Hi! Noah Here.

IMG_2595

So I guess you’ve been missing my guest posts, right?

Right??

Well, I’ve been busy.  Busy trodding down a path of an existential proportions, contemplating the meaning of life…as a boy.

IMG_2603

I’ve largely had to figure it out on my own, since The Sister Who Calls Herself Ali doesn’t even know the meaning of the word “mischief”,

IMG_3723 copy

and the only other male in the house, The Servant Who Calls Himself Daddy, is so wrapped around her finger that … well – see?!?!

IMG_3994 copy

Okay.  I’m not saying that he can’t be good for some good manly fun, too, but c’mon… fingernail polish??  DUDE.

I’m much more into cars and weapons, myself.

In fact, I recently discovered that The Servant Who Calls Herself Mommy is actually a kindred spirit in the latter area.

I was tearing apart her dressing area, as is my daily custom while she puts all of that colordey stuff on her face, and I MADE A DISCOVERY OF EPIC PROPORTIONS.

SWORDS!!!!!

 

IMG_2987

 

Right here under my nose all this time.  Medieval weaponry!!

IMG_2988

 

I slashed and I gashed and I flashed and in general brought havoc down on every living creature in my path.  I was a Knight of the Round Table.

IMG_2989

 

And then, upon further digging, I even found the matching shields!!!

IMG_2998

 

It was a prodigious day.

To go along with my preponderance of masculine tendencies, I’ve also come to prefer eating in a Paleolithic manner.

IMG_4979

 

But… as embarrassed as I am to admit this…I only have seven teeth.

IMG_4973

Seven teeth, no more, no less.  Seven being the number, which is enough to properly eat a stick of chalk…

IMG_4634

 

 

But, try as I have, not enough to even puncture a corn kernel.

IMG_4972

 

 

 

It bruises my male ego incalculably to divulge this next piece of data…

IMG_2620

But.  The Servant Who Calls Herself Mommy gives me Ali’s corn cobs…after she’s chewed them up.

IMG_4975

 

 

 

Repulsive, no?

IMG_2610

But I still can’t help myself.  Her leftovers are so.  Dang.  Tasty.

 

IMG_5000

Other than eating backwashed corn, my other manly pursuits have been drinking the shower water,

photo(17)

 

 

 

Falling asleep sitting up, and then when The Servant was off guard for just a moment,

IMG_3218

 

Stretching my baby arms as far as I could and just barely reaching the epitome of copacetic pleasure, the wipe box.

IMG_3219

 

When she caught me, I turned on my irresistible masculine charm,

IMG_3220

 

And, as I handed her the wipe box, covered all of my evils with an innocent “uh-OOOOOH…”, which clearly promulgated to The Servant that everything was a complete misunderstanding.

IMG_3224

 

Good times, good times…IMG_2605

So clearly I’ve been busy. 

And I’ve only got dozens more ideas. 

The Servant Who Calls Herself Mommy?  She has absolutely NO idea what all I’ve got up my sleeves…and other garment openings.

IMG_3404

18 thoughts on “On Being Male.

  1. He is precious!

    I love having little boys! They are so much fun… minus the unbelievable messes they make!

    It’s amazing the fallacies that can be covered by a sweet little voice uttering, “Uh Oh!”

  2. Hahaha, love the “swords and shields”. Too funny. He is too adorable, but all your boy posts make me glad I’m only dealing with girls! :)

    1. I’ve heard that some little girls can be just as adventurous!! Although there seems to be a certain element that little boys have…

    1. I just wish I could figure out how to get his hair to stay in a fun ‘do – like a mohawk, etc. No matter what I do with it, it always goes back to it’s natural state. Granted, I haven’t tried Product yet…

  3. Hey Noah…good story…always love to hear from ya. Can’t wait until your next post…you seem to be getting quite a following. Look out world…Noah is on the move.

  4. just like my little guy. such a little stinker. i found DOG POOP in his wagon cup holder a couple days ago! gahhhh! and how do you like those CORN DIAPERS???!!! those are the worst, as i was recently reminded after he refused to eat anything else but corn kernels which he swallowed one at a time.

  5. This. Is. Hilarious. I haven’t been here in way too long. Everytime I come back it makes me smile!! You are sooooo going to love having this unique record of his toddler experiences when he is all grown up!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *