You might have noticed that Alabama has won a lot of football games over the past few years.
In fact, as of last Saturday night, they will, yet again, be in the National Championship.
From what I’ve heard, there are some people, somewhere out there (cue Fievel), that do not like this development. Some people that grow tired of Alabama playing in this game, time after time (cue Cyndi).
And that’s okay.
As a football wife, I understand “tired.”
But I’m sure that those people are none of you.
So with that in mind, I am here, with the plethora of photos I took at Alabama Games this year, to help you prepare your wardrobe for January the seventh, on which date I am confident that you will be cheering for my husband’s* beloved team.
And you won’t be in bad company – many, many new fans have joined the Tide Ranks during this new era of winning.
Hello Kitty, for one, is now an Alabama fan.
…Because it’s not at all presumptive, disturbing, and otherwise completely sacrilegious to screenprint a HOUNDSTOOTH CROSS.
Mickey and Minnie have come around to the ways of the Elephant,
As well as Taiwanese Farmers that happen to reside in Alabama.
So now that we’ve established the prevalence and therefore legitimacy of your newly appointed fandom, here are some options for you.
Accessories are the building blocks of your outfit.
So let’s start with a purse. Houndstooth flowers are the perfect way to show your blooming team spirit. For appropriate proportions, your flower should be approximately 78% of the size of your head.
This should not be hard to measure, because it is a completely foregone assumption that you will have a hat. A Houndstooth Hat. A Bedazzled Houndstooth Hat.
Your other option is a nice crochet, also available in – you guessed it, houndstooth.
And of course your children will need proper BBTTH’s**.
Boots are expected.
You can go with the 2012 Standard Issue Sorority Girl Boot,
But the Standard Issue changes quite frequently, and as such will only last you for one season.
(For example, note the 2010 Standard Issue Sorority Girl Boot.)
So instead, I recommend that you choose something more classic. More timeless. More loyal to your team.
If you don’t wear boots, the consequences are grave.
You will be tied down, blindfolded, gagged, and involuntarily issued a real Alabama Tattoo.
So we’ve got your accessories covered. Let’s move onto pants.
Which, as opposed to your accessories, are completely optional.
But if you do choose to wear pants, definitely go with something printed or embroidered.
And never forget: the more rotating team symbols you can get embroidered onto your butt, the more expensive it looks.
When it comes to shirts and dresses, you should always strive to match your friends.
Because there’s nothing that shows team solidarity than grown women in identical clothing.
It’s guaranteed to make the players play better.
Let’s move on to prints.
Houndstooth, of course, is the standard print.
But your loyalty can’t be really proven unless you pair your Houndstooth with Houndstooth.
If you want to be different, try Chevron (the New Houndstooth),
Or Spandex. Because when worn tight enough, it’s absolutely a print.
No outfit is complete without the proper vehicle.
One hot item is a motorized, custom-painted Alabama Tricycle. Best when paired with a Crimson Roll-Hawk atop your head.
If you don’t have enough room in your fancy Alabama car for your friends, you can always add on.
And of course you can’t go wrong with classics,
Slightly newer classics,
or motorized football helmets.
Clown Cars, when painted well, will also compliment your outfit nicely.
If you have a pet, you will need to be prepared to increase your accessories budget.
As well as your tattoo budget.
But if all of your wardrobe intentions fail, then by all means just show up in your Snuggie and you’ll be fine.
* My husband is not Nick Saban. Nor is he AJ McCarron or Mal Moore or Bear Bryant. But those facts do not get in the way of his passionate ownership of his team.
** Bows Bigger Than Their Heads.