It’s hard being a writer at times like these, because there is so much tragedy, so much seriousness, and so much going through my mind. Yet my thoughts are not coherent enough to have anything helpful to add to any of it. And when I have nothing worth saying, I’ve found it’s better to say nothing at all until I have something worth saying. And just pray instead – because I seriously doubt that God misunderstands my incoherent thoughts.

So instead, I’ve decided that this week is in some serious need of random ridiculousness, so I went through my iPhone camera collection to find what all I’ve saved for later.

Let’s start with Facebook ads. They rarely make sense and even more rarely make me desire to buy the product.

(Except for one ad, one time. And I love what I bought.)

But this one was NOT that one.


So…if I become a counselor and make a median income of $53,380 a year…do I have to get my neck barcoded? And…um, why, exactly, is that supposed to excite me about my new career?

Speaking of Facebook Ads, I want to know how much McDonald’s paid these 62.2K people to actually like this picture.


Because all I can think about is…has that hook been in a real fish before it was in my Fish McBites?

Thank goodness for Shaun White bubble gum. Because we really think a lot about a snowboarder in Alabama in the Spring during an off-Winter-Olympic year.


Yes. I desperately want a swimsuit that will make me look skinny.

No. I don’t think that this will help create that illusion.


However, I’d take a visible coccyx over this T-Shirt any day..


And I’d take both over matching my 40-pound six-year-old daughter. Which will NEVER help me feel slim on the beach.


I found this tag on a pair of jeans:


I stared and I stared. Then I stared. And stared.

Finally, I hit up Google Translate to help me understand.

Levanta = “up”

Cola = “queue”


Levanta Cola = “derriere”

So either they’ve upped the queue on their pocket placement (of which I do not approve,) or they’re explaining how their jeans offer a derriere lift (of which I do approve.)

I love a good diagram that most likely has no scientific backing. I saw this one on Facebook or Pinterest or who knows where but certainly not on WebMD:


But you better believe I got Chris to check.

Toes 2

I saw this one on Facebook. It seems like a fairly fabulous idea,


Especially if people would understand the yellow ribbon to mean the same thing when tied around my toddler’s finger on an especially cranky day.

Or on me during certain…seasons.

Speaking of seasons. I’ve been using an app to track that lately, and I have a few complaints.


First of all, on a “Regular Day,” I would really appreciate some fine print.

Such as,

Regular Day – but if you feel bloated, emotional, ravenous, hysterical, or any other potentially hormonal symptoms, it’s completely understandable and not at all your fault.

But on a “Non-Regular Day,” I have some serious issues.

Period Tracker

Although I appreciate the respect of a slight color change in the center of the flower, it is CLEARLY not appropriate to still have a cheery flower and bright background.

That screen best be turning into a dark storm cloud and stay that way until I say it’s okay to go back because that lying happy flower is as bad as Always telling me to Have a Happy Period.

Or, if using a storm cloud would be politically incorrect (as it might upset happy storm clouds to be portrayed in such a manner,) This could totally be the icon:


And finally, on one of the many ridiculously fantastically adorable photos that I put up of my children on Facebook,

(along with the rest of the world,)

(who puts of fantastically adorable photos of their own kids, not mine,)

I got this comment:

Kids Growing Up

I double-heart autocorrect.

25 thoughts on “Because We Need to Laugh. Or at Least Snort.

  1. Well whaddya know, I’m Greek too! I also love the two eye colors on the Bratz doll… creeeeepy. Oh, and please tell me you’ve been to d**…. I laughed so hard I cried. A good after-the-kids-go-to-bed laugh for mom & dad :) It has caused me to re-read everything I text or post 3X over.

  2. I’m Egyptian! I need to download that app! Amd I think HH will want one too. He currently has mine “scheduled” on his phone calendar. The appointment is labeled “very cold weather.” Hahaha!

  3. Well since you asked… I’m mostly Egyptian, but bordering on Roman. They’re different sizes, but not by much.

    1. I guess it means that your ancestors were Cleopatra and Alexander the Great.

      **Disclaimer: No actual Historical Facts are known or implied. I was an accounting major.**

  4. Egyptian… With webbing halfway up between the second and third toes. I have fairly unique feet ;-)

    The word “cola” can also mean “tail”, hence its use on the tag. It also can mean a ride in some countries, as in “da me la cola” being “give me a ride”. This is not true in all Spanish speaking countries though, so when my Venezuelan friend who was attending seminary here in the states said that to a fellow student (Mexican?) he thought she was asking him very crudely to do something of which neither his wife nor the Lord would approve. My friend was very embarrassed, I was most amused.

  5. I’m Greek, too! After all these years of my husband making fun of me because my second toe is longer than the first, I can finally tell him why. Your post is funny AND educational today. :)

  6. I’m Greek, just barely. Who knew! That app is way cooler than mine. Mine is a boring calendar only with different dots and stuff, but does do stats and stuff that I think you would approve.

  7. Sadly, I am not Greek :( I’m an Egyptian. My husband’s feet are Greek though so at least I have that going for me.

  8. Oh my gosh, I get those “be a Christian Counselor” fb ads, too, and I always wonder what it is about a UPC code is supposed to make me want to be a counselor. Weird-y weird.

    1. I get those ads too! But for Kentucky Christian Counselors, the graphic is of a person’s arm tattoos. So I think the focus of both photos is the tattoos, not the bar code…

  9. According to my toes I’m Greek. Although I’m descended from the Irish. But I love Greek food…so…maybe there’s a little Greek in me somewhere? Or does everyone love Greek food? If they don’t, everyone SHOULD love Greek food. :-)

  10. Oh wow thanks for another complex. I just discovered at this ripe old age tat my left foot is Egyptian and my rightfoot is Greek. I was not going to look but could not reist. Now, you tell me what that says about me. Trust me I studied my feet for a long time trying to make this not true.

  11. i think my toes say i’m roman. weird. i’m mostly Norwegian. that skeleton suit was totally freaky. worse that the nasty doll. i hate those things! and it’s hard to know what to say about all the terrible things going on. i had to google who you meant by the abortionist until i looked him up. i wish i didn’t read the article about him. how can people be so evil?

  12. Love this!

    I too had to take off my shoes and look at my feet. My determination is a mixed of Greek and Roman. My family hails from southern Germany so I can believe that. My husband can boast of Greek heritage but his feet say German. I call them ”hobbit feet’ since they are wide, flat and slightly hairy.

    1. That is beyond cool. What an awesome and creative ministry! I love seeing how God can use very specific talents in very needed ways. Thanks for sharing!

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