Isn’t it Time to Talk to Your Doctor?

Have you found yourself weepy during this deplorable deletion of Daylight Savings Time and simultaneous bout of horrific weather? Have you looked out the window to the darkness, cursing its existence? Do you feel hopeless, as if warmth will never return to your life?

Then you may be suffering from Seasonal Affective Disorder, or SAD, along with millions of other Americans.

Which means that you may qualify for a free drug trial* for Fiji®!

Fiji is a treatment for Seasonal Affective Disorder that targets your Serotonin receptors to fool your body into thinking that it’s summertime and your life is a permanent vacation. To help you visualize what this drug does inside of you, picture Olaf singing about Summer. The way the drug is administered is that you simply take a trip to the island of Fiji.

SAD AdUnderlying photo by Christian Haugen. Because I haven’t been to Fiji. But it’s definitely right for me.

The study is a double-blind trial, so you will not know whether you are in the control group or test group. Well yes, you probably will. Because if you’re chosen for the control group, you’ll still be sitting in your living room in the dark behind a pile of snow. But if you’re chosen for the test group, you’ll receive an all-expenses paid* trip to Fiji!

So while you are lounging in the sun on a flawless beach with an umbrella in your frozen drink, we will be monitoring your overall mental health to determine if Fiji® is an effective treatment for SAD. While you’re on a private yacht at sunset dancing with your significant other while dolphins jump up and create heart shapes with their tails in the background, we will interrupt for just a second to get you to choose the face that represents how you’re feeling:

SAD Scale

And then, after returning home and having a full, frigid, dark-by-afternoon Monday back in your normal life, we will ask you to reassess your mood on the above scale so that we can quantify the efficacy of Fiji®.

So talk to your doctor. See if Fiji® may be right for you.

Side effects include extreme depression upon the discontinuance of this drug, impulsive behaviors that may include selling all possessions and attempting to hitchhike to Fiji, sudden and extreme political involvement and lobbying for the permanence of Daylight Savings Time, and death. Because all drugs these days could cause death. Talk to your doctor to make sure that you’re healthy enough for Fiji®. If you find yourself daydreaming about Fiji® for more than four hours, seek medical attention immediately.

Disclaimer: Despite our overwhelming confidence that it will prove to be 100% effective for the treatment of SAD, This drug will not be covered by Obamacare, Blue Cross/Blue Shield, Medicare, or any other type of insurance.

* All Expenses Paid, with the exception of airfare, accommodations, meals, and expenses.

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Comments

  1. Anne DeRuiter says:

    I would never go home.

  2. I love you and hate you all at the same time. I need this trip. So I love you for pointing that out. But I hate you for making me realize what it indeed missing. But you are awesome. So really I love you. And Fiji.

  3. and that is precisely why I moved to an island. I love fall for all three days that the leaves are pretty and then I’m DONE, and I spend the rest of the fall/winter in a downward spiral. So now I live in paradise and life i good and happy except for the cold front we got last week and the fact that our landlord didn’t think heat would ever be necessary this far south, but it’s gone now, and the AC is cranked. :) My island may not be Fiji, but it’s pretty freakin’ awesome.

  4. Kelly Lacey says:

    SIgn me up. (as I look at our snow covered yard.)

    I am usually good with the dark the snow and the cold until the first week of January. That is when I start counting down the days until April.. yes it is still cold, and very often snowy here in April.. but at least the days are longer.

    There may be a trip south on the radar for March 2015, but I always fear there will be some type of winter weather event that will cause travel delays and then, when we will finally get to where we were going, it will be time to turn back around and come right back home..

    Canada’s Medicare system, in my eyes, is fantastic.. but sadly I do not think they would cover this treatment either.

  5. Lol! The “freakin’ sad” cracked me up! I love this idea! Why pay for all those drugs when you could probably take and island vacation for the same amount! That would definitely cheer me up a lot more than some whacked out anti-depressants!

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