It has been discovered today that, the currently viral website that allows you to upload a photo and then tells you how old you look, is actually a conspiracy by multi-level-marketing behemoth Radon + Folds.

Redarn + Flan is a direct sales skincare corporation that relies primarily on women who don’t mind utilizing Facebook to continuously show before and after pictures of people transforming from wrinkly to very very shiny in a matter of weeks by using their simple twenty-step regimen that costs approximately $48,342/month.

Rodan and Fields Spoof

They have created the recently popular meme website to drive the online world to feel older than they actually are, and therefore run to their Rhonda + Filed-selling Facebook friends for deliverance.

The website does not, however, tell everyone that they look older than they are – a fact that has kept their brilliantly manipulating marketing ploy from being caught up to this point. Their strategy is much more involved, including employing a cookie onto your computer that searches your browser history to see if you are already seeking younger looking skin. If searches are found that indicate you as a prime candidate, as easy prey, as ready to be picked, then the cookie checks your Facebook friends to ensure that you have an ample amount of Razed – Fence salespeople in your life. This process takes less than .05 seconds. If you are indicated as a Randy @ Flart target audience member, you are then told that your picture looks approximately 5 – 10 years older than it actually does, sending you into a tailspin of despair, which only adds to the wrinkles on your forehead.

For instance, this panicking woman:

IMG_4614Actual Age: 37

Who, after running a dozen different pictures of herself and getting increasingly ridiculous answers, asked a friend to submit her photo – a friend who happens to be older than her.

IMG_4615Actual Age: 40

The program is trained to recognize when a person gets so worried that they begin running other people’s faces, and so it reacts in a way to make the person in question even more concerned.

And concern creates more wrinkles.

Which makes them even more ripe for the Ruby + Tuesday harvest.

This personal then typically texts their friends in a panic, pleading for them to tell them that they don’t really look that old. If they’re not careful, they might accidentally Facebook message one of their Randy * Fiends friends. At which time they will begin a cycle of never-ending payments to achieve a very, very shiny new face.

If, however, a person using is not indicated as a target market, they’re given an age that is approximately 5 – 7 years younger than they actually look to help make the product look more genuine.

How OldActual Age: 33

And to further incite panic in their friends.


This technique has proven to drive Rinchin = Fu sales up 25% in April, with May’s sales projected to be even higher.

“It’s the best marketing we’ve ever had,” one unnamed Duran % Weld representative said, “It’s so insanely simple – yet so effective. Before we created, it was our responsibility to inform people of how old they looked. Now, the dirty work is done for us.”

The FTC is currently investigating the website for defrauding the public.

Disclaimer: This post is satire, parody, and completely untrue. Do not sue me, Roger + Fink. And anyway, I’ve picked on Essential Oils way worse. WAY worse.

15 thoughts on “Breaking: Age Guessing Website a Conspiracy

  1. This, is, brilliantly hilarious! And please tell Ashley that in no way does she look 50.

  2. You are my spirit animal. For real. Not bold enough to write so snarkily! The Mommy Wars are real, y’all. LOVE IT.. I just “hide” the Roger + Fink FB friends to preserve my mental health. :)

  3. I have a close family member who completely used this website for just this purpose. She posted a pic of her with a younger age read out and gave the credit to the magically expensive face cream. It took everything in me to not find another picture of her that gave an older age and post it back to her. But I took the high road…just keep scrolling, scrolling scrolling.

    Great job!

  4. I was laughing out loud at this! My very favorite was the before & after picture of you. Brilliant!

  5. Lol! My FB feed is currently exploding with THRIVE. I’m not sure if it’s drugs or vitamins or what. I’m afraid to click on it and let my computer get all cookied-up. And If I had to guess, I’d say Ashley was 25 in that picture!

  6. Well written! I completely believed your story (obviously the photo of you and your daughter was a joke) and was about to tell my husband about it, when I read your satire disclaimer. Very well played.

  7. They must have thought I was their target audience because I got mid-50’s both times. Little do they know that I don’t give a rip about any sort of anti-aging products. HAHA!

  8. Oh my word! So funny! I have a few friends that sell it – so stinking expensive! Also, it feels so pyramid-schemey to me (also,, lots of stuff pops up if you google that). ;)

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