Rachel Callahan

Revealing The Mysteries of the Ripe Old Age of Six.

May 23, 2010 Rachel Callahan "Deep" Thoughts by Rachel, I embarrass myself just for your amusement., Kids: The Experience.

This morning, as we were rushing around trying to get out the door to Church, Ali asked, “So. When will my teeth fall out?”

Apparently, she’s been hanging around some older men.

“Your teeth will fall out when you get to be about six years old – in three more years.”

“Really? Why?”

“Because they need to come out to make room for your big teeth to grow in.”

And, since I’m quite late to the party as to deciding which imaginary beings I’m going to support or not, I said rather vaguely, “And you know what else? When your tooth falls out, you can put it under your pillow, and in the morning, your tooth will be gone, but there will be MONEY under your pillow!”

“Money?!?!?!”

“Yes! Money!”

“Why?”

“Well, Um…that’s just what happens!!”

“That’s CRAAAZY!!!!”

“I know, isn’t it?”

”So when will I be six again?”

So, this afternoon, I found some pictures of me losing my first teeth to help her get excited about the process…

You see, your mother, whom when you’re older you will question her youthful hair choices, will get a string and tie it to your tooth while your brother watches on in sadistic glee and your cousin, whom when you’re older you will question his shorts length choices, watches on with complete disgust…

And then…

Um, well….and then…..

OH.

On second thought, Maybe I should just show her what the outcome looks like.

After all, nobody needs to have nightmares about being six years old.

MAMJoB: Moms Against Mom Jeans on Babies.

May 21, 2010 Rachel Callahan "Deep" Thoughts by Rachel, Denim Drama, Don't Listen to my Fashion Advice, This is TONGUE IN CHEEK People - Don't take me Seriously., Utter Silliness, Weird Strange and True

Mom Jeans. It’s not something that only plagues 50 year olds anymore, or even just misguided 20-somethings.

No, it’s seeping down to the very beginnings of our society, trying to infiltrate our babies by starting them off as Mom Jean loyalists at the youngest of age.

You know it. You’ve seen it.

Too many styles of Baby and toddler jeans have horrendous pocketage (if they have pockets at all), bubble around the butt, and (gasp) have The Dreaded Grandma Elastic Waistband ALL the way around.

It takes a lot of shopping to find a right pair of baby jeans that appropriately goes over diapers without creating that Dreaded Bubbly Butt, but that isn’t too far on the other end of the spectrum – Baby-Skank:

I personally have had my own successes…

AND failures…
in finding appropriately non-Mom-Toddler Jeans. It’s not an easy task, and the younger the kid, the harder the find.

Finally, there are efforts being made at helping solve the root problem of baby/toddler jeans: the bubbly diaper-underneath. Huggies has come out with…a Jeans Diaper.

My friend Christen graciously sent me the link to these special edition diapers, something which I will just HAVE to go ahead and stock up on for Newbie, for fear that the “limited time offer” will be up before December.

Now granted, this product is not perfect yet, but it’s a giant step for babykind in the right direction. If only those pockets were a little bigger and a little lower… and I’m not so sure about that denim color – it looks a bit Wrangler-ish to me. But maybe it’s better in person – I WILL be finding out.

I’m really a Pampers loyalist, so my hope is that they steal the idea and improve on it. My recommendation would be that they take a cue from the creator of the US Olympic Team snowboarding pants, who took his favorite pair of designer jeans and had the exact look photographically reproduced onto snowboarding pants:

I can see it now. Citizens of Humanity Diapers. It’d sell – and you know it.

Win a $100 Gift Certificate to CSN Stores!!

May 20, 2010 Rachel Callahan Giveaways and Contests

Do you want to win a gift certificate that you can use to buy virtually anything you need? CSN Stores has over 200 online stores where you can find everything from cookware to cribs or even your most specific needs such as a bathroom vanity or a bird cage!

And they’re continually adding new stores, including their newest two, Shoes Got Sole and Luxe Premium Shoes and Handbags.

CSNStores is an awesome internet resource, and they have the easiest filtering and narrowing system I’ve run into yet. On the left-hand side, you will find continually more detailed drill down options to find exactly what you’re looking for – I absolutely love it!

If you’d like to be entered to win a $100 gift certificate to be used in any of CSN’s 200+ Stores, Leave a comment here with what you’d like to go shopping for!

You can earn up to four extra entries if you:

Tweet, blog, OR Facebook about this giveaway
Follow CSN Stores on Twitter or Facebook
Subscribe to OR Follow my blog
Follow me on Twitter OR Facebook

(be sure to leave separate comments for your extra entries.)

Best of luck! This giveaway is open until Monday, May 31st. The winner will be randomly selected and posted on my giveaway winners page on Tuesday, June 1st.

Disclosure: I received no compensation or review products for this giveaway. My opinions are always my own.

Attention, Pregnant People and New People: You’re Blogging For Me Today.

May 19, 2010 Rachel Callahan I'm a Blog Geek

So, Ali and I like to ~~stalk~~ get to know our readers…

Other eye, kid.

That’s better.

…and I’ve noticed that we have some new readers (I think from the crazy trip around the internet that my Mom Jeans post just took). All of my regular commenters know that I try my best to get to know them, and so I want to get to know all of you new people too! I know I’ve been to visit some of you, but I also know I’ve missed some.

So, if you’re new around here (or not new and have just never introduced yourself), say hi! Tell me about yourself, and if you have a blog, be sure to give me the link so that I can come visit you!

Also, while I’m making y’all do the blogging, I’ve been meaning to put a link-up for all of my fellow-preggo readers. I know that there are a bunch of you, and I’m having trouble keeping up with who is due when. So link into this Mister Linky with your blog URL, and in the title, put your name and your due date (and boy/girl, if you know yet!). I’ll put myself in first for an example.

Oh – and if you don’t have a blog but are still expecting, then leave your preggo info in the comments.

So, to recap in case I’ve made this all too confusing, comment if you’re new, and link-up if you’re pregnant. Or comment if you’re pregnant if you don’t have a blog or just don’t like Mister Linky.

Thanks for blogging for me today – you guys are the best!

Yet Another Deep Mystery of Life.

May 18, 2010 Rachel Callahan A Day in the Life, Do You Know? Because I Don't., I embarrass myself just for your amusement., Weird Strange and True

I’ve had a lot of strange realizations since becoming pregnant. I’ve smelled things I’ve never smelled before, I’ve tasted ingredients in things that I didn’t know were there, and I hate half the foods and drinks that I usually love.

But this one…I’m totally confused.

I was leaving the house the other day, and on the way out, I looked in the large mirror in the basement, just like I do every day.

And I noticed this on the mirror:

No, not all the dust. It’s the basement – give me some slack.

Bird POOP?!?! How does Bird Poop get on a vertical mirror? What kind of aim must that bird have??

And more importantly,since I’m nearly positive that no bird has been in my house, and completely positive that this mirror hasn’t been taking any day trips OUT of the house, how did this happen??

Has it always been there? If not, how long HAS it been there? And how have I not noticed until now?

As I pondered these disturbing mysteries, I saw on the shelf right next to the mirror:

Okay. So unless the mirror and the shelves have been taking outdoor trips TOGETHER, a bird, at some point, found a way to enter my house, poo on my furniture, and leave again without me ever knowing it?!?!

Or have my housekeeping skills so diminished that there are bugs in my house big enough to produce bird poo?

To ensure this wasn’t all some sort of pregnancy neuroses, I made Chris go down and look at it and confirm that it did indeed exist, that he’d never seen it before, and that he had no knowledge of birds in our house.

But whatever did it, let me just clarify that my welcome mat does NOT mean come in my house, poo on my furniture, and then leave before I know you’re there, only to completely confuse me.

Please assure me….mysteriously appearing bird poo inside one’s house is a totally normal phenomenon….right?

The Princesses of the States.

May 17, 2010 Rachel Callahan A Day in the Life, Don't Listen to my Fashion Advice, It's Tough Being a Girl, Kids: The Experience., Parent of the Year

There’s nothing that Ali loves more than Princesses and Princess dresses. I spend approximately 28% of my week helping her dress and re-dress her little plastic princesses, trying my best to avoid the task of putting their microscopic shoes that refuse to stay on their nearly-microscopic feet.

(I try to convince Ali that Princesses are like normal girls and don’t like to wear shoes when they’re at home.)

(This works about 60% of the time.)

Anyway, due to her love of all things Princess, anytime a pageant is coming on and I realize it, I will let her watch part of it, most ideally the evening gown competition.

Last night was Miss USA competition, and I happened to find out it was on right before the evening gown competition began.

“Ali!! The States Princesses are on TV!!!”

She was thrilled. She came running in and immediately started assigning titles. “That one is Belle, because she’s wearing yellow. And there’s Cinderella!! She’s wearing Blue. And oh – that girl has a tored up dress. She’s Cinderella after the mean sisters tore up her dress.”

I couldn’t disagree with her – any evening gown that shows your belly button and your overly-prominent-ribcage should most definitely be classified as “Tored Up”.

After the Evening gown competition, they took way too long going through this whole set of ridiculously-risque photos of all the girls in fishnets and lingerie lounging on beds, at which point I attempted to cover Ali and Chris’ (who had joined us by now) eyes. Chris cooperated. Ali, notsomuch.

(I’m sorry – but there’s just something a little over-the-top-Donald-Trump-Skanky about the Miss USA pageant ever since he bought it.)

Finally they finished the SuperSkeevySlideshow that had nothing to do with a “scholarship competition”, and set up for the interviews.

Chris told Ali, “They’re about to ask the girls their school questions! They will be hard questions that they’ll have to answer!”

First girl comes up… “We hear that you have a great Grilled Cheese recipe. What goes on your grilled cheese?”

WHAT?!?

“Well, I start with frozen Texas Toast, then add cheese, then bake it!”

WHAT?!?!?

Next girl comes up.

“You’re so tall! How tall are you??”

“I’m great, thank you!”

Wow.

Sorry, Ali, your school questions will ALWAYS be harder than theirs.

After they got through the five finalists with these questions, we realized that those weren’t the “real” questions – they must have been more like the “warm-up” questions.

They then had marginally tougher ones from the questionably-qualified judges, including ice skater Johnny Weir(d), Paula Deen, and of course, Donald Trump’s most recent wife.

In fact, the fifty-second Mrs. Trump’s question was about those horrific pictures from earlier in the competition: “The Miss USA pageant has gotten a lot of flak about the raciness of those lingerie photos. How do they make YOU feel?”

The contestant’s answer?

“Oh, I LOVE Them. I think that they are just great and really personify Miss USA. I find them to be VERY classy.”

If she thought that was classy, she might make a GREAT Mrs. Trump Number Fifty-Three. Because The Donald thought they rocked.

Despite talk of Grilled Cheeses and Lingerie, Ali enjoyed the Princesses and couldn’t wait to see which one got the crown. As always in these types of ironic events, the only one who tripped in the evening gown competition did indeed win the crown.

Chris asked Ali if she was going to win the crown one day. I couldn’t have been more pleased with her answer…

“I already have a crown!”

Yes you do, dear, yes you do.

Parties: The Cure for (Kid) Morning Sickness.

May 16, 2010 Rachel Callahan A Day in the Life, Kids: The Experience., Parent of the Year

It’s been a very sickly house around here this week. Chris got a cold on Monday that stuck around all week, I’ve (obviously) not been feeling well at all (sorry, dear blog), and then there’s Ali.

You see, she’s got morning sickness. Bad. Except it’s the all-day-sickness variety, mysteriously just like her mother’s…

I feel slightly guilty, because her issues are obviously because I spend WAY too much time complaining, or just being a total slug due to Newbie’s total disregard for our contractually bound negotiations.

If anyone asks Ali how she is doing, she says mournfully, “I just don’t feel well.”

And, if there’s anything she ever doesn’t want to do or eat or drink, her excuse will be “I don’t feel too well right now.”

In the car, she must play on her LeapFrog because “It keeps me from getting queasy.”

Oddly enough, though, when we told her Saturday morning that it was time to go to Eli’s birthday party at the playground – if she felt up to it, that is – she was instantaneously and magically healed. She felt great!

The party location was at THE park – the amazingly fun one, but with no bathroom except for a Port-o-Potty. I told Chris that if Ali had to go, he was going to have to do it, because between my nose and my queasiness, there was no way I was coming within 100 feet of a port-o-potty.

So he made other arrangements.

Ali said she was much too big for such a potty, but then we reminded her of that deep, dark, murky blue water, and she quickly agreed to be little again.

Chris tried to convince me that a car-potty would be a very useful thing to always keep in my car – after all, Ali needed it today – but my car doesn’t need any help getting filled up with crap.

Ali had the treat of PEZ on the way to the park, but was very kind to save her last three for Gramamma, Pop, and Nick.

By the time we got there, they had degraded to half their size by a mixture of sweat and saliva, but she made me PROMISE to hold them until her intended recipients arrived, and hand them out appropriately.

After all, she was much too busy practicing her swinging techniques (step one: make as pronounced of a double chin as possible to maintain balance) to hold onto PEZ.

Two out of three of them ate their PEZ – but Ali found a discarded PEZ later in the party. I’m not sure who the ungrateful giftee was…

Eli opened his presents with the help of all the kids…

…except Ali, who was starting to not feel too well again and preferred to watch from a distance.

After a while, she ran and got her Uncle JC, and told him that he needed to come with her to the pavilion RIGHT NOW.

Why?

Because they needed to get on their knees and pray.

Why?

Because she wasn’t feeling too well.

Drama Prayer Queen.

Giveaway! ALure Jewelry – A Unique Spin on Accessories!

May 14, 2010 Rachel Callahan Giveaways and Contests

I love it when people take everyday items and turn them into something beautiful – people who can see outside the box in that way fascinate me!!

ALure Jewelry is doing an excellent job at just that. Their jewelry is beautiful, unique, and funky, and the amazing part is, every piece uses some type of fishing lure as a component of the design.

From super-classy chandalier necklaces to fuzzy neon earrings, they have something that will capture everyone’s attention, and everyone will be asking you what your jewelry is all about.

They have graciously offered one pair of Holographic Colorado Blade Fishing Lure Earrings to give away to one lucky winner:

Aren’t those awesome??

If you’d like to enter, simply go visit the ALure Jewelry website and come back and tell me what your favorite item is. I recommend browsing via the categories on the right-hand side – “Classy” and “Sassy”.

You can earn up to four extra entries if you:

Tweet, blog, OR Facebook about this giveaway
Become a fan of ALure Jewelry on Facebook
Subscribe to OR Follow my blog
Follow me on Twitter OR Facebook

(be sure to leave separate comments for your extra entries.)

Best of luck! This giveaway is open until Monday, May 24th. The winner will be randomly selected and posted on my giveaway winners page on Tuesday, May 25th.

Disclosure: I received no compensation or review products for this giveaway. My opinions are always my own.

Don’t Mess With The UMU.

May 12, 2010July 7, 2011 Rachel Callahan "Deep" Thoughts by Rachel, I embarrass myself just for your amusement., It's Tough Being a Girl, Just My Luck, Pregnancy: The Psychoses., The Unions of Family

Dear Newbie,

We need to talk. I know you’re not to the cognitive point where that is really possible yet, but I need you to concentrate really hard and grow a brain because WE NEED TO TALK.

You may not be fully aware of this, but there are some specific and finely negotiated agreements between the United Mommy’s Union (UMU) and the United Fetus Union (UFU) about what havoc you can wreak on my body at what points while you’re a parasite of said body.

The timing is significant, because the negotiated havocking is spread out to a point where I can handle each wrench you throw into my system as it comes, rather than walking around with 20 wrenches in my gut all at once.

However, it seems that you have gone completely rogue on your Union and are doing things to me that are CLEARLY out of the Standard Negotiated Timeline.

So I implore you. Study this chart. And grow a conscience while you’re at it.

Side Effects	First Trimester	Second Trimester	Third Trimester
Nausea	Understandable, but it better be treatable. No Zofran-Resistant Nausea allowed.	One Episode of nausea is allowed during this trimester, and NO continuous nausea.	Don’t EVEN think about it.
Weight Gain	Please no Please no	Totally Okay, but not past the point that people are still polite enough to say, “Wow! You don’t even LOOK pregnant!!”	Okay, but start to slow it down. Pregnant Mommies don’t need to be confused for a flotation device.
Inability to Pee	Absolutely NOT in any way should the first trimester Mom have any trouble peeing at this point in the pregnancy. RIDICULOUS. AND TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE.	NO WAY.	We all hate getting to the doorway of the bathroom only to sigh, turn around, and have to go back and pee again. But it’s understandable. After all, there’s a seven-pound person sitting on our bladder.
Forgetfulness	Can you repeat the category?	No! This is the Golden Trimester!	Well, forgetting everything that happened DURING birth is a good thing…
Exhaustion	Only at the end of the day, please. I’ve still got stuff to do – I can’t lay on the couch all day.	Not a chance.	Obviously, everything is exhausting at this stage.
Face Breakouts	No way! I’m not a pimple faced teenager. I’m a Mom. Leave my face outta this.	No way! I’m not a pimple faced teenager. I’m a Mom. Leave my face outta this.	No way! I’m not a pimple faced teenager. I’m a Mom. Leave my face outta this.
Acid Reflux	No. There is NO reason for that at this point. Especially since it doesn’t mix well with nausea, and between the two, everything tastes like letting Tylenol dissolve on your tongue.	No.	Since at this point, all of my organs are squished into a space the size of my former gall bladder, it’s understandable.
Cravings	YES!	YES!	YES!
Need for Husband-Provided Back Massages	YES!	YES!	YES!

Okay. So I am sure you are now fully aware of the things you are doing that are clearly outside of Union Negotiations. And I would implore you to quit. Immediately. Or I WILL go on strike, and possibly even picket.

Of course, my neighbors might have me committed if they see me marching in front of my house with a sign that says “REFLUX RETREAT!! FREE THE PEE!! NAUSEA PLAY NICE!!”

But mark my words. I will do it.

Sincerely,

Your Mother.

p.s. – I know you’re probably doing it for your own best interest, but I’d really like to have my taste for Coca-Cola back at some point, also. This making it taste like Alka-Seltzer thing is really cramping my style.

If Newbie refuses to cooperate with my appeal, I may take a bloggy day or two off here and there until I can convince him/her otherwise. After all, the picketing will obviously take some time.

The Case of the Overly-Curious Baby-Carrier.

May 11, 2010 Rachel Callahan Actually Possibly Informational, It's Tough Being a Girl, Pregnancy: The Psychoses., Survey Says. . .

So as you know, we took Ali with us to the baby doctor last week. We didn’t tell her that I was pregnant until we were already there…at which point she booted me off the exam table because she started to feel a bit queasy:I can relate to that feeling.

As fun as it was to let her see the sonogram, our appointment took WAY longer than we expected, and by the end of our (four hour +) visit which caused one of Ali’s first skipped naptimes ever, I was kinda done with the idea of taking Ali to the doctor with me.

Luckily, she’s easily entertained, especially when there are curtains to be hidden in:

But regardless of entertainment level, 4+ hours at the doctor while attempting to entertain a toddler and managing to not puke or pass out from lack of food and drink is not my idea of how to spend an afternoon. So I don’t think she’ll get to go back until the “is it a boy or a girl??” visit.

Which brings me to the ultimate point of this post.

When I was pregnant with Ali four years ago,

(Which was a VERY VERY long time ago, for the record. I have friends that have had three kids between my pregnancies, yet people have still said to me, “You’re pregnant again?” – as if I’m toting one every time they turn around. It completely befuddles me.)

Anyway. When I was pregnant with Ali four years ago, I remember seeing a very new and expensive test on the internet – a urine test to determine the baby’s gender WAY before the 18-20 week sonogram.

I was tempted then, but with little information on the accuracy of said test and such an expensive price tag, I was a good girl and waited until it was my rightful time to find out.

However.

Since it’s been SO LONG since my last pregnancy, these tests have made their way into Walgreens, Target, and everywhere else, and at the much cheaper price of $30.

When I saw them, my first reaction was “No way – if it was wrong, I’d be completely disoriented at my sonogram.”

Plus, there was no accuracy information on outside of the box.

But I haven’t been able to get it out of my mind.

And so, when they taunted me from Target’s shelves yesterday (an aisle which I could have admittedly avoided), I couldn’t help it. I bought it.

The first thing I did was scour the instructions for the accuracy of the test.

Of course, they’re vague, saying they’re accurate but “don’t paint the nursery yet, fool!”:

So now I can’t decide.

Take the test or not?

And if I do take it, can I take it with a grain of salt and not make any “emotional investments” into the result?

And if I decide to take it, when should I take it?

It can be taken as early as 6 weeks, but they say it is most effective after 10 weeks.

I’m just afraid that if I find out that it’s wrong, I’ll feel like this:

Input, please.