I do love me some Zulily.

Half of Ali’s summer wardrobe, including her Easter dress, arrived via Zulily.

Every morning, I fit it into my routine to peek around at the day’s sales before my miniature tenants wake up. Besides the benefit of getting to shop the best deals for both me and the kids, I also get the privilege and joy of checking out the…other stuff.

And, being the introspective, overly curious person that I am, these other things always lead to many, MANY unanswered questions.

So. I thought that perhaps, just maybe, if I post them here, someone, somewhere can help me answer one or two.

After all, last time I came to you with my Zulily Questions, you actually solved one of them. So it seems completely worth it to try again.

So. Let’s begin.

1. Where are the Afghan Blanket and Great-Grandmother-curtains that got together and had this baby?

Zulily 1

2. Why didn’t anyone tell me that Blossom was back and designing children’s clothes?


3. Where is the parent that said, “Yeah, I’m totally okay with my little girl having pulled-back curtains down the middle of her skirt.”??IMG_2361

(Many of my questions are followed by a long and uncomfortable shudder.)

4. I know I’m more of a prude than most when it comes to my daughter’s wardrobe, but really, people? Butterflies??

Zulily 2

5. Who stole Dolly’s outfit from Best Little Whorehouse in Texas and reproduced it in child’s sizes?

Zulily 3

6. Why haven’t I gotten on the bandwagon of having carousel horses on my thigh?

Zulily 4

6b. And Fantasy Islands on my kneecaps???


7. Who stole this from my Mother?? Because I distinctly remember last wearing this in the spring of 1984.


8. Are there four words in the English Language that should go together LESS than “Leopard”, “Bikini”, “Toddler”, and “Girls”?


8b. Oh wait. Perhaps “Cheetah”, “Girls”, “Spandex” and “Booty Shorts” could compete.


9. When did it become necessary for toddler girls to go into Full Mourning, Downton Abbey Style?

10. How did the 1986 El Dorado Kansas Wal-Mart Clearance Rack make it onto Zulily?


11. Wasn’t there a Star Trek Episode about this swimsuit?


12. What exactly makes this worthy of originally costing $1,200? 12b. And did anyone pay it? Because I would like to meet them. Now.


13. Who was the marketing genius that came up with the byline “Ready to Boogie”? Because I want to meet them. Now.


14. Does she have her office door closed? 14b. And does she have to look over the top of her glasses quite so sultrily? 14c. And why isn’t anything written on her notepad? 14d. And don’t those red polka dots show through her white shirt when buttoned up? 14e. And why oh why didn’t I patent this when I invented my own five years ago with an old tank top and scissors???


15. How exactly does smock hold up under water? It seems as if it would perhaps weight a child down past the point of flotation…


16. Why aren’t more kid’s clothes screen-printed with belly dancers??


Just in case you wanted to see her closer…


17. How cool would Ali think I was if I looked like Jasmine on the beach?


18. And speaking of the beach, who needs help looking wrinkled, drooping, and flabby? Because I’ve found the suit for you!!


19. How can I make sure that Chris NEVER sees this and forces me to buy a matching set for my children?


20. Isn’t this what was left of Cinderella’s dress after the Stepsisters ripped it up?


21. Where were Tube Socks for Babies when my Babies were Babies?!?!?! Because who wouldn’t want to pay $62 to make their baby’s head be mistaken for a soccer player’s calf??


Please. Feel free to answer below.

35 thoughts on “Zulily: The Burning Questions.

    1. I have actually seen her on What Not to Wear (as a contestant!!) – she seems like a really fun, quirky, Mom. I’d love to meet her!

  1. Those are just utterly horrendous! I had a feeling that another Zulily post was coming when I saw #s 4 &5 on there yesterday… sheeeeeesh. I too, had that exact same sailor outfit in elementary school. I think some of these shops just think to themselves… “I wonder what I can pull out of our warehouse dungeon and get people to buy now?” And I have always had it in the back of my mind that somewhere deep inside the fashion world there are people sitting back and laughing at the world for what they were able to get them to wear.

  2. I’ll take # 18, please, because that is actually an improvement over my real body! ( scary , but true!)

  3. Lol! I bought #19 for AK from Walmart before she was born. Think it was the hormones that bought it, because after she was born, I just could bring myself to put her in that thing. She is way too cute for that. Haha.

  4. Regarding #14 – Yes. I saw that picture and had almost all those same questions, combined with, “Did that model feel as utterly (or should I use ‘udder-ly’) ridiculous as she looks while modeling that contraption?

    Regarding #18 – I think that swimsuit would be really cute on the right body type. An anorexic-looking mannequin is completely wrong for it, though. For those of us who are not a size 0 – 8, that type of shirring is quite complimentary – at least most of the time.

    1. Oh I am a HUGE fan of shirring, but that’s the droopiest variety I’ve ever seen. It also works best when coming from only one side or up from the sides. Having a seam up the middle makes it flabby. My opinion anyway.

  5. The only thing on here I would buy is #18. For a body like mine that fills it out it is very flattering. Not flattering on an anorexic size 2 model. I can not see you torturing your kids with any of the rest.

    1. I really am a fan of shirring on swimsuits. But it needs to start from the side and go all the way across. Meeting in the middle just accentuates things, rather than hides them.

  6. I am speechless. There’s so much going on I’m not sure which one to comment on, but I can tell you that my jaw is bruised from continually hitting the ground and I am out of breath from laughing. However, I do see the beginnings os a clever Halloween costume for Jake in #21…I’m thinking I could get the right color sock and beanie, then paint his face with Glow in the Dark paint and call him a GloWorm.

  7. What’s up with string bikinis for toddlers? I’ve seen these in stores, too — most recently at Belk in the form of ladybugs instead of butterflies. I am all about letting my toddler swim in just a swim diaper (especially now that she’s learning to use the potty and we sometimes need to get the suit off FAST), but putting a string bikini top (or bottom!) on her seems kinda icky.

  8. Rachel, first and foremost, THANK YOU for getting my morning off with laughter! I absolutely love this post! I do love Zulily and have packages arriving at my home at least twice weekly (sometimes more)! It has been my favorite “find” for online shopping for my little one! We currently have about 17 pr of summer sandals! Overkill maybe, but at that price I simply couldn’t resist! :)

      1. You should definitely get your children some sandals when you see them. At $6.99 or $7.99 / pair, I just can’t resist!

  9. LOL, yes Zullily does pose some burning questions. I had a lot of these thoughts when I saw 4, 12, 13 (ewwwww), 14 (what the heck??). I don’t peruse as thoroughly as you I guess because I missed these other ones. I cannot believe the curtain skirt thing. Who on earth thought that was a good idea??? Wow. On the upside they do have some great deals. I just bought K two adorable dresses the other day, and a pair of Crocs sandles for myself. I am really tempted to go on another spree today after some stuff I saw last night. With the free shipping after one purchase I never just buy one thing, because since I have free shipping why not?? Haha:)

    P.S. Did you see the pregnancy pillows today??? Wow. She must have replaced her husband for one because there would be no room for him in the bed!

  10. Just wanted to say that you are hilarious. You just made my day :) I always smile when I read your blog.

  11. you are hilarious. LOVEd the skirt with the pull back curtain. how incredibly inappropriate! how do people not think these things through. and yeah, kids and bikinis. not cool. the boogie nose? wow, why not an old fashioned bulb syringe that the hospital just GIVES you? haha

  12. Late but still relevant. I actually work for the company that put #7 our nautical party pants on the site. The real answer, we have overstock from over the years and people seem to like to buy our vintage (unworn!) nauticals from back in the day.. So as long as we still have em well sell them!



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