My husband walked into the room, looking dejected.
“You must think I’m a horrible man.”
“What?? Why?!? You’ve been unbelievably helpful this week.”
“I found your shopping list.”
“Oooooh. Yes. Is this about me not asking you to buy pads?”
“Yup. You asked me to pick up everything else on your list – except that.”
“I dunno….I just….I guess….I just….didn’t want to do that to you?”
“You know I would get them without batting an eyelash!”
“Of course! I just…I don’t know why I didn’t ask.”
He let it go.
For eighteen hours.
The next day at lunch, he texted me.
“Do you need me to pick you up some pads?”
Close to five o’clock.
“Still need pads?”
On the way home.
“Should I stop for pads?”
Calm down about the freaking pads already!!!
I really didn’t have a good reason not to ask him – my husband is the most servant-hearted, sensitive, un-embarrassable guy I know. And I wasn’t embarrassed to ask him – I mean I’m blogging about it aren’t I? He’s certainly been through much worse with me (the horrifying after-effects of childbirth are one of the only things so disgusting that I refuse to write about it, and he bought everything I needed that week including the rubber gloves), and he’s unnervingly OCD about buying the right product at all times….all logic points to the fact that my husband is the IDEAL man to be a feminine product purchaser.
Yet we’ve been married since 2001 and I’ve never asked him to perform this task. And the way he sees it, I’m robbing him of the opportunity to be the wind beneath my wings.
Was I normal? Was I not? I needed to know, as angst crept up and filled my soul like blue liquid being poured onto an absorbent surface.
The only solution was a Facebook poll. I asked two questions:
1. How long have you been married?
2. Do you ask your husband to buy you feminine products?
Nothing brings Facebookers together like an intriguing question, so I received 122 answers within 18 hours, and many included fantastic commentary.
But first, the stats.
51% of women absolutely ask.
14% rarely ask.
4% have asked once (most commonly that “once” happened immediately following childbirth. If only my own post-childbirth needs had been for feminine products…that would have been nearly delightful.)
31% have never asked.
I can live with being in the 31 percent. And hopefully Chris can figure out how to put a cork in his complex.
It was difficult to tell if there was a correlation to length of marriage and Male Feminine Product Purchases (MFPP), except that couples in the 15-20 year bracket are abnormally low in the “yes” department. We’re at nearly 13 years, so perhaps we’re slightly ahead of our marital generation.
I didn’t ask for reasons why, but many of the “no” and “rarely” people offered their logic anyway. And surprisingly, only 13% of the time was the issue potential husbandly embarrassment.
No. The real reason seems to be a suspected or proven lack of MFPP proficiency.
If you assume “He’d need specific instructions” is the more tactful way of saying “he’d buy the wrong thing”, then 41% of men are dodging the bullet, so to speak, based on their lack of shopping detail.
No one, however, said “No but I don’t know why.” So clearly I need to search my own heart for answers.
While I’m exploring my motivations, here were my favorite responses.
You ladies make my life so much richer.
Please feel free to add your own commentary below – your input may be crucial in aiding my super long overnight soul search.