1. When you first hear of other countries’ lockdowns.
2. Reading the new rules that apply to you. Every day.
3. What you think of the rules when you first hear them.
4. Arguing with the new rules.
5. Realizing the rules are happening with or without you.
6. When you find out you’re non-essential.
7. When you realize you’re actually essential.
8. Resolution that this is us.
10. Doing what needs to be done.
12. Every day, every news story.
13. Surely there’s something we can do to fix it.
14. Worst case scenarioing to make yourself feel better.
15. Remembering relaxation is actually what you always wanted.
16. Attempting to enjoy the relaxation.
17. Reading too many articles.
18. Trying to sort out what’s true.
19. Thinking you had it all sorted out.
20. Realizing you definitely didn’t.
21. Having a news hangover.
22. Realizing that every day has 24 hours that you will spend in your house.
23. Accepting it.
24. Realizing you will see no one but your spouse for the next 13 months.
25. Renewing your physical touch consent agreement with your spouse.
26. Accidentally seeing news.
27. Perfecting laziness.
28. Regretting laziness.
29. Finding yourself talking to the inanimate objects in your house, and giving them new personalities.
30. Realizing you have to go to the grocery store.
31. Wondering if you can ask your doctor for a three-month coma.
32. On your 153rd text to your best friend before 10am on Monday.
33. Remembering what it was like to go to a restaurant.
34. Telling yourself it will get better.
35. Losing all sense of time, space, purpose.
36. Crafting the grief away.
37. Trying to figure out what you miss the most.
38. Describing your complex feelings to your family.
43. Being informative on Facebook.
44. Not actually replying to informative friends.
45. Being Judgy McJudgerson on Facebook.
46. Not actually replying to judgmental friends.
47. Being whiny on Facebook.
48. Not actually replying to whiny friends.
49. When you forget for just a minute…then remember.
50. When your former life no longer exists.
51. When your spouse arrives home from work.
52. Forgetting completely how to people.
53. Your daily undoing.
54. When this is all over, how we wish we could greet every stranger we see on the street.
55. How we will actually greet people for the rest of our quirkaparanoid lives.