One of my good friends is moving away.

I’m not happy.

Her moving date is over a year away, granted, but I’m still not happy.

However, luckily for her, and thanks to all of you random people who befriend me in other cities, I happen to know someone in the city/state she’s moving to. A blog reader – one of the ones that I’ve actually met in real life while passing through said other city. Because I genuinely do love getting to know all of you – even if I don’t always have time to chat as much as I used to.

(So much angst and guilt about my inability to do so. SO MUCH.)

Anyway. Blog-reader-in-other-city who is now future friends with my friend who is leaving me for other city (are you following so far?) suggested that I become an entrepreneur. That I should open up internet shop – mommyfriendsonly(dot)com.

I mean there’s Farmers Only and Christian Mingle and 420 Singles (because it’s SO hard for pot smokers to find fellow pot smokers, apparently) and even Ugly Schmucks (for people who feel unattractive and/or those who value personality first.)

And, since we’re making a list, here are some other specialty dating sites you can join:

Trek Passions – so that you can find that unique someone that prefers Star Trek: Voyager over ST:TNG. There’s gotta be one out there.

Mullet Passions – Because two Mullets make a right.

Meet an Inmate – In case you’ve always wanted to find yourself an incarcerated boyfriend or girlfriend. According to the website description,

Even though these men and women are in prison, it doesn’t mean that they are bad individuals. The majority of these inmates are loving, clever, reliable, sexy and very passionate. They enjoy sports, music, arts, etc., just as you do. However, they are convicted felons and caution should be used.

Opposite of the earlier mentioned Ugly Schmucks, there’s Darwin Dating. Described as,

Darwin Dating was created exclusively for beautiful, desirable people. Our strict rules and natural selection process ensures all our members have winning looks. Those strict rules ban, among other things, saggy boobs, sweat patches, nerdy glasses and cackly laughs.

I mean, who has sweat patches on their Match profile pics? And no saggy boobs – I guess post-breastfeeding moms are no longer natural-selection-appropriate. EVEN THOUGH WE’RE THE ONES PROPAGATING THE SPECIES.

But I digress.

Salad Match – to help you find a date that likes the same salad toppings you do!

…which is ridiculously inefficient, since Chris and I are perfectly salad matched because of our opposite tastes. He gets all the croutons, bacon, and peppers, and I get all the tomatoes, olives, and onions. Salad Match would have never let us find each other!

So why shouldn’t Moms have a website where they can find compatible Mom Friends? And also girlfriends in general, for those who aren’t Moms?

There is no good reason. I am not going to be making this website, but there is still no good reason.

But here’s the thing. By the fact that all of you are reading my blog, you are, already, matched up by your twisted and kooky sense of humor. And you’re a little dark, too, as you apparently don’t mind all of my train wreck stories. I mean, how could you not be compatible with one another when you enjoy reading about someone else’s colonoscopy and multiple poo disasters?? Not to mention roadkill photography

Anyway. Between your already identified darkly entertained side and the fact that I’ve gotten to know so many of you over the years, I could totally match-make many of you – especially since some of you live in the same cities.

So I created a group.

I’ve been meaning to make a group for other reasons for a while, now – and actually I did make it last August and just never used it – and now I kind of feel like giving it a whirl. Both because I think that many of you would like each other very much, and because I have some stories I want to share that I don’t necessarily want sitting on the front page of my blog for all the crazy commenters out there to find. Or my Dad.

(Sorry, Dad – there are just some things you don’t want to read about.)

So here it is. A Facebook Group. (I know, I know…Facebook is the worst. But it’s kind of the best for groups.) So if you’d like to join, just click and request. I’ll approve you all (after I stalk you thoroughly to assure the group that you’re not an ax murderer or if you are that you only chop up non-bloggers or non-friends of bloggers,) and within the group we can discuss all sorts of fascinating subjects. I can answer questions easily, I can share stories I can’t share otherwise, and you can get to know each other. And maybe, I’ll even match a few of you up to your new best friends.

I can’t wait to get to know you all better! Click here to join…

Disclaimer: Due to the nature of the posts I plan on sharing, I highly recommend this group only for women. If any three of you loyal male readers want to sue me or just blast me in the comment section for sexist-group-creation, I get it. I’m an awful human. As a sincere apology gift, allow me to send you my very detailed 3,000 word post about the new way I’m dealing with my menstrual cycle, and after reading, you can decide whether or not you still care about being in the group. If so, come on in. 

14 thoughts on “Rachel, Mommy Matchmaker.

  1. I had the same exact thought while reading the “no saggy boobs” part on the Darwin Dating site description. I think probably the majority of women don’t get saggy boobs until breastfeeding, right? (At least that was my experience, which I found shocking as no one had warned be beforehand!) So maybe they should have just written “no women who have birthed a child”. They could have covered a lot of territory with that one- stretch marks, pouchier bellies, bigger feet, possibly C-section scars…

  2. This is the best thing I have read all week! :-D

    One of my best mom friends is potentially moving away this summer. We’re both completely utterly and totally bummed about it. My MOPS group has this idea that we should found our own self=sufficient commune in the mountains and that way we would all be close to each other always.

    1. YES! Our small group has talked about this for years. One person could be responsible for cleaning…someone else for homeschooling…someone else for baby care….JUST LIKE SISTER WIVES. Except with more than one husband.

      1. There have been many conversations on the MOPS page about how there are some potential perks to the whole Sister Wives thing.

    2. Oh and all the 4/20-ers should just move to Colorado, where we now have an even more literal meaning to the famous John Denver lyrics “Rocky Mountain High”.

      I’m actually kidding. Don’t move here. We have enough stoners. We’re good.

  3. Little (largely) known fact, my name is not actually Breenah, but I did just request to join. I like you a lot and wish we could be IRL mommy friends.

  4. Can I just say how happy I am about this? I moved to Mobile and have literally 0 friends here (originally from Montgomery area, then Orlando for 8 years). I stopped working when we moved here, got pregnant with our 3rd kid… Even the local MOPS group denied me (to be fair they had no available spots left- but it stung just a bit). & having an infant and toddler haven’t given much room for going places and meeting people. I love IRL friends!

  5. Well, I personally can’t wait to read about how you’re dealing with your cycle because I had been cycle-free for 5 years (!!!!) due to pregnancies/BF’ing but this spring it has returned..BOO!!! Anyway, I’ve discovered “mama cloth” and Softcups! Both fabulous!

  6. Woo-hoo! We are coming up on our,,,hmmm,,,,let me count…13th(?) move of our married life (18 years baby, our marriage is finally adulating!) and I’d love to find some weird and wacky folks in our new city!

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