I admit it. I do so much shopping on Hautelook (okay – all of my shopping), that I’ve gotten to know the models.

Each one and I have a special bond. I especially appreciate their ability to show me their true feelings about the clothes they model – because HauteLook has some awesome stuff, and they have some awful stuff. The models speak subtly with their eyes, as if they’re whispering it just to me so that their photographer can’t hear.

One of these lace shirts will make you happy and peaceful. The other will give you PMS.


Recently, I’ve gotten to know two models particularly well. Let’s call them Shelby and Chloe.

Their thoughts have been louder than usual, and I felt that they might need documenting.

Let’s start with Shelby.


Shelby’s kind of in a bad place right now…

That’s because I am NOT Wendy and I am NOT starring in a live-action filming of Peter Pan and WHAT ARE THESE THINGS THEY’VE ROPED TO MY FEET!?


Thanks, but I prefer to not wear my shower curtain.


If you’re going to make me look like Cindy Lou Who, at least give me cool hair.


This dress is camouflage. BARK camouflage. Just in case someone wants to go strapless while hunting grubs?


Oh hooray. I can get mistaken for the technician next time I take my dog to the vet.


Seriously. Seriously? This shirt looks like a mistake. From every angle. Even my thigh gap can’t fix this.


I can’t even.


Why do you hate me.IMG_0853

You found these shoes in the gardening department of Wal-Mart. Didn’t you.


So you’re saying you’re trying to pass this off as a…dress….


I quit, guys. I. Quit.


Many of us can relate to Shelby, who has landed in the employment mire of resentful resignation and acceptance, and has begun to look for a new job.

But now lets meet Chloe, who is still in a state of bewilderment at the ensembles arranged for her like a toddler with a milk crate full of Barbie clothes.


DO YOU SEE WHAT IS ON MY FEET. 1998 is on my feet.


In what world do these four pieces of clothing look normal together. I look like that crazy lady who works down at the DMV.


These pants come with a coupon for 20% off your first month at Retirement Village!


I have a 24 inch waist. TWENTY FOUR. Do you even KNOW how many carbs I gave up for that? And then you do THIS to it?!


Did you just make my belly button look off-centered? Because I think you made my belly-button look off-centered.


Please tell me you’ll be airbrushing.


I hate you so hard right now.


Let’s all take a moment to acknowledge: modeling isn’t as glamorous as we imagined. And let’s add Shelby and Chloe’s job search to our prayer lists.

6 thoughts on “The Model’s Commentary.

  1. So, from these photos, I gather that we’re all meant to look like we’re wearing our nightclothes with the ugliest possible shoes. Except for the “Bobeau sunflower print a-line skirt” outfit, whcih looks like what all the yuppie/hippie older ladies wear to the farmer’s market on Saturdays around here.

  2. Are those prices for real?!?!?? Who the heck would pay $109 for the School Boy Pant. The clothes and the facial expressions are awful…but the prices are worse.

  3. I once thought nineties fashion was so bad there was no possibility it would ever return. Many of these looks are so totally Phoebe Buffay and Rachel Greene, though.

  4. So, clearly Chloe is a mouth-breather. Her mouth is open in every single picture!

    Wait, was I supposed to be looking at the clothes? ;)

  5. Wow these girls are like 80 pounds but in most of these outfits they look slumpy and fat. Obviously they would make a normal size person look like a blimp!

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