Know Your Downton Risk Status.

{Spoiler Alert – only continue reading if you’ve finished watching Downton Abbey Season Three, which ended in America on Sunday.}

I felt it best to give you all a couple days of Downton Silence out of respect for your mourning.

Because I know – I’ve been there. Since I hacked it and watched Season Three with England, I had to deal with my grief privately, finding a quiet solace with a few other equally impatient friends.

Fortunately, Christmas Day was too busy for me to watch the last episode, but when I did watch it on the 26th of December, I empathized for all of the ruined Christmases in the UK (and was surprised that I hadn’t heard of any Class-Action Lawsuits against Julian Fellowes.)

But besides the fact that the last episode was horrible, it was, in my opinion, a very shoddy death. Could it have been more obvious and foreboding? Could they have worked any harder to throw an heir into the picture at the last minute?? How dare they rob us the joys of nine months of Lady Mary as a half-crazed, fire-breathing, hormone-fueled pregnant ogress???

Reprehensible.

For weeks after watching, I didn’t know if I even wanted to watch Season Four. I quit recommending the show to everyone I met, and was positive that I would have been happiest if I’d blissfully concluded my stint as a Downton Fangirl approximately 45 seconds before the end of that cursed Christmas “Special.”

But I’ve had a couple of months to acclimate now, and I’m feeling better.

And you will too – I promise.

But in the meantime, I thought that it was time for an updated chart.

With the bodies stacking up, we’re all a bit more jumpy these days.

Who’s next?

Is it safe to get attached to anyone?

What about me – if I were to suddenly find myself in Downton Abbey, would I meet an untimely demise?

Not to worry – I’ve made you a handy flowchart so that you can know with certainty whether to take out that extra life insurance policy or rest on your Aristocratic Laurels.

How to tell if you're at risk of dying unexpectedly in Downton Abbey.

I hope that helps.

Now go finish your mourning.