Here’s the thing. When you’ve never met someone in real life or even had a single phone conversation with them, but then come and live at their house for five days, you learn a lot about them in a short amount of time. In a normal friendship, these peculiarities are spread out over such a long period of time that the person in question might seem normal. Perhaps not as much in the friendship of Heather-The-Blog-Reader-From-Mozambique and myself.

Ergo, this list was born.

A guest post, by Heather The Missionary.

Top Secret

19 Secrets I Learned about Rachel.

1. Her basement is a death trap.

2. She bathes her kids even less than she claims.

3. She has serious angst when hitting publish on her blog posts.

4. Hospitality is not her gift. (But it is her husband’s.)

5. She enjoys listening to “Dreaming with Jeff” and can be found late at night giggling along to his “soothing” voices.

6. She drinks energy shots like a teenage boy.

7. She enjoys a good fruity cocktail at the end of a long day (but then.. who DOESN’T?)

8. Her back porch is an accident waiting to happen (yet she sends her hubby out there to BBQ.)

9. She has pet names for her SUV (and all SUVs like it.)

10. She doesn’t know why anyone reads blogs. For real.

11. It’s a good thing she homeschools because she would NEVER have her kids at school by seven every morning! (Eight would be pushing it too.) (And also nine.)

12. If she had a chance at another career…. Graffiti Artist is a completely viable option.

13. She loves to show off all things southern – especially food! But only if she doesn’t have to cook it.

14. She stinks at fast forwarding in a manner that doesn’t frustrate the entire room.

15. She’s having an affair with Chick-fil-a.

16. She is the strangest mix of introvert/extrovert…Like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde only neither side of her is a psychopathic villain.

(That she knows of.)

17. She freaks out in the middle of the night approximately one week before she has visitors and sends long, rambling disclaimers via Facebook about how she is not as much fun in person and really quite high maintenance.

18. She runs over a lot of curbs.

19. She collects lint from the dryer on her windowsill.

Bonus one added by me…

20. She simply cannot HANDLE a list of 19 items. 19?! An odd number, a prime number, AND one away from a nice even number? Unacceptable.

12 thoughts on “Top Secrets Learned about Rachel.

  1. This is hilarious, and Rachel, I am SO glad you added the last one, because the random odd number was driving me crazy, too! You saved my sanity!

  2. This is a very brave (and hilarious) post! I don’t think I am ready for the whole Internet to know about all of my “peculiarities.” Aside from the fact that anyone who came to stay at my house would probably run screaming into the night after dealing with two weird introverts and three nosy dogs.

  3. Laughed out loud at (and also nine)!
    Thanks for sharing. We all have our peculiarities but we aren’t all willing to have them published. I suspect this post will be bait for a future troll!

    1. laughed out loud at which one? – I had a lot of fun compiling this list with Rachel- and the list in general was her idea! And ALL of them are true. I think Chris thought we had lost our minds when he found us on the couches laughing hysterically over some of the things on this list… :)

  4. Lol! This is a great list! I live it ! Especially since I wouldn’t have guessed a lot of these! The not gifted with hospitality surprised me as well as the dryer lint. Too funny. :)

    1. I would like to take a moment to explain the dryer lint.

      It’s actually for a real purpose.

      Did you know that the best way to pick up broken glass shards is with dryer lint?

      It’s true.

      So I always keep some in the windowsill just in case something gets broken.

  5. This list is AWESOME. Fruity drinks, eh? Also, the dryer lint reminds me of a Seinfeld bit: He was talking about a detergent commercial where they show a family’s laundry and a shirt has a lot of blood on it. He said, “if you have that much blood on your clothes, maybe laundry isn’t your biggest problem”. I’m thinking, maybe it’s time to stop using glass plates and glasses. ;)
    Also, if I feel called to homeschool my 3 kids, you can bet we won’t start until at least 10:30!

  6. I already knew #1. It’s like an episode of Hoarders. I DESPERATELY want to clean it!!

    tbh, I know most of these because I babysit your kids. Lol

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