I’ve seen just The Dad removed.

I’ve seen The Dad and One Kid removed.

But this lady…do NOT cross her and her formidable shopping bags.




Mind. Blown.


Because nothing sells like your Grandpa telling you that his Honey Flax Flakes are…


“This stupid two-dollar make-your-own-company graphic template FORCED us to have a slogan, so dangit we’ll have a slogan!”


Sometimes, life gives you a minivan. Make minivanade.


(Excuse the terrible photo quality below. It was raining. Hard.)

Who is he quoting? And WHY couldn’t he put the exclamation point inside the quotation?


If an unfortunate storm could knock away half an h and turn your name into something quite unsavory, then creative spelling has gone too far.


I know all the good brand names are taken. But this one doesn’t inspire confidence.IMG_0904

Send your stomach to…The Matrix.


These books were right next to each other – and with good cause. Who knew that Corey Feldman was Richard Dawkins’ secret child? I think they even have the same number of wispy bang strands.


A friend sent me this one…because I have searched my whole life for an acceptable way to do this.


If you’re going to have improper use of quotations, go ahead and do it in a 2,500px font. Twice.


(It should be noted that they’re not lying. Life IS better in Orange Beach.)

While we’re on the subject of grammar, apparently the nails have taken over and own the place.



Because there’s nothing quite as holy as an ominous ticking clock every fifteen minutes and a choir full of grimacing Chloes. Let’s just hope Jack doesn’t take anyone down to the Sunday School hallway.


We often stay at the community pool until it closes.

One night, we were nearly the only patrons left. Except for these washed up sunbathers.

The horrors of sun overexposure. They’re real, y’all.



So we ran into Guy Fieri’s Grandmother.


Nothing so clearly strikes fear about the horrors of not washing one’s hand like a whimsical font.


While searching under our couch, I found the true cause of Dinosaur extinction: dust bunnies.


My friend’s husband had a vasectomy reversal.

For such an intricate process, you must be put to sleep.

For such, he was visited by this anesthesiologist.

Peter Goodnight

Facebook is trying to tempt me into becoming a twelve-foot-tall man.

Steroid Ad

The problem with emojis is… just because you use one from your OS doesn’t mean it will translate into the same emoji on someone else’s OS.

Staples Deal

Staples assured me that the emoji on their side was a steaming hot…bowl of soup.

I’m all for early learning and introducing the classics. Really I am. But…perhaps board books are a bit too young to introduce a cokehead, sexting teenagers, and a blood-sucking pale guy?


But Jane Austen is perfectly proper for board books – especially if you’re trying to put the child to sleep.


11 thoughts on “Sightings Near and Far.

  1. The snot sucker is bizarre… and I have it. And it works great. And sucking your child’s snot through a glorified filtered straw is actually strangely satisfying. These are my confessions.

  2. Ha! My husband always said he wanted to add family stick figures to our car…and then halfway scratch some off…like a few cats.

    I wish my phone hadn’t been dead the other day…I saw a customized license plate that said “frugal” hahaha!

    Also, I still can’t wrap my mind around the snotsucker….I know it has a barrier…but it makes me feel like I”m going to be eating my child’s snot.

  3. This provided good giggles for me this morning. This snot thing fills me with a sense of dread. So do misused quotation marks. I LOVE the Bronte and Austen board books, but Dracula? Really??

  4. I confess I have the snot sucker and it is a GIFT FROM GOD. That thing works like nobody’s business. It has a little sponge that keeps you from accidentally inhaling snot. It has been a lifesaver for me because this new baby got a stuffy nose every night of her life for her first three months, and this was the only thing that helped.

    So yeah, gross but SO effective.

  5. Okay how did Rachael Ray review the Nose Frieda? She doesn’t have a baby. Did a friend let her suck their baby’s snot? Or did she try it on her dog or something? This is going to keep me up nights.

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