The Simple Joys of Being Observant.

I get it, Hot Wheels. You want in on the hype, too. But a white car with extra large rear hubcaps does not a Princess Leia make.

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Speaking of female role models with buns (the hair kind…and also the other kind now that I think about it), watching American Idol this year made me realize that I’M NOT SO AWFUL AFTER ALL.

Ladies. Even J.Lo herself has Bra Strap Back Fat.

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Which means that our Bra Strap Back Fat makes us as hot as J.Lo. We ALL are Jenny from the Block.

Take a moment to bask in your newly heightened self-esteem.

Then go buy this fabulous dress.

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Because nothing says high neckline full length drab gray dress like having a belly button peep hole.

I saw this shared at 11:30pm on January 8 or I would have shared it at the time. Sadness. The National Day of Denim Mourning will forever happen on my daughter’s birthday.

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Speaking of Denim Mourning, I saw these for sale not long ago.

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I’m nearly positive that Ali had this exact pair of denim when she was 18 months old…except that her diaper filled out the butt infinitely better.

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But if you prefer to look like a 90’s teenager got tangled up in their mom’s kitchen valance, this is the look for you.

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Whoever said “Let’s sew THIS right THERE!” needs to be fired immediately.

I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but Breastfeeding has become a bit of a Thing lately. I would love to blog about it but am afraid that I’d be hunted down and drowned in a vat of breastmilk by a group of bloodthirsty lactivists. I’ve seen it described as “The Best Gift I Can Give My Child,” and many other slightly superlative things.

I’m a fan of breastfeeding, when and if it’s possible – really, I am. Breastfeeding is great.

However, I do not think that my breastmilk was so prized that it should be turned into a gemstone…to be worn to remember forever the beautiful secretion of my magical bodily fluids.

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But hey. If you do value your secretions to that level, then by all means go order yourself a boob ring. Speaking of…it would be more fitting if it could be turned into a piercing piece…

Oh never mind.

Pretty sure I was behind Uncle Joe’s Tot Locker Bus the other day.

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Which, incidentally, was TOTALLY also this casino-fronting-as-a-daycare that got raided the other day. There’s no way Uncle Joe wasn’t behind that.

I asked Noah to bring me a paper towel. Apparently he believes paper towels should be the length of CVS Receipts.

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These .gifs have been mesmerizing me for weeks now. If I could find the creator I’d give them all the props in the world and then some, but enjoy…

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The subtlety of the head bobbing on the girl in the back is genius. Pure Genius.

Never have I ever had my childhood days spent at Hancock Fabrics desperately waiting on my Mom to finish shopping for patterns so beautifully brought back to mind.

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Just pause and watch them for a while. It will improve your whole day – and possibly your week.

Now that you’re relaxed…

If you haven’t seen the Vladimir Putin Wall Calendar, YOU MUST.

Guys. I need you to understand what this is.

Vlad is not being ironic.

He is not being silly.

V-Dog Seriously thinks his people desperately want to see him working out and also….shirtless.

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And…he was right. These calendars were a sell-out.

But do not dismay!

There are a few available on e-Bay. They’re coming from the Russian Federation and unfortunately V.Put spent all his money on modeling instead of a trusty postal service, but you might get your copy in time for 2017. It won’t take you too long to mark out all the dates for the new year. And it will be totally worth it for inspiring shots like this.

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Sorry I made you sweat, ladies.

Finally, Not-Crazy-Renee spotted this sign and photographed it for me.

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Wherever this magical place is that anonymous parents are responsible for my children at all times – I WANT TO GO THERE.