Infusion Lost in Translation.

My fruit-infused water obsession has grown tremendously since I last posted about it. I ordered two more water bottles, carry one with me almost all the time, and now refuse to drink Dasani or Aquafina even if it costs an impressively expensive $1.79 at the gas station.

Pah. Water that tastes slightly of cucumber is just better. And that’s a fact.

(Unless I have no cucumber water. Then I’ll drink any old water.)

Last weekend, we had our make-up mom’s retreat for the small group moms that couldn’t go on the original trip. (And me. Because my husband made me plan it. So I had to go on a second retreat. Darn.) I took my water bottles and my pitcher (still a bit sticky on the outside), because I’m obviously a water snob like that.

But as such, I left a large empty hole in our refrigerator at home.

I didn’t think it was that big of a deal – the kids have declared that they do not like my fruity water, and I did leave Chris his bottle of infused water for any runs he might take in my absence. But apparently, at least one of the children is more attached to the idea of fruity water than I expected.

And so Ali decided to make her own.

When I got home on Sunday afternoon and opened the fridge to put my pitcher of infused water back in its reserved spot, I discovered that it had been replaced.

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There was a well-labeled concoction in its place, the origin story of which I did not know.

What was this water of fruitiness infused with? And was Ali actually drinking it? Had she come over to The Fruit Side with me?

When I asked these important questions, she obligingly walked me through her process of fruit infusion.

Step One: Put Runts in a glass.

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Step Two: Add water to the Runts.

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Step Three: Decide you want more Runt flavors in your infusion.

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Step Four: Watch the Runts infuse.

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Step Five: Watch harder.

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Step Six: Stir Runts to speed up the process.

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Step Seven: Enlist help in watching even harder.

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Step Eight: Taste your infusion.

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Step Nine: Repeat steps one through eight with triple the amount of Runts.

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Step Ten: Grab an extra straw and convince your mom to try your infusion.

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(It tasted like licking the unmopped floor in a Gatlinburg candy shop after a long weekend of winter youth retreats.)

Step Eleven: Fill the fridge with every flavor combination imaginable. For whomever might happen by and desire some Runt-Infused Water.

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Step Twelve: Ask your mom, thoughtfully, if she thinks you might could package and sell your infused water. When you’re just a little older.

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But. As excited as Ali was about her Runt Creations, she did also experiment with real fruit. In particular, our neighborhood-harvested muscadines.

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After the children were in bed last night, I found this on my kitchen counter:

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…which made me eternally grateful for the Runt Infusions.

Because at least they didn’t look like dissected cow eyeballs.

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