Emoji have always been a peculiar thing. A thing that I use every day, but that also creates many problems in my mind. A year or so ago, I began documenting these issues in a note on my iPhone, hoping that one day, Siri would read my note and offer an answer for my many perplexing curiosities.

She has not done so yet. But here are my notes thus far, unedited:




Thankfully, last week’s iPhone update was all about Emoji. As it should be – Emoji stand alone as the most important feature a phone can have. But, they didn’t address any of my issues. Although they added a few new Emoji here and there (no bacon or cheese), the main purpose of the update was to fix what had been a glaring lack of diversity in our nation’s ability to emote.


And rightfully so. Sasheer Zamata explained the now former issue perfectly a few months ago on SNL:


Besides, that Salsa dancer was WAY too white before the update.


However, Apple still has work to do if we want to live in a perfect Emojidiverse Universe.

Cats everywhere are horrified at their lack of representation. Gray cats, Tabby cats, Ginger cats, and black cats are all in an uproar – or at least a quiet meow – over the fact that their differences didn’t get addressed.

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And then there’s lipstick. Who says lipstick kisses can only be in hot pink? Coral lipstick has feelings, too, you know!


And don’t even get me started on the Cactus body-shaming happening in the Emoji world. I have been out west. I have seen many cacti. Did you know that I’ve never seen a cactus with a perfect body? No. Not a one of them look like the cacti we all grew up seeing. Or the cactus personified by Apple.

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Some cacti only have one limb. None line up so perfectly diagonal. Some have stubby little half arms. These precious cacti don’t deserve this level of photoshopped perfection constantly shoved down their throat!

Also, spoons still feel snubbed.


And I have an Emoji option for the pager I had fifteen years ago but not for the FitBit I wear every day? It’s time for a wearable device Emoji overhaul, Apple.


And thank you for representing women’s swimwear, but some of us have had babies.


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But by far the most indignant Emoji over the lack of diversity offered to them is the Poop Emoji.

Poop Emoji

So I took the liberty of creating some desperately needed options.

After all, Poop is not always brown. Sometimes, it’s scary-green.

Green Poop Emoji

And sometimes, it includes vegetables.

Corn Poop Emoji

Then other times, it’s not at all well-formed.

Brown Not Well Formed Poop

And who can forget those newborn diapers filled with Meconium? NEW PARENTS NEED AN EMOJI FOR THAT EXPERIENCE.

Meconium Emoji

And then there’s the issue of lack of fecal emotion.

Here’s a newsflash: Poop is not always happy.

Sad Poop

Poop has feelings too!

Crying Poop

Sometimes Poop has a downright bad day!!

Weeping Poop

And yes. Sometimes, poop even gets angry.

Angry Poop

So until we get our proper range of crap, we cannot rest.

Poop Emoji Choices


And we cannot quit fighting.

Poop Emotions

For the sake of the poop.

11 thoughts on “An Important Opinion Piece on Emoji.

  1. I found emojipedia.org this past week. It has cleared up a lot of questions in my life, or at least in understanding what the emoji are supposed to represent.

  2. I have always been a behind-the-times person. I never did Myspace, was way late to FB, was one of the last of my friends to get an iPhone, so it should come as no shock to anyone that I don’t use emoji! I don’t even know how to do it! Is it an app you have to download and link to your texting somehow?? I am emoji illiterate.

  3. So, do iPhone people really use Emoji all the time? It just seems like something I wouldn’t think about using very often. My sister is the only iPhone person I receive texts from on the regular, and she is not very Emoji-oriented either, I guess. Maybe we’re just really boring texters.

  4. My boys love blue Gatorade. That is a sight to behold the next day….let me tell you.
    I personally prefer the app Bitmoji. It is about the only way I text my best friend these days. Emoji are too dang small. I have no idea what half of them represent because my eye sight is so bad.

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