Ali and I have The Flu. Swine? Maybe or maybe not. I’d rather not know.

The term Swine Flu brings back memories of my missions trip to Cyprus where I had the unfortunate timing to walk around a corner just as the doors on a meat truck were swung open to reveal a dozen gutted pig carcasses swinging in the breeze, hanging from the ceiling of the van.

I had the further misfortune of needing to continue my walk down that street while they unloaded them onto clothing racks and wheeled them into the butcher shop, wafting a horridly scarring smell in my direction.

Very unfortunate.

Anyway, Ali came down with a fever Friday night, but had no other symptoms, so I figured she had another fever virus.

But, since she was feverous, she and I stayed home from Church on Sunday and let her rosy cheeks get some rest.IMG_7938

Which, according to her, required a self-constructed pillow bed on the couch.IMG_7961
I had woken up Sunday morning with a cough, which turned into a fever, which turned into aches and chills. But I didn’t feel the “I’m going to die” feeling that I’ve heard that the flu creates.

However, Cousin Eli had Ali’s same symptoms,starting at the same time, and got diagnosed with The Dreaded Swine Flu.

So then the question was, Ali’s doctor or my doctor? Or both? Ali woke up this morning feeling better, so I chose my doctor.

Which was awesome, because it allowed me to get to experience the Waiting Room crowd which included the Grandma who was reading Seventeen Magazine (which she brought with her – not a doctor’s office copy).

She apparently sensed that I was tweeting about her and got up and retrieved a Birmingham Parent Magazine, which she proceeded to wrap around her Seventeen Magazine and continue reading it.

It’s not like I hadn’t already seen it.

THEN they called her back, and it all made so much more sense. Her name was Mrs. Madonna.

I also had the displeasure of seeing the guy in the waiting room that looked like he’d had a tiny explosive detonated in his eye. I really had to work hard not to gag every time he turned my way and looked at me with his SuperVillainous eye.

But then I realized that he wasn’t there to see the doctor, his wife was, whose only problem seemed to be a thong that stuck out way above her pants. I had a bit of Villainous fun myself imagining how much worse her ailment must have been than his bloody eye.

When Ali and I finally got away from Grandma and the Exploding Eye, I realized how sweet I had been to Ali to take MYSELF to get tested instead of her. She got to watch – laughing the whole time – as they retrieved two vials of my blood and shoved a Q-Tip up my nose to the end of my brain stem.

How nice am I?

Sure enough, my nose-to-brain-stem tissue sample came back Flu Positive. A round of Tamiflu for everyone – except for Ali – she’s too far past the point of catching it for it to do any good.

And so, now begins our complete and utter quarantine. By the end of the week, I should be hallucinating from the extreme cabin fever. Which may or may not contribute to my already senseless blogging.

19 thoughts on “I’m Officially a Fluzy.

  1. I am so so so so sorry! If there is anything that we can do, let us know. We can drop off soup on the doorstep! We can deliver cookies this way too. Oh man. I'm so sorry you guys are sick :(

  2. I'm so sorry that you all were/are sick! Your symptoms sound IDENTICAL to mine!! When I had that horrid flu test done, mine came out negative. My nurse friend Amy said it may not have fully developed yet at the time of my test. I'm convinced I had the flu!

    Hope you guys are feeling better! It's no fun being sick!

  3. get well soon. . .and I've noticed you can tell a lot about a doctor based on the patients that choose him/her. . .

  4. Hee hee, that's a very funny post, although I'm sorry you're ill. Perhaps the wife gave the husband the Villainous Eye?

    Hope you're better soon!

  5. My oldest and i had the flu in September, the swine kind. So sorry! feel better soon. Rest a lot even when you start to feel better.

  6. That stinks, it really does. It stinks a big one just like those pig carcasses.

    I really hope you start feeling better soon and I really, really wish you had gotten a picture of bloody eye guy.

  7. Oh that totally sucks! I'm so sorry you got it! I have hear it isn't any worse than the regular flu though…I guess you will find out. :( Hope you get over it really quickly!!!

  8. Geez…these sicknesses going around! So sorry to hear that you and Alli have been down. You kill me thought girl, even in a fever induced fog, you have oyour sense of humor. I have to wonder what the thong girls ailment was. Hmm.Hmmmmmm. Umm hmm.
    Anyway, thinking 'bout you!
    Germfree hugs to you and yours!

    Tales from Bloggeritaville

  9. Great post! How is it we seem to be at the doctor's office at or about the same time these days….oh, yes, we have children who bring us lovely bugs and need their eye checks. AND your posts! so much more fun than mine! You're hired. Next time, I'm sick which by the current trend should be just as I'm feeling better from this virus in a couple days, I want you to write my post about it. :) What do you think? It's win-win. I get a cute post and your obsesssive blogging disorder continues with new material.

  10. ALi's pillow bed looks quite comfortable!
    Hope Chris is bringing you things from the "outside world" during your quarantine :)
    Feel better soon!

  11. Get better! Maybe you could pick up Seventeen for yourself, it might have some sort of healing power ;).

  12. I sure hope you're much better now! I have heard the Swine Flu is AWFUL, so I hope that's not what you have!!!

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