A Brief Analysis of Doc McStuffins.

Doc McStuffins logo.png

My kids were late the the Stuffin party, but we arrived with gusto and obsession.

Doc is now the preferable cartoon above all others – including but not limited to Sophia the First, Jake and the Neverland Pirates, Team Umizoomi, and even the revered My Little Pony.

(Which is a shame because the latter show is the only kid’s show worth watching.)

(Seriously. Unlike the sham of a My Little Pony that I had as a kid, the latest rendition is quality television. It’s like the M*A*S*H of the cartoon world. Why else would tens of thousands of Bronies exist? Even adult men can appreciate Twilight Sparkle and the Magic of Friendship.)

But back to Doc.

She’s not Number One on my list of most annoying cartoon characters, but I do have some issues with her.

Let’s discuss.

1. Does she have a first name? Her parents call her Doc, her brother calls her Doc, her friends-she-hardly-sees-because-she’s-too-busy-with-her-fantasy-life call her Doc. Was her Doctor Mom simply so narcissistic that she had to name her firstborn child after her career choice?

(If so, then my friend who works at the wastewater treatment plant really missed one heck of an opportunity.)

Or does she have an elusive first name but Doc has everyone so severely bought into her playworld-in-which-she-won’t-let-any-of-them-participate that no one uses it? I mean, I insisted on being called Carmen Sandiego for a while, but c’mon, Doc, it’s been four seasons. Give the family a break.

(I’m considering insisting on being called Veronica Mars next. She’s my new I-Wanna-Be-A-Detective HERO.)

2. Does Doc’s lab coat ever get washed? Or is her closet full of nothing but white lab coats? Because I am a Mom. And my children don’t own any white clothing. The only Moms who dare tiptoe into the world of white children’s clothing are those that buy $40 white t-shirts with their kid’s name embroidered over a sailboat. And there’s no sailboat on that lab coat. Therefore, we can clearly assume that the writers are not Moms or they would see this glaring continuity issue.

3. Speaking of continuity, how am I supposed to explain the chasm between Toy Story, where the toys only talk when no one is in the room, and Doc McStuffins, where apparently Doc possesses the only power in the known universe to be in the presence of toys when they talk?

Because my kid is a thinker.

And she asks about this conundrum regularly.

And I have no acceptable answer.

4. But most importantly, Doc has led many a child astray with the “It will only tickle a little” line.

I can only imagine how much real doctors and nurses despise Doc for her blatant lies and unrealistic expectations that she’s forcing onto young, impressionable minds. As such, I need to see an episode when it’s time for Doc to go to the actual doctor and get four or more immunizations. I imagine it’d go something like this…

Doc: “OOOOOW!! What the HALLIE?!? That actually HURT! And wait – AM I BLEEDING?!? WHY! AM! I! BLEEDING!!!”

Lambie:“Quit flailing your arm – I thought you were a professional! Now I have blood splattered all over me!! I wanna cuddle.”

Chilly: **faints**

Because if I were her nurse, I’d jab her just a little harder than necessary.