I don’t ask Siri for much. Or at least not for a large variety of things. My requests almost entirely consist of “What time is sunset?”, “What’s the temperature today?”, and “Remind me to…”

But the reminders…they age me. I’ve watched in awe as my friends dictate giant novella text messages to Siri and she miraculously gets every word right. I don’t understand. I don’t think I have too (relatively) strong of an accent, but she never grasps even the simplest of my statements.

As I write this post, every time I turn on my phone, she’s reminding me of this.


That’s right. Just…America.

What I TOLD her to do was “Remind me to write a check for Meredith.” Yet she just went with “America.” And, as I always do, I rolled my eyes and trusted myself to remember what that meant, because I was too lazy to go in and edit the reminder. And, so far, I’m succeeding. But it’s not always that way…and it’s certainly not that way when I go back through my undeleted reminders from the entire year, mystified at the bizarre things that Siri reminded me to do.

Such as in April, when I needed Eggs and…an Iron Tribe workout? Downton Abbey? Orangutans? I have no idea.


And in May, when a dudley needed a picture and I needed a teacher. But after all, what homeschool Mom doesn’t want to call in a substitute in the month of May?


Later in May, I appear to be buying a present for the IRS.


(Interpretation: I’m pretty sure this was a reminder to wrap Tessa’s present.)

In June, though, I have no idea what girl I filed away into the proper alphabetized folder.


This next one gives me the vision of being Barney Fife, putting a Bar-B-Q accessory behind bars.


(Interpretation: I’m pretty sure I asked Siri to remind me to book the Girl’s Trip.)

Later in June, I suppose I was creating a cryptic code to request northern Coke.


And this one…on Chris’ birthday…I have absolutely no idea what I was wanting to remember to do. But I’m frightened.


I think “Emmas on water” equals “Amazon order”…and maybe I was mad because I couldn’t finish my order on my phone so I was complaining to…my phone? Because that’s an efficient use of my emotions.


In September, it appears that I might have gone on a Green Beret secret mission.


(I think a.l. dark calm would be referring to al.com, but I don’t know how to Z a website. I swear, CIA.)

Things were odd in October…if someone looked at my reminders I think they’d want to give me a drug test.


November led to felines with phone bills…


(I think “cell cat” was most likely “sales tax.”)



Speaking of drug deals, December sounds like I was pulling one off for my friend Carla Jean…


(Late = Light)

And also that I was perhaps creating a new BBT drama later in the month.


But this one…just frightened me.


I think Siri is booking me a flight now for an experimental Malaysian surgery.

Your prayers and thoughts are appreciated.

Update: I solved my Siri problem. And I am an idiot.

14 thoughts on “A Year of Siri’s Helpfulness.

  1. My 6 year old son has figured out how to “Ok Google” search for things, and voice seach youtube and amazon music. It’s amusing to say the least. We have to be real careful with the results. And my 2 year old walks around saying “Ok Google” in a cute little toddler voice.

  2. Oh, Lord…this made my sides ache. Please try to remember what “never it supposed to wear pyjamas” might have meant, because I’m dying to know. Thanks so much for the Monday laugh!

  3. I have given up trying to tell Siri things. I usually end up repeating myself six times and then cursing at her. And then she says “Well that was uncalled for.”

  4. Lol! Siri obviously doesn’t understand you very well! I don’t even try because she doesn’t seem to understand me either even though I don’t think I have an accent at all. :P

  5. I don’t have an iPhone or iPad and consequently don’t know how to use them. My mother recently left her iPad at my house and since she lives 4.5 hours away it stayed at my house for a month. Naturally my kids wanted to play with it and they are better at it than me so usually they could doodle with it without my help. But on one occasion, Siri kept popping up and asking us to tell her what we needed. I ended up yelling at her a lot and I learned that she could get all my angry insults down, “you stupid thing” being pretty mild by the time I gave up. She was always sooooo polite… Saying things like “I’m sorry you’re having trouble, I’m trying to help you” but never actually letting me do anything. I finally looked up on my phone how to shut an iPad off and set it up somewhere so I wouldn’t throw it. It’s also a good thing my kids don’t listen to me or they would have learned a few of those words Siri dutifully copied for me.

    I never did figure out why she was even talking.

    1. I didn’t even know the IPad had Suri. I’ve been using IPad for 4 years! I’m 54, my husband bought it for me on my 50th birthday and I thought it was a serving tray. My auto correct typing leaves me with a lot of Suri type text messages.

  6. wow, this is amazingly terrible. i have had siri fails but nothing like this. apparently i need to try more. she does make consistent mistakes for me though. my favorite of yours was the minion one. ha! in my facebook memories a few weeks ago i was reminded when i asked my husband’s phone “What time does the Rapid City BAM open?” to which she replied, “I’m sorry, I can’t search for hotels in Iran.”

  7. That’s fantastic! Have you tried changing Siri to a different accent? I think the accents are receptive also because I don’t have a lot of trouble with Siri generally but if I change her to a British or Australian accent, she suddenly has no idea what I’m saying!

  8. Very funny! I have a co-worker from North Carolina with a southern accent and she struggles with Siri too. Siri doesn’t like me much, but I’ve discovered it’s because I talk too fast. Yup, true northerner here. You should take the time to correct what Siri translates though – from what I understand, she “learns” your voice from that.

  9. I just had a really bad day – your post made me laugh so hard I think my husband is thinking I am finally loosing it :-) thanks for making my day better!

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