A couple of weeks ago, Ali informed me of an interesting fact at the breakfast table.

“When Giann babysits me, she makes me go to the bathroom to toot.”

“She does?”

“Yes.  She says it smells too bad.”

“So.  Do you?”

(sigh) “Yes.  I’m not allowed to toot around her anymore.  She says I need to be a lady.”

I was fascinated by this concept.  I didn’t grow up in a rude household, but I also didn’t grow up in a household that stifled bodily functions (as long as the proper “excuse me” was given, of course).  I pondered these facts as the day wore on…

How often IS Ali tooting in front of Giann?

Have we waited too long to teach Ali good manners?

She’s only five…and she never makes a big deal out of it, and it doesn’t even seem like she toots that much. 

And they rarely stink…obviously, Giann has a sensitive nose…or an overactive imagination.

Giann must live in one of those houses where no family member toots.  Ever.  (At least to anyone’s knowledge.)  Yet she has a brother?!? How is that even possible?


I didn’t know what to do with this information, but it seemed to be bothering Ali, as she brought it up to me again later that day, and then to Chris that night.  We assured her that it was okay to toot in front of family (with the proper “excuse me” given, of course), but perhaps it was time to quit being so free with oneself in front of others.

She was puzzled, thoughtful, and had a noticeable wrinkle between her brows.  Her gaze was clouded with a new dawning of knowledge.  It was as if, for the first time in her life, she learned that there could be shame in a bodily function.

Her innocence was lost.

Her eyes were opened.

As if she’d bitten the apple and now felt the need to sew fig leaves to cover herself.

But ultimately, I think she’ll live.

Perhaps she’ll act a little more like a lady around strangers, but with a father like she has, I’m sure she’ll never be allowed to completely miss the humor in such actions.

Speaking of her father, he found the perfect babysitting gift for Giann.








…but I didn’t let him buy it.  After all, I don’t want to lose our awesome babysitter to a horror-induced seizure.

So it’s time for a poll: In which kind of family did you grow up?  In which kind of family do you have now?  I need to know if Giann is our family’s saving grace to learn good manners!

51 thoughts on “Diary of a Windy Kid.

    1. When I went to find it online, I had little luck. Apparently it’s from New Zealand, and is not on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, or Books A Million online. We stumbled upon it in the children’s section of our local Books A Million (along with “The Worst Burp” as well. Here it is on a site in New Zealand (for which I cannot provide any info as to their legitimacy, of course): http://www.thewarehouse.co.nz/red/catalog/product/Sound-Bk-Worst-Fart-Bk-x-5-Buttons?SKU=1545197

  1. I grew up in a house with mostly girls, where you didn’t really point out other people’s smells or burps and asked to be excused if you did make any (all called “rude noises”), but now with our mostly boy house, you have to call out “safety” after you toot or someone else can call out “doorknob” and punch you repeatedly until you touch a doorknob. I didn’t start the game, but I usually end up refereeing. :(

  2. I had 3 brothers and 2 sons, so it’s a no brainer! I’m still having to tell my 27 year old, single male, make sure he doesn’t fart on a date… well at least the first one!

  3. hahaha…I love this!!
    She would toot and laugh about it and then tell me with a smile on her face what she had done. I would be like, “Ali, could you do that in the bathroom next time? It’s not very lady-like.” Then she would just look at me like I had ruined her day. I will tell you, after about 3 or 4 times, she stopped doing it in front of me.

    And I grew up where my mom charged us if we tooted or burped. Like 50 cents to a $1. She started doing that when I was like 5 or 6. Plus, its just gross!

    1. Way to go for your Mom! I don’t think money will work on my husband (who was apparently raised in a barn) but I will find something. I grew up in a house where we had to leave the room to toot. Burping was ok if you did it quietly and said “excuse me”. I’m getting really annoyed with my hubby teaching our 4yr old daughter that it is ok to burp and toot freely with no regard to manners.

  4. Unfortunately for you you are well aquainted with the family I grew up with. Good luck with Ali considering her Daddy and his family. Somewhere down the line I did learn not to toot in front of people that were not immediate family.

  5. First off, what is the title of that book? It looks too funny! I guess it was never a big deal when I grew up (one girl and one boy) or with my kids (three girls and two boys). As parents, we just say “excuse me” when our little ones fart and then they eventually learn to say “excuse me” themselves. I think that was how it was when I grew up. I don’t remember there ever being a big deal made of it. My only child who didn’t catch on to being more discreet around other people was my son, who has Asperger’s. I finally told him when he was like 16, but he still was of the mind that “if you need to let it out, let it out”. The only objection I would have to the whole bay sitter situation is saying that it is not “lady-like”. How about, “It’s not polite”, regardless of gender? Though I don’t think anyone, adult or child, can make sure they never fart or burp around people. Sometimes these things don’t give us a lot of warning.

    1. Yes, true. I think Ladylike is a very southern focus that we have, kind of like saying “ma’am” and “sir”. It stuck with Ali for sure, though.

  6. If we tooted in front of my dad we had to go sit on the toilet for 5 minutes. It wasn’t allowed in public. When I learned from my brother that my dad would fart and burp when it was just the two of them I felt like there was some mysterious side of my dad that I never knew. I guess it’s called the ubber male side. I don’t like it when my kids burp and fart to be rude and obnoxious and if I can tell that’s what they are doing I send them to the other room. It was many years before I realized that families handled things like this differently. Like leaving the bathroom door open when using the toilet. I do with my little kids but grown men leaving the door open when they’re pooing…gross.

  7. Oh. My. GOSH. I don’t know whether to run out and buy that book or try to wipe any evidence of it from my computer, since my husband would find it HILARIOUS.

    My house growing up was…moderate in the bodily function realm. I have three brothers so there was a fair amount of burping and farting, but our mom also hammered manners into us.

    My husband though? Eesh. I got really sick and tired of the copious amounts of burping and farting he would do on purpose. And then when I tried to talk to him about it, he said “Okay” and squeezed out a fart! On purpose! Needless to say I threw my fork down (yes, we were eating dinner) and stomped away from the table while he went “Hey, what’s wrong?” We’ve resolved the issue since then. LOL

  8. Growing up my mom insisted on good manners. I was a little laxer with my kids, but hopefully they have learned how to behave in public. And never at the dinner table. That’s just awful!

  9. Not even in front of family when I was growing up – and when it happened no one admitted anything. I guess we had our own don’t ask, don’t tell policy in regards to stinky situations. As my kids get older – and we are trying to teach our sons to be gentlemen, rather than cavemen – it’s become more of an issue. Somehow it’s funnier/cuter when they’re little – not so much when they tower over you. Although – it probably keeps the girls away a teeny bit longer!!:)

    Also – which words do people think are more or less offensive. We’ve tried to stay away from “fart” – but teenage boys DO NOT (and probably should not) say “toot” so I’ve had to give up that battle!

    1. Yes, I absolutely refuse to use that word, hence why I’m not even typing the title of that book! But I see your point – we’re going to have to find a non-cutesy term for Noah to use. Oh, this is a dilemma!!

  10. Hahaha, my mom will to this day spell the word F-A-R-T. She might (when quoting someone else or referring to say, a donkey) say a worse word, but will never say F-A-R-T. My sister and I give her grief. We were a family that just didn’t talk about it much. Occasionally in the car someone would do the deed and everyone would gag but we weren’t Honey Boo Boo and we weren’t the Cleavers either… somewhere in between.

  11. I have 2 boys and we call it “passing gas.” I ask them to leave the table if they do it there more than once, and tell them to goto the bathroom. Growing up I was taught it was gross and embarrassing so don’t do it in front of others (and I had 2 brothers).

  12. I grew up with a mother that was VERY concerned about me acting like a young lady. It’s a running joke with my friends because I have all these sayings my mother use to say like “Ladies don’t chew gum,” or “Ladies are never hot. They’re warm.” Of course, I swore I would never do that to MY daughter, but lately I have found myself saying, “Ladies don’t toot in public.” I guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

    1. You’re not hot?? Is that to keep boys from making jokes like, “Yeah you are!!”, or is there some other reason that ladies aren’t hot?? I’ve heard that we don’t sweat (we sparkle), but I haven’t heard that we’re never hot.

    1. I would if I could but I can’t because Amazon doesn’t have it. It’s apparently a rare New Zealand book. But if you go to the back of the children’s section at the Books A Million at Brookwood Mall, you might still find it there…

  13. I am SO ANTI-bodily functions. I find them rude & disgusting. I always say, “That’s rude OF you & rude to everyone around you”. I’m afraid of the bodily functions in my future w a little boy…*shudder*

  14. My hubby tells me I was the first to “let loose” when we were engaged. (I just found this out a month ago.) I was raised in a home where we “let loose” and used the proper “excuse me” and everything went well. When our oldest started preschool he said that someone had commented to him about his “letting loose”. We explained to him that it is a normal bodily function and everyone does it. BUT there are people that will make a big deal out of it and embarrass you if you do it in front of them so if you feel the urge excuse yourself from them and “let loose” where they cannot hear/smell.

  15. I grew up with one sister. In our house it was called either putting or tooting. It wasn’t something to go hide. Occassionally it would be a cause for laughter or teasing when someone had a bad case of gas. But usually it was mostly ingored for putting or an excuse me was giving if it was noticable, and burps were given an excuse me. On the other hand, while there was no need to leave the room, there was generally an effort to be at least somewhat discreet, and there wasn’t any burping or farting on purpose. It fell into the category of bodily function – nothing to be ashamed of, nothing to make a big deal over either.

  16. We call it busting beans. I grew up in and now have a pretty comfortable family when we’re at home, but we are very discreet and polite if the kids MUST bust a bean in public.

  17. LOL. Too funny! I think this is one area where my husband has tried to compensate for having all girls. They think it is HILARIOUS to “toot” as we call it. We have finally got them to the point where they will say excuse me BEFORE they start laughing hysterically, and somehow it’s never been an issue in public, but at home watch out! They are just as bad as boys!

  18. The “opportunistic entrepreneur” needs to clarify why I charged for the expression of bodily functions….Giann has a younger brother that had developed great pleasure in creating the loudest, longest, deepest,….well, you get the idea. Money has always motivated him so the idea to “fine” for the infraction. The “rules” were if he chose to emit in the presence of adults, he would be charge $0.25 for the first infraction. Then $0.50, then $1.00. He was 5-6 years old. I made $5, which took him one month to pay and that ended the behavior. Seriously. He had to work odd jobs to pay those fines and he learned that the pleasure of being gross was not so much fun anymore. He could still do it with his friends in his room or in the yard, just not in public or not where adults were gathered. To Giann’s credit, I don’t think she was ever fined. Probably because her brother was too busy making all the noises!

  19. I don’t remember a lot of public tooting in my house. Nudity for a while – I saw both of my parents naked when I was a kid and I lived to tell the tale. Sex ed started when I was in 2nd grade with the Time Life books.

    I was shocked when I visited my husband’s parents for the first time (and continue to be shocked) and heard their language. First of all, they badmouth people who aren’t present, including their own offspring. I have never heard my parents say bad things about their relatives, or at least not to this level. My parents were not impressed when my not-married cousins got pregnant, but they have not made character assassinations of relatives. My dad even chastised me when I said something ugly about a cousin finally marrying the father of her children.

    Husband’s parents also used foul language. Frequently. That is not something that happened in my house. My parents might have cussed – my dad was a sailor – but never in front of us kids.

    My parents did not scream at each other or fight in front of us kids. Husband’s parents do.

    Husband’s parents start eating before everyone at the table has been served. At a restaurant, husband’s dad touched several pieces of bread in the bread basket before selecting the one he wanted.

    I don’t know if I’m a prude or if they’re rude. I think it’s the latter.

  20. that book is hilarious! what a funny post. great idea. we call is “gassing” around here. and it’s generally funny, though i think it’s kinda gross. i don’t fart much but boy oh boy does my husband. he’s outta control. he grew up very free but i don’t remember anyone but my mom farting growing up. perhaps out of embarrassment i don’t like it? i dunno. gross!

  21. Hilarious post! I grew up in a household of five brothers. Mom was the enforcer of “pleas do that in the bathroom” and my dad….well, I know I can say the word “fart” and get a guaranteed grin. I guess it was a good balance…

  22. Wow..
    A tooting page and a lot of comments discussing toot!!!
    I was instantly reminded of my younger years staying with my brother who thoroughly enjoyed grossing me and Mom out with his toot-tales and toot-demos and toot-musical-orchestra that had a chorus of armpit-music..
    We had a rule of toot-not in public which made my brother ‘save’ all atrotious toots for later for a private orchestra audience…
    If I can still fine him $1 per toot + interest.. I might just become a millionaire…

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