My bank may put a freeze on my accounts for reposting this, but I just HAVE to. 

Because Chris got a personalized thank you note in the mail last week.  From a female teller.  Thanking him for his business.

Fortunately for me, when I originally posted this, my commenters informed me of these elusive collectible postcards, so no worry was had. 

But wow.

Originally Posted September 29, 2011

The CEO of my bank is a Tween Girl.

She is sitting at the top of her skyscraper downtown in her pink bedazzled office suite, chewing Bubble Yum, flipping through her Justice catalog, painting her nails a fabulous shade of Purple Me Tender, and talking on her jewel-cased iPhone.

“I know, like, right?? He is SOOO fetch. Oh – and girl, we have GOT to get together with Jordin and McKenna and do one of those all-jumping-in-the-air-at-the-same-time photos – ya know??? It would just be, like, SQUEE!!!”

I came to this conclusion due to the nature of my deposit receipts.

It started a couple of years ago, when, I presume, the Traditional Old Bald Male CEO must have handed off his reigns to his granddaughter.

At first, I thought the oddity was just due to a bizarre teller.

I drove to the drive-thru, slid my deposit into the drawer, and then received my standard green and white receipt back – except this time it had a personal note on it.

Written in large, curly cursive,

Regions Example

Um. What?

Is she…hitting on me??

I know that I come to the bank a lot… but LOVE???

All of a sudden, I felt an awkward haze between Mandy and I. I half expected to discover that she had also coated my receipt in a Romilda Vane-esque love potion, sure to send me into a romantic day dream about holding hands through the drive-thru drawer.

But then on my next visit, I received a similar declaration of affection from a different teller.

Then another,

and another.

And it was then that I realized: This was no coincidence. Nor was this just a Bored Teller Time Filler – this was a declaration from the top. They have been commanded to do this in a legitimate corporate memo somewhere.

To All Employees Carrying out Teller Duties:

Effective immediately, please notate a revision in your employee handbook under Section 11 Chapter J subsection 37 stating that all receipts are to be personally signed in a font of the female persuasion and declaring great feelings of affection toward the customer.

A few months into this apparent corporate guideline, the “love” usage seemed to fade out, but they continued to lavish upon me girly, curly, and quite odd notes, considering the professional nature of the business transaction that was occurring.

But the love was most definitely and quite conspicuously missing. I could only assume that an alignment to protocol had been made.

To All Employees Carrying out Teller Duties:

Please make an adjustment in your routine to discontinue the usage of the word “love” when carrying out your duties prescribed in Section 11 Chapter J subsection 37 – we seem to be confusing certain customers unnecessarily, and some tellers are reporting an uncomfortable increase in phone number requests from male clientele. However, please continue writing a thanks and a signature in the aforementioned font of the female persuasion.

I began to find myself desiring to collect these receipts like trading cards, and desperately wished that I had saved some of the early vintage notes that housed such great affection toward me.

But even without the love, they still held an odd fascination for me.

Ooh look! I’ve got two Whitneys! One’s even in pink – surely that makes it worth more??

Regions Deposit Slips 1

And OH!! The Elusive Male Teller signature!!! How refreshing and un-curly-cued. I wonder if he’ll get a bad review for his lack of flair??

Regions Deposit Slips Male

Oh, speaking of flair – look at Heather!! She added a smiley!!

Regions Deposit Slips Smiley

And does that one say ENJOY LIFE???? That’s almost better than love there – it’s gotta be a rare find for sure.

Regions Deposit Slips Enjoy Life

OOOH – look at her. Curly to the max, but it’s a stamp. Personally, I deduct points for using a stamp. It’s a sign of laziness.

Regions Deposit Slips Curly Stamp

And this dude – “Mr. Alex”?!?!? on a stamp?!? Who gets a stamp made saying Mr. anything these days??? What kind of banker do you think you are – Mr. Potter??

Regions Deposit Slips Mr Alex

And Brittney – wow. Might want to try a narrower point marker, honey…

Regions Deposit Slips Wide

Oh! Oh! Oh!! An Elusive Vintage Heart!!! I feel loved and adored again!!!

Regions Deposit Slips Heart Stamp

…but she didn’t sign her name.


…But the true jewel of my collection would be if I could get ahold of just one of our Tween CEO’s emails. I bet they are written in pink Curlz font, 32 points big, and with dancing kittens in the background.

meow, meow, meow.



14 thoughts on “Can’t Buy Me Love.

  1. This is still one of my favorite posts of yours. I wonder if they sign a certain amount on receipts early in the morning, or if they sign them individually when each customer comes in. Either way, my handwriting would start to look pretty horrible around 2 pm!

    (Also, I understand Brittney & her wide marker. My handwriting is so much neater when I use thick markers!) It’s a major difference. I’ll try to send you a picture via twitter comparing the two! :)

    1. They typically have a stack pre-signed. Which makes my favorite receipt from this week, “You are Special to me!! <3" -- have less impact.


  2. I ALWAYS flip my receipt over to see whose name it is this time–maybe I’ll find a name for a new pet. And I, too, deduct points for stamps!

  3. I know i should be focused on the strange deposit slips but I’m still trying to wrap my mind around a drive thru at the bank… I’m pretty sure the only drive thrus we have are fast food and bottle shops!

    1. I can’t imagine NOT having a drive-through bank! One of my least favorite experiences is going inside a bank with my kids. However, I would love it if we could get a drive-through post office, because that’s definitely my least favorite experience.

  4. You know what comes next right? Notes like, “I noticed your sweet direct deposit, girl- drinks on you this weekend, right?! ;)” Hahaha… Hide your pet bunny!

  5. Too funny! My db banks at Regions here in IL and they don’t thank or love when we deposit money into the account. And we don’t even bounce or overdraw on that account ever. I guess where we live they don’t feel the need to thank or share the love.

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