that Alabama made it through last night’s round of tornadoes relatively unscathed. Mississippi was not as fortunate – we are praying for the families in Louisville and Tupelo. There’s another round coming through both states this afternoon, so we’ll be back in […]

Answers and Elaborations.

First of all, your quirky bits of life MADE MY DAY. I was not feeling well at all on Friday, but I got so many giggles from your comments. I really think that needs to be a regular feature – because y’all are far more interesting than I am. In case you missed it, here […]

Take a Turn.

Guys. I’m tired. Life has taken 100% of my time lately. I know, right? So unthoughtful. I have endless things to blog about and no time to actually sit down and write. Or when I do, Life (again!) has dismantled my brain in such a way that words will not come. Blurg. So today, It’s […]

The Passage of Time, As Measured By Easter.

There’s something about Easter in The South that compels people to dress at least 2.25 tiers up from their usual Sunday attire, and also in an Easter-Basket variety of pastels. This further tempts said southerners to record such events with photography and post them on Facebook, making news feeds everywhere below the Mason-Dixon look like […]

Things that Blow My Toddler’s Mind.

Every time we bathe, dear child, I will wash and rinse your hair. This is not some sort of water torture I have forged break your will and make you scream. There is no reason to fight me on leaning your head back – I am trying to save your sensitive little eyes from soap. […]

Picture Birmingham: The Progress Report

Hold on – before I write, if you’re anywhere near local enough to be willing to come to Birmingham, fill me in on your calendar for the evening of May 12. Got it? Okay. Now we can continue. It has been seven weeks since I launched my new site, Picture Birmingham, and I figured it […]

Because Everybody Needs a Hero.

Every city needs a hero. Every mother in every city needs a hero. And sometimes, it greatly helps to fantasize that the very person causing half her angst is. That. Hero. That he’s been around since the beginning, quietly watching over shoulders, fixing problems and savings lives. No, the very beginning. No! The Very Very […]

The Man Who Singlehandedly Saved American Idol.

I feel like I have done my state a disservice by not talking about American Idol this year. After all, three of the TOP SEVEN finalists are from Alabama. They call themselves…Alabama Power. Okay that’s cheesy but my hometown music venue, WorkPlay, even got a shout-out last week! But. Although I’ve enjoyed the Alabama connections […]

The Effect of Frozen on Marital Relationships.

I told you we had a problem. This was a typical yet random text exchange between my husband and I yesterday. All because I answered a question with “Yeah”…   And then a few minutes later… Okay. “A problem” was an understatement.

On Seeking Frobriety.

It’s something I know I need to do. For myself. For my family. For our ability to continue to function as normal human beings. We need space between us and Frozen. We need to admit that we are powerless over Let it Go and that our lives have become unmanageable with frozen fractals all around. […]

Little Local Look n’ Find: Avondale Park.

During our first year of dating, Chris and I discovered the Itty Bitty Magic City Scavenger Hunt. It was an annual feature in The Birmingham News (now more commonly known as al.com) where once a year, they would choose a location and publish 20-30 pictures of microscopic details. The first one we did was in […]

A Rainy Day With Thomas.

On Monday morning, nine out of ten Facebook Statuses in my feed were bemoaning a flooded basement, a flooded back yard, a flooded street, or a flooded everything. Sunday was slightly moist around here. And of course, that would be the day we had picked out to visit Thomas the Train. It was the last […]

How I (Mis)use My iPhone.

Once upon a time, the act of randomly tweeting a screenshot of my iPhone front screen birthed a flurry of 76 aghast tweets and not one, but two blog posts by my very particular friend Katherine. I had no idea I was so vastly unacceptable in my organizational decisions, but alas. Now I do. And […]

Slightly Off Target.

Dear Target, I love you. I really do. I adore your wide aisles, your children’s clothes and shoes, your lack of Walmartian bedlam, your maternity camisoles that actually go over a pregnant belly unlike Motherhood Maternity’s which don’t make it past a gestating ribcage, your pleasingly geometric notebooks and bedspreads and various other pretty things, […]

Why I Will Henceforth Dehydrate Myself in Public.

Caution: This story is so humiliating that I didn’t even tell it to my husband for several days. And it took me all of a month to come back and read it and decide whether I’d cringe too much to share it here. (I will, for the record, but alas. I am a blogger. And […]

Topper’s a Teenager.

So…Topper. We meant to eat him on our first anniversary (or at least taste him for sentimentality, since we didn’t really like him when he was fresh), but we forgot. So we left him in the freezer. And moved, with him, twice. Topper unfroze and refroze dozens of times during power outages and freezer doors […]

Drain Shame.

There are things that an iPhone alters about your life from which you will never escape. Traffic light entertainment, for one. I admit it – I struggle with not picking up my iPhone at a red light. Smart phones have effectively made me forget how to simply be still. Also? Curiosity. Every “I wonder…” I […]

The Mystery of Fred.

Fred came into our lives at lunchtime on the last day of February. We were having one of our many recent picnics in the front yard, enjoying the benefits of living in Alabama (early, lovely Spring), when he ran purposefully up the street, into our yard, caught Ali’s attention, then immediately rolled over to invite […]

When Sharing Corrupts.

Ali has a sharing problem. Her problem is unlike her brother’s sharing problem, which prompted him to sit atop four Hot Wheels like an overprotective mother bird on a nest of eggs for an hour because the little girl across the street was visiting and there was a slight possibility of her having interest in […]

The Bathroom Chronicles.

Stuff happens in public restrooms. Right? Sometimes you get to see it after the fact, like this beautiful graffiti on a Church bathroom door… …even for defacing Church Property. And sometimes you are blessed enough to live through it – like the time, almost exactly a year ago, when I was in a Tampa restaurant […]

50 Restaurants in Crappy Photos: Round Seven.

This is a blog series in which I am working my way through 50 restaurants that I’ve never been to before – mostly in Birmingham, but I break my own rules quite often. For the rest of the series, click here. 24. Brick & Tin Brick & Tin is one of those super-hip, locally-sourced, downtown, […]

Bubblegum Lies.

Saturday night, we met my Mom and brother at Rusty’s BBQ. It’s the only place we ever meet them, because it’s halfway between our houses and is exactly what you want in a good, off-the-path Southern BBQ place: without pretense, containing random kitsch (I especially like their license plate map of the United States), booths […]

On Making Something so Easy so Hard.

So I tried to potty-train my son. Remember that? I quit the day I blogged about it, because he was clearly determined to never acquiesce in this matter. Ever. He was overjoyed to be allowed to crap in his pants in peace again, and I was a much better person for not trying to make […]

What’s that Sound, Volume Three

A few nights ago, I was rocking Noah before bed. Which is when he discovered my boobs. He began rubbing them vigorously, all while saying excitedly, “I found your TUMMY!!!!!!” Then he looked at his chest…then looked back at mine…then at his… “Wait a minute.….…….What’s that poppin’ out your shirt?” I ignored him, hoping his […]

Girls {Night} Gone Bad.

All Girl’s Nights Out should have adventure. Right? Right. A couple of weeks ago, a friend was in from out of town, so that was the perfect excuse that us girls needed to get together. We decided on a restaurant – a fairly fancy Greek one, because I’ve solidly convinced all of my friends of […]

Solids Are Hard to Come By.

Reassurance: Despite my blogging track record and the implications of the above title, this post is not about potty-training. That one will come later in the week. You’re welcome. So. Last week was a slight bit busy for me. The Picture Birmingham website launch was exhilarating, exhausting, emotionally taxing, anxiety-inducing, overwhelming, and extraordinarily fun. And right […]

The Turkish Connection.

Whenever I’m in the car alone, if I have the presence of mind to turn off Veggie Tales (and there is nothing like the rage of a mommy when she realizes that she’s inadvertently listened to Veggie Tales alone for half an hour), I turn on Spotify and blow my speakers out in the attempt […]

I Want to Give Nature a Punch in the Face.

No seriously. I know I ooh and aah over her sunsets and clouds and skies and stuff, but DANG she hates me. Mainly in the form of living creatures with eyes and noses and mouths like bats and squirrels and llamas and shower bugs. When we bought our house, there were many things that needed […]

Introducing…Picture Birmingham.

If I’ve seemed a bit scarce, quieter than usual, or really slow on email responses the past couple of months, it’s because I’ve been completely consumed with designing a new project and website. So here it is: Picture Birmingham. First, a bit of back story. Last summer, I felt compelled to get involved with a […]

A Television Reality Check.

So I’m writing this post while sitting on my couch being filmed by my local news. (You can see that I’m not lying and also how bad my typing comes out when typing on a tiny iPad keyboard if you pay real close attention towards the end of this video…) So yes, this was the […]

A Journey Update

This is a guest post by my Dad. His prior guest posts can all be found here. A year and a half ago, Rachel related the diagnosis of my cancer. I was stunned and deeply appreciative of all of the comments, concerns and prayers that her readers expressed. This week, when Rachel asked for a […]

Gifts to Characters on Downton Abbey.

Warning: Spoilers Ahead. So you’ve all now finished watching Season Four of Downton Abbey. (Except those of you who are still letting it sit on your DVR, risking at every moment the finale being bumped off for one more episode of Jake and the Neverland Pirates. I hope you’re duly nervous about this very real […]

Taking Issue With the Compliance Department.

Dear Noah, We took a break from our potty-training failures so that I could take you to the dentist last week. It was only your second trip ever, and your first time to get x-rays. And you were an angel. I need you to know that I am not okay with this. First of all, […]

McQueen Will Get Us Through It.

I have two problems with potty-training Noah. No, three. One. Noah doesn’t want to. That’s kind of a biggie. You can not force bodily fluids out of a kid that doesn’t want to play along. Two. Last time we tried (in August,) Noah had a crippling fear of letting any output from his body fall […]

Inside the Mind of a First Grader.

Ali is guest-posting for me today. (Yes, there are two bows plus arrows in her apron. If you want to complain, I wouldn’t.) Anyway. Here are some literary masterpieces that I’ve found lying around the house lately that she’s graciously allowed me to share. One day two lite’s played. Anathor lite came and toled them […]

Pitfall, The Shopping Edition.

I have a horrible confession. I’ve been cheating on Zulily. Not only have I been cheating on Zulily, but I’ve completely abandoned my daily Zulily Browsing, which means no more Weird Strange and True posts for you. However, I’ve replaced her with a new App Mistress: HauteLook. This exposes a growing selfishness in my heart, […]

Ten Steps to a Southern Snowfall.

The unfathomable has happened. We The People of Alabama have gotten two measurable snowfalls in the same winter. I’ve always said that I want to experience one True Northern Snowstorm, but I also believe that every one of you northerners should absolutely experience one True Southern Snowstorm. Because Southerners react to snow with a fantastic […]

56,000 Selfies: The Tale of a Capsule Endoscopy.

I like to stay on the cutting edge of technology, but I swallowed a camera because my doctor told me to. Also. I would like to clarify that my pinkie is not that crooked in real life. I caught it in the middle of a yoga move preparing to play its part in shoving a […]

Road Tripping North Alabama.

Up until a few years ago, I can say with certainty that I was a beach girl. I really didn’t have any interest in the mountains, always preferring to drift warmwards rather than coldwards, and in complete adoration with the ocean. I believe, if I remember correctly, that it was the fault of The General […]

BREAKING: Snow Pandemonium a Plot by Area High School Students.

An ongoing investigation has unraveled a ring of high school students who caused last week’s Snowpocalypse in Birmingham, Alabama. According to captured SnapChat messages (that’s right, children, your data isn’t safe – not even there), thousands of area teenagers banded together to compound a liquid road treatment that immediately turns snow into ice, which puzzled […]

A Random Reason to Celebrate.

The Hundredth Day of School is entirely a millennial fabrication as far as I can tell, but a much needed one. Because after the climax of the Christmas Season (and, for us, two birthdays), the rest of the winter feels like drudgery – both in school and in weather. So although I am not, on […]

Ali: Commissioned Artist.

I’ve noticed a trend with adult/child introductions. Anytime a new big person meets one of my little people, they say hello, then comment on a physical feature. “My goodness you have such beautiful eyes!” “Look at all that hair – I bet that’s a job to brush!” “Oh – you’re so tall for your age!” […]

An Hour With the Horizon.

We made it home, carefully, yesterday afternoon. One of the most glorious moments in Eufaula was the sunset Wednesday night. In fact, our cottage had a perfect sunset and sunrise view – so I’m already planning a return visit. But Wednesday night. The snow on the beach had faded, but was still dazzlingly covering the […]

The Snow Chasing Us.

So the children and I set out early Tuesday morning to seek snow adventures. We ran into some slightly dicey weather about halfway there, which is when I learned for the first time that you could actually use defrost to de-FROST your windshield. I seriously had no idea. And it wasn’t a quick realization, either. […]

SnowChasers.

Sometimes a dose of lunacy is the best prescription. At least that’s the principle upon which I’m basing this week’s decision-making. I started feeling well on Saturday. Like, well well. More well than I’ve felt since November, when I began a string of bugs that included but was not limited to Laryngitis, a sinus infection, […]

On Feminine Products and Men: The Essential Study.

My husband walked into the room, looking dejected. “You must think I’m a horrible man.” “What?? Why?!? You’ve been unbelievably helpful this week.” “I found your shopping list.” “Oooooh. Yes. Is this about me not asking you to buy pads?” “Yup. You asked me to pick up everything else on your list – except that.” […]

Never Trust a Llama.

Originally post June 26, 2012, but this reminder cannot be reiterated too many times. Two days after Noah recovered from Hand, Foot, and Mouth Disease, he managed to come down with Croup. Considering that we hadn’t been anywhere for what had to have been centuries due to his ailing condition, I have no idea how […]

Carnivorous Creations: The Meat Bouquet.

Originally posted September 1, 2009. And still one of the stupidest things we’ve ever done for a blog post. Chris has consistently sent me gorgeous flowers throughout our relationship. I have always greatly appreciated this, but have always been burdened with a good bit of guilt at each occurrence of said delivery, because there’s nothing […]

The Lyrics That Will Kill Us All.

Today was the day that I realized my two-year-old was a musician. Not because he’s ever touched an instrument, but by watching his face. As we were driving home, just the two of us, he kept asking insistently for me to put on “Seven Bridges Road.” I finally did, and turned it up. Then happened […]

Wedding Crashers.

This post is supported and endorsed by two wedding planners. We need to talk about an alarming trend that is spreading like Kardashians and certain to bring doom to our nation if not addressed. Slovenly Dressed Wedding Photographers. At the last several weddings I’ve attended, I’ve been horrified by cutoff shorts, yoga pants, t-shirts, holey […]

Innerspace: The Story of my Colonoscopy.

Disclosure: By not closing out your browser window now, you are acknowledging and taking full responsibility for any mental or physical repercussions you may experience from reading the content contained herein. I’ve never noticed how much the line art in my blog background looks like intestines. Have you? So I had a colonoscopy and endoscopy […]

How to Make Lego Candy.

The only toy Noah likes that doesn’t have wheels are Legos. And, if we’re being honest, he really only likes those because they can have wheels. And even better, he can remove and replace those wheels over. And over. And over. All day long. Every day. For the rest of his life, if his Father’s […]

Scoot Over and Make a Little Room, Everyone.

Well. Hi there! The internet is a funny place. And by funny, I mean weird. For whatever reason, one of my denim posts went viral on Pinterest a year and a half ago. And for some other whatever reason, the same post went viral on Facebook last week. As such, there are a decent number […]

The PlayPlace Rescue.

  If you’ve never done it, then either, a. You’re not a parent, b. Your kid is fearless and never panics in the realm of PlayPlaces, or c. You’re too much of a germaphobe to allow yourself to come into such a situation. The Infamous Chuck E. Cheese rescue (that was not only repugnant to […]

The Frozen South.

I get it. We’re not the only ones who have been cold this week. (Minnesota readers? Are you still alive? How about Michigan? Canada? Illinois? Report in, everyone!) But it’s been cold here. Cold enough to set records and let us experience single digit temperatures below zero windchills and other such absurdities that we’re not […]

A Tiny Writer’s View of Her Year.

For her past five birthdays, I’ve been writing her birthday posts for her. But she’s seven today. And after keeping a diary for over a year, Ali is now a prolific writer (and, as the year went on, became a creative illustrator) in her own right. (After all, she did tell the bat story better […]

On Having (and Finding) My Celebrity Twin.

It wasn’t an option, really. I had to find her. The number of Facebook messages, texts, tweets, and in-person comments was rising so quickly that I just started assigning people a number. “Hey! Have you seen that Nokia Lumia commercial…” “You’re number thirteen.” “Oh. So it’s not you?” “Nope.” I could see what they saw, […]

Bad Answers to Good Questions: Christmas Edition.

Sometimes my kid asks me a question for which I have no answer. I vaguely speak a bunch of hogwash and then change the subject, hoping she’ll move on. But my mind cannot. It is a continuity issue that must be addressed. And so it spins in the background, using up my RAM memory and […]

It’s Fashion, Y’all. Gameday Fashion.

I wasn’t going to post one this year. I know, I know – it’s tradition. But I live-tweeted it instead on a particularly fun gameday, and I thought that was good enough. Apparently it was not. I had people who missed it. Or wanted it all again. And some that even said “it’s all they […]

What Did You Get That You Didn’t Want?

Apparently American culture is more self-centered than ever. Starting Christmas evening and continuing through the night, I received dozens of emails from online retailers. And they all began their subject line with, “DIDN’T GET WHAT YOU WANT THIS CHRISTMAS?” Yes. Let’s encourage ungratefulness and materialism ON CHRISTMAS DAY, giving us all every opportunity to feel […]

Top Ten Moments of Christmas.

It was a good Christmas. Many of our past Christmases have contained moments (or longer) of frustration and unmet expectations, which became exponentially blown out of proportion because of the fact that it’s CHRISTMAS DAY FOR CRYING OUT LOUD and ALL IS SUPPOSED TO BE COMPLETELY IDYLLIC. You know, like a kid busting her head […]

How The Disney Stole Christmas.

“Pick something from Disney,” Chris said. “It’ll be a safe choice.” I was desperately thumbing through NetFlix, looking for something, anything to entertain our children for the last hour before bedtime on the worst parenting day of our lives. Chris and I had both woken up with the stomach virus Saturday morning. We were incapacitated, […]

How to End a Plague of Bats.

November is a costly month for our family. In 2012, on the fifth day of the ill-fated eleventh month, Ali had a slight bathroom flood. That created 184 days of construction, renovations, and water damage mitigation. In 2013, on the seventeenth day of the eleventh month, a mutantly giant bat invaded my son’s room, alerting […]

So You Heard It’s My Birthday…

Hi! Noah here. Clearly, you’ve arrived to celebrate my third birthday and wish me tidings of great joy. And I’m totally down with that. That’s what the comment section is for…down at the bottom of this post – after I’ve made your year with a review of mine. But the servants have been complaining that […]

When Santa Traditions Need to Go.

It took Ali six years to work up the courage to actually speak to Santa, so this year, she eagerly prepared for her second visit to The Man, The Mystery, The Legend. She began early to work on her Christmas list. Then she trashed that list and started over. Because one can never revise their […]

50 Restaurants in Crappy Photos, Round Six.

‘Tis the season for eating out – I declare it. Because who has time to cook? I’m far too busy addressing envelopes for my Christmas cards that haven’t arrived yet and panicking about their ship date. So anyway. Let’s move on to food. 21. Avo & Dram The first thing I need to tell you […]

Educational Diversions.

If you haven’t deduced it by now, I’ll spell it out: my oldest child is a full-on geek. This quality makes her the easiest part of the homeschooling equation (especially after installing the attitude chart.) We’re ahead in several of our books because she often asks to keep going, and the poor child is so […]

DETERMINATION.

That’s what it takes to achieve the mailing out of Christmas Cards. I am convinced that the twenty-nine step process of Christmas Card Creation is the single most trying test of adulthood. (At least this week.) And, being that I have a severe aversion to being late to any function, the fact that I cannot […]

A Series of Unfortunate Events.

He’s stinking cute. But he thinks too much. And also? He’s a toddler. And toddlers break things. He’s actually always been a rather careful kid, though – bred from the highest of OCD stock, he had no choice in the matter. He carefully closes every door, turns out every light, sorts his toy boxes when […]

iPhone 5s Slo-Mo: Changing Kid Vid Forever.

TERMS AND CONDITIONS: Before reading this post, please ensure that you are in a place where you can and will watch short videos with your volume on. I understand that watching someone’s kid videos is a huge virtual commitment nearly to the level of seriousness of friending someone on Facebook, and I promise to make […]

Big Bang Theory MBTI Chart.

I can’t stop. Making and discussing the Downton Abbey MBTI Chart was so much fun that I decided to give my other favorite television show a try, The Big Bang Theory. (Despite my fears that there wouldn’t be enough introverted types to go around for such a geekfest of a show.) (But in fact, there […]

Nativity McQueen.

There are two hobbies that my husband is possibly more passionate about than football (a subject we won’t be mentioning this week): Legos and Christmas Decorations. In fact, I often wonder if the reason we had children was so that he felt justified in playing with Legos again. Anyway, for the last three years, he’s […]

Notice Where You Are.

Lately, photos have come more easily than words. I’ve caught myself eyeing every turn, every sky, looking to capture something magnificent. …And then still end up surprised when magnificence is everywhere I look. Those stunning sights have always been around me, but it took this summer to seriously look up from my life and see […]

Dinner Placemats of the Thankful Variety.

I have a confession to make: I am a cynical Thankgivingist. Not about the family or the food or internal giving of thanks, but mainly about public thanksgiving. I shy away from posting what I’m thankful for or doing Thanksgiving crafts with my kids because I fear it will be contrived rather than genuine. Not […]

The Shot Heard ‘Round the State.

I originally wrote this post in February of 2011, after a particularly crazy Alabama fan poisoned a couple of old, important, and sentimental Auburn trees. Yes, he killed historic trees. Because of football. I thought it would destroy our state, but miraculously, the two teams rallied together, and Alabama raised money to help fix Auburn’s […]

Kiosk Warfare: A Guide for Survival.

Originally Published October 27, 2010. If you decide to go shopping this weekend, may the odds be ever in your favor. The mall is a glorious place for Moms of young children. Akin to an indoor playground for both Mother AND Child, it is full of glee-filled places such as Toy Stores, hot dog trucks, […]

Christmas Shopping: Ten Ways to be a Double Blessing.

Starting at the end of this week, the Christmas madness begins. We all feverishly make our lists, attack the stores, and desperately seek out unique and thoughtful gifts. I gave up on the stores a few years ago – I discovered that Amazon was easier, and often less expensive. Plus, having all of my Christmas […]

Birmingham Bucket List: Autumn Walks.

Despite the fact that I would prefer for it to stay out of my house, I do love nature – especially in the fall. And although it seemed to start later than usual, Autumn has been lovely here. The weather has been mild and sunny, and the extraordinarily bright leaf colors seem to have come […]

The Home Invasion.

Sunday afternoon. Noah was lazily waking up from his nap, I was finishing a couple of blog posts, Ali was having quiet time, and Chris was out running. It was a calm, lovely day. Noah started moaning, so I went to retrieve him. He was crying by the time I arrived, which led to cuddling. […]

The Twelve Days of Facebook Christmas.

On the First Day of Christmas my feed did give to me, Christmas Lights on Halloween. On the Second Day of Christmas my feed did give to me, Early Christmas Haters and Christmas Lights on Thanksgiving. On the Third Day of Christmas my feed did give to me, Pumpkin Spice Latté, Thanksgiving Smock and Holiday […]

An Official Apology.

Dear Toms, It’s true. I’ve been cruel about your brand for years, likening them to my Grandmother’s Shriner Slippers, saying they looked like my 1986 Keds rolled with toilet paper, poking fun at anyone who would want to be like you, and absolutely refusing to even consider wearing a pair. I admit that I thought […]

Goose-Chasing Dysautonomia.

Since I first got sick in June, I’ve been convinced that if Dr. House were real, he would totally take my case. Not because my illness is that much more interesting than anyone else’s, but because I’ve written 1,730 blog posts in the past six years – posts that surely have clues to help him […]

I Want to Spotify You.

When it comes to internet radio, I’ve always been a Pandora girl. It’s free, easy, and they were the first people (that I know of) to use the fantastically mysterious Music Genome Project to magically choose songs that I would like. But then my friends kept talking about Spotify. Over and Over and OVER. So […]

Writing Prompts for Children.

One of the most entertaining school tasks that Ali and I attempt is what we call writing prompts. The idea is to encourage her to think outside of hard facts, which can be challenging. This exercise isn’t about correct spelling, proper penmanship, writing paragraphs or even proper sentences – its purpose is to practice creativity […]

I’m not Crazy. My Mother Had Me Tested.

Spoiler: I won’t find out the results until Wednesday. Sometime after that point I’ll give y’all a full update. I got my head examined last week. It was a lovely procedure, really, shoving me into a capsule only slightly bigger than an extra-strength Tylenol and using experimentally psychosis-inducing cacophony to peek into the depths of […]

On Bed-Making: A Scientific Study.

Last week, I confessed yet another sad truth about my lacking in human decency. This time, it was with regards to bed-making: I don’t do it, my kids don’t do it, and I don’t do it for my kids. I asked for your input – the situation needed to be brought to light, once and […]

On The Appreciation of Autumn.

I had a doctor’s appointment first thing Monday morning, so the kids spent the prior night with my parents. On the way to pick them up, I stopped by the outlet mall to buy some shoes. And the trees in the parking lot were marvelous. They inspired me. I decided that a Fall Foliage Field […]

Downton Abbey MBTI Chart.

There’s one for Star Wars, and one for Harry Potter. But alas, no MBTI personality chart for Downton Abbey. Not one to shy away from helping out in the need for Downton Abbey graphics, I felt it was my duty to step in and solve this problem. I pondered each character, researched the personality types, […]

The Year We Were Vaguely Arabian.

We’ve found ourselves in a bit of a Halloween Tradition: decorating our trunk and handing out candy for our Church’s Trunk and Treat. But the problem is, when you spend your first year dressed as a Pregnant Mary, Donkey, and Angel, it’s seriously hard to ever top that. (Nor will Noah ever live up to […]

13 Things That Need to be Banned from Twitter.

I love all forms of social media – yes, even Pinterest, despite my poking fun at it a little too often. But when it comes to playing favorites, I do not hide my adoration for Twitter and disdain for Facebook. However. Twitter has its own set of cultural quirks and personal phrases that have sprung […]

Noah Answers Your Burning Questions.

After Noah’s last Fashion Tips video, he asked if you had any questions, and several of you did. He put a good deal of research into his answers, hence his somewhat belated reply. But he did not give up. He is here to enlighten you, make your life easier, and unearth the mysteries of the […]

The Bed-Making Conundrum.

A couple of weeks ago, I was at a gathering of mothers. The discussion of child-training was among us, and one of the examples used was the age at which a child had the ability to make their own bed. There was much nodding and murmuring of agreements as one Mom shared her own experiences […]

The Overnight Stay.

Upon putting Noah to bed on the last night of our weekend away together, he casually asked me, “But what about the monsters?” He’d never mentioned monsters in this or any other room before, so I assured him that there were no monsters and not to worry. He did not, however, take my assurances to […]

First Date With a Toddler.

It was the perfect opportunity to accomplish several goals at once. The race series that my Dad works for (American Le Mans) was in Atlanta, and Noah has been needing to go to “Pop’s Races.” I’ve been craving some nature while the leaves are changing, and have also been desperately wanting to meet up with […]

On The Torture of Pumpkins.

Disclosure: The crafts contained herein are not Martha Stewart Approved, nor are they stolen ideas from said Martha. We must remember: I am not the expert. So our Pumpkin Saga left off with us having three nearly microscopic pumpkins, an aversion to all future field trips, and cotton nightmares for life. The children wanted to […]

50 Restaurants in Crappy Photos: Round Five.

Okay. So I’ve taken a bit of a hiatus from my mission to blog about fifty new restaurants in Birmingham – not because I haven’t been keeping up with my habit of eating out too often, but because I’ve visited a lot of mediocre restaurants. And mediocre restaurants do not an interesting blog post make […]

The Résumé of Motherhood.

Job History: January 2007 – Acquired first subject, female, a screamer. Survived eight months of aural infliction, finding my groove somewhere in late 2007. December 2010 – Added a secondary subject, male, a epidural killer. Birthing him hacked five years off the end of my life, but I chose perseverance.   Education: None. Or at […]

Dear Martha: You’re Right About Bloggers.

Martha Stewart, who was quite the charismatic and humorous speaker at BlogHer 2012, where she said that she was honored to share her birthday with us, had some choice words to say about bloggers this week. Really, you absolutely must watch the video to fully grasp the fantastic derision in her words. But let’s review. […]

The Zulily Digest.

STOP READING THIS POST. As much as I adore you all ingesting what I have to say, I cannot with good conscience allow you to read any further before you log onto Zulily and buy something specific. RIGHT NOW. Because almost every day I get an email from a reader. “Pardon me, Rachel, but do […]

Why God Made Them Short.

There are times when it would be immensely convenient for toddlers to be taller. During Potty-Training, for instance. Especially for the hand washing segment. It is a delicate art indeed to balance a child between you and the countertop so that both of your hands are available to help them while leaning on their fragile […]

To the Young Parents of the World.

Dear Parents that have yet to reach tooth-pulling age, I owe you an apology. And a grave warning. In December of 2012, after only three weeks of Ali having her first loose tooth, I penned the following paragraph: “Shocked at her sudden burst of bravery, I quickly grabbed the napkin, reached in, and popped it […]

Baby Got Pad.

There is really nothing I adore more than watch people awkwardly record important moments with iPads. Especially in large crowds of people where their ‘pad completely blocks the view of the people around them and they’re likely to give their neighbor a black eye if they get too excited. Or two. And, much akin to […]

The Recipe For Educational Calamity.

The Pumpkin Patch Field Trip of your Nightmares. Yield: 15 Exasperated Mothers and 58 Screaming Children. Prep Time: Longer than you can possibly conceive. Calories: Certainly enough will be burned to justify mass chocolate consumption for the following seven days. Directions: 1. Wake your children from their restful slumber in order to arrive on time. […]

Moist: On Meeting Daze.

On Friday, I shared the majority of my interview with Moist, a Birmingham graffiti artist. However, the last question I asked had such a fascinating answer that I saved it for a post of its own. I asked Moist if he had ever met Daze, another graffiti artist whose tags I see all over town, […]

Moist: The Interview.

A couple of months ago, I mentioned my favorite graffiti sighting in Birmingham, Moist. I have an appreciation for well-written, non-obscene graffiti, and found it to be rather brilliant that someone would take the most hated and eye-catching word in the human language and use it for their tag. Consequently, I keep an eye out […]

Monsters University and Life {And a Giveaway!}

  It only took us six and a half years. But finally, this summer, we braved the movie theater with our kids. After spending years analyzing and stressing over which movie would be the perfect first theater experience (not too scary, not too boring, not so riveting that they can’t take pee breaks), we decided […]

The World’s Greatest Infomercial Suckers.

Let’s talk. So despite the colossal changes in our world due to the internet, infomercials still exist. Which means, they must work. And not only do they exist, but the phrase “As Seen on TV” somehow adds enough credibility for marketers to print it on the packaging of an entire aisle of drug store paraphernalia. […]

How Not to be a Doctor.

Dear New Doctor, Hi! I’m Rachel. You should know that, but since you didn’t read my chart, I guess you don’t. But I’m getting ahead of myself. I’ve been seeing a wonderful doctor all summer, but he wasn’t in the correct specialty to continue treating me. So, he referred me to you – for your […]

Alabama’s Shopping Theme Park.

I’ve always wanted to go there. Once even, we were in the area and on our way – then realized it was Sunday and they were closed. But last Friday, I finally got the opportunity to go to the National Mecca of deals shopping. And it was marvelous, so I’m going to take you on […]

What’s That Sound, Volume Two

What’s That Sound is a series of my second child’s most recent quotes. (And no, this isn’t unfair to my first child – she got her own series.) It’s the most Mommy-Bloggified thing I do, but how else am I going to remember? One morning at breakfast, it went down like this… “Thank you Jesus […]

The Lullabies of Our Life.

So I’ve mentioned once or twice that we prefer a more eclectic selection of pre-bed singing to Noah. (And formerly to Ali, but she’s way too mature for such a thing now.) Because you can only sing their requests of “Dora Dora Dora the Explorer” so many days in a row before you start to […]

A Peek Into Our Schoolhouse.

We have now completed four weeks of first grade. Which is like, nothing. But for whatever reason, it makes all the difference. That’s the strange thing about homeschooling – you really have no idea how the family dynamics will work each year until you actually start, then at least you know what you’re dealing with. […]

Regarding a Summer Love Affair with YouTube.

I’ve never been a YouTube sort of girl. Sure, I use it to suit my own purposes, uploading videos for blogs and then immediately logging off. But watch other videos? No. Search for stuff? Never. Until I had a son. A son obsessed with all things containing wheels. Noah needed to see tractors. His fire […]

Supporting Fair Trade With Green Mountain Coffee {Giveaway!}

My Keurig® changed my life. Okay maybe not my entire life, but at least the first few hours of my days. I love the ease, the speed, and the variety with which it provides me life-giving coffee. And, with regards to the variety, I might be a bit over-the-edge OCD. In fact, my husband measures […]

Have a Happy Vasectomy.

Disclaimer: My husband and I created this post to be a public service for the world. However, you know the topic of this post, so if you feel it might offend you, feel free to move along. Otherwise, read at your own risk.   1. Pay no attention to the hobbling, saddle-sore gentleman leaving the […]

The Foreign Universe of The South.

I do adore Project Runway. As long as Tim Gunn is there, I will be a lifelong fan. (Same goes for Sofia the First. He’s the star of that show and Sofia knows it.) However, last week’s episode was a tiny bit perplexing, and has made me seriously rethink the perception that the rest of […]

Fashion Statements of Fact.

Since his debut onto the fashion scene in August, Noah has discovered that he has much more to offer. And so he’s back, explaining in detail the intricacies of toddler clothing and more. He realizes that exposing the world to his impressive depth of knowledge runs the risk of making him the go-to guy for […]

How To Stay Dry in the Rain.

1. Steal your sister’s junk-hoarding bucket. 2. When she catches you, act like you did nothing wrong and didn’t even realize she was chasing you. 3. Steal your sister’s other junk-hoarding bucket. 4. Skip around in the rain, satisfied at your complete dryness. 5. But beware – rain is slippery. 6. Don’t fall. 7. If […]

75 Ways to Get Guilted on Facebook.

This list started months ago as a text vomit stream between my friend Ashley and me. And we decided that the world should be allowed into our heads. How can Facebook give you a Guilt Trip? Let us count the ways. 1. By buying organic. It’s too expensive and you’re selfishly robbing money for your […]

Thoroughly Shirking my Duties.

  The job of Mom is an infinite scroll of large and tiny responsibilities. Once I’ve fed them, hydrated them, schooled them, broken up fights, bathed them (semi-periodically), read to them, rocked them (not with real rocks, my Dad always reminds me), changed diapers, and allowed them to sit mindlessly in front of Dora the […]

Can’t Buy Me Trust.

This is a guest post by Chris, Contributing Editor and Chief Husband. So Ingrid is gone. My silver 2002 Mercedes Benz SLK32 AMG Retractable Hardtop Convertible. 2 Seats. Supercharged. 349hp. Electronically limited to 155 mph per the owner’s manual. My dream car. Sold. Retitled. Driven away. My could-have-been, would-have-been, antique-tagged old man car. She has […]

Noah Memes Business.

Meme sets one and two can be found by clicking their numbers.                        

Confessions of a Poser.

Life has begun in the South. Football Season is here, also known as The Holy Days. I married into University of Alabama Season Tickets, the most scarce and sought after of commodities in the state. Our schedule starts with a couple away games, but soon, our entire family will be digging out our crimson (except […]

So Maybe I Talk Weird.

  Last Saturday, I tweeted and Facebooked a passing thought about how to pronounce “pajamas”, thinking that most people would agree with me. They did not. And I learned something that day: more people should talk like me. Okay maybe not. But I did decide that I should at least list out the rest of […]

Noah’s Fashion Pointers: Volume One.

For a two-year-old boy, Noah has very strong opinions about fashion, especially since his sister at two didn’t seem to be aware that she was even wearing clothes. But my son’s tastes are exquisite, specific, and a non-negotiable. As such, I decided to let him have his own video column to share his wisdom. So […]

You’ve Gotta Start Somewhere.

So yesterday, we began. Noah was slightly perturbed about being labeled as a troublemaker on the first day, But he couldn’t deny that there was just cause for that assumption. And no, I didn’t take a “first day of school” picture last year with which to compare these. And yes, that fact does indeed eat […]

iParents.

My Mom and Dad got their first iPhones. Obviously, this came as a serious shock to the entire family. We are just so accustomed to Dad calling from the car when he needs an address, (“Are you near a computer?” // “No Dad, but I have my iPhone…”) and Mom sending depressed texts, (“Mom! I’m […]

I Saw a Bear.

Need I say more? Oh wait – yes, yes I do. Because I saw a bear – and her tiny, precious newborn bear. Less than thirty feet from our car. If it weren’t for the phrase “Mama Bear” being common vernacular, I would have totally scooped that baby up into my arms and cuddled with […]

The Awkwardly Intense Busybody Club Goes Succinct.

It’s been way too long since I’ve run across a member of the AIBC. I don’t know if it’s because Noah is older (they’re especially attracted to babies) or that I don’t shop enough anymore (which I highly doubt is the case.) But I miss them, and that’s a fact. I mean sure, every time […]

Sunset Therapy.

My summer sunset obsession has not been by accident. I don’t think I fully realized that until last Sunday night, when at the last minute, Chris asked me out on a date. I scrambled to find a babysitter for the kids and readily agreed – he seemed like he had a plan, and I do […]

Where I’ve Been This Summer.

My symptoms first started in June. For a couple of nights in a row, when laid down to go to sleep, I had chest pain, pressure that felt like my lungs were collapsing, and a lot of trouble breathing. Naturally, these symptoms also kept me from sleeping well. I first went to the Doc in […]

More Uncomfortable in a Week of Uncomfortable.

  I am guest-posting at my friend Katherine’s fantastic blog Grass Stains today. I’ve known Kat since the year I started blogging, 2008. We met at a Blogger Party and chatted for quite some time, realizing that we had the same Pediatrician and bonding over how awesome she was. Then we didn’t speak again for […]

An Explanation Of Uncomfortable Sorts.

Leaving off from yesterday’s story, Chris’ Mom arrived and took over for me so that I could go to my doctor’s appointment. At the end of my visit, they sent me down to the lab to get several vials of my precious blood stolen from my arms. Two lab techs met me at the door […]

Mortal Kombat, Mommy-Style.

We were having a perfectly lovely morning at home, doing the usual routine of “I wanna go outside!”, “I wanna go inside!”, “I wanna go outside!”, “I wanna go inside!” (my kids haven’t internalized the oppressive heat and humidity of an Alabama August and are always so surprised when confronted by it), when, upon one […]

Mooning Birmingham.

Every now and then in various skylines and stories about my city, the subject of Vulcan comes up. And without fail, one or more of you ask: “Why does Birmingham have the world’s largest cast iron butt overlooking itself?” Okay maybe you don’t ask it quite like that because maybe you didn’t know that Vulcan […]

Zulily Lace and a Pretty Face.

Hey – you know what? It’s almost Christmas. Or at least according to Zulily. And you do not want to miss out on your one chance all year long to have “Ho Ho Ho” embroidered on your daughter’s butt. Also. I get that Santa is this nebulous somewhere-between-human-and-angelic-hosts kind of guy, but I still don’t […]

WYSIWYG.

Have you ever gotten to that point in your life where you’re so overwhelmed by the number of things that need to change that you’re not sure where to start? I did – a couple of weeks ago. And I started by making a list – “Things I Need to Change” – at 2am. (Because […]

Best Practices: On Having a Mommy.

A mother is a delicate creature that must be treated with care and devotion. There are certain things that should not be attempted, lest undesirable results be achieved. 1. Never attempt to sit in a Mommy’s lap when she is sitting on the toilet. 2. If one wants a Mommy to hurry up because of […]

Google Led Me To You.

Once a year, I delve into the murky waters of my Google Analytics search terms. This year, Google sent 128,531 people to my blog via 39,552 different phrases. Somewhere around search term #19,548 I realized that I couldn’t go on – my eyes were crossing and my brain was melting. So for the first year […]

Monogramitis: a primer on Pinterexia Nervosa’s dangerous Southern strain

After I wrote about Pinterexia Nervosa a few weeks ago, people began contacting me to make sure I realized all of the different forms and debilitating symptoms associated with Pinterexia. This guest post is by Julie Bunkley, a wedding planner from Auburn, who felt that there needed to be a specific focus on one particular […]

How to Take and Edit Powerful iPhone Photos

So you might have noticed that I’ve been on a bit of a photography bender lately. Mostly sunsets, with a few kids thrown in. All of my recent photos have been taken with my iPhone, and not my big, fancy DSLR with a bigger, even fancier lens. In fact, I didn’t even get it out […]

Theories Behind Tire Explosions.

I got sideswiped by The Knight Bus yesterday. And really, it had to happen to someone. Have you seen its ludicrous speeds and maneuvers? No, I guess you haven’t, since it’s invisible to Muggles, and I’m pretty sure that Hermione and Harry aren’t regular blog readers. (But Luna Lovegood totally is.) So. I was coming […]

The Rest of the Trip.

I wrote about Disney (or the lack thereof). I wrote about LegoLand. But there was a lot of space on either ends of those experiences that deserve documenting. So here is, albeit late, my last accounting of our trip to Orlando. The best purchase that I made before we left was this method of transporting […]

On the Pondering of Offspring.

I yearned for children for six years before Ali was born, and two of those years were spent desperately trying to get pregnant, then a few years later, we spent another year trying to get pregnant with Noah. But. Had I known then what I know now, there are things that would have helped me […]

50 Restaurants in Crappy Photos, Round Four.

To recap, I’m on a mission to visit fifty restaurants I’ve never been to and report back to you with honest reviews and crappy photos. Prior research can be found here, here, here, and here.   11. 26. It would have been much more literary had I waited for restaurant #26 to visit 26, but […]

If You Give a Girl a Stress Test…

There’s really nothing that starts a doctor’s visit with more flourish than to get to answer this question on your paperwork. And no, I wasn’t consulting for a boob job. Or an anti-boob job. Or even a Mammogram. It was for a stress test. And, I suppose, making a woman write her bra size in […]

(Pan)Cake Balls: The Breakfast/Dessert Mash-Up.

About six months ago, he asked for “Burnt Butter Pancake Cake Pops” for his next Birthday. Something that, as far as I can tell, did not exist – but he’s a dreamer. I laughed at him and reminded him what happened the last time I attempted cake pops. I’m pretty sure that his Utopian vision […]

Ironic, With Children.

So Alanis Morissette and I are basically best friends. Photo Credit – Alanis: AKM-GSI; Me: my iPhone; both used with permission. …Or at least we had sons six days apart, both have long dark hair, and sometimes wear stripes. (Same difference.) Because of our deep relationship, I took the liberty of rewriting my favorite Alanis […]

Disney Planes Takes Off! {Giveaway}

If my family had to choose one movie series to take on a deserted island with which to entertain our kids and not drive us adults insane in the process, it would be DisneyŸŸ and Pixar’s Cars and Cars 2. Noah, at only two and a half, can name every character in either movie, and quote […]

Diary of A Six-Year-Old.

Ali talks incessantly. I listen occasionally. (Keeping up with six-year-old girlversation is hard, y’all.) And, even though I said that it was time to retire her quote-keeping, there have been a couple of exchanges recently that have stuck around in the turnpikes of my brain. ~~~~~ When we were on vacation, Ali and I found […]

Legoland: On Making a Theme Park for Introverts.

Legoland. The day we heard it was being built in Florida sent chills through our spine. My husband was born to be a Legogineer (if only we wouldn’t have to move to Denmark) and has trained both of our children in the appreciation and art of the Lego craft. Ali can build a Lego set […]

In Which I was Rejected By Disney.

It all started with the Orlando Airport. We had every intention of taking all of your fantastic Disney advice, but Orlando’s airport did us in. Okay, really it started with the Birmingham airport, but I have fonder feelings toward my own airport than those of other municipalities, so I think I’ll begin the blame at […]

On Sustaining a Cacao Habit: A Guide to Artisan Chocolate.

So I know that I was really mean, cruel, and otherwise horrible to you guys a few weeks ago. You know, when I dangled my discovery of artisan chocolate in your faces. Without giving you any advice on how to satiate your new need unless you live in Atlanta or Asheville. (And as far as […]

Birmingham from Within.

Yesterday, I headed back downtown to get my heart monitor. I wasn’t remarkably excited about the errand, but I was distracted from that when I found everyone’s favorite word to hate, in graffiti form. A few weeks ago, I had seen “Moist” on an interstate overpass, but I wasn’t quick enough to get a picture. […]

Snoop Mommy-Mom.

My husband required me to title my post by that name if I was going to show this picture. So there you have it. (And no. That is a completely legit breathing treatment.) Last week, I got the pleasure of visiting many doctor’s offices. Besides still struggling with my eyes, I’ve had some other somewhat […]

Passing the Torch.

This is a guest post by my Dad. Besides being an expert mechanic on all things and especially those antique, he is a writer, an artist (one of his pen and ink drawings can be seen below), a Tech Inspector for the Le Mans racing series, a beekeeper, a Chicken Coop Designer, an adventurer (I’ve […]

Snapshots of Summertime.

This feels like our first real summer with kids. I’m not sure exactly why, except that maybe this is the first summer after a “real” year of school, and it’s also the first summer that we’ve had two KIDS, not a kid and a baby. And we’ve been relishing in it. Noah’s been learning a […]

Mansserole and Baked Zucchini Fries: Happy Him, Happy You.

  My Father didn’t (doesn’t) approve of the concept of the casserole, nor did his father before him. There are long-held male beliefs in my family lineage that women sneak things into casseroles that should not be there, and so they have been denounced for many generations. So in 2001, when I made my first […]

An Ode to The Duke.

Disclaimer: Not for the Ladylike of Heart. I’ve been feeling a small measure of guilt recently about our non-existent household rules about “potty-talk.” Perhaps these rules don’t exist because our children are more polite than us. For instance, I might have been heard singing the song, “We wish you a Merry Pooping, We wish you […]

The Downton Connection.

{SPOILER ALERT: Vague references to Season Three of Downton Abbey are in this post. Read at your own risk.} A couple of weeks ago, a reader wrote on my Facebook Page: I read it, and I puzzled. She was right – despite my fandom, I had certainly never picked up on a resemblance of my […]

The Economics of Denim.

My inbox stays constantly packed with emails of butts in jeans. Texts of butts in jeans. Questions about butts and jeans. I suppose when one is willing to show the world photos of their own butt in dozens of pairs of jeans in multiple posts over five years, people feel comfortable sharing their own butt […]

We All, Like Sheep, Have Crafted Astray.

So. You remember those crafting support letters that Ali sent out? Well, before I found out about them and had time to text everyone an apology and assure them that they didn’t need to send craft supplies to my beggar daughter, my Mom, who never sees any bad in anyone, had already interpreted the letter […]

Birmingham Rocks Their Eyes. {And a Giveaway}

On Saturday, I had my fifth eye appointment in a month. Although I don’t wear contacts or glasses (except for reading…sometimes), my eyes can be real divas. And what’s worse, I’ve recently found out that I’m a “reactor” to most eye medications, especially steroids. (Which means that the pressure in my eyes increases to an […]

A Two-Seater and A One-Seater.

Are we not like two volumes of one book? ~Marceline Desbordes-Valmore

Pinterexia Nervosa: A Diagnostic Guide.

Pinterexia Nervosa is a body/home image disorder in which people have an intense anxiety over ensuring that their life is completely pinnable at any moment. This disease is most often diagnosed in women and most prevalent post-childbirth, as the quantity of contractible symptoms grow when children are involved. What are the Symptoms of Pinterexia Nervosa? […]

Swimming Onset Insanity.

A week ago from tonight, I found myself losing my mind in the shallow end of a pool. Questioning my ability to be a parent, and doubting my purpose in life. What had led to this travesty? How could my life be so complicated when standing in a swimming pool? Let’s go in reverse order. […]

Sifteo Cubes {Gaming System Giveaway}

In December, I introduced you guys to Sifteo Cubes. They’re a fun gaming system for kids, and Ali still adores them. (And I really like them, too.) They’ve recently released a few new games, including one that Ali is wild about, Sandwich Kingdom: Ice Palace. It reminds me of the text-based choose-your-own-adventure games that I […]

The Date, The City, The Cure.

Any date that contains a moment like this is clearly a most remarkable one. But it didn’t start out that way. On Thursday, I was fighting a losing battle with anxiety. Thanks to my over-analytical personality (disorder), anxiety is something that I struggle with in varying intensities from time to time. And it’s not like [...]

The Slippery Slope into Chocoholism.

I discovered chocolate last weekend. Real chocolate. Chocolate like I’ve never even come close to tasting before. And I want to pull you down with me. if you follow me on Twitter, you probably hated me all weekend. (I know this because several of you told me so.) And that’s okay. I would have hated […]

What’s That Sound? The Inaugural Issue.

So the consensus after concluding Ali’s toddler quotes seemed to be to keep Noah’s quotes here (sorry B-Sides – it’s not you, it’s me.) Even though it seems a bit too over the top cutesy for my usual fare, I’m trusting you guys here – if you let me turn into a gooey sticky blog […]

Support Your Local Crafter.

Ali gets a $5 allowance every week. She has a nifty little bank in which she divides it carefully between “Bank”, “Store”, and “Church”. She supposedly gets this allowance every Monday, but I’ve been known to forget for months in a row (and she’s been known to let me), so that when I do pay […]

An App for Everything. {And a $100 Giveaway!}

The AppLife. It’s addictive, it’s easy, and it’s how I live. When Noah was a baby, I used an app to track breastfeeding, sleep, and diaper changes (which was a great improvement over my strategy with the first baby, The Creeptastic Notebook.) I have an app to track my womanly cycles (my husband has been […]

The Reality Test.

Two years ago, I tested Ali’s grasp of reality. It was on a whim while driving down the road after she asked me, “Are fireflies real?” The question made me realize how unrealistic some real things are, and how believable some imaginary things can be. I mean really. A bug whose butt rhythmically lights up? […]

Rambling Round-Up.

Chris and I were having a discussion the other night. The kind where I thought we should do one thing, and he thought we should do another. (I take full responsibility for this sort of discussion as I was quite difficult to live with last week, thanks to Pink Eye, a painful reaction to the […]

An Analysis of the Not the Namesake of my Children.

For the past two and a half years, I’ve been intending to watch The Notebook. It all started around the time that we chose Noah’s name. It didn’t take long for the first girl (it was always a girl) to add two and two together to make eight. “OH! How cute! Ali and Noah. Are […]

As I Enter The Asylum,

this will be the last story that I ever tell. It all started a couple of weeks ago. I had promised to meet two friends at The Wish Collection to do some shopping. I was excited, because I hadn’t been back since my original score (and had been hearing about the beautiful finds that many […]

Suggestions Required.

My mind has been busy with two things lately, and I need some input. So pick your specialty, or chime in on both. 1. Orlando 2. The Bedroom. (Sounds fascinating, no?) First. Orlando: So we are planning a short trip to Orlando in July. It’s kinda last minute, and it’s kinda during the worst time […]

Now Hiring: Mom Caddie.

Hey! So I have pink eye. Actually, a more accurate diagnosis would be that I have pink eyes. Which means that it hurts too much to look at this computer screen. However, I’m in luck – last week, I ran across this post that I wrote in 2010 and set it aside to re-share. I […]

Love Well.

I don’t usually get too serious on here, but today I did. I wrote this post as a Christian to other Christians, including myself. I pray that my heart and intentions come through clearly. The woman was on her knees, hunched completely over in the dirt, probably a little beaten and certainly humiliated. Men crowded […]

When Intelligence Leaks.

  Toddler Intelligence Agency, Home Office Security Clearance: SLEEP CODE RED INTELLIGENCE BREACH   The Toddler Intelligence Agency (TIA) has determined that “Noah”, hereafter named “The Agent”, has allowed a serious breach in confidential agency terminology. On the afternoon of May 15, The Agent did so use a Code Sleep Security Command (CSSC) in the […]

The Banker and I.

It was Monday afternoon. I was playing with the kids, as my job description dictates that I should. The house phone rang. Actually that’s not quite accurate – the copy/fax machine rang – which has no handset to answer. I lost the last remaining house phone weeks ago. So instead of getting up to answer […]

Curry Chicken for the Faint of Heart.

Although I consider myself a somewhat adventurous eater (I’ve eaten raw octopus and liked it,) I do not like Asian food. Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Indian, Thai, none of it for me, please. Fried Rice is about as far East as I prefer to go. However, when I gave birth to Ali, a member of our […]

The Final Fix.

And so it came to pass that it was her time to spend 184 Days in the prison of flood recovery. She prayed three times for this thorn to be taken from her flesh, as it grieved her soul greatly. But finally, the end was at hand. From the dark day in November when my […]

Running Out of Tradition.

For over three decades, my Grandmother has been the cornerstone of Hallmark’s Christmas success. If they have a Ritualistic Secret Society, I’m positive that she is a charter member. She has bought all of her children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren scores of Hallmark Christmas Ornaments every year, all lovingly dated and labeled per child. As each […]

Parenthood 2.1

  Dear Tech Support, I have recently upgraded my software to Boy Child 2.5. Although in general, this new version is very visually pleasing and much less taxing on The Motherboard, I have noticed some bugs and issues, and was hoping you could advise me on how to work around them since you were so […]

The Outtake.

Just because I have a vision, a dream, a calling even, to visit fifty new restaurants this year, does not mean that my children have the same sense of seriousness and urgency regarding this ever-important quest. And as such, they might, in their own unintentional (or perhaps not) way, occasionally hijack the process. One such […]

50 Restaurants in Crappy Photos: Round Three.

For a quick recap, the purpose of this series is to eat at fifty restaurants that I’ve never visited before in and around Birmingham (although I’ve been known to break my own rules.) Feel free to catch up with Round One and Round Two. Although we usually eat local, chains aren’t against the rules, and […]

How Amazon Turned You into Their Sales Force.

I am not an Amazon hater. They bring me the things I need to my doorstep and keep me from having to haul two small children into the store. I’m also not one to jump on the bandwagon of Facebook privacy complaints. Thanks to five years of blogging, I’ve long since come to terms with […]

My Head on a Platter.

Keep Calm and Speak British. Ali has an iPad Atlas that is quite fabulous. She regularly turns the globe, scours the world and learns all sorts of cultural nuances. And to make it all the more fabulous, it speaks in a British Accent. Which is great and well and just peachy – except in the […]

There’s No Place Like Home.

This is another guest post by Chris the Husband, Contributing Editor and all around good guy. I don’t know a ton about cars. Or racing. But I hear that we have a super cool race track here in Birmingham. Barber Motorsports Park has a giant motorcycle museum, a road course, and tons or beautiful scenery. […]

The Rise and Fall of a Ballerina’s Career.

For the past nine months, Ali, Noah and I have been making weekly treks to Ali’s ballet class. It took us a while to find our place in this world, and Ali has gone back and forth, wavering between whether ballet is the most fun she has all week or something to be avoided at […]

For The Budding Car Guy.

Noah’s favorite book in all the world is this one: He has a name for every car on every page, and can quiz me tirelessly on the location of each one of them. The basic idea is that all of the pages are snapshots of one grander layout of rows and rows of cars. And, […]

The Complete Saga of Sam the Cat.

Last Friday evening, as the kids were getting ready for bed and I was addictively glued to CNN while the police were finally closing in on a stowaway in a boat in someone’s backyard in Boston, Chris went down to our garage for a minute. In the process, he inadvertently created a stowaway situation of […]

Giveaway: Adventure With Us at Red Mountain Park! {$100 Value}

As soon as Chris and I first heard of the Red Mountain Park Project, we were elated. We’ve been known to explore random wooded parts of our city just to say that we could, so a giant park (1,200 acres!) with multiple trails and scenic views…we couldn’t wait for it to open. And then it […]

What A Mommy Wants.

So Ladies. Mother’s Day is quickly approaching. I asked Siri about the specifics, and she reported duly: And, you know, I’m not all about encouraging Mothers to be selfish and to demand what is theirs and all, but MOTHER’S DAY IS OURS. I’m not sure which is better: having children too young to understand the […]

Noah, In Memes: Deuce.

The original version can be found by clicking here.                                                      

When Toddler Dreams Come True.

Last Saturday, we took Noah and Ali to A Day Out with Thomas. We were cautiously thrilled for a redo, since we took Ali when she was two, and she had a severe form of Baby-PMS that day. In an attempt to do things as opposite as possible as we had done with Ali (to […]

Because We Need to Laugh. Or at Least Snort.

It’s hard being a writer at times like these, because there is so much tragedy, so much seriousness, and so much going through my mind. Yet my thoughts are not coherent enough to have anything helpful to add to any of it. And when I have nothing worth saying, I’ve found it’s better to say […]

The Close of, and The Best of Yittle Fings.

On my now somewhat defunct tertiary blog (this being the primary blog, Alabama Bloggers being secondary, and B-Sides being tertiary,) the best thing I ever did was run a series of forty-seven posts called Yittle Fings. Spanning from July 2009 to August 2012, I recorded all of the most funny, ridiculous, random, and profound things […]

On Stumbling Into the Sale of a Lifetime.

May 14 2013 Update: The Wish Collection has relocated to a different state, so the Sample Sales are no longer available in Birmingham at this time. I love you guys, because you are the best Life Informants that a girl could wish for. Anytime I have a question, at least a dozen of you have […]

On Impressing My Seventeen-Year-Old Self.

We started using a babysitter in December 2011. Previously, we had just utilized the Grandparents, but Chris had been prodding me to find a babysitter I liked and get used to it so we could have more date nights and so that I would have options for the daytime. So, with much trepidation, I agreed. […]

50 Restaurants in Crappy Photos: Tampa Edition.

So I realize that this series is supposed to be strictly Birmingham restaurants. But I’m a rulebreaker, and we went to Tampa. Therefore, you get a Tampa edition. But really, this is just an excuse to tell you about the most curious restaurant experience we’ve ever had – you won’t want to miss restaurant # […]

Stepping Stones of Early Readers: What to Read and When.

The past year has contained a magnificent breakthrough in Ali’s reading. At the beginning of the school year, Ali despised reading. We would painfully make it through two pages of a super simple book before she and I were both exhausted. We kept at it, and finally made it to the promised land. I now […]

When My Friends Told Their Marriage to Take a Hike.

Let’s talk about Chuck and Lydia. You might recognize Lydia, as she has had a long history of influence on my blog, being both the catalyst and cohort of my very first denim adventure. So basically, she’s to blame for my entire jeans obsession. Chuck and Lydia just happened to get married exactly one year […]

On Heroes and Makeup.

Hi! Noah Here. So something really great has happened since I last wrote to you. And I mean run-through-a-sprinkler-naked-on-a-hot-day good. You know that feeling. The Servant Who Calls Herself Mommy has started allowing me to go upstairs and play with The Sister Who Calls Herself Ali. Alone. Unsupervised. With the freedom to come and go […]

While We Were Out.

Chris and I weren’t the only ones who vacationed for our anniversary. The kids went to my parents, and from the photos my Mom sent me, they relaxed in exactly the same manner that we did. I mean seriously. What the heck?? WHY DON’T MY CHILDREN STAY THAT STILL WHEN THEY’RE WITH ME?? I realize […]

Save Our Souls. And Our House.

MY DAUGHTER IS OUT TO KILL ME. Not the easy way, like, say, giving me poison-laced dark chocolate. I’d eat that. No. She is trying to chip away at my sanity, tiny piece by tiny piece, by casting off her previous overcautiousness and OCD sensibilities and taking on a new persona. The persona of Ali: […]

Vacation, Greek-Style.

So. I could punish you with a “look at all of my sunset photos and toes in the sand and long walks on the beach” post. But you’ve seen those before, right? Instead, I’m going to introduce you to a little town called Tarpon Springs. It was one of the main reasons we chose Tampa […]

The Chuck.

I go back and read this post regularly just to remind myself – Never falter. Never fail. Never step foot into Chuck E. Cheese. E. Cheese, that is. Chris and I made it four years, ten months, and three days into our parenting career without crossing his threshold. And we were well pleased with ourselves. […]

Bathing Practices As Indicated in Children: A Scientific Study.

This is some of my most ground-breaking research to date, and I’ve started to feel the shame creep up on me again, so I decided it was time for a re-share. Originally published October 20, 2011. You asked for it, so I’m here to deliver. I collected and analyzed the data that you so generously […]

Satan the Squirrel: Quantum of Solace

This is the sequel post to yesterday’s reshare. Again, it’s five years old, so excuse the poor writing. But I left it in it’s original state, embarrassing though it may be. So what could be worse than a squirrel chewing through my shower wall while I was in the shower? The squirrel coming back, of […]

Satan the Squirrel.

I am re-sharing this story because it’s a good one. But I post it with no small amount of cringing at my five-years-ago writing style. But I left it, mostly intact, for you to judge as you will. Originally posted November 2008. My husband and I have a repulsion for squirrels. If we see one […]

On Meeting the Party Friends.

Chris and I took a few days to ourselves last week and skipped town to celebrate our upcoming anniversary. As such, I got behind on writing. As such, you get a few reruns. I originally shared this post in 2011. But we’ve recently pulled our Wii back out, and I’ve been shuddering all over again […]

A Teaching Tool for the Internets.

When you come across those people in life who express interest in beginning to use social media for the first time, (You know, like the people who say, “I really need to get on the Twitter!!”), And you want to help them jump in, just share this graphic with them. So. What did I leave […]

Random Notes, To You.

I often come upstairs after quiet time to find an impressive display of random notes, all addressed to me. Except for those times when they’re addressed to a character from The Jersey Shore, creating no small amount of confusion. Until I turn them around and realize that they were addressed to me all along. Consider […]

The Dark Underbelly of Toddlerhood.

IMPORTANT MESSAGE FROM THE FCC: THIS POST IS RATED FOR INAPPROPRIATE YET CONTEXTUAL FOUL TODDLER LANGUAGE AND AN UNNECESSARILY HIGH NUMBER OF REFERENCES TO POO. PROCEED WITH CAUTION. There are things that you don’t want to know about last week. Those things have kept me from having the time to have original thought (and therefore […]

Hipsters: A Quest for Truth.

It always makes me feel old to admit that I don’t understand a cultural phenomenon. Whether it’s music, fashion, or pop culture (I’m talking to you, Ke$ha,) I worry that I’m out of vogue if I just can’t comprehend it. For quite some time now, I’ve felt that way about the title of “Hipster.” It’s […]

Saganaki: The Journey and The Recipe.

Guest post by Contributing Editor and Chief Husband Chris. I have always tried to be a good sport, a willing participant, and even an Eager Beaver when it comes to Rachel’s family’s Greek cuisine. And so far, I have grown to like everything, with the exception of Kalamata Olives. That’s what Meat Loaf was talking […]

The Essential Alabama Beach Shopping List.

Last weekend, we took a quick trip down to the beach to visit Chris’ Aunt and Uncle, who happen to live in one of the most beautiful locations in our state. I relaxed and didn’t take too many photos – just a couple of the kids acting adorably endearing,   doing vacationy things like drinking […]

50 Restaurants in Crappy Photos: Round One.

We usually eat out at least a couple of times a week (if not embarassingly more often) and due to an extreme preference for the atmosphere and the food, almost all of those meals are at local restaurants. Birmingham has an astoundingly robust local dining scene, so there are always plenty of options. But although […]

Postal Purgatory.

Hey there – I miss you guys. I mean, I’ve kind of been here, but really it’s just an illusion. I’ve not *really* been here. Where I’ve really been is staring at dozens of people’s butts, all day every day. And when I’m not doing that, I’m answering Facebook messages, tweets, emails, texts, and phone […]

A Hundred Celebrations.

UPDATE: This year’s Hundredth Day of School Post can be found here. I’ve really been trying to be creative with school this semester, because as we approached the holidays, Ali was completely OVER school. It had gotten boring and predictable, and apparently boring and predictable isn’t fun – who knew? She was ready to drop […]

Recapping The Runway.

The past week has been one of the most physically exhausting weeks of my life. Good thing it’s been the fun kind of exhaustion. Besides having back-to-back-to-back jean fittings all day every day ($27.50 for designer jeans really excites people – who knew?) and in general not sleeping well due to all the hubbub, I […]

The Double Space and I.

I am an oversensitive perfectionist. Which, for any embryos out there who happen to be choosing the character traits with which they will be stuck for the next eighty years, is a really crappy combination. I still remember the fateful day in high school when someone pointed out that I said “Areenge” instead of “Orange.” […]

To Stalk a Hacker.

“I’m really craving investigative report,” I complained to Chris. “What do you mean?” “You know. Like I did with Dr Pepper TEN and Uncle Joe’s Tot Locker. It’s been too long and I miss it. I really need something to dig into!” “Okay…” “What do you think about if I did an investigative report on […]

$27.50 for Name Brand Designer Jeans? Yes.

Update: Due to significant changes in the company and a terrible downward spiral in denim quality, I no longer recommend shopping through Vault Denim. I now buy all of my jeans through Nordstrom Rack’s app, HauteLook, which regularly features my favorite brands of designer jeans at half the cost. I highly recommend it! My current […]

The Ugly Truth: Evolution of a Photo.

My current Twitter profile picture is breaking two of my most fundamental rules and core values of existence – or at least for the existence of my profile pictures. 1. It’s a Selfie. 2. I took it with my iPhone. Upon emptying my phone of it’s memories not too long ago, I found the discards […]

Music Therapy in Textual Relationships.

Just a couple of days after I wrote my latest installment in the bathroom flooding fallout, we were eating a nice, peaceful breakfast when Ali calmly observed, “Huh. Look at the ceiling – there’s new water up there.” I jerked my head up, praying to God that she was wrong. But she was not. There […]

Giveaway: Get Pampered By Birmingham’s Finest!

Birmingham Fashion Week kicks off tonight! Although the entire week is going to be spectacular, I personally cannot wait to see two of my favorite Project Runway Designers, Anthony Ryan Auld and Joshua McKinley, show their collections on Friday night. In preparation for the week, I was invited to visit Gus Mayer, which is the […]

The Best Worst Comments.

Sometimes people find my blog, thanks to The Googles. These finders can sometimes have strong opinions, bottled-up anger, or an intense need to vent. These people, who are never regular readers, also don’t understand the context of my blog, which is largely based on the verifiable fact that nearly nothing I say should be taken […]

Know Your Downton Risk Status.

{Spoiler Alert – only continue reading if you’ve finished watching Downton Abbey Season Three, which ended in America on Sunday.} I felt it best to give you all a couple days of Downton Silence out of respect for your mourning. Because I know – I’ve been there. Since I hacked it and watched Season Three […]

Eat Your Legos.

It has now come to pass that everyone in our family is obsessed with Legos (except, perhaps, for me – but I’m obsessed with my family being obsessed with them – you get that, right?) Even Noah has been bitten by the bug, which is bringing Chris’ life dreams into complete fulfillment. As such, when […]

Zulily Strikes Back.

I used Christmas shopping as an excuse to go on a bit of a Zulily bender. As such, when I got my credit card bill, it read something like this: Zulily Amazon Zulily Nabeel’s Amazon Zulily Amazon Nabeel’s Zulily Amazon (Multiplied by 32.) So I decided that I better put that little app aside for […]

My Kinda Funny But More Like Really Awkward Valentine.

“Boys and their mothers have a different relationship than girls and their mother. It’s just…special. You’ll see.” Mommies everywhere began telling me that in their most misty-eyed, cherish-every-moment voices when we found out that we would be having a boy. I was skeptical, because I understood girls. I “got” girls. And I was nervous about […]

Housekeeping: How to Update Your Feed.

As I’ve mentioned, I’ve got my new blog design how I like it (and hopefully how you like it, too.) There are some great features to the new design, like categories up there ^^ and over here >> to help you find what you’re looking for. Also, it’s easier to connect with me via social […]

$100 Giveaway: New Mom Secrets.

  When I had Ali, I was absolutely shocked at how clueless I was in regards to taking care of a newborn. Like seriously – who knew they were so complicated?? It didn’t help that I wasn’t the how-to book type – I just expected to naturally and instinctually know how to care for an […]

Things By Which I Puzzle.

The phase “I’m an outdoors person.” If so, then why do we refer to it in terms of not being inside of doors, which came…kinda…secondary? Advertisements that proclaim “ENTIRE STORE UP TO 40% OFF!!!” make me have the following thought process: UP to 40% off? How many items, exactly, are actually 40% off, and how […]

Southern Genetics.

I’ve had a lot of requests for a Southern Dictionary. Yes, we’re polite. We’re always sweet and nice. We smile at everyone and call strangers sweetie, honey, and sugar pie. But we don’t always mean it. Any of it. I thought everyone knew that the phrase “Bless Your Heart” equated to giving someone the finger, […]

Not Really a Post…

Just a snippet of life to prove that he really is as narcissistic as he comes across in his guest posts. And yes, I’m aware that one day he’s going to throw this video back in my face when I ask him, “How many times do you have to ask the very same question??”

On Gray Matter and Parenting.

When football players get injured, they are medically required to sit the bench until they are officially approved for play by a doctor. I can imagine that this would be frustrating for those players. However, I find them to be quite fortunate. Because Mommies do not have this same luxury. I’m pretty sure that I […]

The One That Hooked Me.

I have been impervious to temptation until now. I bought Ali an iPad a year and a half ago, mainly to use for the purposes of school.  As such, we have bought dozens of school and play apps.  I have studied them, reviewed them, reviewed them again, and added and deleted as I saw fit. […]

Stuff I Like, Early 2013 Edition.

Since we have two birthdays and Christmas all within three weeks of each other, we have a large influx of “stuff” all at once.  And so, I typically find myself at this time of year anxious to share some new, helpful finds.  No one asked me to talk about these things – they’re simply additions […]

One Thorough Butt Wipe.

It’s never going to end. Ever. Until we tear our house down to the slab and rebuild the whole thing. It all began on November 5, 2012.  A fateful day when my ultra-responsible firstborn child flooded her upstairs bathroom (and spent the next week explaining how she followed all the rules and did nothing wrong.) […]

A Day in the Life: A Breakfast Portrait.

Breakfast is an early time of day to make decisions, but yet, so many decisions must be made. Like which car to bring to breakfast.  It is best if they can match one’s pajamas. Or for the ladies of the house, which of the crown jewels are most Breakfast-Appropriate. Then there’s the food.  Some prefer […]

Gaming the System.

Sometimes I lie to Ali. I say things like, “I’ve got a game for us to play today!!” When the truth is that I’m banging my brain against the inside of my skull trying to hurry up and concoct an idea to make school into a game while she asks repeatedly, “What?? What is the […]

Short Stories of Motherhood.

I’ve had a few photos and stories pile up lately – not good enough to make a post in and of themselves, but decent enough that I couldn’t trash them.  So here they are, all thrown together and cooked into a Blog Casserole. Winner Winner Typhoid Fever. Noah discovered a glitch in the system. Not […]

When Life is a Fairytale.

Once upon a time, a Mother, a Father, a Son, and a Daughter lived in an old house on a suburban hill surrounded by lots and lots of other houses. One day, The Son was scouring the pantry to find something to eat, and he found Magic Pancake Mix. “Make Pancakes!! Make Pancakes, Mommy!” “Are […]

Circus Dreams and Ambitions.

The last time we went to the Circus, Ali had just turned four, and Noah was a very impressive five weeks old. For the last two years, Noah has been bitter about the fact that the only time we ever allowed him to experience such, his eyesight wasn’t developed enough to see the row in […]

On Prophecies and Swearing.

My Granddad was a giant of a man.  I was never that impressed with Fezzik, Gulliver, or Goliath, because they couldn’t measure up to my Granddad’s height and girth. He was born to a Greek Immigrant and a Alabama Woman – a couple who had gotten married before he could speak English or she could […]

A Challenge to Go Greek.

I’m throwing out a challenge for your taste buds. Try something different – try something slightly Greek – and I guarantee* that you’ll love it. This is one of my favorite meals in the vast collection of my family’s recipes – it is beautiful, delicious, and is a unique taste that you’ll crave incessantly. It’s […]

The First Annual Grasping for Creativity Conference.

Chris started asking me what I wanted for Christmas in November. Being a woman and expecting him to read my mind, I didn’t answer. Being a mere mortal man and unable to do so, he continued asking. Sometime in mid-December, he began asking with a greater level of forcefulness. I still ignored his question.  But […]

Sick, With a Side of Sick.

Hi! Noah here. SO.  I heard you heard I was sick. It was a dark time in my life. I was so ill that there was very little that I wanted in the universe. You would think that would make me considered low-maintenance, right? But no – The Servant Who Calls Herself Mommy picked that […]

How to Make Snow Cream Like a Southerner.

So most of you are from places north of here.  Every time I ask you to tell me where you’re all from, the most popular states are Wisconsin, Michigan, Idaho, Utah, Washington, and Oregon. Which means that you get about…167 times more snow than we do. Yet. When we do have snow and I mention […]

Clean-up on Aisle 7.

Today I have a guest post by one of my good blogging friends, Abbie.  She left The World’s Longest Comment on one of my blog posts last year, and I immediately deleted it and told her she would have to guest blog it instead.  And so she did – but in the in between, she […]

Top Four Moments of 2013.

4. The following conversation with Ali: “Mommy, you know what really disappoints me about the new Tinkerbell movie?” “No.  What?” “Well, the other fairies – Fawn and Rosetta and all – call Periwinkle Periwinkle before they even know her name.” “Oh.  That is a serious continuity issue!” “I know.  It really bothers me.” (I have […]

I Like Taking Turns. And it is Yours.

So I was consumed all of last week with a very sick two-year-old.  Three doctor’s visits and one emergency room adventure because he has Croup and RSV, two nasty intruders who don’t play nicely together. And even though it seems like a middle-of-the-night emergency room visit alone with a toddler who can turn on and […]

Talk to Your Doctor about CRS.

Noah has hit the Continual Repeat Stage (also known as CRS.) CRS is a dangerous stage in a mother’s life, as it can be a detriment to the continuation of her sanity if not responded to in a calculated manner. CRS is most obviously exhibited by a request repeated continuously, with no break for response, […]

Toddlers Who Lunch.

I like cooking, but I am also lazy. Consequently, we eat out far too often. And, due to their overexposure to this practice, my kids are fairly well-behaved in restaurants. However. Chris and I, being the overly sensitive people-pleasing type that we are, still have a long list of rigidly adhered-to rules about when and […]

The Birthday Archives.

Six. There’s something about that number that seems very significant – as if it’s the 21st birthday of being a kid – as if they should legally be allowed to drink caffeinated beverages or something. Last weekend, I went through the ridiculous amount of photos that I’ve taken of Ali’s six years of life.  It […]

These Lights Will Inspire You.

This is a guest post by Chris, my contributing editor, contributing dad, and contributing husband. So, the new year is here, and most of America resolves to do something. In January of 2003, I threw my large flabby self into an old pair of sneakers and walked ambitiously to the foot of our hill and […]

Welcome to America, Season Three.

The long-awaited time has come.  Downton Abbey Season Three starts in America on Sunday.  Or, if you’re like me and have been pretending to be British, Season Three just ended. But no worries –  I will offer no spoilers.  I won’t even update my graphic until you’re caught up – because I’m nice like that. […]

The Origins of the WWE.

I’ve never understood wrestling.  Why grown men enjoy watching other grown men sling each other around and place each other into questionably intense positions has always been beyond me. However, now that I have a son, I think I might understand. It’s because wrestling reminds them of their mother. Call it good memories.  Call it […]

The Not-So-Nativity.

For their Third Annual Lego Nativity Scene (see years one and two,) Ali and Chris decided to branch out in their block-based biblical interpretations.  This year, they chose the oh-so-Christmasy story of the building of Noah’s Ark. The ark looked oddly medieval, with seemingly not-so-watertight windows involved.  But they saw their work, and they said […]

What to Do With Christmas Cards.

I have to admit that some of my IRL friends and family looked at me with sketchy, concerned eyebrows after reading my offer to do a Christmas Card swap with my blog readers. (IRL = “In Real Life,” for those of you in real life.) I get it, I get it – the internet is […]

On Finding Christmas Magic.

On Christmas Night, my sister-in-law and I were discussing the various Mom Types of the Christmas Season.  There are Grinch Moms, Stressed-Out Moms, Desperately-Trying-to-Fake-Christmas-Cheer Moms, and Magic Moms. (Who are of no relation to Magic Mike.) After much self-analysis, I decided that I have Multiple Christmas Personality Disorder (MCPD), because I cycle violently through all […]

The Christmas Story, with Director’s Notes.

A play, intended for annual use, to be put on by the children of a small group. Dress children in anything remotely period appropriate, including but not limited to tree skirts, 1984 Pageant dresses, (Which can be made more authentic by adding a cloak and a halo,) and Batman costumes. For actors that will be […]

Christmas Wins and Losses.

I fell victim to one of the classic blunders.  The most famous of which is “never go against a Sicilian when death is on the line,” but only slightly less well-known is this: “Never trust Etsy with the timely distribution of your Christmas Cards.” The first twenty-nine steps of Christmas Card Creation were the easy […]

They Say It’s My Birthday.

Hi internet people!  Noah here. So today, I’m this thing that they call two. And apparently, I’m supposed to be happy about it. But here’s the thing: I believe that I’ve been treated unfairly. Birthdays are a big deal.  Just ask The Servant Who Calls Herself Mommy who insists that her own is to be […]

Traditionally Hating and Loving Traditions: 2012.

I wrote this post last year, but I’ve decided that this needs to be an annual discussion.  There are a lot of new people around here with opinions that deserve to be voiced, and some of you who were around last year may have had changes of heart, seeing as how my own preferences have […]

On Creating a Reference Guide.

I gave Ali a new notebook the other day. In five-year-old girl terms, this is roughly equivalent to gifting her with a mansion on a private island in the Caribbean with an on-site Frozen Yogurt bar and all of the Disney Princesses as attendants. Okay – maybe not that great. But very, very close. She […]

The Holiday Gift Guide You’ve Been Waiting For.

According to my inbox folder that is labeled “marketing pitches” (which oftentimes shares real estate with the one labeled “trash”), all bloggers are apparently expected – nay, required – to publish a “Holiday Gift Guide.”  And since I never want to shirk my responsibilities to you, my dear readers, I decided that I better compile […]

Giveaway – Sifteo Cubes Gaming System!

When Chris and I went to BlogHer this summer, one of our favorite expo hall visits was at the Sifteo Cube booth.  They were the creators of a creative new gaming system – portable, small, simple, yet completely engaging. (We kinda got addicted.) Sifteo consists of small blocks that interact with each other when you […]

Virginia, Unedited.

Last weekend, Chris and I flew to Virginia for a friend’s wedding. (Really, we flew to Virginia to have a date weekend away together, and thanked the friend profusely for providing us the excuse.) (No really. It was all for the friend. Not at all for us to stay in a beachfront hotel room and […]

The Excruciation of Christmas Cards.

1. Realize it’s November.  And next comes December.  Panic. 2. Try to choose a photographer.  Too many great ones to make a decision like that.  Panic. 3.  Try to find a time that works for everyone involved.  Curse Daylight Savings Time. 4.  OUTFITS.  Panic. 5.  They must coordinate but not match.  Colors! What colors do […]

I’ve Always Cried Ugly.

{Fair Warning: There will be blood.} On Thanksgiving Day, we discovered Ali’s first loose tooth. This was a crucially important family moment, because her nearly two-year-old brother has developmental milestones on a daily basis.  But at the age of nearly six, Ali is at somewhat of a developmental plateau, and mightily jealous about her status. […]

Death by Sippy Cups.

I have a hate/hate relationship with sippy cups. Okay – I do love that my kid can take in liquid without creating a cleanup catastrophe worthy of an oil spill relief crew, but I mostly hate them because NO sippy cup manufacturer in the free world seems to know how to make a truly drip-free […]

Word to My Mother. {An Apology}

Dear Mom, Sometimes I write long and wordy blog posts, taking much care to define things, link to explanations, or otherwise clarify references for those that might not understand. But most of the time, I go with subtlety, assuming that my reading audience will pick up on my references and find them more amusing if […]

Waxing Poetics.

Micropoetry, from Ali:   Hey Mom! I killed something so you could see it. Look! A Yellow Ladybug! Isn’t she so pretty? I killed her because she was running away and I wanted you to see her. I think she was scared of me.   Micropoetry, from Noah:   …And yes, I do realize that […]

Alabama Fashion Report: 2012.

You might have noticed that Alabama has won a lot of football games over the past few years. In fact, as of last Saturday night, they will, yet again, be in the National Championship. From what I’ve heard, there are some people, somewhere out there (cue Fievel), that do not like this development.  Some people […]

On Lying to the Children.

There are many things about parenthood that look much more romantic on the front side than they actually turn out to be. Rocking your newborn back to sleep in the middle of the night, for one. Go ahead…take a minute to reminisce on what your pre-childbearing image was: long white silk nightgown, perfectly rolled hair, […]

Outlet Shops of Grand River Giveaway!

I love to bargain shop.  But I don’t do well in places like TJ Maxx, Thrift Stores, or Consignment sales – I can never find anything.  Where I have always done my best work is at Outlet Malls. For years, every time we went to the beach, I would greatly anticipate my trip to the […]

The Night the Cake Pops Won.

I’d like to start out by blaming my friend Jamie. Because she’s the kind of friend that grabs the popcorn and watches her friends dive off of deadly cliffs, such as the time she noted that our friend Katherine didn’t know how to use Instagram properly, but instead of educating her, she just unfollowed her, […]

Filled to the Brim.

Why yes, I had a four day weekend. Why no, I had no time to blog. Four day weekends always look long and vast on the front side, but then find themselves packed, end to end. Ours was filled with preparing for the next holiday (before even celebrating the current one, Holiday Liberalists that we […]

Zulily For The Holidays.

Whether you’re skipping out on Black Friday shopping (like me) or are already back and chilling from Black Friday shopping (like the other crazy folks), I’m here to show you what you’ve already missed on Zulily. Because the last three months of the year are precious times to watch Zulily offerings – there are priceless […]

On The Pursuit of Illness.

With the onslaught of illnesses in our home over the past month, I have found myself reminiscing of the Golden Days of Malady. As a child, I highly enjoyed the benefits of being sick or injured. As such, the crowning achievement of my childhood was breaking my arm in the seventh grade. Ailments are fun […]

How a Turd in the Tub Saved my Saturday Night.

Despite my philosophies on bathing, Noah has now pooped in the tub three times in his nearly two {extraordinarily long} years on this earth.  After the first two occurrences, I soothed the trauma of having to endure such Crimes Against Momanity by blogging about them. But I am blogging about the third occasion due to […]

Observations of the Sleeping.

I don’t often get to see my children sleeping. Some of our friends go into their kid’s rooms every night to check on them and kiss them on the head, but we are not one of those families.  We do nothing that might possibly disturb their sleep – especially if it is just for our […]

Abrupt iPhone Subject Changes.

(There’s no segue between photos in my iPhone.  So why should I provide them?) I was searching my Amazon app for Converse Sneakers for Ali.  Inexplicably nestled within the dozens of various colored shoes was this beauty: The first thing that struck me was the price.  $30+ for a silicone mould* of a baby? Secondly.  […]

On Baking Toddlers.

(And I do mean “baking” in an adjective sort of way – you know, toddlers who bake.) Last Sunday, Noah was Nursery-Inappropriate, thanks to a bad cough. Although I suspected that his cough was due to the home “renovations” during which were (are) in the midst, I make special care not to cast any doubt […]

Public Service Announcement For Parents.

This is what happens when you let your kid wipe their own butt. For the rest of the story, read here and here.  Or don’t.  Not responsible for future sleep disorders, paranoia, diapering until the age of 12, or other associated trauma.

Homeschooling: Your Questions Answered.

On my Facebook page a few weeks ago, I opened up the floor to ask me anything about my homeschooling.  I am not a defensive homeschooler, nor do I think homeschooling is right for everyone.  So whatever you want to know, you’re welcome to ask me, and I’ll answer as well as I can.  If […]

The First-Hand Report.

As I wrote my blog post about our toilet catastrophes Monday night, I had somewhat bought into Chris’ illness-induced nonchalant attitude. “It’s just fine.  I’ll paint the ceiling when it dries.  Don’t worry about it.” (Can I stress again how bizarre that is for him??  BIZARRE.  The man curses the very concept of home ownership […]

Because He’s Cute.

The last three days have comprised almost entirely of dealing with Monday’s Catastrophe, which ended up being far worse than I originally thought.  But more on that later.  At any rate, due to the around-the-clock wind tunnel created by two dehumidifiers the size of New Hampshire and six blowers with the noise volume of a […]

Total Eclipse of the Toilet.

I cursed myself yesterday.  In my blog post, I mentioned Ali’s propensity to Quiet Time Bathroom Catastrophes. Apparently she felt as if I was being hyperbolic about her issues, and wanted to show me what a true Bathroom Catastrophe looked like. —————- It all started in Quiet Time, the aforementioned birthplace of all bathroom catastrophes. […]

As Noted During Quiet Time.

Hint: read “ice” as icky. Being that she’s a five year old girl, Ali has a lot of words. And although she does enjoy her daily quiet time, the multitudes of unused words tend to build up within her soul. To prevent a horrible drain clog, overflow, or some other gruesome word tragedy, Ali has […]

The North Pole of Halloween.

You might have noticed that my husband has a bit of obsession with Christmas. …Which would explain why he was willing to dress as a donkey to get me in a Pregnant Mary outfit two years ago. So as my husband encourages me ever quickly down the slippery slope of becoming a Holiday Liberalist, we […]

Sandy: Checking in with You.

I just wanted to let all of you know that were in the storm’s path that I’ve been following the landfall and aftermath with a close eye.  I have been praying for you all! We’re all too familiar with horrific storms around here, and even more familiar with power outages.  I know how difficult it […]

Neither Can Live While the Other Survives.

There are certain things that your parents drill into you enough that you grow up completely believing. Brainwashed, some might say. For instance, saying “Yes Ma’am” and “Yes Sir.”  This was a known requirement of righteousness in my family – it wasn’t an option.  Even if we WERE on the other side of the country […]

On Being Gravely Ill.

Last week, I experienced a new echelon of sick. The sickest sick I’ve experienced in many moons.  And suns.  And stars. Three days of raging illness with every symptom in WebMD’s rather extensive checklist. (Except for “craving to eat ice, dirt or paper” but definitely including “poor personal hygiene.”) The kind of sick that even […]

Secondary iPhone, With Wheels.

Y’all know that I love my car.  Right? *Toast Not Included For the record, I still do.  Her geekiness mirrors my own in a way that creates an intimate bond that I have previously never experienced with an automobile. (Plus, her cupholders and floorboards have 8 interchangeable brightly colored lighting schemes.) She constantly surprises me […]

My Greek Home, and a Giveaway!

Friday, for lunch.  I was toting both kids and meeting two people.  At Nabeel’s, of course – there’s a booth in the back that is basically my own personal conference room. The restaurant was buzzing, people in every dining hall, salads stacked and ready to go out from the open kitchen. (Photo from a slightly […]

Reasons To Do Life In the Wild.

We went camping at our favorite North Alabama tiny, unknown campground: Buck’s Pocket. We went for the endless views, The time with family, The campfire, (and accompanying marshmallows,) and so that our kids could get a hot breakfast. Because they only get that when Gramamma is around. And especially, to get away from it all. […]

The Day Little Tykes Failed Me.

I promised a weekly-ish homeschooling post for a while-ish.  (Last week was my off week, so it doesn’t count.)  This week, I decided to share a typical fail.  Because fails are just as common as successes, and I don’t want anyone thinking otherwise. My dear sweet husband bought a used Little Tykes slide and car […]

Tiny Bits of Grace.

As my last re-run before getting back to regularly scheduled posts, I wanted to share something that happened last year, but perhaps means more to me this year due to some significant changes in my life.  But I’ll get back to that at the end of the post. Originally Published August 11, 2011. Ali has […]

How to Make Word Search Gift Wrap.

This was my favorite holiday memory from last year, and I’m pretty sure it was Ali’s as well.  I am already trying to figure out what I could do this year to rival it, because my Mister Christmas Husband would surely not approve of doing the same paper two years in a row. But just […]

Can’t Buy Me Love.

My bank may put a freeze on my accounts for reposting this, but I just HAVE to.  Because Chris got a personalized thank you note in the mail last week.  From a female teller.  Thanking him for his business. Fortunately for me, when I originally posted this, my commenters informed me of these elusive collectible […]

The Day He Received His Third Nipple.

The extremely high time requirements of my last post have kept me behind on everything (including blogging) for the past several weeks. To celebrate finally completing that project (and to have a bit of time to catch up on writing and emails and dishes and lying comatose on the couch), I’m going to publish a […]

Jeans for Most of America.

The average woman’s size in America is a 12/14. It’s been a while since I’ve taken a statistics class, but I’m pretty sure that indicates that around half of the female population is above that mark. So it only makes sense that with every denim post that I’ve written, I’ve gotten hundreds of emails and […]

The General Woods Inn: Downton Southby.

For the weekend before my birthday, Chris took me to one of my favorite places on earth: The General Woods Inn. I’m not a Bed and Breakfast person, but yet this and only this Bed and Breakfast has stolen my heart over the past three years. Why? 1.  It’s Front Porch 2. Looks out on […]

Birthday Introspection.

So today is my birthday. 31 years of living on one planet can really make you stop and ponder, can’t it? I had some time to think this weekend… (and wear my first ever pair of red jeans, which can only help the depth of one’s ponderings…) What have I contributed to this world? Why […]

A Day in Our (Home)School.

One of the most common questions I get is “what does your day look like?” And after that, “What curriculum do you use?” This post should answer those questions.  At least for this month – I have a feeling that our typical day will continuously change. So, as of right now, this is how it […]

The Dark Side of Education.

Hi! Noah Here. So.  A lot of people have been asking The Servant Who Calls Herself Mommy how I’ve been coping while she and Ali do school. Dear Lot of People, You know I’m human too, right?  If you have a question, just ask me? Rude. But despite your going behind my back in your […]

Celebrating Fall’s Arrival: Taco Soup.

Fall is my favorite season.  I love the exciting crispness in the air after 100 degree summers, I adore the excuse to buy new boots and jeans, and of course I love that it brings about the month of celebration for my birthday. (You celebrate for a month, too, right?) (As an aside, I’ve always […]

The Temptation of Match.

A couple of years ago, I wrote about the Continuum of Match.  It housed, if I may say so myself, groundbreaking and perception-changing clarifications of parental types.  If I were the Doctoral Candidate type, it might become a significant part of my thesis. Let’s review the categories contained therein. Level 5 Matchers: These parents believe […]

Eat Your Remainders: Teaching Division to Kindergartners.

I’ve been hesitant to blog too much about homeschooling because I know most of you don’t homeschool and probably wouldn’t be interested in my droning on and on about it.  However, I’ve come to realize recently how much curiosity is out there about how homeschooling works and why someone would choose it. So I’ve decided […]

Left and Wrong.

I’m not sure whether my Mom exposed herself to too much Aqua Net or drank too much Tab Cola, but I was born with a defect: I have never been able to tell my left from my right. But before you begin to question my intelligence, I have a great sense of direction – I […]

Interview With The Couch.

Rachel: Thank you for sitting down with me today for the purposes of this interview, couch. Couch: Is it really considered “sitting down with you” when you’re sitting on me? Rachel: You know what I mean.  Thanks anyway.  Clearly, you and I have met many times, and some other people may be familiar with you […]

The 15 Stages of Having Nothing to Blog About.

1. Impending Doom – In thinking through one’s long list of blog post ideas…and realizing that there aren’t any.  Not a single one. 2. Optimism – Surely something will come to mind.  Something always does.  It will be totally fine. 3.  Annoyance –  Clearly, Mental Mutiny is afoot. 4.  Blank Stares – THINK, computer screen!! […]

Attempts at Being a Dance Mom.

I was never a girly-girl. Not that I was necessarily a tomboy – just lost somewhere in the awkward in-between.  While all of my friends were gracefully flitting about in their ballet classes, I was playing softball – and loving it.  My left-handed status gave me special privileges, so despite my lack of exceptional skills, […]

How to Sell Football to a Girl.

As mentioned, I was in Mississippi last Saturday, which means that Chris had the kids on his own. The only reason this worked was that Alabama was playing an away game, so he only had to figure out how to properly watch the game on television while singlehandedly raising our offspring in a proper manner. […]

{No Spoilers Enclosed}

I might have dreamed that Chris was Matthew Sunday night. I might have imagined I was living in Downton Abbey all day yesterday. I might be kicking myself for not re-watching Seasons One and Two this summer. I might be scheming about how I could get two days of free time in which to do […]

The Worst Blogger Ever.

On Saturday, I took a road trip by myself to Jackson, Mississippi for a Vault Party. Although I don’t normally travel to do jean parties, two of my long-time blog and twitter friends, Sarah and Megan, had invited me to come.  So besides the fun of offering makeovers to dozens of women’s butts, it was […]

Drink Like a Southerner. (And A Giveaway!)

There are many things that us Southerners do that may be a mystery to those of you not blessed to live in the deep, deep South. We teach our children to address everyone as “Ma’am” and “Sir.” (Or at least we try.  Ali has been forgetting this necessary rule constantly.  When confronted about her lack […]

Diary of a Windy Kid.

A couple of weeks ago, Ali informed me of an interesting fact at the breakfast table. “When Giann babysits me, she makes me go to the bathroom to toot.” “She does?” “Yes.  She says it smells too bad.” “So.  Do you?” (sigh) “Yes.  I’m not allowed to toot around her anymore.  She says I need […]

The Power of Restraint.

There are certain unwritten rules of our parenting. We all have them. Yours might not be the same as ours, but you definitely have them. Such as, No caffeine for babies. (Except for small, unavoidable doses of coffee.) Limited sugar intake. No poorly applied tattoos – just the good stuff. And no baby leashes. You’ve […]

Self-Esteem and Sons.

Noah and I are close.  Very Close. My friends were right – there’s a particular bond between a mother and son that is like no other – his adoration of me is quite taking. Although I am equally close with Ali, there’s a different feel to how Noah appreciates me.  While she is quite independent […]

Home Alone: The Review.

So Chris went to Dallas last weekend for the Alabama/Michigan game. (I know, right?? Why do Alabama and Michigan need to meet in TEXAS??  And men say that women are the illogical ones…) He was gone the entire long weekend – from Friday morning to Monday afternoon. Which, if anyone’s counting, is four days and […]

Cozy Potato Soup: The Cure for What Ails Me.

So as much as I wanted September to be a fabulously fresh start full of unicorns and Technicolor rainbows, I woke up on Tuesday at 3am with an abscessed tooth. But, as I am a professional at such revelries as abscesses, and I shan’t have you feeling all sorry for me twice in one week, […]

The Payoff.

It’s only fair, since I told you of my humiliating story surrounding it yesterday, that I now get to show you a nearly reprehensible amount of photos of my children taken with my new camera (Canon t4i) and lens (Tamron 17-50). (But first – a thank you.  People often ask me how I could stomach […]

A Technological Breakdown.

So I don’t usually do two giveaways in a row, but I need you to understand. I HAVE TO DO A GIVEAWAY TODAY. For the ongoing health of my mind, body, and even my soul.  I NEED to give you something. (And it’s even worth $500, if that makes it any better.) Let me explain. […]

Throwing Clay…and a Giveaway!

One of my favorite girl’s nights is to drive 20 minutes down the road to my Aunt Tena’s pottery studio. Although she teaches with kindness, patience, and a humility that might lead you to believe she simply does this for a hobby, Tena is quite famous in the pottery world. Her beautiful dishes are used […]

Zulily: I Can’t Help Myself.

I’ve been trying to stay away. Really, I have. I came to the conclusion that my Zulily purchases were pure fluff – not things that I needed for the propagation of my family. Wait…that’s not quite the right word.  They weren’t NECESSITIES.  You know what I mean. However.  I ended up with a credit because […]

A Letter to My Dentist.

Dear Dr. Jayme, Thank you for taking care of my constantly-deteriorating oral situation.  You’ve done an excellent job, despite the fact that all of my teeth were rotting out before I met you. I just wanted you to know that I’m really trying to prevent the spread of my horrible oral issues to my children.  […]

DowntonHack: How to Watch with the British.

9/22/13 Update: Season Four of Downton Abbey has started and the following directions still work. Episode One will be available on iTV for the next thirty days. If iTV asks you for a zip code, N70AA works. There are some free ways to do it noted in the comments, but I did hear of some […]

iLife.

This is manmade granola. Or should I say, babymade granola. And it’s the kind of thing I like to record for posterity on my iPhone. Because really, it’s quite talented of a baby to be able to place the correct ingredients (in this case, Nutrigrain, Jellybeans, Broccoli, and other Trade Secret ingredients) between his high […]

Art Education…Kinda.

Ali is officially in Kindergarten this fall, which means that this is my last year of “Casual Teaching.” I’m going to sorely miss Casual Teaching – it’s served us well.  She’s learned much, with thanks to her iPad, placemats, and fake money. But once she’s in first grade next fall, I’ll need to have prior […]

Dieting, c/o Children.

I’m a very picky frozen treat eater. Frozen Yogurt, although highly popular in our city and with the rest of my family, is not my thing.  I’ve tried multiple combinations of flavors and toppings and I just can’t make it work for me. Also, I am highly against mixing fruit and milk. Sorbet? Awesome. Strawberry […]

A New Journey.

On the last day of July, my Dad turned sixty. On the first day of August, he was diagnosed with Ocular Melanoma. It was sudden, horrifying, and a nausea-inducing roller coaster of various diagnoses to end up at that point.  His diagnosis was confirmed last Monday by a specialist in Memphis. The tumor did have […]

The History of My County.

I typically like to show the lovely, wonderful, idealistic views of my city. (Such as today at my other blog, you can look at pretty pictures of our stunning local food scene.) And I’d say that most of the time I succeed – many of my readers have told me that they had no idea […]

If You Give a Blogger a Baby.

A guest soliloquy, by Noah. If you are born to a blogger, chances are, she’ll be a total techy geek. If she is a total techy geek, then she’s likely to encourage her children to be total techy geeks as well. If she encourages her children to be techy geeks, then your older sister will […]

Continuity Inanity.

I’m a Continuity Tyrant. Let’s say that I happen to be watching a movie.  I’m totally enraptured in the plot, the drama, the angst.  Two characters – a man and a woman – are having an intense dialogue – you know, the type that explains the whole movie and makes everything come together in an […]

When Delightfully Abnormal Goes Awry.

I don’t know how you Moms with regular kids do it. And I don’t know how I’m going to do it, since I am certain that I will most definitely be awarded with my second kid being quite regular. Or perhaps even extra-regular. With regards to the frequency of pee. My kid is a camel, […]

The Secret of Halal

Our trip to New York last week was was Chris’ first visit, so he got to experience the full unexplainable magic of the city, and he also had a few adventures along the way.  This post is one of his fabulous guest posts (written the night before we left), so be sure to give him […]

BlogHer, in Bad Photos.

Five Benefits of Taking My Husband Along to BlogHer. 1. His analytical and strategic skills make me look like a novice. He had a plan, he knew what he was doing, and he would set up fabulous opportunities to show off our professionalism and class. 2. As the last photo also attests, he is willing […]

A New Level of Whelm.

At this point every year, I typically have a well-thought out, hopefully entertaining blog post about my (mis)adventures at BlogHer. I really don’t know how, but I somehow manage to get it typed out despite woefully minimal levels of sleep and the smothering deluge of BlogHer information spinning around in my head. But this year…I […]

She Left Me.

Hi there! Noah here. Hold on a minute.  Let me get my camera adjusted right. Okay.  That’s better. So I have some really sad news. The Servant Who Calls Herself Mommy left me. And even worse than that?? She Took The Daddy with her. It’s really a bummer, because I’ve really gotten to where I […]

On Taxing the Colonists.

I offer many public services to my children. If you get down to it, we’re basically a communist nation around here. They do what I tell them to do, and then I choose what to pay them.  I provide the food, the transportation, the rules, the housing, and even the clothing. (Although I at times […]

Chick Cars: The Report.

Last week, I conducted a survey on the crucial subject of Chick Cars. Between blog comments, Facebook, Twitter, and in-person interviews, I collected vast amounts of data on this subject. In sorting out this influx of information, I determined to do more than simply look at the numbers.  Because I have a heart for the […]

Time for Formal Introductions.

So Hi! Let me introduce myself.  I’m Rachel, and this is my home. I’ve had a few posts making the rounds on Pinterest and a few other places lately, and as a result, there are a bunch of new readers that have been hanging around. And I always like to get to know new people, […]

The Scientific Study of Chick Cars.

A few months ago, My Dad was tossing around the idea of buying an old(ish) sports car. (Clearly, something very unhealthy was in our family’s air during the month of May.) He was planning a Grand 40th Anniversary Adventure with my Mom – something really spectacular – and he needed to right car to set […]

My New Favorite Meal.

Yeah. Doesn’t that look amazing?? Because it is. I made it three weeks ago and have craved it ever since.  If I can make it through writing this post without tossing down my computer, running to the store, and turning on the crock pot, it’s going to be a miracle. And I owe it all […]

Birthday Chow.

Chris has never been one to shy away from the concept of using birthday credit. (Nor have I, as I prefer to have a birthday month.) Usually, about three months before his birthday, he starts throwing things out there that he’d like to have, do, or eat on his birthday. This year, however, was surprising.  […]

The Great Birthday Pinterest Rebellion.

I’ve been very focused on Pinterest lately.  Understanding the geeky intricacies of how best to use it and track it as a blogger, getting ideas for projects to do with Ali, and simply enjoying all the pretty pictures. But on Chris’ birthday, I woke up feeling Old School. Something had jogged a memory that was […]

The Burden of Breadsticks.

As I have mentioned before, we are fairly serious about eating local – with a couple of choice exceptions. Chick-Fil-A, of course, doesn’t count – it is a necessary staple of all families-with-small-children’s diets. And another is The Olive Garden.  Chris and I have a deep-felt adoration for The Olive Garden, as it is one […]

The Circle of Life.

The way I see it #36: It can’t be so bad to get old when you’ve thoroughly created a carbon copy of yourself. …right down to the facial expressions. (albeit perhaps with a bit more attitude.) It’s such a good idea, I think I’ll give it a try myself. Happy 36th to the man who […]

The Perils of The Park.

When I woke up Saturday morning, Chris came to talk to me about the day’s plans. “So it’s relatively not-too-hot outside, and it’s not supposed to rain, so I was thinking we should take the kids to the park.” I groaned. “The park?  It’s Saturday.  There’s going to be a birthday party going on – […]

Ten Tips for Vacation Rental Owners.

1. Do not decorate your rental condo with fake fruit. Because if you do, your renter’s kids will do this.  All day, Every day. And their parents might or might not remember to run them through the dishwasher before they leave. (The fruit, that is.) 2. Even if you typically have short-term renters, do not […]

Two Princes.

Ali’s Godmother is one of my best friends, Amanda. Amanda is 32, and Ali loves her dearly. …But Ali is concerned with her complete lack of Godfather, so she is quite impatient for Amanda to find her Prince. As such, she petitioned Amanda. “Maybe you could try kissing a frog?” Amanda answered quickly … nay, […]

An Inconvenient Gap of Truth.

  Nearly every denim makeover I’ve done ends with the same conversation. “I had no idea what a difference it would make – I thought I was safe with Gap jeans!” Or, “Oh my goodness why didn’t anyone tell me I was wearing Mom Jeans?? I thought that as long as I was shopping at […]

Collaborative Vacationing.

(Also known as “The One Where I Force You To Look at All My Vacation Photos.”) (You’re welcome.) It all started in 2008, as a grand experiment in co-vacationing with another family, our friends David and Ashley. We each had a baby – Ali was 18 months, and AJ was 21 months.  And they were […]

Parenting and the Art of SpellTalk.

Originally Posted March 7, 2010.  SpellTalk (n): A language that parents use to hide the most important parts of conversations from their kids. Unfortunately, kids eventually learn this language so that they can spy on their parents, so parents must find a new and original way to secretively communicate. When do you use SpellTalk? 1. […]

Would You Like That Deep-Fried or Dried?

Originally posted September 23, 2010. Birth, although an amazingly beautiful and miraculous occasion, is, let’s face it, also pretty fantastically disgusting. You’ve got blood and guts and possibly poo and definitely puke and meconium and blood and guts and…Placenta. There’s just nothing pretty about placenta. (I would normally insert a picture of a placenta in […]

That’s Because Daddies Fix Everything.

Hi! I hope that you’re not even reading my blog right now because you’re relaxing so deeply at the pool or beach. I’m still in syndication here, but if you want to read something completely new, I’ve recently guest-blogged a couple of times for my friend Wade at Birmingham Blogging.  They’re pretty geektastic, so read […]

Scoff, All Ye Northerners.

I decided to take the week off since the entire world is on vacation anyway.  I mean, when the 4th falls on a Wednesday, the lucky people are gone the first half of the week, the luckier people are gone the second half of the week, and the luckiest people are gone all week.  So […]

Mediawkward.

Once upon a time, I got an email from a PR company inviting me to a media dinner at a new restaurant in town. Media dinners are typically fun events, where restaurants feed bloggers and journalists the best of their offerings and hope that they feel the passion to spread the word about their great […]

How It Feels to be Hated By a Celebrity.

Wednesday night on Twitter, I broke my silence about this deeply painful issue when I told my friend Trina all about my shame and sorrow.  So I decided that since it was already out there, I might as well admit it here. I’ve been blocked on Twitter by Travel Channel star Adam Richman. Meaning that […]

Photobooth.

My kids are four years apart. That makes me fairly strange in my demographic, but I’m cool with it. (I actually love it and think it is THE WAY TO GO, but don’t tell my friends I said that.) I get to experience two completely different realms at once…especially in cognitive development. Ali’s current mental […]

Never Trust a Llama.

Two days after Noah recovered from Hand, Foot, and Mouth Disease, he managed to come down with Croup. Considering that we hadn’t been anywhere for what had to have been centuries due to his ailing condition, I have no idea how he got sick again. But sick he was. (He is completely better at this […]

Lose Weight, Earn Jeans. That Simple.

When I lost over 30 pounds last year, two things motivated me: competition and the promise of new designer jeans.  Chris and I crafted a two-person contest, and we worked both of those things into the schematics.  Even though he ultimately won the contest,   our rules provided that I still got my earned winnings, which […]

One Day I’ll Have to Explain Myself.

The Date: June 22, 2023. Ali, sixteen years old and going through quite the sensitive stage, sits down with a huff.  She reaches into mid-air, and with a flick of her index finger, turns off her Projected-In-Mid-Air Computer (PIMAC), and then glares at me. I look up from my automated knitting needles with a questioning […]

The Pro List.

You may have noticed that last week wasn’t exactly my best week ever. Between The Sister Wife Causing Me Drama, Noah’s Intense and Long-Lasting Illness, Chris and I both have bouts of thinking we were getting the Dread Disease at one time or another, and oh yeah, this:   The kid has only injured herself, […]

When Viruses Go Viral.

The Sunday before last was my week to work in the nursery at Church.  I work in Noah’s room, which consists of toddlers between one and two years old. I love that age. (Assuming that no one is in a screaming mood that day, anyway.) As it was a very crowded day in the nursery […]

Old. (Deep Breath) Is Okay. (And a Giveaway!)

Everyone has a different age that strikes them harshly. For some people it comes early at 25, and for others, it doesn’t hurt until 50 or 60. For me, it was turning 30 last October. I’ve always been the youngest. I was the youngest in school and college, always had older friends, am 5 1/2 […]

The Sister Wife Betrayal.

So.  Monday night. We were invited to dinner with three other couples.  We arranged a babysitter (the fabulous Giann – don’t even try to steal her from us – she’s all ours), and made our plans. Chris texted me multiple times, expressing his anticipation and excitement. “I can’t wait to go out alone with you!” […]

Serenity and Stupidity.

Chris and The Sister Wife (also known as his new car) have complicated our week rather significantly with quite a bit of confusion and delay.  The full story will be forthcoming..as soon as it reaches some sort of closure.  In the meantime, as penance, I have made Chris guest post for me about an exploit […]

Look and Find, Google-Style.

Once a year, I wade through the Google search terms that have led people here.   This year, there were 58,635 people using 17,525 separate search terms that landed them on my blog. (Clearly, I talk about a vast smattering of topics…most of which are ridiculous and unimportant, which happens to be people’s favorite type of […]

A PSA To Car Dealerships Everywhere.

When Chris and I bought my very first new car in 2003, we started out with a delightful salesman. He was a young Nigerian guy, and he was kind, helpful, and not at all pushy.  We’d talked trades, we’d picked out the one we wanted (a beautiful sage green Honda Civic), and right as we […]

On Creating a Miniature Shopkeeper.

Besides Playing Office, playing Store was my favorite game as a kid. In general, I liked to handle money, make kid-formatted by-hand spreadsheets, and fill out paperwork. (Still do.) I don’t know why I haven’t thought of introducing Ali to the game, but the other day, she suggested it to me. My heart swelled with […]

The Turkish Connection.

After booking any trip out of town, the first thing that Chris and I do is look for the local Greek restaurant. I was brought up on Greek food – “Yes you will eat lamb, and you will like it!!”, and I adore it with all of my being. And Chris, being that he is […]

The Equations of Camping.

Despite my extreme reservations about the June Alabama heat, we went on a family camping trip to our favorite Alabama secret, Buck’s Pocket State Park, this last weekend. And when I say “camping trip”, I mean one night.  And for that one night, we rented a camper.  Because juggling two kids on a daily basis […]

The Mystery of Roast.

Aside: I received some thrilling news yesterday, as I was included as an honoree in Blogher’s Voices of the Year 2012.  (You’ll find me towards the bottom in the “Visuals” category.)  I elaborated at length last year about what Voices of the Year means to me, so I will not do so again.  But I’d […]

The Great Flush.

It took a week for this story to become untraumatic enough to share.  A week and at least ten hot, scalding showers. Finally, at five and a half, I am starting to do “rest time” instead of nap time with Ali.  Sometimes, mind you. After the first day, she told me she’d rather have nap […]

A Serial Monogamist.

If you’re friends with Chris or I on Facebook or Twitter, you might have noticed that, a few days ago, he made an interesting, and perhaps impractical decision.  A decision that, although I did predict that it would happen a year ago, might make me feel a bit self-conscious about the conclusions of frivolosity that […]

Telling Jennifer Holliday Surprising News.

All photos taken from one performance during the finale of American Idol.  If you fast-forwarded through it, you really missed out. Hey, um, Jennifer?  You do realize that Paula isn’t on the show anymore, right? And I think she wants her hair back. Oh – and the 1994 Mother of the Bride that you ripped […]

The Read-Aloud Challenge.

Last week, Ali and I had amazingly fantastical adventures every single day. We found a golden ticket, sailed down a chocolate river in a pink candy boat, saw squirrels opening walnuts without breaking said walnuts, rode in a glass elevator with millions of buttons, and sat on the edge of our seats as a bad […]

A Draw Something Miracle.

After bearing great waves of shame in my Draw Something Tell-All post, I quit playing for a couple of weeks.  I just couldn’t bring myself to draw any more of my frighteningly appalling Works of Shame. …Then I attempted to play again, hoping for a miracle in the form of spontaneous artistic giftedness. That miracle […]

Big Announcements, and Designer Denim Giveaway!!

Update: Due to significant changes in the company and a terrible downward spiral in denim quality, I no longer recommend shopping through Vault Denim. I now buy all of my jeans through Nordstrom Rack’s app, HauteLook, which regularly features my favorite brands of designer jeans at half the cost. I highly recommend it! My current […]

On Being Male.

Hi! Noah Here. So I guess you’ve been missing my guest posts, right? Right?? Well, I’ve been busy.  Busy trodding down a path of an existential proportions, contemplating the meaning of life…as a boy. I’ve largely had to figure it out on my own, since The Sister Who Calls Herself Ali doesn’t even know the […]

My Life On The Road.

Much of my childhood, unbeknownst to me, was centered around my Grandfather’s ongoing health and livelihood. Sometime before I was born, the doctors told my Granddad that unless he got active and lost some weight, he would die very soon.  My Dad immediately began trying to figure out what he could do to get my […]

Parenthood 2.0: The Response

Oh look!! I finally got an answer from Tech Support regarding my Parenthood 2.0 issues and questions… Dear Motherboard, Thank you for your email to our tech support department.  We will try to address all of your concerns and make suggestions for Boy Child 1.0 System Improvements. Regarding the system crashes caused by running Boy […]

A Foodie Conference, From the Non-Foodie.

Last weekend, I stepped out of my comfort zone (which is right here behind this computer screen) and attended the Atlanta Food and Wine Festival. By myself. Without knowing a single soul that would be there. A bit intimidating, but also exciting. I went because I love food.  I really love food. But the minute […]

Regarding Those That I Mother.

As a blogger, I find myself quite self-conscious about not drowning my corner of the internet with vast quantities of photos of my kids. Despite the fact that I have really cute ones. (Am I allowed to say that?) But you know what?  Yesterday was Mother’s Day.  And the day before that, I wrote.  About […]

Happy Mother’s Day, from Time Magazine.

You might have seen it by now. You might have even seen it before it came out, like I did. Time Magazine, in an apparent celebration of Mother’s Day, published the following issue on Friday: “Are You Mom Enough?” The title immediately infuriated me.  The challenging, smug look on her face, the nannie-nannie boo-boo (no […]

Typically 2,310 Miles Apart.

I’ve had opportunities to get to know several of you a lot better lately, and I’m loving it. …Meridith has been, by request, making me aware of differences in dialect and habits between me and Australia. …EleanorJane, my resident differentialist between New Zealand and I, just moved to England and, therefore, has a whole new […]

Parenthood 2.0

Dear Tech Support, I recently upgraded my software to Boy Child 1.0.  I’m also running Girl Child 5.0 and was previously running Boy Child 0.11 without incident, but upgrading to 1.0 seems to be causing some conflicts. Boy Child 1.0 is constantly overrunning Girl Child 5.0’s processes, creating both programs to either freeze up or […]

She Has a Dream.

“Did you see this picture I’m working on? I’m an artist!” “Yes, you’re a very good artist!” “Well, I’m an artist now – while I’m a kid.  But I’m going to be a Princess Ballerina when I grow up.” “Well, you can do the ballerina part, but probably not the Princess part.” I immediately regretted […]

What Happens in the Bank…

I’ve had to do a lot of banking lately. As I’ve mentioned before, I’m an accountant during naptimes.  And so I’ve recently needed to open up a few new accounts for a business. Unfortunately, a stay-at-home-Mom cannot go into a bank branch during naptime.  So one has to take their two children along with them […]

The Unoriginal, Ungourmet Cook.

I need to ask you guys a crucially important question. I love to cook.  I’m usually too busy blogging lazy to do much of it, but I enjoy it nonetheless. However, I’m not some super-fancy blogger toiling away at 3 AM developing recipes and discovering new ways to use rare white truffles from the Croatian […]

Grounded For Life.

This kid is grounded. Consider these symptoms: For our entire vacation last week, he walked around with his finger jammed in his right ear. …Or if he wasn’t doing that, he was shaking his head out to the right, as if he was desperately trying to knock loose a gallon of water from within the […]

Conquering Teething, and $100 Target Gift Card Giveaway!

Having a boy teether has been a completely different experience. Because let’s face it – men do not handle pain as well as women. (Or at the very least, they want you to be fiercely aware of their discomfort at all times.) But despite Noah’s continuous anger while teething, I don’t like the thought of […]

The Vacation Album.

Last week was our somewhat-annual family vacation. Somewhat-Annual Family Vacation: \ noun \ ; what my family does instead of exchange gifts for any holidays or birthdays; a vacation that is supposed to occur annually but periodically gets cancelled for the purposes of birthing babies, during which years nobody gets anything.  Except new babies. Last […]

4-27-2011.

One year ago today changed my life forever. But yet, the damage to me personally was so miniscule compared to thousands of other people in my state, some living only twenty minutes away. Like bear claws ripping through flesh, 62 tornadoes tormented Alabama, forever altering the course of 691 miles of our beautiful state. Photo […]

The Art of Discernment.

My Dearest Blog Readers, I just wanted to let you know that I am looking out for you. It’s not in my nature to hound you with advertisements, beat you over the head with product placement, or barrage you overly-unrequested opinions.  And even when I do come across products and companies that I do find […]

Zulily: The Burning Questions.

I do love me some Zulily. Half of Ali’s summer wardrobe, including her Easter dress, arrived via Zulily. Every morning, I fit it into my routine to peek around at the day’s sales before my miniature tenants wake up. Besides the benefit of getting to shop the best deals for both me and the kids, […]

Ford Flex, the Mommybloggermobile.

It took Obsession.  Overanalysis.  Focus.  Dedication.  And… – 635 days from the time I first blogged about it. – 50 days from the time we decided to buy to actually find one that met all of our criteria and price point. – 177 miles driven to purchase it. But I finally have one of my […]

Giveaway, $360 Value: Atlanta Food & Wine Festival!

Oftentimes, the South gets a bad rap from other parts of the nation.  And, although we do like getting the respect that we deserve, sometimes we don’t mind living in a well-kept secret of beautiful forests, striking mountains (Yes! We have mountains!), the best beaches in the world, and the most friendly, welcoming people you’ll […]

Aflac, For Mommies.

Dear Aflac, Hi!  Let me introduce myself.  I am an accountant with a specialty in Human Resources.  Over the past decade, other than being a stay-at-home Mom, I have managed employee benefits for small companies, including supplemental insurance policies such as those you offer. Although I appreciate your catchy duck-based marketing strategies, I’ve personally never […]

The Artistic Train Wreck.

My Dad is an artist. Well, he’s kinda everything.  He’s an artist, writer, antique car restorer, race car builder, car mechanic, race-around-the-world navigator, ex-cop, chicken coop designer, beekeeper, home builder, Le Mans Series Race Tech Inspector, woodworker, ADA Surveyor Consultant, and inventor. (What he is not, for the record, is an Excel Pro.  At least […]