My Dearest Blog Readers,
I just wanted to let you know that I am looking out for you.
It’s not in my nature to hound you with advertisements, beat you over the head with product placement, or barrage you overly-unrequested opinions. And even when I do come across products and companies that I do find life-altering, such as Vault Denim and Flexi the Space Toaster, I am constantly and quite consciously aware of not being that annoying person that never shuts up about their “thing”.
Because I am naturally the super-paranoid type, I always strive to only bring things of value to the table.
With that in mind, when I actually choose to do a product giveaway pitched to me by someone else, you can be assured that it was one of the few that made it through my grievous process of paranoid over-analyzation.
But oh, the opportunities I get.
For instance, sharing the details of how a contraceptive product works for me! And how fabulously it would work for you, too!!
Um, no thanks. I don’t want to be blamed when surprise child #4 rolls into your life based on my recommendation.
Oh, but wouldn’t you like to talk about these Outdoor Trash Bags on your blog, Rachel?
Yes, but can I talk about how well they hold up when one is stuffing the bodies of annoying PR people into them?
But my favorite opportunity as of late has to do with toilet paper.
Because really, who doesn’t want to read a whole blog post about toilet paper?
But it was even better than that – it wasn’t about the toilet paper itself – it was about the toilet paper roll covers.
Special, fancy toilet paper roll covers that are a part of a huge media blitz right now – Chris even was barraged with them by his grocery buggy last week.
I’m not saying that some people don’t find this product useful and necessary. I mean, if I walked by a display of pretty patterned toilet paper roll covers, I might consider it for a moment – until I remembered that they would just add to Ali’s stash of containers to hold her vast collections of tiny, useless items.
But the kicker was that they didn’t just want me to review it – they wanted me to have an…
(wait for it…)
A Toilet Paper Roll Cover In-Home Party.
Because I know you’d all be thrilled to drive to my house for a night of hors d’oeuvres and the opportunity to discuss your immediate need to cover your extra rolls.
“Watch now, as I put the roll in… and take the roll out.”
“Doesn’t it slide smoothly out of it’s home?”
“No one will ever guess that these designer boxes sitting on the back of your commode are actually concealing toilet paper!!”
“I must have them!!”
But really, I think they should expand their focus. What if this toilet paper roll cover company decided to branch out and also offer their adult wet wipes at these fabulous in-home parties?
The hostess could serve Orange Metamucil and Prunes! And everyone could sit around and talk about the satisfaction of a job well cleaned!
(This type of party would most likely work best at homes with multiple bathrooms.)
Or perhaps we should have in-home parties for roach baits?
Because really, who wouldn’t jump at the opportunity to come over to sip on coffee, eat petit fors, and talk about home infestations?
“Make sure that you clearly indicate on the invitation your assurances that there will be plenty of the large, flying cockroaches available to show off the amazing attract-and-kill power of the magic baits!”
In summary, I’m looking out for you. And I just wanted you to know.
…at least until I get offered a small fortune to promo The EZ-Curd© Cheese Maker: Mommy’s Milk Edition.