A few nights ago, I was rocking Noah before bed.
Which is when he discovered my boobs.
He began rubbing them vigorously, all while saying excitedly, “I found your TUMMY!!!!!!”
Then he looked at his chest…then looked back at mine…then at his…
“Wait a minute.….…….What’s that poppin’ out your shirt?”
I ignored him, hoping his curiosity would go away.
He reached into my shirt and said,
“OH! It’s your panties!!! …….…No. Your panties are on your legs.…….What ARE these poppin’ out your shirt??”
At which point I put an end to his explorations.
“I put squinkies in my drink.”
“Because I love you.”
Noah: “mmmmm….It smells like cimmamon.”
Me, smelling him: “It smells like poop.”
Noah: “Oh yeah! That’s what it is – poop!!”
After drooling, “Mommy!! Can you wipe my choke off?”
Upon seeing me get out the fingernail clippers, “NO! I don’t need a fingernail haircut!!”
When I wore a new, bright lipstick: “What kind of FACE do you have?”
One of the many times I picked him up and said “Wow you’re heavy!”: “I wish I was wittle again.”
Randomly to Chris: “You make me cough every day, Dad.”
After turning on Chris’ bedside lamp to match my bedside lamp and therefore create symmetry: “There we go. That made me feel better.”
Completely randomly: “It smells like….smells like Daddy.”
Another night, snuggling in bed, right after I’d told him how much I loved him, he looked adoringly at me and said, “Mommy….there’s a roach on your head.”
I jumped up screaming and brushing and jumping.
“Where’s the roach?!?”
“There wasn’t one.”
Noah, chasing me down in the bathroom…
“Ali hit me with the iPad!!”
“Was it an accident?”
“Yes……….I’ll go tell Ali I’m so sorry.”
…Clearly he’s used to being on the other side of the hitting equation.
Another day when I was in the bathroom, he came in and put his hands on my knees.
“What are you doing, Noah?”
“I’m holding you on the potty.”
“Because I want to.”
Noah got a card game in his kid’s meal. From the back seat, he asked,
“Is this a game?”
“Is this a game for the iPad?”
“Is this like a game for the iPad?”
Are iPads like iPads?”
“No they’re not, Mommy!! iPads ARE iPads!!!”
My house stank. Badly. I was going on and on, sniffing the fridge, the trash, the counter, all while exclaiming loudly how disgusting the house smelled.
Meanwhile, Noah was yelling at me from the other room, and I was ignoring him, because the smell was all I could focus on.
Finally, he walked into the kitchen and said “Guys. It’s me.”
I checked his diaper, and he was 100% accurate.
She ran into Noah’s room, breathless, first thing in the morning.
“Last night, I had an ant asleep on my foot. And then, I either stepped in poison ivy or the ant started sleepwalking because look at these itchy bumps on my foot!”
I asked, “Well…why do you think the ant was asleep?”
“Because he wasn’t moving!”
Ali has a new cat hanging around our house, and she named him Fred. She’s feeding him, playing with him, and loving his company.
Being that Fred is an outdoor cat and quite out of her authority, she frets over his safety quite a bit, warning him of the dangers of cars and mean dogs.
One particular day, she was especially concerned because he seemed to have been exploring the storm drain – something I’ve always told her was exceedingly dangerous. As she told me the story, she ended it with,
“And either that drain was really short or it was the first time I’ve seen Jesus do a miracle, because he popped right back out!”
The ride to Church is always the time for deep theological discussions.
“There’s been something I’ve been disappointed in lately. I’m not mad at God or anything, just disappointed about the world.”
“Really? What’s that?”
“It’s just that whenever you try to get Noah to use the potty, he doesn’t, but then I feel like I have to.”