In the world of baby-having, things have changed a lot since I partook – largely due to social media. And, much like all that’s changed in the world of wedding-having, I am not sad that I missed it. Any of it.

I’m not sad that Pinterest Pressure was an unknown substance 16 years ago, and I’m not sad that Gender Reveal Parties were as yet uninvented 7 and 11 years ago.

Back in my wedding day, you had a three-ring binder where you tore out pictures from actual paper Wedding Magazines to get ideas to show your florist and baker – in real life.

(I still have mine somewhere if any youngsters want to see a relic of the olden days.)

Back in my baby-having days, you bought a book to tell you What To Expect When You’re Expecting.

But now…they have charts and comparisons and infographics and everyone including your 7th grade gym teacher gets to know exactly when your baby is the size of an avocado.

And that’s what we’re here to talk about today. The whole “Size of My Baby” chart.

It’s always fruit.

Why is it always fruit?

We need something new in our size comparisons to en utero humans. Mainly because fruit comes in a variety of sizes. I’ve seen a grape the size of a plum and an apple the size of a clementine. I’ve seen a watermelon the size of a canteloupe and I so rarely see an actual butternut squash that how exactly is that supposed to help me know the size of your baby?

And also. When you get to the 36 week mark, it seems like there’s a better comparison to “size of my baby” than keeping on the whole fruit track.

So I made a more…creative chart.

Perhaps this is influenced by my rampant binge watching of Parks and Rec and identifying way too much with April Ludgate.


And perhaps I’m a bit….non-traditional when it comes to life.


After all, my children know just what to look for in order to determine whether roadkill is photogenic or not.


And perhaps, just perhaps, there are a lot of pregnant ladies out there right now that are not feeling nearly perky enough to tell you excitedly that their baby is currently the size of a starfruit.

So I created a new chart.

Feel free to use this to help your pregnant friends along. And if you need me to make stickers for their weekly photographs, you just let me know. Because I am here to serve.

What's The Size of My Baby




7 thoughts on “Charting New Territory.

  1. Hilarious! As a person currently gestating an infant the size of a squirrel (or cantaloupe or eggplant, as my app told me), I whole-heartedly approve.

  2. A zoo keeper did a week by week size comparision to different animals they worked with. It was awesome!.

  3. I liked the book I had that showed a line drawing of the baby inside the mother. Granted, the line mother was skinnier than me but, yeah, that fruit thing is not helpful. I noticed it during my last pregnancy, and when I’m pregnant the last thing I want my baby associated with is a vomitous gourd.

    I’m OK with calling them jelly beans and half-cooked bread buns, but I guess those come in too many sizes too.

    I’m pretty sure the naked mole rat (which, btw, is my second favorite stop at the zoo) is smaller than a soiled diaper, otherwise your list is perfect!

  4. As always, you nailed it! I’m about to text my newly pregnant friend that her baby is currently between a leech and a cockroach :) That should help with the morning sickness.

  5. Thanks for making my day. What I love about your posts are the things I would never think about you can post a whole blog entry and I find it extremely entertaining. So random and totally made me laugh! Love it!

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