Reasons I Homeschool


18. If my kid is going to pass notes in class, they’re going to have to be to me. And I DO love getting a good note – especially if it’s creatively folded and contains at least twenty hearts.

17. I like being able to answer the question “When are your kids starting back to school?” With “I have no idea – whenever we get around to it.”

16. Because I never want to get a Lice Letter. The paper it was written on would make me itch.

15. Because I don’t believe in alarm clocks. Or brushing a seven-year-old’s hair first thing in the morning.

14. If I don’t like how my kid is progressing, the entire school changes curriculum.

13. Back-To-School shopping means new pajamas for everyone! Because school uniforms should always have stretchy waistbands.

12. A trip to the mall can count as math – “Find Mommy the best deals, students!”

11. No one is getting duct-taped naked to a flagpole around here (because that happens at every school and not just in Veronica Mars, right?)

10. It’s super easy to pick out who gets to be the Teacher’s Pet.

9. Because evenings are for eating, playing with Daddy, and going to bed promptly so the teacher can clock out – not for homework.

8. Because I never find out about a class project the night before it is due. Or have to take home the Class Tarantula for the weekend. Or feel guilty because I have absolutely no desire to be a Class Mom.

7. The Teacher/Student Ratio is an efficiency bomb: we spend approximately 75% less time doing school.

6. Because I find sleeping with the principal to be fun.

5. Because I can go to a coffee shop by myself anytime I want and call it a PTA meeting. And “Meet The Teacher” consists of me treating myself to a Mint Chocolate Chip Sorbet.

4. I never have to wonder what kind of junk my kids are buying in the Cafeteria. All their junk comes STRAIGHT FROM ME. Nor do they have to wonder about the ominous lunch lady or the equally dubious mystery meat.

3. Because packing lunches is, on a misery scale of razor burn to abscessed tooth, a solid C-Section without an epidural.

2. If the classroom feels claustrophobic, I can decide that it’s time for a Science Day and we can take a Nature Walk. Also known as a walk.

1. If I get really fed up, I can declare it PE and tell my kid to clean her room – with vigor.

Nine Reasons Why I Sometimes Wish I Didn’t Homeschool.

9. QUIET. There could be quiet. Like real, live, honest-to-goodness SILENCE.

8. I’d have a totally legitimate reason to put my kids to bed even earlier.

7. Someone else could take a turn at answering my daughter’s 500+ questions a day.

6. I could get my hair cut and colored. Without having to find a babysitter.

5. Long division.

4. Laundry could be a task that could be focused on and completed, rather than shoved into every empty second of the school day.

3. I’d get a break from the Mommy Guilt of “Am I doing it right? Am I doing enough? Am I making my kid stupid?” …. just kidding, then I’d just have Mommy Guilt of “Is this school the right choice? Am I spending enough time with my kid when they get home? Is someone else making my kid stupid?”

2. My kid could make all of those cutesy crafts and I wouldn’t have to be the one with glitter up my nose.

1. Did I mention that there could be quiet? Without even hiding in my closet.

26 thoughts on “Why I Homeschool.

  1. Love this! It makes homeschooling seem less daunting! (and appealing. In about 1 week our 5 year old starts Kindergarten. But I have to bring a 3 year old and a 6 month old along for our drive) Hold me.

  2. You are hysterical! We are sending our 5 year old to Kindergarten on 9/2 and I just got the bus schedule yesterday. I’m already doubting myself. Although since I work from home and my 2 year old will start preschool at our church, I am looking forward to quiet time and being able to maintain a clean house for more than 5 minutes!

    PS – I started reading your blog in 2009 when my son was a baby, back when kindergarten felt a million years off. All those old ladies are so right that time goes by fast.

  3. Yes, yes, 1,000 times yes!!!! And packing lunches is the absolute worst! We have co-op once a week, and we have to pack lunches. I have resorted to buying Lunchables every single week. Last year, I also had to pack one for myself, and discovered that’s even worse than packing them for my kids. This year, I made sure to only volunteer for things that happened AFTER lunch, so I can eat at home and then show up.

  4. #6. You are too funny!!!

    My mama always said if she home schooled we’d be at the mall studying % off!

  5. Love this!
    And, oh, YES about the quiet!

    P.S. Wanted to add another one. My kids are older, so reason 19: They can choose their next obsession according to their taste, not because everyone in class like it. It being another game/singer/movie/clothes…

  6. Love this! We just started at Excelsior. All of your “reasons” sound just like mine. I’ll add, “teacher dress code includes yoga pants and t shirt. Bra optional.”

  7. As a fellow homeschooling mom, I absolutely love your list! I especially love #6 on your 18 reasons list. :-)

  8. Aaaarrrrgh, I LOVED this post! It made me so happy!! Don’t get embarrassed, but your family really inspires and encourages me as a fledgling homeschooling mom. You are awesome. Your kids are awesome. The proof is in the pudding, friend… You are definitely doing a great job. ;-)

    Also, I will watch your kids for you while you get your hair done if you will return the favor! Problem solved!

  9. “…just kidding, then I’d just have Mommy Guilt of “Is this school the right choice? Am I spending enough time with my kid when they get home? Is someone else making my kid stupid?””


  10. This is perfect. I also love when people ask my kids when they are going back to school, or which school they attend, or what grade they are in – and my kids just stare at them blankly or answer that they don’t go to school. Ha!

  11. So glad i got to read this, found it while looking on pinterest at the “‘ Learn the 50 states at the breakfast table”, I started homeschooling in February because my girls were being bullied in public school. They will be in the 5th,2nd,1st and i will doing Preschool with my son. Last year alone there was two bomb threats,drugs were found in their elementary school. I live in a rural south alabama town, crime is at the doorsteps and i feel like my children are safer at home and will get to learn more. Reading this post put it into perspective, thank you.

  12. Love this!!

    Ideally in the future I would home school for the first couple grades and up until recently, the only home schoolers I have known in the wild are either very Duggar-like (except with longer skirts, stricter religious views, and smaller houses) or very hippy-dippy “unschooling” never brush your hair kids alway barefoot and dirty. And both “factions” exhibit traits of government paranoia. ANYWAY, all that is to say it’s nice to know there are normal families out there who home school. :)

  13. Rachel,
    Thank you! So funny! Love this, esp. as we began homeschooloing this year. I appreciate
    Your humor & truth rolled
    Keep on writing.
    Judi from.Ohio

  14. wow…that’s like a sure shot Making of a SocioPath story.
    So home schooling is at best – Convenient for the mom…or rather preferable cos of the Horror of lunchbox packing.. LOL
    so is the plan to continue home schooling with home-workingForYourMom later on too ?

    will the kid ever forgive u for never giving her the real experience of making friends over homework struggles, or sharing a laugh with classmates over the teacher’s funny accent.. or having a crush in class ?

    unless the only school around is manned by the mafia, what IS the real reason for this warped childhood in the making ? which of these activities cannot be done with the kid around or after regular school ?

    and the Math story…is hilarious !! lol no wonder American kids have no future in math. But then I suppose working at the cashier she CAN use multiple calculators to figure out what to do when someone pays $20 and 50cents for a $15.50 bill. Aww so cute !

    ah well… amazing !

    1. I can see that public school did wonders for you. Aside from the fantastic grammar and spelling, you also clearly got and A+ in “How to be Judgemental 101”. Well done.

  15. and how normal is it to hand over your own flesh and blood to the State and trust them to do a good job. b/c they already do such a good job on everything else they do. and yeah, no homeschool kid ever had friends. we lock them up tight night and day. oh wait, they can do whatever they want after 3 hours of school is done. besides, what child would forgive their parents for shipping away their childhood to have the life bullied out of them? please, do your research, as sherlock would say. you speak foolishness.

  16. Yeah, Rachel. Don’t you know that homeschooled kids will never develop crushes or even have a chance to marry? Their lives are basically ruined!

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