Hi! Noah Here.


So.  A lot of people have been asking The Servant Who Calls Herself Mommy how I’ve been coping while she and Ali do school.

Dear Lot of People,

You know I’m human too, right?  If you have a question, just ask me?




But despite your going behind my back in your attempts to get the low-down gossip about me, I’ll answer your question anyway.

School is hideous.


I’m pretty sure that our house has turned into an anarcho-syndicalist commune, except that I never get my turn to act as a sort of executive officer of the week.


No, of course I have no idea what all that means.  I just heard it somewhere and it sounded ominous enough to describe my current state.


So.  What do I do during a school day, they want to know?

Well, I start out by doing a lot of checking in.

“You done yet?”


When I receive no response, I do the responsible thing and go entertain myself.


Oh yeah.  That one was really fun.


So then I check in again.

“How about now?”


They give me nothing.

But despite my indignation at such blatant ignoring, I take the high road and offer my janitorial services.


As an aside, have you ever emptied a wet wipe box just to watch it die?


Let me tell you – that is some good clean fun right there.


Hee.  Clean fun.  Get it?


So when I run out of both adult and toddler butt-wiping implements, I check in again.

“Hey guys – um, how’s it going in here?  Getting any closer to quitting time?”


“SERIOUSLY! You could at LEAST respond to a guy!!”


At that point I get a tiny bit irate.  Goodbye Mr. Helpful.  I need to medicate with some destruction.


Isn’t it amazing how therapeutic that can be?


Around that point, I come to realize that clearly, I need to retreat, regroup, and rewrite my strategies and procedures.

So I take a more subtle approach, this time appealing to the innate desire to play that HAS to still be alive somewhere within The Sister Who Calls Herself Ali.


(By the way, don’t think that hidden roll of toilet paper wasn’t tempting every cell of my Old Self.  But no.  I’m a new man.  I’ve got a new plan.)

What was that?  You didn’t spot me?

Zoom the camera, people!

IMG_0625 copy

And do you know what she did?


She asked The Servant Who Calls Herself Mommy to please remove me.



So you know what I did?  I went and climbed on the other table, found her water cup, poured it out, and RUBBED my diaper in it.


Remove THAT, Sister.


Now in fairness, it must be noted that The Servant Who Calls Herself Mommy has made a few (albeit pathetic) attempts at keeping me entertained during school.

Trying to convert my love of cars into being captivated with Car Stickers, for one.


She did not, however, factor in the extreme frustration that occurs when stickers have the unfortunate issue of being sticky.


Defective – every one of them.

She probably bought them at some half-off sale or something.


Ultimately, the best use of school time that I’ve found yet is hanging with my homies.  My bros.  The only ones who truly care about me.


That’s right – my rides.


But…I have to admit something.


Something a bit embarrassing.


The real reason I don’t like school time?

Because I love The Sister so dang much, and it’s really hard to hug her when she’s holding all of those sharp pencils.


And also?

Because I’m the Executive Ruler.  And they’ve all seemed to forget that.


27 thoughts on “The Dark Side of Education.

  1. Love this post. While I don’t homeschool, I face the same thing when it is homework/study time for my 1st grader. My 3 year old needs “homework” too or at least a good snack to keep him occupied!

  2. LOVE this! And his socks in the second to last picture? Priceless! I need to find something to entertain Jackson while I school the girls. He is all over the place. His current favorite: ashes from the wood stove! We’ve had some serious smack downs over that one. He’s going to have to learn what HOT! means before it gets too much cooler outside. Love Noah posts!

  3. “have you ever emptied a wet wipe box just to watch it die?” I laughed for an age!

    I loved this post and it reminded me so much of how my 16 month old feels and acts when I’m working with my autistic 4 year old on his therapy “homework”! Many a wipes box has died a slow, wet death at her hands.

  4. So funny! I love the pictures where he’s peeking around the corner. So cute. I am hoping S is old enough that she can get in on the schooling. Otherwise I might have a similar post!

  5. My daughters would BOTH get along great with Noah. Wet wipe boxes die quickly around our house, and if I don’t keep the bathroom door shut the toilet paper does too! As for destruction… an art form around here. It’s probably a good thing we live a few thousand too many miles away for a playdate, or they might take over the world! Cute stuff!

  6. Awww…Noah is so sweet! Reading this brings back memories. My little guy was always getting into mischief when when he was that age and I was homeschooling my daughter. We survived though! ; )

  7. Rachel, you should write a book while you are at it. (Janey)
    We think he behaved pretty well considering how rude you girls were to him!

  8. SO CUTE! genius post. i could do one of these as well. samuel gets into everything as well. his favorite is a drawer in the hutch with cards and games. he especially likes the Farkle dice. whenever it’s silent, i have to go check for him. do you have a toy drawer in your kitchen? my friend introduced me to that trick and it helps. it’s a bottom drawer in the kitchen reserved only for toys. it’s worked well for all 3 of mine, though samuel is a tad more curious and destructive so he’ll peer into other drawers as well… recently he took out some cookie cutters and those are still scattered around the house!

  9. Hi Rachel..Such a cute post… I love Noah’s view on how the day goes while Ali is studying.. soooo cute…
    Hei..where did you find those “defective” sticky stickers..? I would love to get something like that for Nathan too..

  10. This is the funniest, cutest post I’ve ever read! I stumbled upon your page looking for a sample schedule of a homeschooling family. I am thinking about homeschooling my three children. My oldest will be in Kindergarten.

    1. Thank you so much, and best of luck at homeschooling! It is a lot of fun. A challenge, but a lot of fun! Did you find what you were looking for, schedule-wise?

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