Rachel Callahan

On Creating a Miniature Shopkeeper.

June 6, 2012June 6, 2012 Rachel Callahan A Day in the Life, Actually Possibly Informational, Anal Retentivity to a Fault, Homeschooling: Not just for the socially awkward anymore., Kids: The Experience.

Besides Playing Office, playing Store was my favorite game as a kid.

In general, I liked to handle money, make kid-formatted by-hand spreadsheets, and fill out paperwork.

(Still do.)

I don’t know why I haven’t thought of introducing Ali to the game, but the other day, she suggested it to me.

My heart swelled with bursting joy and pride.

We played a short game, but then had to leave or eat or sleep or some other less important activity.

So yesterday, we embarked on a much more in-depth game of store, and I realized that besides the obvious benefits of counting, there are a LOT of learning opportunities in this most excellent, albeit a bit geeky, game.

1. It buys you time. What I was really trying to do yesterday was to have some one-on-one time with Noah and his board books. But Ali was jealous and was doing everything she could to get mine or Noah’s attention. So I told her that she and I were going to play store next.

But first, she needed to set up shop.

I rented her the coffee table for a storefront, then handed her a pad of post-it notes and a pen and told her to select items for sale, and then put price tags on every single one of them.

… and Noah and I were able to work on animal sounds and colors, uninterrupted, for the next ten minutes.

2. It’s good practice for writing numbers. Ali is a great letter writer, but has always struggled with numbers. And she’s not a big fan of practicing for practice’s sake.

Pricing merch, however, is a perfectly exciting way to work on that particular skill.

3. It teaches the concept of assigning value.

Tennis ball? $100. Book? $60. Random piece of Cardboard? $5.

Little brother?

$3.

4. It teaches creativity and marketing. I told her to choose a name for her store and to create signage.

“Bi It Store”

She also informed me, “I’m talking in this different voice because I’m trying to sound like a shopkeeper.”

5. It reinforces currency and how to use it. Ali is a bit rusty on coins and dollars and how they all relate, so this really helped solidify the uses of them in her mind.

6. It’s great practice for making change without letting your kid onto the fact that they’re learning something useful.

Ali gets subtraction, but “making change” was a completely new idea – one that took a lot of brainpower.

…especially when interrupted by the merchandise.

Repeatedly.

(He might have gotten thrown in the clearance bin after that.)

7. It teaches bargaining. I didn’t want to pay $100 for a Tennis Ball.

“That’s just too high. And I don’t have that much money. Would you take $60 for it?”

“hmm… nope, it’s $100.”

8. It teaches good stewardship.

“Well, I don’t have that much money, so I can’t buy your tennis ball today.”

“Oh…yeah, I guess you can’t.”

9. It teaches the concept of patience in spending.

“But I really WANT you to buy the tennis ball, Momma!”

“Well, do you know if the Tennis Ball will be going on sale anytime soon? I just can’t afford $100.”

“Actually, I think it will be. Let me mark it down…”

“Yup – now it’s $1.”

10. It’s like an endless supply of three-dimensional math word problems.

“I want to buy this Jungle Speed stick and this bowl. How much will my total be?”

“Um…. they’re $4 and $2.”

“Right. So how much do I owe you all together?”

“Ooooh…. That will be $6.”

11. It teaches sales techniques and how to explain value.

“Mom! I really want you to buy this piece of cardboard!”

“But it’s $5!! Why is that piece of cardboard worth five whole dollars?!?”

“Because… because… because it’s such a BIG piece of cardboard!!”

12. It brings a whole new understanding to store-owner frustration at kids destroying their stores.

I hope she remembers that lesson next time she’s screaming like a loosed zoo animal in a tiny, quiet boutique.

And finally,

13. You get a Shopping High without spending a single (real) dollar.

And nothing can really beat that.

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The Turkish Connection.

June 5, 2012July 21, 2020 Rachel Callahan Delicious Greekness, I'm a Glutton for Adventure, Popular Posts, Quirky quirky quirkiness

After booking any trip out of town, the first thing that Chris and I do is look for the local Greek restaurant.

I was brought up on Greek food – “Yes you will eat lamb, and you will like it!!”, and I adore it with all of my being. And Chris, being that he is Mister-Perfect-For-Me, has also come to have a great appreciation for the cuisine.

We have found ourselves in Atlanta for one reason or another a lot lately. We usually have our Greek Adventures at Taverna Plaka or Kyma, but on one particular trip, we wanted to try somewhere new.

We wanted a hole in the wall Greek Restaurant – because they tend to be the most genuine. So Chris Urbanspooned it and found one. Turkish AND Greek, but it would do.

(Which, by the way, this has always puzzled me. Seeing as how the Turks and the Greeks hate each other with the ire of a thousand suns, how is it that you can have both under one roof?)

But it definitely looked like a hole in the wall.

We ventured out of our comfort zone of known Atlanta and found it – but just barely. It wasn’t wide enough for me to lay down in, not that I’m in the habit of lying down in restaurants.

We parked out front, but didn’t have change for the parking meter. As we were driving up, Parking Enforcement was driving away, so we assumed that it would be in our best interest to procure some change.

I walked into the Café, and an old Turkish man who was obviously the owner was standing at the counter.

“Excuse me – can I get change for these two dollars? We’re trying to park out front.”

He looked shocked…and a little angry.

“No! I will not get you change! You move back and not pay!”

“Um…what do you mean?”

He huffed and ran past me out of the restaurant. He began yelling at Chris.

“You move your car back a space! You see? No parking meter!! They can no make you pay there!!”

Chris and I looked warily at the non-parking space parking space.

Turk grew impatient. “You move your car!!!!”

Chris obeyed, which began our descent into nervousness about getting towed.

We walked back in the tiny restaurant, and started toward a table.

“No! Those tables are for bigger parties. You sit at the bar!! You will get best service in the house!!”

We headed to the bar, if you could call it that. It had an tea machine halfway in my space, and the cash register was one seat down on the other side. We squeezed in between the drinks and the money and began perusing the menu.

The owner was yelling and talking at everyone else as if they were all family. Most likely the Turkish Mob.

He then turned to us. “Why did you come here tonight?”

“Well, we always like to find new Greek places to go when we’re out of town.”

And I saw it on his face. Insult. Yes, he is definitely Turkish – NOT Greek. He walked away without saying a word.

A few minutes later, after composing his Turkish Self Esteem, he came back.

“You ready to order?”

We ordered the combination appetizer platter, getting excited about eating hummus and tzatziki and tabouli and other such delightful treats.

He turned his head and nearly burst our eardrums yelling to the very back of the restaurant for our order to be made. A few minutes later, he brought us over two paper plates – one with dips, one with pita bread.

“These dips are the best we have. If you don’t eat this, you get nothing else!!!”

“Okay…we will eat it!”

“I will make you a bite. It will be good.”

He picked up a piece of pita bread off of the plate and began mixing the dips into a conglomerated hash. He then shoved a bite in Chris’ mouth, as Chris uncomfortably accepted his hand-delivered bite.

“Yes…that was very good!”

“I will get you another one!”

He started mixing dips again and shoved it toward Chris’ face.

This time, Chris beat him to it and put his hand out.

“That’s okay – I will feed myself.”

“No! You eat this bite!”

I volunteered to save Chris from this awkward man-on-man feeding extravaganza. “I’ll take that bite!”

“No! I have another bite in mind for you. You — eat this bite!”

He shoved it in Chris’ unwilling mouth, coating his beard in dips.

“Yes. That was good.”

He prepared another perfect mixture for me, and force fed it to me. After we finally seemed to do a good enough job of convincing him that we were properly satisfied with our dip plate, he relieved us and left.

And began yelling in Turkish at the guy in the back of the restaurant, who was presumably his son.

They yelled angrily back and forth from the kitchen to the counter, and then his son came out of the kitchen to increase the intensity of the yelling.

Then the son put a smile on his face and came to talk to us in English.

Then began scowling again and yelling in Turkish back at his dad.

Then smiling, and talking in English.

Apparently, they were convinced that if we couldn’t understand what they were saying, we would assume it was all nice things. But there were clearly some Turkish curse words in the mix.

Old Turk came back over. We ordered our dinner, and he noticed that we only had a couple of pieces of bread left.

“What?? Why you eat all of the bread?? You have so much left to eat!!”

I jokingly said, “Maybe you didn’t give us enough bread to go with it!”

He gasped in anger.

“THEES!! THEES IS NOT DIP!! Dip is what you eat with CHIPS!! THEES is food!! The bread – the bread has yeast in it. And the water you drink? No Yeast. You mix them together in your tummy and you know what happens???”

He stuck out his belly and motioned that I, too, would get fat from the evils of more bread.

“So there. You see? No more bread for you!!”

A Turkish family walked into the restaurant, all dressed up in their finest. A Mom, Dad, and two kids.

He yelled out greetings to them.

“Ah! You look beautiful!! I must take your picture!!”

The ten year old girl made obvious motions that she did NOT want her photo taken.

“What? You must let me take your picture!! I can put it on my Facebook page. You want to help my business, don’t you??”

He took a picture of her scowling face.

Yes, that will clearly help his business.

As we were eating our entrees, two more obvious newbies walked in.

“You! Sit at the bar! You get the best service of the place!”

They ordered the combination spread appetizer.

He came over. Began mixing bites and shoving them in their faces.

“These dips are the best we have. If you don’t eat this, you get nothing else!!!”

Chris and I looked at each other. And at the same time, realized that we had apparently just taken part in a well-rehearsed dinner theater.

…and then we ran out of the restaurant to make sure that we hadn’t gotten towed.

The Equations of Camping.

June 4, 2012June 3, 2012 Rachel Callahan A Day in the Life, Kids: The Experience., The Blissfulness of Life

Despite my extreme reservations about the June Alabama heat, we went on a family camping trip to our favorite Alabama secret, Buck’s Pocket State Park, this last weekend.

And when I say “camping trip”, I mean one night. And for that one night, we rented a camper. Because juggling two kids on a daily basis is like trigonometry – no need to add a tent and multiple nights into one’s already complicated equation.

(I’m pretty sure that my brother and sister-in-law were running some sort of PhD-Level Differential Equations with their three kids (one of which is potty-training), dog, and tent.)

The idea of camping often seems glamorous and beautiful.

And it is. At least once you get home, throw the exhausted cranky kids in bed, and start looking through the photos you took while finishing off the dark chocolate and marshmallow stash.

Their magical excitement (which in the moment feels more like s’mores-fueled hysteria),

Their endless supply of joy (until you tell them it’s time to go and it turns quite the corner),

And their more thoughtful moments (which means that you snapped the photo right before they had a meltdown about leaving.)

And somehow, kids can even make the most unglamorous parts about camping (such as the weather being quite delightfully colder than expected, and even though you brought a jacket for yourself, you didn’t bring anything warm for your children, so in a moment of panicked guilt, you shoved them into every piece of clothing in their bags) look quite fabulous.

I mean seriously. If I wore stripes, houndstooth, fleece snowman print pajamas and neon Converses, I’d look like yet another sketchy character from Yo Gabba Gabba. But she somehow pulls it off. With style.

Noah also rocked the Playground Runways with Camping Chic, provided by Pajamas, more pajamas covered by pants, and some awesome fireboots.

And as for me, it was the dirty, unmakeuped, greasy hair look, thanks to my unwillingness to add “showering in the dirty, bug-filled bath-house” to my Camping Equation.

(Clearly, the Camping Glamour gets lost somewhere between the ages of 5 and 30 – I’m just not sure where.)

But for Noah, his Camping Equation was greatly improved. The last time we went camping he was crawling, so he found himself confined to his stroller for most of the weekend to prevent the eating of leaves and small snakes.

But this trip, he was free to enjoy the full benefits of being a carefree child in the world of camping.

He took the opportunity to attempt bonding with his cousin Andi, for whom he has quite a bit of bitterness due to her tailgating his birth and therefore not giving him his allotted time as The Baby of The Family.

At first, it looked promising. Progress was made as they teamed up together to attack the big kids.

But then there was the issue of Pop.

Pop, of whom Noah owns.

And when Andi dared to think she had any rights to Pop at all, Noah had to make sure that she knew that was not the case.

But sometimes Pop had important camping tasks to attend to, like stoking the fire.

(With an electric blower.)

So the kids had to focus their energies on the playground,

Where there was needed much concentration and mouth acrobatics.

And just enough rides for every cousin.

Then the older kids then headed off to the fabulous rock pits,

while the babies just sat in that awkward, uncomfortable swamp of jealousy and contention.

The Mystery of Roast.

June 1, 2012June 1, 2012 Rachel Callahan Can I get a copy of that recipe?, Survey Says. . .

Aside: I received some thrilling news yesterday, as I was included as an honoree in Blogher’s Voices of the Year 2012.

(You’ll find me towards the bottom in the “Visuals” category.)

I elaborated at length last year about what Voices of the Year means to me, so I will not do so again. But I’d just like to say that I am beyond honored, and that BlogHer has given me so many wonderful opportunities for which I am unbelievably grateful!

/aside

I adore putting a gigantic bright red slab of meat in a crock pot and letting it simmer all day, allowing it’s seductive aromas to whet my appetite for the fantabulous meal that is to come.

But the problem is, I don’t know how to pick a roast.

Because I can never remember the names of the dozens of varieties, and I have no idea what they mean.

Approximately 1 out of every 4.375 times that I attempt this feat, I succeed in making a tender, succulent roast. The other 3.375 times I end up vastly disappointed, nearly to the point of flinging said roast against the kitchen window because of my greatly magnified angst due to those cruelly deceptive aromas that I’d been breathing in all day long.

But when it works, I float away in a cloud of carnivorous bliss.

(My apologies to all of my vegetarian readers.)

So here’s what I do: I put my nameless roast in the bottom of my crock pot and cover it with salt and pepper.

I cut new potatoes in half and give my roast the worst zits that anyone could hope for:

(The theory there being that direct contact with the roast will further flavor the potatoes.)

I then cover my pock-marked roast with onions and mushrooms,

and pour a half a bottle of red wine over the whole thing.

Then…more vast coverings of salt and pepper.

I set my crockpot on low for about five hours, and when it’s finished, it looks something like this:

I then undo all of that mixing goodness and provide my children with deconstructed meals, just like they like it.

(But hey – at least it’s constructed for me.)

So. That’s my roast recipe. It’s really delicious – I swear!! At least when I pick out the right cut.

Which leads to the obvious question: which one of you know the secrets of beef cuts? Or how to perfectly cook it, regardless of cut? And do you have any other roast secrets?

Please do share, so that my roast dreams (and perhaps other’s) can be fully realized, 4.375 out of 4.375 times.

The Great Flush.

May 31, 2012May 30, 2012 Rachel Callahan A Day in the Life, I embarrass myself just for your amusement., Just My Luck, Kids: The Experience.

It took a week for this story to become untraumatic enough to share. A week and at least ten hot, scalding showers.

Finally, at five and a half, I am starting to do “rest time” instead of nap time with Ali. Sometimes, mind you.

After the first day, she told me she’d rather have nap time. Or, perhaps, a hybrid. Could she please have a half rest time, half nap time?

Crazy kid.

But really, I don’t blame her. I love me some sleep as well.

But back to day one of rest time.

I explained the concept (which she found quite bizarre):

You must be somewhat quiet (no squealing), play in your room (with normal rules – no painting of the furniture or anything), go to the bathroom if needed, and not yell for me – I can hear you on your monitor if you talk QUIETLY.

And above all else, remember that your brother is still napping.

She did quite well, playing nearly silently in her room, with the only noises heard on her monitor being the clank, thud of dollhouse furniture being rearranged.

About halfway through her quiet time, she informed me quietly that she needed to go to the bathroom.

I pushed the talk button and told her “no problem – enjoy.”

I didn’t hear anything else for a while.

Then, quietly, I heard again, “If I flush, will it wake Noah up?”

I was proud of her sensitivity.

“No, honey – go ahead and flush – it won’t wake him.”

Ka-Whooooosh.

Then nothing.

Until a minute later.

“Hey Mommy…I think I might have stopped up the potty.”

(sigh) “Okay, honey – I’ll come up and check.”

This happens fairly often, as Ali often gets over-zealous with her paperwork. Sometimes I don’t even think she’s wiping – she just starts roll-roll-rolling, and then zones out a bit, until she realizes that she quite accidentally rolled the whole roll into the toilet.

But she’d yet to ever cause a clog I couldn’t fix, so it hadn’t been an urgent issue to be addressed.

I quietly tread up the stairs, went into my bathroom to get the plunger, realized *duh* it was in Ali’s bathroom, since she makes all of the clogs, and I headed in.

I looked in the toilet and groaned.

Isn’t she angelically innocent looking? Just don’t give her a roll of toilet paper and permission to flush.

*** And now it’s time for a bit of confessional. Chris doesn’t know this part, so please don’t tell him. ***

Despite her previous flush, the toilet had a pyramid of toilet paper nearly sticking out of the rim.

…along with other less-attractive and more-odorous particles.

There was so much TP in the bowl that quite a bit of it was completely dry.

I considered, for a moment, raking it all out before flushing again.

But the smell and the unsavory sight of the other less-than-favorable toilet dwellers convinced me to try flushing it.

Just to see what would happen.

After all…she’d never made a clog I couldn’t fix.

And so I did.

Of course, it didn’t flush. But the water within swelled up with pride, causing the unsavory morsels to float to the top.

*** End shameful admission. PLEASE don’t tell Chris. He’ll be horrified at my lack of toilet discretion. ***

I stuck the plunger in and began plunging, expecting the clog to turn loose fairly immediately.

Nothing happened.

I plunged some more.

Still nothing.

I shut off the water and plunged some more.

Zero water or anything else left the premises.

So I told Siri to remind me to address it later,

and I shut the lid and instructed Ali to enjoy the rest of her quiet time toilet-free, preferably.

Chris got home that night and I expected him to go up, plunge it a couple of times, and come back down with that manly smugness that he has when he unscrews an especially tight jar of jelly.

But no.

He went upstairs as soon as he got home, which as all of you Mothers know, sends children into frenzied tailspins.

Noah was wailing at the bottom of the stairs, and Ali was acting as if she’d eaten four bags of Jumbo Marshmallows.

(Daddy coming home and being immediately occupied equals Mommy Purgatory.)

But I remembered, with guilt and shame, that I was the one that tried to flush that pyramid instead of clean it out, so I couldn’t complain.

He came down and got a bucket…then headed back up.

Noah squealing, Ali yelping, running, and leaping.

He removed the former Toilet Paper Pyramid, which now resembled chocolate caramel melted on the sidewalk on an Alabama Summer Day.

The entire house reeked of Cow Patties.

He came back down and got a big metal snake-thing.

He poured hot water in the toilet.

He plunged.

He snaked.

He poured a bottle of dishwashing soap in.

He was up there until the kid’s bedtimes.

As I sat, in Mommy Purgatory, dying a little each minute, at the bottom of the stairs.

He finally gave up, and told me he’d get some new tools and try again the next night.

(I began to brace myself for Double Mommy Purgatory.)

The next day, I decided that I was going to get the toilet unclogged no matter what it took. I couldn’t take another night of a Daddy/Toilet Date.

So after breakfast, I put Noah in his crib and told Ali that I was going to work on her toilet again.

Unfortunately, her superpowers do not include unclogging toilets.

I plunged.

I poured more dishwashing liquid in.

And finally, I decided I should try that snake thing that Chris had out.

(Warning, women: If you don’t even know what something is called, you probably shouldn’t try to operate it.)

I found it under the sink, double bagged in garbage bags.

(Warning, women: if your husband d0uble bags something in garbage bags, you probably shouldn’t open it.)

(Especially if it’s been exposed to your kid’s crap.)

I peeled off the first bag.

I opened the second bag and reached in.

As I was reaching in, the smell hit my nose.

OHMYGOSHOHMYGOSH

And before I could recoil in horror, the springy snake end sprang loose and shot out straight, spraying me with putrid nightmares.

My face.

My neck.

My shirt.

And a nice, large, brown gooey chunk on my arm.

I stood there, frozen and silent.

Time passed, as I tried to comprehend what had just happened, and what I was to do now.

Finally, I (carefully) opened my mouth.

“Ali, go keep Noah entertained. I’m going to take another shower.”

And I did.

A hot, soapy, sanitizing shower.

Now clean but still obsessed with not letting this putrid throne beat me, I read the internet and asked Facebook: what to do about really nasty toilet clogs?

Dishwashing soap…hot water…plunging…snaking.

Finally, I found a new idea: baking powder and vinegar. Apparently they’re supposed to have a “strong chemical reaction” that will help bubble crap out of your pipes.

(Literally.)

I dug around and found the ingredients, and headed upstairs.

Ali came to observe my laboratorical experiments.

I poured them in, half expecting a “strong chemical reaction” with the already present dishwashing liquid, resulting in a toilet explosion in my face.

(Which would be nothing new at that point.)

But no.

Nothing happened.

Including anything good.

By now it was lunchtime, and I reported my failed efforts to Chris.

(And BEGGED him to let me call a plumber.)

“Let me try again tonight. I’ll buy some new stuff at lunch. If I can’t get it tonight, you can call a plumber tomorrow.

During Hour 28 of The Clog From Hell, Chris arrived home. Saw the children for a minute. Headed upstairs with a Toilet Arsenal that could only be expected on a ranch in Waco.

Noah started squealing. Ali started bouncing off the walls. I started to curl up in a ball in the corner, humming It’s the End of the World as We Know It.

But then I heard a flush.

And Chris coming down the stairs.

“It’s done – I just used the new plunger twice. Didn’t even open all of these other things!”

Relief coursed through my veins.

Then, indignance.

I should have gotten the satisfaction of using that new plunger!!

I needed to see that job through and down!

But then I remembered my attempts to flush The Great White Pyramid…and I knew what I really deserved. And I had gotten it – on my face, neck, and arms.

A Serial Monogamist.

May 29, 2012February 17, 2014 Rachel Callahan Chris, Guest Post

If you’re friends with Chris or I on Facebook or Twitter, you might have noticed that, a few days ago, he made an interesting, and perhaps impractical decision. A decision that, although I did predict that it would happen a year ago, might make me feel a bit self-conscious about the conclusions of frivolosity that the general public could choose to draw about us. So I told him that his decision must be explained to the world.

Herein lies that explanation.

So I bought a car.

Not because it gets good gas mileage, or has high resale value, or comfortably fits my family, or has lots of high tech features.

No, I bought this car because, quite simply, I love it.

It is the only car I have ever loved. I flirted once with a Mazda MX-3 in high school, but I didn’t get serious enough to commit.

But since the first moment I saw it, I knew. I sat in one at a dealership 15 years ago. I took home the glossy book that came from the minimalist brochure rack in said dealership. I still have that book in mint condition, despite three moves, a marriage, and two kids.

And I will always love this car – I intend to keep it forever. Even if the Malia Obama Administration of 2044 forces me to put an electric engine in it. Until I die and my children inherit it and promptly sell it for scrap.

If you want to know if you really love a car, give it the million dollar question test. That is, if I had a million bucks to spend on a car, what car would I buy?

If the answer is the car you drive, then you are in storybook love.

So what is it, you ask?

An R170 Mercedes Benz SLK. Silver. A retractable hardtop convertible. The last one of this particular style was made in 2004.

In my case, a 2002 SLK32 AMG. Supercharged, intercooled, 342HP. Each engine hand-assembled by a single engineer. I could go on.

I know.

It seems irresponsible, wasteful, flamboyant.

A Benz? Really? Is that necessary? Why would you drive a Mercedes? Or a 2-seater? You have 2 kids. A convertible? Its 200 degrees in Alabama 9 months out of the year.

We’ll refer to that as the ‘con’ list.

On the ‘pro’ side of things, here’s my thought process. Feel free to Johnny Cochran me in the comments.

You have to drive something. (That’s a good one, right? I should get 2 pros for that.)
It’s GREAT for grocery shopping.

My dream car has atrocious resale value. It depreciates like the popularity of last year’s American Idol 3rd runner-up. Didn’t come up with James Durbin, did you? In 10 years and 50k miles, this car depreciated by {cough} 75% of its original sticker price.
(Sorry about that, original owner.)

So, in my defense, for the same very reasonable amount of jack, you could have your choice of the following vehicles:

2012 Kia Rio, 0 miles,
2007 Honda Odyssey, 112K miles,
2008 Toyota Corolla, 53k miles,
or, my dream car, with 50k miles.

My dream car comes complete with vintage turn-of-the-millennium accessories, like:

Hidden Cassette Deck (remember the plastic-y smell of new tapes? My copy of Hysteria still has the new-tape-smell.)

Trunk-Mounted Cartridge Loading CD Changer (so fun to reload on a vacation gas stop.)

Integrated Analog Flip Phone (that no current cell carrier will activate.)

“Timeport” was an accurate brand name.

Actual Cigarette Lighter (try finding this in a new car when you need to burn one down.)

And, although only one is old enough to ride offsite in it, it is actually fun for the kids. When I took Ali for her first ride, she immediately told me, “Don’t go fast at all, okay Daddy?” Five minutes later, she asked me, “Daddy, can you go a little bit fast?” And Noah greets me as I pull in from work and tries to steer me down the driveway.

So why now? I have been watching the national inventory on AutoTrader for a long time, and almost all of them are located far, far away. A few weeks ago, the perfect car popped up here in Birmingham, a local 1-owner. If I was ever going to do this, this was the one.

I know it looks silly. And seems reckless. I’ll totally give you impractical, but what is love, if not silly, reckless, and impractical?

Telling Jennifer Holliday Surprising News.

May 27, 2012June 6, 2012 Rachel Callahan Utter Silliness

All photos taken from one performance during the finale of American Idol. If you fast-forwarded through it, you really missed out.

Hey, um, Jennifer? You do realize that Paula isn’t on the show anymore, right?

And I think she wants her hair back.

Oh – and the 1994 Mother of the Bride that you ripped that dress off of? She’s calling your lawyer.

Hey Jennifer… you DID know that Santa Claus isn’t real, right?

Nope, the Easter Bunny isn’t either.

Nor the Tooth Fairy.

Hey Jennifer – is that a spider on your teleprompter?

Oh – false alarm – it was just the reflection of your eyelashes.

Hey Jennifer – you know that Simon isn’t on the show anymore, right?

But if he were, he might tell you that you were “being a bit indulgent”. And to not eat your microphone.

Oh! Speaking of your microphone, is that a roach on it?

Yes, yes I think it is. Or was. Was it tasty?

What? What’s wrong? It crawled down your throat?

And you can’t get it back out??

Perhaps you should just swallow. Quickly.

Oh – nope – here it comes.

There. All better? Oh – just one more minute?

Oh my. You’re excused.

Hey Jennifer – You did realize that “The Higher the Hair, the Closer to Lord Above” isn’t really a bible verse, right?

Nope, and the little girl on Toddlers and Tiaras who, when getting her own hair teased, said “Jack it up for Jesus”, was also not quoting scriptures.

Hey Jennifer – what are you doing?

Oh goodness. You’re excused.

What’s that?

Yes, you’re right. That does smell funky.

Oh – I think Jessica may have smelled it, too.

How embarrassing.

Now now, Jessica. Be nice. Jennifer’s feelings are fragile.

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The Read-Aloud Challenge.

May 24, 2012October 30, 2013 Rachel Callahan Actually Possibly Informational, Homeschooling: Not just for the socially awkward anymore., Pop Post, You Make Great Accountability

Last week, Ali and I had amazingly fantastical adventures every single day.

We found a golden ticket, sailed down a chocolate river in a pink candy boat, saw squirrels opening walnuts without breaking said walnuts, rode in a glass elevator with millions of buttons, and sat on the edge of our seats as a bad little girl got blown up into a giant blueberry and carried off by tiny people.

Obviously, we read Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

This was a first for us, and a completely perspective-changing moment for me as a parent.

I’ve been reading books aloud to Ali since she was a baby, and started reading chapter books aloud last fall. But because I thought I needed to “hook” her into the idea of letting me read a long book, I bought inane “Tales from Pixie Hollow” books and borrowed ridiculously over-formulaic “Rainbow Magic Fairy” library books.

The plots were absurd, the stories all sounded the same, and I was slugging through it.

(And she was mildly interested, but certainly not hooked.)

Then a couple of weeks ago, my friends Ashley and Nikki mentioned that they had read Charlie and the Chocolate Factory aloud to their kids.

Literature!! Real literature!! Well-written literature!! WHY haven’t I thought of this???

I felt like a complete nincompoop, to use a literary term.

The next day, I headed to the library, checked out a few Roald Dahl books, went straight home home and started reading aloud. And from the first chapter, we were both enthralled. We were excited, we were living it, we were completely sucked into the story – as should rightfully happen when one reads good literature.

So, in my excitement over this eureka moment, I began compiling a list of all of my favorite childhood books (that weren’t too intense for Ali – she scares easily), and other books that I wanted to read.

And I ended up with a to-do list 101 books long.

Clearly, this is going to take a while to accomplish. And perhaps, before I finish reading all of these aloud, Ali will take over and read them herself.

Here’s my list so far. I plan on printing it out and keeping it in my library bag – feel free to do the same. I would also really love to know what great books I’ve left off – let me know in the comments and I’ll add them!

* – books that I haven’t read at all yet.

1. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory – Roald Dahl / Nothing can beat this book’s entertainment value when read aloud. Fabulous story with great moral lessons, and what kid doesn’t like hearing about fantastical candy??
2. Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator – Roald Dahl
3-9. The Chronicles of Narnia – C.S. Lewis / Some of my most treasured childhood memories are of my Mom reading this series aloud to us. Engaging and beautiful.
10. Charlotte’s Web – E.B. White
11. Stuart Little – E.B. White
12. Pippi Longstocking – Astrid Lindgren / I loved Pippi Longstocking as a kid!
13*. The BFG – Roald Dahl
14-21. The Ramona Series – Beverly Cleary / These were some of the first books that I read by myself, but I also remember my Mom reading them aloud. They are great bridge books for both reading aloud and reading alone.
22-26. The Fudge Series – Judy Blume / I loved these books as a kid! Great sibling interactions, and lots to discuss as well.
27*. Mr. Popper’s Penguins – Richard Atwater
28. From the Mixed-up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler – E.L. Konigsburg / This was one of the most magical, original stories that I read as a young child. I can’t wait to read it again!
29. A Wrinkle in Time – Madeleine L’Engle / I fell in love with Madeleine L’Engle’s writing from this book, and proceeded to read nearly everything she wrote. Not all of her books, however, are appropriate for children.
30. The Best Christmas Pageant Ever – Barbara Robinson / Fabulous story to read around the holidays – cute and heartwarming.
31*. Bartholomew’s Passage – Arnold Ytreeide / An Advent Adventure Book my Mom recommended
32*. Jotham’s Journey – Arnold Ytreeide / An Advent Adventure Book my Mom recommended
33-40. Anne of Green Gables Series – L.M. Montgomery / These are probably too old for Ali right now, but would be great family read-aloud books when she is slightly older. Or, if Ali beats me to it, she can read them herself in a few years.
41-44*. Magic Tree House Series – Mary Pope Osborne
45-49. Diary of a Wimpy Kid Set – Jeff Kinney / I read a couple of these aloud to Ali over a year ago (with occasional language changes), and she loved them! The pictures are engaging, and the stories are short enough to keep the attention of young children, even if they don’t understand everything. The movie, however, is painful to watch – I hate train-wrecks.
50. The Polar Express – Chris Van Allsburg
51. A Little Princess – Frances Hodgson Burnett
52*. The Watsons Go to Birmingham—1963 – Christopher Paul Curtis / I found this book while researching for this list. I’ve not yet read it, but I am eager to read it myself first and see if it is a good book to introduce the subject of Civil Rights and the sadder parts of the history of our city.
53*. The Mostly True Adventures of Homer P. Figg – Rodman Philbrick
54*. How to Train Your Dragon – Cressida Cowell
55. The Secret Garden – Frances Hodgson Burnett / This book always made me want to live in a giant manor in England with a large, mysterious garden.
56. Harriet the Spy – Louise Fitzhugh
57. The Ralph Mouse Collection – Beverly Cleary
58. Encyclopedia Brown, Boy Detective – Donald J. Sobol / I ADORED these as a kid. I never could figure out the mysteries, though. I was always so disappointed in myself!
59. Socks – Beverly Cleary
60. The Cricket in Times Square – George Selden
61*. The Hundred Dresses – Eleanor Estes
62. The Incredible Journey – Sheila Burnford
63-66*. Junie B. Jones’s Series – Barbara Park
67-75. Little House on the Prairie Series – Laura Ingalls Wilder / I have to admit that I mentally relate these as being boring. But I know they weren’t! I remember enjoying them – they just seem boring.
76. Star of Light – Patricia St John
77*. Caddie Woodlawn – Carol Ryrie Brink
78. The Complete Tales of Winnie-The-Pooh – A.A. Milne / Winnie-The-Pooh stories always surprise me at how creative and refreshing their storylines are. So much better than I expect – every time!
79. Treasure Island – Robert Louis Stevenson
80*. My Side of the Mountain – Jean Craighead George
81*. Danny the Champion of the World – Roald Dahl
82. James and the Giant Peach – Roald Dahl
83*. Fantastic Mr. Fox – Roald Dahl
84*. The Missing Golden Ticket and Other Splendiferous Secrets – Roald Dahl
85. James Herriot’s Treasury for Children – James Herriot / My Dad used to read these Veterinarian stories to us. They were simply amazing!
86*. The Invention of Hugo Cabret – Brian Selznick
87*. Three Tales of My Father’s Dragon – Ruth Stiles Gannett
88.The Five Chinese Brothers – Claire Huchet Bishop
89. Homer Price – Robert McCloskey / This is a rare book to find, but I LOVED it as a kid! Homer had some really fantastic adventures.
90. Andrew Henry’s Meadow – Doris Burn
91*. The Candymakers – Wendy Mass
92*. The Trumpet of the Swan – E.B. White
93*. Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle – Betty McDonald
94. Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of Nimh – Robert O’Brien
95. The Princess Bride – William Goldman / This book was written for adults, and if you haven’t read the book and are a Princess Bride fan like myself, then you’re missing out. With some skipping here and there, it’d make a great children’s read-aloud book as well. I wish they would come out with a children’s version…because, as always, the book is even better than the movie.
96*. The Penderwicks: A Summer Tale of Four Sisters, Two Rabbits, and a Very Interesting Boy – Jeanne Birdsall
97. Pilgrim’s Progress – John Bunyan (Adapted for little readers)
98*. Island of the Blue Dolphins – Scott O’Dell
99*. Cornelia and the Audacious Escapades of the Somerset Sisters – Lesley M. M. Blume
100. The Indian in the Cupboard – Lynne Reid Banks
101. Freckle Juice – Judy Blume

Please let me know what I need to add to the list!

Books Suggested By Y’all:

102. Strawberry Girl – Lois Lenski / Suggested by Mama Hen and Roxaline
103. Because of Winn-Dixie – Kate DiCamillo / Suggested by Jennifer Wendorf, Roxaline, and Becca Kennedy
104. The Tale of Despereaux – Kate Dicamillo / Suggested by Jennifer Wendorf and Gina
105. Sideways Stories from Wayside School – Louis Sachar / Suggested by Sam
106. Maniac Magee – Jerry Spinelli / Suggested by Sam
107. Sarah, Plain and Tall – Patricia McLachlan / Suggested by Roxaline
108. American Girl Books – Various Authors / Suggested by Roxaline and Gina
109. The Courage of Sarah Noble – Alice Dalgleish / Suggested by Roxaline
110. Betsy Series – Carolyn Haywood / Suggested by Roxaline
111. Clementine Series – Sara Pennypacker / Suggested by Jessica
112. Tuck Everlasting – Natalie Bobbit / Suggested by Laura Wilder
113. Esperanza Rising – Pam Munoz Ryan / Suggested by Laura Wilder
114. Shel Silverstein Poetry Books / Suggested by Laura Wilder
115. Gregor the Overlander Series – Suzanne Collins / Suggested by Cara
116. Little Pilgrim’s Progress – Helen Taylor / Suggested by Kristi
117. Misty of Chincoteague – Marguerite Henry / Suggested by Kristi
118. Matilda – Roald Dahl / Suggested by Marty
119. Peter Pan – J.M. Barrie / Suggested by Marty
120. The Wonderful Wizard of Oz – L. Frank Baum / Suggested by Marty and Robin
121. The Borrowers – Mary Norton / Suggested by Marty, Annie Gallitz, Becca Kennedy and Shiree
122. Owls in the Family – Farley Mowat / Suggested by Marty
123. Series of Unfortunate Events – Lemony Snicket / Suggested by Marty
124. Shiloh – Phyllis Reynolds Naylor / Suggested by Kitty
125. The Littles – John Peterson / Suggested by Heidi
126. Bunnicula Series – Deborah Howe / Suggested by Heidi
127. Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing – Judy Blume / Suggested by Heidi
128. The Boxcar Children Series – Gertrude Chandler Warner / Suggested by Shiree and Jaisey
129. Summer of the Monkeys – Wilson Rawls / Suggested by Robin
130. Where the Red Fern Grows – Wilson Rawls / Suggested by Robin and JC and Rachel
131. Nancy Drew Series – Carolyn Keene / Suggested by Gina and Anita Wright and Jaisey
132. Bridge to Terabithia – Katherine Paterson / Suggested by Becca Kennedy
133. Ella Enchanted – Gail Carson Levine / Suggested by Becca Kennedy
134. Alvin Fernald Series – Clifford Hicks / Suggested by JC
135. Flatland: A Romance of Many Dimensions – Edwin Abbott / Suggested by JC
136. The Hardy Boys Series – Franklin W. Dixon / Suggested by JC
137. Five Little Peppers and How They Grew – Margaret Sidney / Suggested by Katie and MBD
138. Eight Cousins – Louisa May Alcott / Suggested by Katie
139. Rose in Bloom – Louisa May Alcott / Suggested by Katie
140. Betsy-Tacy Books – Maud Hart Lovelace / Suggested by Forrest
141. Christy – Catherine Marshall / Suggested by Leanna and Jenna
142.Sugar Creek Gang Series – Paul Hutchens / Suggested by Stacey
143. Jack Black and the Ship of Thieves – Carol Hughes / Suggested by MBD
144. Redwall Series – Brian Jacques / Suggested by MBD
145. Little Britches – Ralph Moody / Suggested by MBD
146. Cheaper by the Dozen – Frank B. Gilbreth Jr / Suggested by MBD and Carol
147. The Great Turkey Walk – Kathleen Karr / Suggested by MBD
148. Talking Turkey – Lila Hopkins / Suggested by Laura
149. A Girl of the Limberlost – Gene Stratton-Porter / Suggested by Carol
150. Wishing-Chair Collection – Enid Blyton / Suggested by Mary @ Parenthood
151. The Faraway Tree Collection – Enid Blyton / Suggested by Mary @ Parenthood
152. Mrs Pepperpot – Alf Proyson / Suggested by Mary @ Parenthood
153. The Last of the Really Great Whangdoodles – Julie Andrews Edwards / Suggested by Jenna
154. Martin’s Big Words – Bryan Collier / Suggested by Cindy McGurl
155. Pink and Say – Patricia Polacco / Suggested by Cindy McGurl
156. Skippyjon Jones Series – Judy Schnachner / Suggested by Cindy McGurl
157. The Wall – Eve Bunting / Suggested by Cindy McGurl
158. Gooney Bird Greene – Lois Lowry / Suggested by Pam Dennison
159. The Hobbit – J.R.R. Tolkien / Suggested by Hannah
160. The Lord of the Rings Trilogy – J.R.R. Tolkien / Suggested by Hannah
161. Alpha Centauri – Robert Siegal / Suggested by Hannah
162. Whalesong – Robert Siegal / Suggested by Hannah
163. The Princess and the Goblin – George MacDonald / Suggested by Hannah
164. The Princess and Curdie – George MacDonald / Suggested by Hannah
165. Poppy – Avi / Suggested by Carissa
166. Henry Huggins – Beverly Cleary / Suggested by Carissa
167. The Tower of Geburah (Archives of Anthropos) – John White / Suggested by Carissa
168. Peter and the Starcatchers – Dave Barry & Ridley Pearson / Suggested by Carissa and Shannon
169. Geronimo Stilton – Geronimo Stilton / Suggested by Carissa
170. There’s a Boy in the Girls’ Bathroom – Louis Sachar / Suggested by Stephanie
171. Lois Lowry Books* Can be intense emotionally – Lois Lowry / Suggested by Laura
172. The War with Grandpa – Robert Kimmel Smith / Suggested by Lisa
173. Out of My Mind – Sharon M. Draper / Suggested by Claire
174. The Castle in the Attic – Elizabeth Winthrop / Suggested by Debbie and Lisa
175. Bud, Not Buddy – Christopher Paul Curtis / Suggested by Carrie
176. The Witch of Blackbird Pond – Elizabeth George Speare / Suggested by Carrie
177. The Westing Game – Ellen Raskin / Suggested by Krista Howland
178. Trixie Belden Series – Julie Campbell / Suggested by Anita Wright
179. The Railway Children – Edith Nesbit / Suggested by Anita Wright
180. Black Beauty – Anna Sewell / Suggested by Anita Wright
181. What Katy Did – Susan Coolidge / Suggested by Anita Wright
182. Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland – Lewis Carroll / Suggested by Anita Wright and Irma
183. Old Possum’s Book of Practical Cats – T.S. Eliot / Suggested by Anita Wright
184. Harry Potter Series – J.K. Rowling / Suggested by Meg
185. Hatchet – Gary Paulson / Suggested by Lisa
186. Leo the Late Bloomer – Robert Kraus / Suggested by Amber Thomas
187. Harold and the Purple Crayon – Crockett Johnson / Suggested by Amber Thomas
188. The Duel: The Gingham Dog and The Calico Cat – Eugene Field / Suggested by Amber Thomas
189. The Mysterious Benedict Society Series – Trenton Lee Stewart / Suggested by Shannon
190. Percy Jackson Series – Attila Futaki and Jose Villarrubia / Suggested by Shannon
191. The All-of-a-Kind Family series – Sydney Taylor / Suggested by Shannon
192. Fablehaven – Brandon Mull / Suggested by Suzanne Brazzell
193. Summer of the Monkeys – Wilson Rawls / Suggested by Suzanne Brazzell
194. Thunder Cake – Patricia Polacco / Suggested by Cynthia
195. The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane – Kate DiCamillo / Suggested by Nicole
196. A Single Shard – Linda Sue Park / Suggested by Renee
197. A Long Way From Chicago – Richard Peck / Suggested by Renee
198. A Year Down Yonder – Richard Peck / Suggested by Renee
199. Princess Academy – Shannon Hale / Suggested by Renee
200. Kira-Kira – Cynthia Kadohata / Suggested by Renee
201. Crunch – Leslie Connor / Suggested by Jessica
202. Waiting for the Magic – Patricia MacLachlan / Suggested by Jessica
203. Masterpiece – Elise Broach / Suggested by Jessica
204. Emmy and the Incredible Shrinking Rat – Lynne Jonell / Suggested by Jessica
205. The Giver – Lois Lowry / Suggested by Kayla Essary
206. Number the Stars – Lois Lowry / Suggested by Kayla Essary
207. Paint The Wind – Pam Munoz Ryan
208. Gathering Blue – Lois Lowry / Suggested by Kristy Howells
209. The Goose Girl – Shannon Hale / Suggested by Eryn
210. Where the Mountain Meets the Moon – Grace Lin / Suggested by Amber
211. Holes – Louis Sachar / Suggested by Amber
212. The Name of this Book Is Secret – Pseudonymous Bosch / Suggested by Amber
213. The Lion’s Paw – Robb White / Suggested by Melissa
214. Big Red – Jim Kjelgaard / Suggested by Rachel
215. Marguerite Henry Books – Marguerite Henry / Suggested by Rachel

Check out my homeschooling category for more possibly helpful posts!

You might also like Stepping Stones of Early Readers:

or this Geography Project:

A Draw Something Miracle.

May 23, 2012May 22, 2012 Rachel Callahan A Day in the Life, I embarrass myself just for your amusement., Utter Silliness

After bearing great waves of shame in my Draw Something Tell-All post, I quit playing for a couple of weeks. I just couldn’t bring myself to draw any more of my frighteningly appalling Works of Shame.

…Then I attempted to play again, hoping for a miracle in the form of spontaneous artistic giftedness.

That miracle clearly didn’t come, so I quit again.

Then I picked it up once more, and in so doing, finally had a moment of enlightenment.

I can’t do art.

(Okay – that wasn’t the moment of enlightenment. I was already excruciatingly aware of that.)

I realized that I can’t do art, but perhaps, just perhaps, if I attempted to amuse my opponents, they would be distracted from my loathsome drawing skills and disdain me a tiny bit less.

I also realized that although it is generally considered malodorous to use words in one’s drawings, if one’s words do not give away the clue, but instead add a satirical twist to the drawing, it is accepted and welcomed as “Better Than No Words”.

On other drawings, I enjoyed the power of subtle touches.

Such as the difference that one stroke of a pen can make…

Or perpetuating a stereotype in a scrappy illustration.

(My apologies to all of my red-headed, uni-browed, and red-headed uni-browed readers.)

And, when I couldn’t find anything humorous to touch on, I went for an incredulous waste of my opponent’s time, as I meticulously drew a completely unnecessary amount of details.

(See those grey x’s? Those are the gates that cordon off the student section.)

(And those black dots in the South Endzone? Those are the frat guys in their suits.)

(And that one lone green dot in section B? That’s me, being rebellious and not wearing team colors. At the biggest game of the year, no less.)

I found that it was even more fun to waste my opponent’s time if I could draw a detailed picture and not give the actual clue away until the very end, therefore preventing them from solving early and escaping my clutches.

(Most likely, though, the joke was on me, as I was the one who continued to have unwashed dishes in my sink due to extenuating drawing times. They probably washed their dishes while they waited on my drawing to finish.)

I also decided to jump on any opportunity to make a movie reference,

A cliché reference,

or a bacon reference.

(See why I need to distract them from my hideous art?)

But to help out with my lack of skills, I decided to start referencing Google Images when I found myself really needing to plagiarize someone else’s hard work.

I found that it never hurts to do a double header, either.

(Ryan Gosling is somewhere right now saying, “Hey Girl, I know you can’t draw, so I’m totally okay with the fact that you made me look like a Russian Spy with a broken nose and a hot dog for lips.”)

But more than anything, I realized that the fun is in the details, no matter how poorly they’re illustrated.

(Unless, of course, I get the details wrong. And my husband happens to see.)

But ultimately, I still hung my hat on the fact that my best work is still in the gory – details or not, I’m AWESOME with blood and guts.

Look at that precision!! Behold that happy patient!!

I missed my calling.

I wasn’t meant to be an accountant, nor a blogger – I was meant to cut people open for a living.

Big Announcements, and Designer Denim Giveaway!!

May 22, 2012February 15, 2015 Rachel Callahan Denim Drama, Don't Listen to my Fashion Advice, Giveaways and Contests, Shamelessly Plugging Away, Shopping: A Girl's Best Friend

Update: Due to significant changes in the company and a terrible downward spiral in denim quality, I no longer recommend shopping through Vault Denim. I now buy all of my jeans through Nordstrom Rack’s app, HauteLook, which regularly features my favorite brands of designer jeans at half the cost. I highly recommend it! My current favorite brands are Joe’s Jeans, Genetic Denim, Hudson Jeans, Frankie B, Mother Denim, and 7 for all Mankind

So some of you might remember that I’m a Vault Denim consultant. I’m not a consultant because I just love direct sales and I can’t wait to get a bunch of people signed up on my team.

I’m a consultant because I have a dream.

A dream of never going to the park and seeing an adorable young Mom wearing elastic-waisted jeans with no back pockets.

(That actually happened on Friday. And I wept for her.)

(Okay, the weeping didn’t actually happen. But I did mourn.)

A dream of showing middle-aged women how they can do fashionable, slimming denim without sacrificing comfort.

A dream of showing teenage girls that their butt crack does not, indeed, need to hang out of the back of their jeans for them to look stylish.

Although blogging has afforded me the opportunity to spread my message of denim love, the thrill of being able to offer denim consultations and parties AND be able to offer designer, top-name jeans at half price – it’s something I couldn’t pass up, despite my completely unsalesish personality.

It has given me the opportunity to do this:

And this:

Also? I do Vault because I personally like having direct access to all of my favorite designer brands at prices I’m willing to pay.

Recently, there have been some really thrilling changes with Vault, so I felt it only right to share them with you.

First of all, I have just been given the job of Inventory Coordinator for the Birmingham area. This means that I get to house the jeans, order the jeans, swim in the jeans, and bask in the glory of the jeans continuously.

It also means that I can do more open houses, more private fittings, and even keep a watch out for specific pairs of jeans.

(It also means that if you are local and interested in becoming a Vault rep, you’d be picking up and dropping off the jeans with me.)

I also got to do a complete refresh on our inventory, so as of Wednesday, we will have a newly improved selection of sizes (up to 24), styles, and summer wear.

To celebrate this denim news, I have an open house scheduled for all day and evening on Tuesday, May 29. If you’d like to come, let me know by emailing me (at graspingforobjectivity@gmail.com) or commenting on this post. Or if you’d like to schedule a private fitting on another day, I’d be glad to arrange that as well.

Secondly. Vault has finally opened up online shopping for some of their brands. And besides the usual women’s jeans, the long-awaited men’s, children’s, and maternity lines are also available there!

(Getting fitted properly is always the best option, as every body and every pair of jeans are different, but if you don’t have that option available, I can help guide you towards which jeans would fit you in particular.)

Finally, for the local(ish) people, I have a special going on through the end of May that if you book a party with me for any date up through September, you earn 12% hostess credit instead of the usual 10%. So let me know if you want to get on the schedule!

So. The Giveaway.

To celebrate all of these exciting changes, I am going to give away one free pair of designer jeans to one lucky reader! If you’re local, then we will schedule a private fitting to select your jeans. If you’re not, then you can select from the online options or from my inventory, and I will consult with you on what should fit best.

If you would like to enter this giveaway, simply comment on this post and tell me about what your biggest challenge is when you’re searching for the perfect pair of jeans.

You can get extra entries by:

Liking my Vault Denim Facebook Page.
Going to the Vault Denim Online Store (access code 146861) and telling me which pair of jeans that you like best.
Liking my Blog’s Facebook Page or following Me on Twitter.
Tweeting, Blogging, or Facebooking about this giveaway.
For local people, scheduling your own Vault Party with me.

(be sure to leave separate comments for your extra entries.)

This giveaway is open until Monday, May 28. The winner will be randomly selected and notified by email and posted on my giveaway winners page on Tuesday, May 29.

Best of luck, and may your life be full of properly fitted denim!