Rachel Callahan

The War On Embarrassment.

March 10, 2010 Rachel Callahan "Deep" Thoughts by Rachel, Parent of the Year, Toddlers: The Experience

Ali’s a pretty shy little kid around people she doesn’t know, so I figured that she wouldn’t be one of those that was constantly embarrassing me by making loud observations in front of strangers. And I was right, at least about the “constantly” part.

However, we have definitely entered the stage of embarrassment. It all started when she was convinced for so long that I had…twins…in my “tummy”. But since then, it’s blossomed into observations about strangers as well…

(in the parking lot)

“Mommy! That lady has a BIG HUGE baby in her belly!”

“Umm…no she doesn’t honey…here, let’s run this way and duck behind that car over there.”

~~~~

(in the beauty salon)

“Mommy!! She smiled at me!!”

“Um, that was a man, honey. Sometimes boys have long hair, earrings, and eyeliner, too.”

~~~~

(in the Target bathroom)

“Mommy, I smell something. I smell something and It smells YUCKY!!!”

~~~~

You get the idea. All parents go through this, right?

Well, I’ve been compiling a list of helpful tips for parents on how to fight this very disconcerting behavior.

1. Duct Tape.

Pro: I’m pretty sure that it’s child proof and makes a pretty good sound barrier (for especially loud children who need a little extra soundproofing, line the inside of the duct tape with those styrofoam blocks that they use to line music studios).

Con: Those same strangers that your child would have made embarrassing observations about will now be making observations about YOU.

2. Don’t Teach Them To Talk.

Pro: It guarantees saving you from 99% of all embarrassing observations. Of course, there’s still that 1% that involves them touching, rather than talking about, random strangers.

Cons: By the time you realize you should have done this, it’s too late. And even if you DO remember on your third or fourth child that it’d be better if they waited for their common sense to grow in before talking, you may or may not be able to accomplish this difficult feat. My parents swore that they wouldn’t teach my little brother to talk based on the lessons me and my older brother taught them, but he learned anyway, and in an ironical twist of fate, I’m pretty sure that me and my O.B.’s embarrassing moments don’t hold a candle to one day’s worth of L.B.’s moments.

3. Teach your child that strangers are mean, nasty creatures that bite little children if they catch them talking about them.

Pro: It should work for quite some time.

Cons: You may be more embarrassed by the way your child horrifically screams and runs from strangers as if they are ghastly creatures. And, well, the nightmares.

4. Beat them to the punch – go ahead and make the embarrassing observations yourself before your kids have the chance.

Pro: At least you know what’s coming – no surprises.

Con: Your children will only learn from your parental expertise and become even better at it. And, well, the bruises that you’ll get from that lady that does NOT have a baby in her belly will just make it not so worth it after all.

Until I figure out a strategy that works, don’t expect to see me out in public – I’ll be in disguise.

And if you see someone that looks just like me except with a fake looking mustache and glasses on, that’s not me. That’s just my Little Brother. And watch out – he’ll embarrass you.

Oddities and Observations.

March 9, 2010 Rachel Callahan Don't Listen to my Fashion Advice, I would NEVER take too many pictures. . ., Photographical Oddities, Weird Strange and True

Being a blogger, I find myself unable to resist taking photos of the odd things that come into my life. And eventually they pile up and become a blog post….

Proof that I’m not the only one that gets a little too carried away in the virtual world sometimes….I received this bill in the mail the other day:I wonder how many people slid that bill up under their mouse and clicked, and clicked, and clicked…

I was driving through the beautiful suburb of Mountain Brook the other day, passing street after street of huge, gorgeous, fancy houses, and then all of a sudden, I found myself in front of this power pole:

A wreath. On a power pole. And an ugly one at that. Luckily not hung over the “Danger Do not Touch: High Voltage” sign.

…Which reminded me quite distinctly of my nomination for the tackiest mailbox that I saw last year, also in Mountain Brook.

…apparently there’s quite the tacky wreath fetish in that community.

Spotted on a Honda Element the other day:

“Half a Hummer” – not sure if they’re still proud of that, now that Hummers are going to be extinct…

Ali got a new book. But I’m not sure I want her asking the questions from the middle story:

Then again, maybe this book will answer all of her questions, thereby getting her to finally QUIT hammering us with questions every night about what we’ll be doing after she goes to sleep, and “will there be laughing??”

I took a lot of heat on my views of Vera Bradley purses being oddly old-looking to be a teenage trend, but I saw a visual at the Galleria the other day that proves my point exactly.

If you and your Great-Grandmother can proudly have matching purses…
Speaking of Fashion, it appears that Target is going to continue it’s trend from last year and go all-80’s again:I’m nearly positive I wore that same shorts-onesie circa 1983.

And Ali will NOT be wearing it.

Also spotted in children’s fashion recently…Ashley, AJ, Ali and I went to the Disney Store to check out their going-out-of-business sale (did you know the Disney Store at the Galleria is closing? Well, it is.)

As we were trying to find good clearance deals (which we didn’t succeed at), Ali and AJ found some shoes that they were absolutely enamored with.

THE most horrifyingly ugly shoes we’d ever seen.

AJ went for the rubber-glitter, tassled, pointing-upward-toed, light-up with a stinkin-huge picture of Jasmin on the front pair:

…because all little girls want to look like Little Las Vegas Leprechauns.

Ali went for the Disco-Platform, Rubber GOLD glittery, Light-Up with a stinkin-huge-picture-of-Bell on the front:

Needless to say, neither one of these girls got lucky enough to go home with a new pair of shoes.

Finally, and still on the fashion front, Chris’ Aunt Kitty (of Kitty Litter Cake) and Uncle Leo (of Toenail Art) had a very important function to be a part of, so they transformed their usual beach attire…

With a Psychedelic Sixties Makeover:

I have GOT to borrow those leggings. And the boots – definitely the boots.

…because really, it matches the way I dress Ali every day.

The Small-Talker.

March 8, 2010 Rachel Callahan Weird Strange and True

I took Ali to Dairy Queen the other day. As we ate our Chicken Fingers and free-Dilly-Bar-with-a-Kid’s-Meal-that-Ali-found-to-be-too-cold-so-I-HAD-to-eat-it, I was within earshot of a couple of guys standing near the counter, waiting for their food.

One was a somewhat stocky and short, mid-40’s looking guy. He struck up a conversation with the taller, skinnier, younger-than-me guy, apparently starting off by saying that he looked familiar.

They introduced themselves, first and last name.

Older guy (no implication about his age intended, he was just older THAN younger guy) asks where he works. Younger Guy tells him.

Older Guy: “Ah! That must be why you look familiar. I’ve been in there before. So where did you go to school?”

And they begin this conversation, still waiting on their food. Older Guy lets forth a continual barrage of questions – ones that my scared-of-small-talk-with-strangers-self cringed at, mainly because it wasn’t a two-way conversation – Older Guy was asking the questions, and Younger Guy was answering them dutifully.

Older Guy probes and gets Younger Guy to unveil his life in detail in those few moments of Dairy-Queen-induced intimacy:

His entire work history
His school background (which included seminary)
Exactly where he lived
The denomination in which he planned on serving
His parent’s beliefs
How young guy went from being Baptist to Episcopalian
All about his wife
Where he met his wife
What he plans on doing with his life
What his wife plans on doing with her life
Kids or no kids and when
Boxers or Briefs

Okay, maybe not the last one – but all of the other ones were most definitely discussed in-depth.

All in the five minutes that they were waiting for their DQ.

Finally, as I’m sitting their dumbfounded by all of the personal information that young guy was willing to share with Older Probing Stranger Guy who could speak at least 90 questions-per-minute while NOT sharing reciprocally, THE moment happened.

Older Guy: “Well, I gotta go. But Hey! I’d like to stay in touch! Can you give me your phone number?”

Me: Whhaaaaaaat?!?!?!

Young Guy: “Uh, Sure! Hold on and I’ll write it down.”

Me: Seriously. Whhhaaaaat?!?!?!!!?

Had either one of them looked in my direction at that moment, they would have seen my jaw, having smashed through the table, sitting on The Dairy Queen’s somewhat sticky floor.

I realize that I am the world’s worst small-talker, and I realize that I hardly ever start conversations with random strangers but that some people do and that’s okay.

But. Seriously. Older Guy: This is NOT normal behavior.

And Young Guy? You could’ve totally said no to giving Older Guy your phone number, especially since he offered no reasoning, vague or otherwise, as to why he would want to call you in the future.

I was overcome by being in The Presence of Great~~ness~~ Weirdness.

Parenting and the Art of SpellTalk.

March 7, 2010 Rachel Callahan "Deep" Thoughts by Rachel, Parent of the Year, Toddlers: The Experience

SpellTalk (n): A language that parents use to hide the most important parts of conversations from their kids. Unfortunately, kids eventually learn this language so that they can spy on their parents, so parents must find a new and original way to secretively communicate.

When do you use SpellTalk?

1. When you’re talking about something fun that is potentially in your child’s future and are not quite ready to answer five thousand six hundred and seventy five questions of “Is it time to go to the Zoo yet?!?!”.

Example of the use of SpellTalk in this capacity: “Ali is going to go visit G-R-A-M-A-M-M-A and P-O-P.”

2. When you want to hide your emotions.

Me: “I’m so D-E-P-R-E-S-S-E-D today.”

Chris: “It’s not like she knows what depressed means, dear.”

3. When you want to call each other names.

Chris: (Makes silly joke)

Me: (laughs), “You’re such an I-D-I-O-T.”

Chris: “Well, you’re a D-O-R-K-Y S-P-E-L-L-E-R.”

4. When you want to keep your chocolate all to yourself.

…because you know that you don’t ALWAYS want to share all of your sweets.

However, this can sometimes be more complex than you expect.

Chris: “I got us some more letter-after-O letter-after-O’s for after someone goes to bed!”

(pause).

Me: “P?? You got some pee pee???”

(Thoughtful pause).

Chris: “Okay. I got some letter-after-L letter-after-L’s.”

Oooooh. M & M’s.

(That story was from our early days of spell talk. Thank goodness we’ve gotten more proficient with the language since then.)

Complications to SpellTalk:

Sometimes the items that you need to talk about are not cloakably spellable.
Example: The fact that Ali’s best friend’s name is AJ. Not exactly easy to spell subtly.

Soluction: When we talk about AJ in SpellTalk, we use a code term – her first name, A-U-D-R-E-Y.

Because we’re smart like that.
When words have two meanings. Yesterday, the following SpellTalk conversation occurred when Chris and I were trying to decide where we could park our car to have a bike ride:
Chris: “We could park at the P-A-R-K…”

Me: “You realize that you just said “park” AND spelled “park” in the same sentence?”

Ali: so intently studying her breakfast that she never heard any of the mentions of the park.

(which proves that sometimes spell talk isn’t as necessary as you think it is.)

It is hard to remember to use your second language of SpellTalk when something happens fast, like needing to slam on the brakes to avoid hitting a car. It takes a lot of practice to remember to say “Oh C-R-A-P!!!!”
You must become proficient at picking the CRUCIAL word(s) to convert to SpellTalk in any particular sentence. Chris finds this especially complicated at times, which results in some funny sentences such as:
Chris: “I think we should go to the Zoo today after B-R-E-A-K-F-A-S-T!”

Me: “Um, dear…I don’t think you needed to spell Breakfast.”

Chris: “I know, but you know what I mean.”

What to do when your child learns SpellTalk:

I have no idea. The thought scares me to death. Learn Finnish or Swahili maybe?

When Daddy’s in Charge.

March 6, 2010February 17, 2014 Rachel Callahan Chris, Guest Post, Parent of the Year, Toddlers: The Experience

While I was having fun making pottery last weekend, Chris and Ali had some Daddy/Daughter time, which is always ripe with a few good tales. So today, Chris is guest blogging to share a couple of short stories from their day.

It Takes Guts To Be a Parent.

There are sensitive subjects that you have to handle carefully with small children. Reproduction, for instance. Death comes to mind.

Last Saturday I added one to the list: Taxidermy.

Ali and I went to the Bass Pro Shop, to “see the fishies.” It was the first time both of us had been there. We played on ATV’s,

got on every boat available on the pretend dock,

bought taffy, looked at waterfalls, etc.

But the odd question came when looking at a bear.

A frozen, unhappy looking bear standing much taller than daddy, with his or her mouth wide open, claws ready to go. Ali and I had the typical conversation.

“Look at the big bear…..He’s so tall… He’s got big fingernails…They need a trim….Look at those teeth.”

And that’s when she said it: “Is that a real bear, daddy?”

I was frozen for a moment, then muttered, “Well, sort of, sweetheart.” I quickly changed the subject, and we went on checking out the other animals: wolves, deer, bears, a wild hog that had very scratchy fur. We discussed famous children’s literature regarding bears, wolves, houses, porridge, that sort of thing.

In any case, the question lingers in my mind. I feel like she just asked me where babies come from. How do you address the concept of hunting, death, and preservation with a 3 year old? This could bring many side issues such as guns, guts, Heaven, even art. One man’s fresh carcass is another man’s potential Picasso. The ultimate organic art.

For now, I think I’ll just have to stick with “Well, sort of, sweetheart.”

Germ Warfare.

Ali likes the park. Loves the park. That can be any of several parks around town. Overton Park in Cahaba Heights, the Trussville Park by the middle school, even Wald Park in Vestavia, but the King of Playgrounds is in Leeds on 119. Those super high yellow twin towers, merry-go-round, tot lot, and assorted swings rule the school, as it were.

However, the one odd thing that most public parks have in common: no public restrooms. I’m not sure exactly why this is, and its never been a problem when Ali was Pampered, but now that we are potty trained, when nature calls, its usually calling on the red emergency phone and time is limited to answer.

So as we were playing at the park, I gave the 15 minute warning of time to leave. About a minute later, there was nature: ring-ring.

And rightfully so, Ali wasn’t ready to leave the park. She wanted to #1, and then get the rest of her allotted 15 minutes. I am just and fair to a fault, so there was only one answer.

Everyone’s best friend: the lonely port-o-john. Don’t know who put it there, don’t know how long its been there, don’t know if anyone’s been showing john the love and keeping him spic and span or not.

What’s life if not an adventure? I was certain that mommy had never done this with her. Not that we had talked about it. I just know mommy.

However, it was surprisingly not foul on the inside, had the appropriate paper resources, and only smelled of the industrially clean blue liquid living at the bottom. So aside from the short-lived fear of falling 4 feet into the murky blueness somewhat akin to the cave lake in Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince, Ali & I were both fine with it.

So this is where confession time comes in. The truck was parked a fair distance from the playground equipment and even further from john, so upon leaving the relatively un-nasty potty, I just let Ali go back to the playground. She had only touched the urinal once and the potty twice.

Plus, she was already running a fever, so I figured either

(a) her body is already fighting infection and is ready for this, or

(b) we can fight a virus with a nasty bacteria, sort of a Godzilla-vs-Mothra showdown that leaves all sickness dead.

We played for a little while longer, and when we got back to the truck, I gave us both a ferocious hand bath with wet wipes, then I took her through drive thru and let her eat in the backseat with her Mothra hands. Hopefully wet wipes are strong enough to defeat such an enemy, with or without Japanese subtitles.

Earthborn Pottery Giveaway!!

March 5, 2010 Rachel Callahan Earthborn Pottery, Giveaways and Contests

I’ve already shared with all of you the amazing fun I had making my OWN pottery at Cahaba Clayworks last week, but now I have a piece of REAL pottery – Artisan, Five-Star Restaurant kind of pottery – for you to win!!

I have a bowl to give away to one of you is made by my Aunt Tena of Earthborn Pottery.

Earthborn Artisan Dinnerware is featured in 5-star restaurants, resorts, lodges, and country clubs across the United States, including MGM’s famed Bellagio Resort & Casino in Las Vegas and Hot and Hot Fish Club here in Birmingham. It is created with an artist’s touch and a potter’s hand, combined to create functional art dinnerware.

I absolutely love Tena’s creations, and am slowly building up a collection of my own.

The glaze on this particular bowl caught my attention because of the amazing 3-D effect that seemed to possess. It reminded me of a Zinnia:
It features Tena’s signature shell-shaped buttons and these beautiful pedestal legs:

This bowl retails at $45, and is made with some of the most durable firing methods in the pottery world. It is dishwasher, microwave, and oven safe, and is sure to last you for many years.

If you’d like to win this bowl, simply comment on this post!

You can earn up to four extra entries by:

Subscribe to OR Follow my blog
Follow me on Twitter OR my new fan page on Facebook
Follow EarthbornStudio on Twitter OR Cahaba Clayworks on Facebook
Tweet, blog, OR Facebook about the giveaway

(be sure to leave separate comments for your extra entries.)

Best of luck! This giveaway is open until Monday, March 15th. The winner will be selected randomly and announced on Tuesday, March 16th.

Disclosure: I received a bowl for review purposes, but was not paid to write this or my last post. My opinions are completely my own.

Uncle Joe’s Tot Locker: An Investigative Report.

March 3, 2010July 21, 2020 Rachel Callahan I Love Birmingham, Investigative Report, Mystery Solved, Newsflash, Pop Post, Popular Posts

We have been having an exceedingly odd Winter here in Alabama. In a state where we’re lucky if we get snow once a decade, we have had half a dozen snow predictions in the past three months.

And it was because of these unheard of winter conditions that Uncle Joe’s Tot Locker found it’s way into my obsessive-need-to-know mind.

Photo courtesy of Michael Nix.

When it snowed last month, I blogged about the odd fact that Uncle Joe’s Tot Locker was being scrolled across our local news in the closings. I pondered as to whether it was a prank or if someone had actually named a day care something that invoked visions of a dirty high school football locker room with little kids peering out the slats of each locker.

The night I wrote about it, there was another threat of snow, and so Uncle Joe’s was closed again (apparently lockers become very hazardous at the threat of any bad weather), which led to literally hundreds of hits on my blog from people googling Uncle Joe’s Tot Locker with the same burning questions that I had.

Was it real?

Was it not?

Who would send their kids there?

Chris, Lianne, Marie and I had fun making up potential business Spin-Offs for Uncle Joe, including:

Aunt Jolene’s Preschooler Prison
Germy Jeremy’s House O’Slobber
Sister Sara’s Senior Storage
Farmer Phil’s Baby Barnyard

After still no luck in discovering the answer to this mystery, I decided that it must have been a prank and moved on.

Until Monday night, when we had yet another snow threat – one that hardly anyone was taking seriously.

Except for Uncle Joe, of course.

As Uncle Joe’s Tot Locker scrolled endlessly at the bottom of the screen for the THIRD time, my assuredness that it was a prank started to wane (“SURELY someone couldn’t get away with it THAT many times if it weren’t real”), and the onslaught of google hits on my blog started again.

At that moment, I decided that I would serve the obvious needs in my state and I would not rest until I got to the bottom of the Uncle Joe Mystery.

First step: I found the Alabama DHR Day Care Directory System. Searches could only be done one county at a time, so I laboriously searched in all 67 counties for a day care with the word “Uncle” in the title.

No Luck. Which meant that if Uncle Joe WAS real, he wasn’t licensed. Somehow, that didn’t really surprise me.

Of course, I’d already searched online and paper White and Yellow Pages with no success, and search engines only led me back to my blog.

Next, I searched Alabama Incorporation Records. Nothing. So Uncle Joe is a tax evader too. Again, not a shocker.

I decided the only option I had left was to contact the television stations and see if they’d give me any information. They answered, but had no information as to how to contact the now-famous Day Care.

And then, I got an email.

From someone named Joseph.

A very short email. It read:

“Maybe you should try a facebook search under kids and families.
=)”

Could it be?? Was this Uncle Joe himself?

I was always afraid he’d find me. Because frankly, I pictured a huge beast of a man – a bouncer with an evil glare, a pointy gotee, and crossed, hugely muscular arms – just WAITING for someone to diss his child care abilities.

barely able to contain my excitement (and a bit of fear) in this lead, I went to Facebook and typed in “Uncle Joe’s Tot Locker” in the search bar.

One Facebook group – Uncle Joe’s Tot Locker – came up.

[Note: the Facebook group has since been shut down.]

The description was: “You supply the Tots, we supply the Lockers. Pretty self explanatory, people.”

The conversations on the wall were hilarious, and I quickly surmised that Uncle Joe’s Tot Locker was most definitely a joke, and a very well-planned out one at that.

I emailed Uncle Joe back and asked him the question that the whole state of Alabama wanted to know the answer to: How’d you manage to get listed on air – THREE TIMES?

He explained:

“First you begin with boredom, bad weather and vodka. Then, VOILA!

My wife and I were watching daycare closings in January and noticed some REALLY bad daycare names and I impulsively called Fox 6 and told them I had a closing at my daycare and they asked me for my code.

After telling them I didn’t have one, they were nice enough to walk me through the process. It took about 3 minutes. It’s really made winter a lot of fun around my house. Some friends have even made T-shirts ( complete with barb-wire).”

He gave me permission to share my findings with you, even at the risk of outing his fun, since SURELY our snow threats are over for the year.

And so there you have it. My theory about prank calling in closings? It’s not only possible, but it’s been done multiple times by a master. Which has led to creating a continually high level of curiosity throughout the whole state of Alabama.

Uncle Joe, I salute you for your hard work at entertaining us all through this bleak and blizzardy winter. I wish you many more successful years of Southern Snowstorms of Tot Locker closings.

Clay Play

March 2, 2010November 12, 2013 Rachel Callahan Actually Possibly Informational, Earthborn Pottery, I Love Birmingham, I'm a Glutton for Adventure, The Blissfulness of Life

My Aunt Tena of Earthborn Pottery and Cahaba Clayworks hosted myself and a dozen other bloggers Saturday to let us experience pottery making first hand.

In all the years that Tena has done pottery, I’ve never taken one of her classes, and so I’ve been SO excited about trying it out! I had no idea what I’d been missing.

(I might have a new obsession to add to my already way-too-long list.)

We started out with a tutorial on how to use the wheel from both Tena,
And her business partner, Larry. We were most impressed with their ability to take a mound of clay,

and turn it into a piece of amazing art in less than five minutes.
Tena also gave us instructions on how to hand-form pieces:
And then she set us loose with balls of clay.
Half headed to the wheels, and the other half of us started hand-forming. Tena and Larry walked us through every step, and would come running when we had a claymergency.

I started at the hand-forming tables, and quickly realized from the shrieks of the other side of the room that I had definitely started out on the “bunny slopes” of pottery.

I started out trying to make a coffee mug, but it’s massivity might require it to be something else, or I will never sleep again.

The other hand-formers seemed much more suited to the task than I, especially Jamie, whose creation was so awesome that most of us started over and tried to make “Jamie Mugs”.

After lunch, my group headed to the wheels.
We quickly learned that if you lose objects on the spinning wheel, it’s REALLY hard to catch them.
Luckily, Tena was there to help us harness our clay.

We also learned that the instructions to “make a cone” didn’t always turn out…cone-shaped.

After much less practice than I thought it would take, we managed to tame our clay and actually make it resemble actual pottery. My favorite part was putting my thumbs in and creating the cavern for the first time:

And my final creation:

I know, I know. My clay really had an asymmetric ambition, and I decided that I was not the type to deny it being what it felt that it should be.

And really, I was a bit smitten by its wavey look.

We had our messes,

Our successes,

And we ALL had some failures,

But in the end, we ended up with a dazzling array of pieces, especially for a bunch of women that had never worked with a pottery wheel before.

(No, I have NO idea how everyone managed symmetry but me.)

Tena will glaze these for us, and they will have the same beautiful and bold colors of her pottery that is used around the country to serve five-star meals:

We had an amazing time – I had no idea that pottery was so doable for an unskilled person like myself. I am already mentally planning a girl’s night of pottery making to get my next fix!!

If you’re interested in buying pottery, playing with pottery, or taking lessons,

Information on buying Earthborn Pottery can be found here.
Six week classes (a two hour class per week plus unlimited studio use for practice): $150.
Pottery Parties (like the one we did) are $35 per person, with a minimum of six guests, can be scheduled at a time of your choice, and are two hours.
Information on the classes and parties can be found at Cahaba Clayworks.

I’m thinking about doing another pottery party for bloggers or anyone that reads my blog and would like to come socialize and make pottery at the same time – it would be $35 per person, and it is SO much fun! Let me know if you’d like to be a part of it!

And…stay tuned for a giveaway of a piece of Tena’s pottery later this week!

Standing, from left: Cheri, Me, Mama Hen, Jill, Jamie, Rhoda, Leigh, Tammy, Beth. Kneeling: Nanci, Trina, Jessica.

…Now I’m dying to go make another piece of pottery.

I’m Officially a Fluzy.

March 1, 2010 Rachel Callahan A Day in the Life, Just My Luck

Ali and I have The Flu. Swine? Maybe or maybe not. I’d rather not know.

The term Swine Flu brings back memories of my missions trip to Cyprus where I had the unfortunate timing to walk around a corner just as the doors on a meat truck were swung open to reveal a dozen gutted pig carcasses swinging in the breeze, hanging from the ceiling of the van.

I had the further misfortune of needing to continue my walk down that street while they unloaded them onto clothing racks and wheeled them into the butcher shop, wafting a horridly scarring smell in my direction.

Very unfortunate.

Anyway, Ali came down with a fever Friday night, but had no other symptoms, so I figured she had another fever virus.

But, since she was feverous, she and I stayed home from Church on Sunday and let her rosy cheeks get some rest.

Which, according to her, required a self-constructed pillow bed on the couch.
I had woken up Sunday morning with a cough, which turned into a fever, which turned into aches and chills. But I didn’t feel the “I’m going to die” feeling that I’ve heard that the flu creates.

However, Cousin Eli had Ali’s same symptoms,starting at the same time, and got diagnosed with The Dreaded Swine Flu.

So then the question was, Ali’s doctor or my doctor? Or both? Ali woke up this morning feeling better, so I chose my doctor.

Which was awesome, because it allowed me to get to experience the Waiting Room crowd which included the Grandma who was reading Seventeen Magazine (which she brought with her – not a doctor’s office copy).

She apparently sensed that I was tweeting about her and got up and retrieved a Birmingham Parent Magazine, which she proceeded to wrap around her Seventeen Magazine and continue reading it.

It’s not like I hadn’t already seen it.

THEN they called her back, and it all made so much more sense. Her name was Mrs. Madonna.

I also had the displeasure of seeing the guy in the waiting room that looked like he’d had a tiny explosive detonated in his eye. I really had to work hard not to gag every time he turned my way and looked at me with his SuperVillainous eye.

But then I realized that he wasn’t there to see the doctor, his wife was, whose only problem seemed to be a thong that stuck out way above her pants. I had a bit of Villainous fun myself imagining how much worse her ailment must have been than his bloody eye.

When Ali and I finally got away from Grandma and the Exploding Eye, I realized how sweet I had been to Ali to take MYSELF to get tested instead of her. She got to watch – laughing the whole time – as they retrieved two vials of my blood and shoved a Q-Tip up my nose to the end of my brain stem.

How nice am I?

Sure enough, my nose-to-brain-stem tissue sample came back Flu Positive. A round of Tamiflu for everyone – except for Ali – she’s too far past the point of catching it for it to do any good.

And so, now begins our complete and utter quarantine. By the end of the week, I should be hallucinating from the extreme cabin fever. Which may or may not contribute to my already senseless blogging.

Living With Obsessive-Blogging Disorder for Two Years.

February 28, 2010 Rachel Callahan I'm a Blog Geek

You all already know that I love numbers nearly as much as blogging, so I decided to combine them both to celebrate my second blogoversary.

730 Days.

3 Blogs.

0 Times I’ve considered quitting blogging, because of

1 MAJOR obsession with said blogging.

889 Blog posts on this blog, and 1,248 Total Blog Posts.

14,500 of Comments from you that I totally adored and appreciated.

27 posts with the word poop, and 11 posts with the word puke. (See? Not as many as you thought, huh?)

29 posts about blue jeans. As long as I post more about jeans than poop, then I’m still well-balanced, right?

4 Posts that my Mother was probably embarrassed that her daughter wrote.

254 Posts that will most definitely embarrass Ali in a few years.

25,672 Attempts at Making Ali Smile for a picture.

4,592 Smile Successes.

1,219 pictures of me.

42 pictures of me that were actually decent enough to post. (Photogenosity is not my strong suit.)

36 Made-up Words (37 after Photogenosity).

30,000+ of your blog posts that I’ve read

109 Nervous days of wondering what I could blog about.

36 Trashed-Before-Published Posts.

18 Posts I wished I had trashed.

125 Posts that started out as midnight sticky notes.

35 Midnight Sticky Notes that I read the next morning and thought something like “What does Pink Fluffy Duck and the Road of Determination supposed to mean?!”

49 Times my Husband preemptively said “Don’t you dare blog about this.”

28 Times when I’ve been with my friends and they’ve said, “Am I going to get blogged about for this?”

And, most excitingly for an introvert-who-has-trouble-making-new-friends-because-she-totally-stinks-at-small-talk, literally hundreds of close friends (you!) whom I would have never known if I it weren’t for my blogging “problem”.

Thanks for making the last two years so much fun!!