It’s been a long week. My normally very emotionally stable and logical three year old has for some reason found the need to have multiple and quite sudden breakdowns. And for very little cause, such as the one about her best friend AJ, which, through tears, she told me tragically, “But she told me to go get Barney!!!”.
Who knew Barney was such an insult.
Last night, after attempting to go to a banquet (where kids were invited) and suffering through three more of these unbelievably unexpected and uncharacteristic random cries (“But I’m just saaaad”, “my head hurts”, “my knee hurts”), I hit the emergency-eject-we’re-going-home-right-now button.
On the way home, I found myself continually questioning my Lack-Of-Mommy-Wisdom into the situation…
What is going on?
Are we hitting the terrible threes?
Are these fits, or is she just getting dramatic?
Is this something that should be disciplined for?
What am I doing wrong to create this?
Why does it all of a sudden feel like I have a one year old again?
Besides the usual questioning of my own abilities and understanding, I was frustrated, spent, and had really had my fill of the crying.
Chris brought her inside and started getting her ready for bed, and I heard another meltdown. I buried my head in my hands.
Then, on a whim, I decided to check her temperature.
In less than a second, everything inside of me changed. All of my frustration and aggravation, all of my “I’ve had it for this week” – it all instantaneously vanished.
It was inexplicably replaced with a wave of love, compassion, tenderness, and desire to scoop Ali up in my arms and hold her until she felt better, even if it meant holding her for two weeks straight while she cried her eyes out.
I laid in her bed and sang songs. Longer than I would ever do on her most adorable of days, let alone a challenging one.
I told her to close her eyes so that I could rub her eyebrows, and the way that she scrunched up her eyes and grinned just melted my heart even more.
I felt more love for her than I had all week. And it visibly made her feel better.
For a moment, as I experienced a supernatural gift of compassion and revitalization, all of my doubts, questions, uncertainties about myself vanished.
His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. – 2 Peter 1:3