Rachel Callahan

Gateway Cursing.

May 20, 2011May 20, 2011 Rachel Callahan A Day in the Life, Kids: The Experience., Weird Strange and True

Everybody remembers their first curse word, right?

I remember mine.

I was probably about six years old…

We were headed out to our cousin’s house. They lived in the country, with miles of trails to explore. We arrived at their house, and I saw their bikes and my brother’s bike (which he had left there at our last visit), and immediately knew that a biking adventure was in the plans.

I had no bike with me. Crushing disappointment.

I yelled out, “Aww, DAMN!”

Mom and Dad simultaneously gasped and looked back at me.

“What did you say?”

“I forgot to bring my bike!!”

“Yes, but what did you say?”

“….was that a bad word?”

“Um, Yes. Don’t say it again.”

Despite there being no punishment due to my lack of understanding, my overactive conscience attacked me all day long. Not only did I not enjoy our visit because I forgot my bike, but for the entire visit, I remember sitting, alone, near tears, marinating in my overwhelming guilt regarding my filthy language.

But what I don’t remember is who taught me that word.

Ali, however, was able to tell me exactly where she learned it.

We were in Cahaba Heights last week, and as Ali does nearly constantly these days, she was pointing to all of the uprooted trees and crushed roofs and saying, “Wow! Look at all that tornado damage!!”

We talked about the trees, about the flattened fences, about the houses with tarps on their roofs – just like we do every time we drive through.

Then she asked… “What’s the first part of that word Damage mean, Dam?”

“It’s all one word – Damage.”

“Yes, but what’s damn mean? It’s a word, too.”

“Well, It’s a wall that holds back water…”

“No, not that kind of dam. what’s DAMN mean?”

“Where have you heard that word?”

“One of my party friends taught it to me.”

“I bet it was Serious Witch*, wasn’t it?”

“Yup.”

Somehow I think it will be time to put those pretend friends in time out again soon…but at least since Ali’s tummy pretty much stays there, they’ll have plenty of company with which to swap newly learned curse words.

* Serious, in this case, is defined as “not quite mean, but also not happy. So she’s just ‘serious’.” And also in serious trouble – if I can ever find her.

When Google is Your Best Friend.

May 19, 2011May 18, 2011 Rachel Callahan Dear Google: Thank you., Weird Strange and True

When it comes to Google, I’m starting to realize that I’m horribly rude to him.

I don’t make nice conversation, or ask him questions in full sentences. I just treat him like a non-sentient being, type in the most relevant search terms, and hope for the best.

However, every time I look at my Google Analytics (the stats that show what people are searching for to reach my blog), I realize that I am in the minority.

People actually talk to Google. They converse with him. The seem to have a relationship with him. And they ask him the strangest questions.

They ask Google questions of reassurance…

(Bolded quotes are actual search terms that people have used recently and somehow ended up on my blog – all spelling left “as is”, by the way.)

“I think I’m not intelligent. How can I know for sure?” – Well, asking Google that question might be a pretty good indicator…

“what would happen if someone ate a toenail cliping?” – Bad breath would probably be the first symptom…

They ask Google questions of odd endearment…

“would you marry me?” – Google WOULD make a pretty knowledgeable spouse…you’d never have to ask for directions ever again.

They ask Google MANY questions regarding health…

“why i dont poopl for few days?” – Now I feel totally inadequate that I’ve never poopled in my life…

“should i go to emergency room for sleepwalking?” – Only if you slice your hand open trying to keep your phantom baby from falling down the stairs…like “someone” I knew…

“what’s in copelands vegetable toot toot?” – Whatever it is, I bet it might make you poopl.

“i have a diagonal dent down the center of my butt cheek. how to get rid of it?” – Quit sitting on diagonal objects.

“is it ok for baby poo to squirt long distance?” – I wish it weren’t. If only they had a drug to prevent that… Nonsquirtamile, maybe

“why do i have a long square butt?” – Perhaps because you live in a coconut under the sea?

“does chuck e cheese have germs?” – If you have to ask that question, I don’t think Chuck E Cheese means what you think it means.

They ask Google questions of fashion…

“why my husband looks so cute .. in every wheree ??” – Because a wheree is just a great fashion accessory – makes anyone look cute.

“when did tinkerbell become such a skank?” – I really wasn’t aware that she was. Perhaps she’s been hanging around other Disney Stars too much?

“what is worse whale tail or muffin top?” – A Muffin, topped with Whale Tail. The combination is deadly.

“when do you start wearing mom jeans and playing bingo?” – I had no idea this was a requirement. I shall begin dreading it now.

“is the picture a bent elbow or a butt crack?” – Look for arm hair. On second thought, that might not necessarily be the perfect way to tell the difference…

“is vera bradley ugly?” – I don’t know – I’ve never seen a picture of her. But I bet she is head to toe in multi-colored paisley…

“can you where smock dresses until puberty?” – No. Because no boy wants to be dressed in a smocked John-John right when his voice decides to change. Also, Junior High football teams have a habit of making fun of uniforms that someone’s mom retrofitted with smock. Try to cut off all smock dressage right before the possible onset of puberty.

“has anyone ever told you you look like a helen?” – I doubt they have. Nor has anyone ever told Google that he looks like a Bing.

And they ask Google the deepest sorts of questions about life.

“what kind of snakes like breast milk? – Why don’t you offer yours to a few and let me know the results? Sounds like an awesome investigatory blog post to me…

“if a is my sweater and b is my big toe and c is my shorts what is d?” – The real question is, why are you wearing a sweater with shorts?

“whats the difference between boys and girls when changing diapers?” – Even Ali can answer that one. There’s this little “circle thingy” right in the middle…

“what is objectivity? if i say i see a flower and you say it’s just a chocolate wrapper, why should i believe your “objective” opinion? after all, you’re in my mind too.” – Umm…I got nothin’.

“how to cook meth?” – You’re not going to find the answer on my blog, but the guy that asked the previous question sounds like he may be able to help you…

“why is there a duck coming out of the frog’s butt on the carousel?” – The Frog Duck Butt isn’t there to ask why, but to simply appreciate that it IS.

“how to know if my baby is burning?” – If, perhaps, they’re sitting on the eye of a stove. Or you’re letting them play with a flat iron or blow torch, possibly.

“what does it mean that daddy is the lion of your skirt?” – I thought the fact that Ali said that was weird enough – but the apparent reality that there are TWO weirdo kids out there? The world is a scary place.

“how long after making kitty litter cake must it be served?” – If you’re serving Kitty Litter Cake, you can be assured that it will definitely go bad before people have the stomach to finish it. I know first hand that it only gets grosser looking, so I recommend just giving it to your cat to really poo in and call it a day.

“how long can a newborn diaper wait?” – They seem like quiet, patient items to me…

But the Google Searches that can be most pondersome are the ones where people tell Google things… as if to convince themselves of the truth of the matter.

“i don’t poop i’m a princess.” – That’s what all us women say, honey.

“im pregnant with chiggers” – Yes, but do you know who the Daddy is?

“i saw mom’s big deep wide navel.” – And now you know what yours will look like one day. That’s even more scary, isn’t it?

I bet Mister Google loves his job.

Making Little Old Ladies Happy Cry Since 2011.

May 17, 2011May 17, 2011 Rachel Callahan Newbornities, Parent of the Year

Noah and I have a dirty little secret.

He is ticklish EVERYWHERE. Especially if I am touching him – I know all of his hot spots.

I can’t even change his clothes without him giggling until he gets the hiccups.

(My offspring all have a weird genetic mutation that makes them get the hiccups every time they laugh vigorously. Ali knows about her deformity in this area and will beg me to quit making her laugh before she gets the hiccups.)

But.

His ticklishness isn’t our big secret – it’s much more devious than that.

Our secret is that he and I use his sensitivities to make people think that he adores them – and even finds them to be the most hilarious people in the entire world.

For instance, Sunday:

A little old lady walks up to us at Church. She lights up with the sun of a thousand days at the sight of a baby.

She stoops down to make eye contact with Noah, who I’m holding, and starts talking to him.

I wait until he looks at her, then immediately yet subtly touch his thigh.

He breaks into laughter.

She looks up at me with shining eyes and exclaims: ”He loves me!!! How precious!!”

I quit tickling him while she’s looking at me.

She looks back at him. He looks at her. I tickle him. He laughs while looking at her.

She exclaims how wonderful babies are, and how he’s been the happiest part of her entire day.

She looks back at him. He looks at her. I tickle him. He laughs at her.

She gets misty-eyed with the thrill of a baby’s love, and hugs me through tears of gratefulness, thanking me for reproducing and therefore bringing happiness to the world.

Noah and I walk away, impressed at ourselves for being able to, once more, successfully make someone cry with his cuteness.

…and not feeling at all bad about our deceptive, dirty little secret.

The Complications of Budgeting.

May 16, 2011May 15, 2011 Rachel Callahan A Day in the Life, Anal Retentivity to a Fault, Utter Silliness

I do all of the budgeting, bill paying, checkbook balancing, and money laundering in our family.

Okay, not money laundering, but I tell Chris that I do, because he never checks behind me to see how I’m handling our finances.

He says that he trusts me implicitly. Some combination of my accounting degree, the fact that I’m always nagging him to spend less, and being a tightwad in general, I suppose.

But this flying-solo-on-the-budget thing can sometimes get complicated. Especially since he’s usually off running or working when I’m balancing said budget.

For instance: he and I each have our own credit cards for our personal expenses. I think the idea was that we could buy each other nice things without the other one knowing how much we paid.

Problem is: I have to try and figure out his credit card bill each month when I pay it off. Therefore, I know exactly how much money he spends on me.

He bought me flowers a month ago for our anniversary.

(They were perfectly lovely, and I kept them overly long like I usually do, mainly because I dreaded cleaning out the funky smell of rotted flower water.)

So I was paying his credit card bill this month, and I saw the charge for my flowers. I usually try to avoid looking at the dollar amount (because who wants to fuss at their husband for spending too much on flowers??), but I noticed THREE charges from the florist – so I looked.

Of course he wasn’t home to ask about these suspect charges, so my mind took off pondering all of the possibilities…

a. The florist accidentally triple charged him – seems unlikely, but maybe the inherent stresses of floral arrangement are more destructive than I imagine.

b. The florist knows that I do all the bills and that I would probably just trust Chris’ floral purchases and not question the amount, so they triple charged on purpose.

(The weasel.)

But, although Chris has been buying all of my flowers from this same florist since before we were married, and at one time the receptionist knew his identity by voice alone, I think intimate knowledge of our marital financial practices is probably unlikely, at least until they read this.

c. Chris has three wives, all who happen to be on the same anniversary. Seems unlikely as well, but really, if one WAS going to have three wives, it does make sense to try and work it so that you did have the same anniversary with all three – (different years of course) – but that way you’d only have to technically remember one anniversary every year. I’ll keep this option on the list.

d. Chris has three wives, NOT with the same anniversary, but was placating the other two wives with flowers for leaving town on an anniversary trip with me. Since I’ve never been placated in said manner, this seems to rank low on the plausibility scale.

e. My flowers were ridiculously expensive, and so Chris took the “Three Easy Payments” plan, whose fine print indicated that he’d be making all three payments at once. This may be far-fetched, because Chris has listened to enough Dave Ramsey to get sick at his stomach at the prospect of making payments on something that is already dead and in a garbage truck.

With all financial and marital fidelity at stake, I left Chris a copy of his bill with all of these options listed and asked that he please circle the correct answer.

His response?

“None of the above. I have five wives, but two of them prefer chocolate.”

Look for us soon on a TLC show near you.

Twenty Minutes Away.

May 14, 2011May 14, 2011 Rachel Callahan A Bit More Vulnerable Than I Usually Am, On a more serious note. . ., Tornadoes

We took Ali with us today to have the opportunity to give away some of her toys, and to help serve our community.

We fixed Hot Dogs, Hamburgers, and served BBQ donated by Jim N Nick’s to tornado victims and volunteers.

And I am not naive in thinking that what Ali saw today won’t give her nightmares or make her afraid of storms,

But she needs to understand.

That a mere twenty minutes from our house, children can’t go to the library anymore.

And they can’t go home anymore.

And they can’t play at their friend’s houses anymore.

She needs to understand why Mommy is busy helping “tornado people” and can’t play with her sometimes.

She needs to understand how blessed she is,

And how great her desire to help others should be.

And above everything, I want her to understand the heart of those suffering much.

What You’ve Done for Alabama.

May 13, 2011November 12, 2013 Rachel Callahan Actually Possibly Informational, Every Now and Then I Can Be Sappy Too., I Love Birmingham, Newsflash, Thankful Thursday, Tornadoes, Uncategorized

If anyone still doesn’t believe that “Internet Friends” are just as real as “In Real Life Friends”, then they’ve never been in a crisis situation.

To help with tornado relief, you have ordered over $1,200 of items off of the Christian Service Mission’s Amazon Wish List (you’re part of the reason that UPS had to reserve an entire truck just to deliver there!!), and have given $1,145 to my Mommies Helping Mommies fund – I am completely blown away, and so thankful!!

Plus, you were an invaluable asset to me as I set off into my couponing adventures, trying to make the Mommies Helping Mommies fund stretch as far as possible. I got great advice, and my mailbox was filled with packages of coupons, diapers, and formula from you!

And I think you’ll be proud of my couponing success.

I did my research, I planned my attack, and I left victorious. On my first shopping day, I spent $675 of the fund, and by a powerful combination of Formula Checks, Manufacturer’s Coupons, Store Coupons, Cash Back Cards, Store Sales, and Amazon Mom’s subscribe and save program, I saved $376!

(And yes, I did remember to cancel my Amazon Mom subscriptions so that 8 jumbo boxes of diapers don’t show up on my doorstep once a month, every month.)

This is where about $500 of your money went (Amazon hadn’t delivered the rest yet):

I jammed it all in my car, along with some toys that Ali picked out to give, and with a bit of Twitter research, decided on my first destination: Henager, Alabama – two hours north of Birmingham.

Henager’s county, Dekalb, had one of the worst outbreaks of tornadoes, yet had hardly received any help – FEMA just arrived there this week. I knew this was a place that needed your help.

My friend Ashley and I drove up Wednesday morning. The drive was gorgeous – hills, farms, beautiful countryside, until quite suddenly everything changed.

House addresses were labeled like this:

Because many of the houses now look like this:

We passed out of that swath of tornado damage and arrived at our destination: Henagar Baptist Church.

It was an amazing place – Church members were busy volunteering to help run their kitchen and their storehouse of goods for the community:

They were allowing anyone to come, shower, eat, rest, and get whatever they needed – no strings attached, no FEMA paperwork required – and all of this despite the fact that many of the volunteers had lost so much, as well.

The precious Church secretary that I’d talked to Monday never even mentioned that she herself had lost everything – she was joyfully and tirelessly volunteering to help her town.

The Church’s pastor lost his house as the tornado passed through one side of it,

And then it completely leveled his mother’s house:

Leaving her every belonging in a pile of ruins.

And their family was devastated that she herself did not survive the storm.

They told us another heartbreaking story of one of their church families – the mother was picked up out of the house and thrown behind it, and was killed immediately. The three children – 15, 6, and 2 years old, were all severely injured. The father was at work, unable to get to their house for four hours due to all of the storm damage. Fortunately, one of the neighbors saw the two younger children wandering around what was left of their house, and she was able to get them to the hospital.

Despite all of this, dozens in their church were there, joyfully volunteering their time to help their very needy community.

I was so blessed to get to meet them.

I was able to replenish their baby needs tables with your donations:

One of the workers told me that it was exactly the right timing – they had been nearly completely out of formula on Monday, but God had provided through several people and our delivery, and now they had enough!

She was so thrilled in telling me that God had provided for all of their shortages just like that – right at the exact time they needed it.

She told me that the toy area had been one of the most exciting things for the children, so I was so glad to be able to add to it, as well.

Despite the fact that so many of their houses looked like this,

or were just piles of rubble left on the side of the road,

they were blessing others and, quite frankly, a blessing to me. Their hearts, their attitudes, their willingness to pour their lives into serving – it was convicting and inspiring.

And thank YOU for being true friends to me and my state!

If you would like to help in these continued efforts, I will be making relief trips to various communities over the next several weeks.

Every penny of my Mommies Helping Mommies fund goes to buy formula, diapers, and other baby needs for tornado victims – just click here to donate.

Also, the Christian Service Mission has been able greatly help dozens of communities by purchases sent to them off of their Amazon Wish List – just click, order, and it’s automatically sent straight to them!

Coupons and formula checks are also greatly helping – if you have some to spare, email me at rachel@graspingforobjectivity.com for instructions on where to send them.

Thank you again!

The Stench of Boys.

May 11, 2011 Rachel Callahan A Day in the Life, Boy Child = Bizarre., Just My Luck, Newbornities

He stinks.

His lovely new baby smell lasted for exactly four months. And for the past month, he’s stank approximately 70% of the time.

He somehow marinates in his own sweat every time he sleeps, and he wakes up smelling like an entire load mildewed laundry.

And the smell doesn’t fade while he’s awake, either – he’s like a reverse air filter, permeating every inch of my house with his mildewed aroma.

Nastiness.

I was complaining about his odor on Twitter and Facebook last night, so I figured I should do something about it – perhaps a bath.

By the time I got around to it, he was doubly smelly – his mildew effect was still in high order, and he added the garnish of a poopy diaper to the aromatic attack on my senses.

I ran him a bath, cleaned up his diaper, and put him in the tub.

I reached for the wash cloth, then heard a familiar, yet horrific, straining sound.

Looked down. Wished I hadn’t. An entire family of brown snakes of poo were swimming in my son’s bathtub.

I screamed.

Ali asked, “What’s wrong??!!”

“HE POOED!! IN THE TUB!!!”

Chris wasn’t home. I had in my possession a naked baby, a poo-filled tub, and no one to help me.

Panic Mode.

I picked him up and set him on the edge of the tub. Holding his pooey self with one arm, I dumped his little tub in the big bathtub with the other.

Immediate regret.

“Why didn’t I dump that in the toilet??!! Now I have to clean both bathtubs!”

Still didn’t know what to do with wet, slimy baby, so I set him down, muddy side up, on the bathmat.

(Poor bathmat.)

(Mental Note: Wash Bathmat.)

Scrubbed big tub.

Scrubbed little tub.

Wiped a butt.

Refilled the little tub.

Chris called. I answered the phone as I’m putting Noah back in the tub.

Wanted to know what I want for dinner.

Yes, because that’s exactly what I want to think about after washing ten greenish-brown poo snakes down the drain.

A minute after putting him in the tub and while I’m still talking to Chris, brown bubbles began to float to the top.

He crapped his tub.

Again.

Hung up with Chris after screaming incoherently in his ear.

(If he’d had translators, I’m sure they would have told him I was blaming him for impregnating me with a crap-machine.)

This time, there were no snakes.

It was much worse.

It was the watery kind. Globules of brown oil spill spots were floating on top of the water.

Ali, still observing my state of hell, asked if she ever pooped in the tub.

“Only once, and it was at Gramammas. Thank you for that, by the way.”

I picked Noah up again, set him on the side of the tub again, this time leaving a perfectly molded set of muddy butt prints to add to my cleanup efforts.

Too much water in the tub to drain it into the toilet, so I repeated: baby on bathmat, muddy side up, pour little tub into big tub, scrub big tub, scrub little tub, rinse and repeat.

Threatened baby that if he dares crap in the tub one more time, Ali will forever be my favorite child.

Gave said baby the world’s quickest bath – who cares if he stinks.

Millions of Updates, Updates for You.

May 10, 2011October 1, 2011 Rachel Callahan A Day in the Life, Actually Possibly Informational, I'm a Glutton for Adventure, Lose It Diet, Newsflash

My blog posts of late have been a confusing tangle of rabbit trails that lead to nothing but loose ends.

And I despise loose ends nearly as much as I despise continuity issues.

(Such as, why can Tinkerbell make anything fly in the rain but herself? Even if her wings are wet, couldn’t she just sprinkle pixie dust on herself and float?!?)

At any rate, I figured I better tie up some things around here.

First of all, Secret Agent Mommy.

I purposefully left the ending of that post vague so that I didn’t have to defend my purchase to those of you who weren’t in agreement with my methods, but since most of you figured it out anyway, and many have asked how it’s going, I guess I’ll come out of the drug-taking closet.

Yes, I ordered Domperidone to help my milk supply.

With, might I add, the full blessing of Noah’s Pediatrician.

And actually, it shipped from Vanuatu instead of New Zealand, coming in a very conspicuous package labeled “Non-Restricted Pharmaceutical”..

(Waiting for you to Google where Vanuatu is….)

(Okay – welcome back.)

As I was told would be the case, they came in manufacturer’s packaging and even a few pesky Vanuatuan packing peanuts..

(Bet you didn’t know that they had packing peanuts in Vanuatu, did you? Learn something new every day.)

I started taking them as soon as the package arrived, and began to notice a difference in my milk supply within 12 hours.

And within 2 days, my milk supply had doubled!!!

After taking it for a month, I’ve gone from giving Noah 18-25 ounces of formula a day to only 6-10 ounces.

Those tiny pills are pure awesomeness.

And no, there have been no side effects – except for a whole new set of nursing dreams – instead of dreaming that I have no milk, I’m having nightmares about throwing out dozens of bottles of breastmilk that I – horror of horrors – let ROT in the fridge.

(In my dream, I tasted it before throwing it out, rotted curds and all. It was NAST-Y.)

So go ahead and roast me, all ye naturalies, but I hope that you’re at least horribly conflicted in said roasting, since taking these pills has allowed me to nurse more and formula less, which is pretty naturaley of me, if I may say so myself.

(All in fun, I stress. I love all of my naturaley friends.)

Next. Chris and my uber-geeky weight-loss plan. Thank you all for your compliments on Noah’s dedication post – as many of you noticed, the diet is most definitely working.

In five weeks, I’ve lost 15.2 pounds, and Chris has lost 16 pounds. We’re both lighter than we’ve been in over ten years. Here’s our before and now pictures:

Before:

(sorry – I don’t have any “before” pics where I’m not hiding my post-baby belly with a kid)

Now:

The Lose It app is completely to blame for our weight loss – I haven’t exercised at all (except for nursing, which probably also deserves some weight loss credit). But there is most definitely some magic in simply counting calories. Lose it is a free app (they really should charge for it – I’d pay for it!), and I think you can even use it for free online if you don’t have an iPhone, although not having it with you everywhere you go would make it more tedious to use.

I thought you’d also like to know that I took your advice.

Remember when Ashley and I decided that we were absolutely done with our weekly routine of going to lunch with all of our kids in tow?

And so many of you encouraged us to not give up?

Well, we gave it another try, then another and another, and it actually wasn’t so bad. We haven’t had another catastrophic lunch since, so we’ve decided we can handle it after all – and who knows? Maybe even with a few more kids thrown in for the fun of it.

Or not.

But at any rate, we didn’t give up! We pressed through! And we succeeded!

And finally, we have a new cousin around here! Andi:

Isn’t she beautiful?

Noah is thrilled to have a cousin his size to bully around:

And Andi’s older siblings are pretty thrilled too.

Or they would be if they weren’t so exhausted from all of the excitement.

So there you have it. More than you ever wanted to know about International Drugs, Weight Loss, Lunch, and Babies. If I left anything out, feel free to ask!

Oh – I almost forgot one last update.

My Breast Pump? Hasn’t said a SINGLE WORD to me since I exposed it’s chatty ways.

The Ephod and A Godmother’s Magic.

May 9, 2011May 8, 2011 Rachel Callahan Don't Listen to my Fashion Advice, Guest Post, I'm a Glutton for Adventure, Newbornities, Weird Strange and True

This is what I promised my husband that Noah could wear for his baby dedication:

And this is what my husband CHOSE for my son to wear for baby dedication:

I’d like to give him the opportunity to explain himself.

So I like to think that I’m a fairly easygoing, reasonable guy. I don’t picture myself as an overbearing tyrant that enforces my will on everyone around me. On the flip side, like anyone, I have likes and dislikes, and when it comes to my son’s clothes, I’m full of opinions.

Ali can wear anything, as long as it’s modest. Any style is fine – pretty, tomboy, modern, whatever. Girls can get away with anything from Easter dresses to overalls.

However. Boys, for me at least, are a different story. I don’t want the fancy, frilly stuff. None of it. Not smocking, not john-johns, not seersucker, nothing Strasburg or boy-boutique.

(And I only know all of those terms from my wife teasing me with those options.)

What is okay, you ask? Anything boyish – from preppy to biker, rocker to farmer, sports to cowboy.

My favorite look for Noah? Overalls and no shirt. The tank-top rock ‘n roll onesie is also a great look.

In years past, before Noah was even an eye-gleam, Rachel had allowed me to declare that under no circumstances would any son of mine ever get dedicated in a Christening Gown.

My boys do not wear dresses.

Enter the godparents.

Gary and Janey are good friends, wonderful parents, honorable mentors, and just downright awesome people.

So baby dedication is about a month away, and Janey mentions that she has an aforementioned forbidden garment that her godmother had made for her when she was a baby. Janey had also used this item lovingly with her own children (1 boy and 1 girl).

Would we be interested?

Rachel laughed, and sent her to ask me – just for the fun of hearing my reaction.

I flatly refused.

But, alas, my inner guilt began to gnaw at me. Janey was such a wonderful godmother, and how often would she ask me for anything?

How could I be so selfish to refuse her?

And so, without consulting my wife, I manned up, went to her, and proposed that we refer to the frilly special occasion attire as an ephod, which was a linen garment worn by King David.

Who is more manly than King David?

And with this grammatical condition, I would love to let her godson be dedicated in her family heirloom.

I returned to my wife to present my humble, loving, selfless decision, and Rachel’s heartless response was, “What?!? Don’t you think you should check with your wife before making those kind of decisions?!”

“No, I figured you had no objection since you never mentioned one.“

“That’s because I never thought there was any chance you would agree to it – there was no need for me to object!”

“Oh. We’re way past smock now, aren’t we?”

But with my husbandly spiritual guidance, Rachel also agreed to the opportunity to honor Noah’s Godparents with his presentation in an ephod.

Rachel here again.

So I got the ephodic garment out Saturday night to make sure that it would fit.

Noah was shocked, confused, felt forsaken by his Father, and looked pretty dang beautiful.

But, he opted to trust his Father’s better judgment, despite the effect of the ephod in highlighting his more lovely features.

He even held it together during his dedication prayer, not puking on the Pastor or even voicing his opinion into his microphone,

(Behaving better, in fact, than his overly bored big sister.)

But after all of that frillery, he was quite obliging in getting back to drooling all over his original dedicatory outfit.

To be able to change my husband’s mind about the use of a Christening Gown?

The magical powers of the Fairy Godmother are a force to be reckoned with.

Disclaimer: Noah’s Godmother is also a delightfully fun-loving and easygoing lady who was well aware that one of the repercussions of ephod wearing would be a blog written about such matters. No Godmothers were hurt in the creation of this post.

Relief Updates…and…Couponing Advice Needed!

May 7, 2011May 7, 2011 Rachel Callahan Actually Possibly Informational, Do You Know? Because I Don't., On a more serious note. . ., Tornadoes

I’ve been able to share about some new Tornado relief options on two other blogs lately, so I wanted to update here as well.

And I know that I’m talking a LOT about our tornadoes right now – I hope you’ll understand and bear with me – but that’s quite simply our life right now. Over half of our state’s counties have significant damage…

…And it could have SO easily been me – my family – my house.

And since I was spared, I feel a strong pull to help those who weren’t so fortunate.

Also, after my post about how Social Media is being used to specifically and immediately meet needs, many people have asked how they can be a part of that even if they’re not local. So along those lines, there are two new options for participating no matter where you live:

1. I realize that sending money to big agencies is awkward and doesn’t feel like you’re helping hurting people. So one of my blog friends, Beth from Unskinny Boppy, had an absolutely brilliant idea. She met with the Christian Service Mission and set up an Amazon Wish List, including hundreds items that are desperately needed for those families who have lost everything. All you have to do is purchase items from this wish list, and they’ll be shipped directly to the mission, who will immediately deliver them to the dozens of communities that have been devastated by these tornadoes.

2. My heart is especially burdened with the babies whose homes were destroyed. They have no formula, no food, no diapers. I have heard heartbreaking stories of their suffering, and I am determined to help them. So I have set up a Paypal fund – Mommies helping Mommies – that will go directly to buying formula, food, and diapers for these families. I will personally deliver the items to these communities. There is no overhead cost (I’m personally paying the Paypal fees), no agency, no expenses – just a desperate attempt to keep further tragedy from happening as a result of these storms. If you want to donate, you can click this link, or click on the “Donate” button on the top left sidebar of my blog.

Due to my guest blogging opportunities on 5 Minutes for Mom and Southern Hospitality, I already have over $550 in the Mommies helping Mommies fund, and $400 more promised next week!!

I am SO thankful for everyone who has wanted to help Alabama, and so excited to be able to deliver hope to these families!

So I will be spending my Mother’s Day afternoon clipping coupons and scouring sales papers.

And let me admit: I am not a couponer.

Shameful, I know.

I want to be, but I just can’t find the time. However, because so many other people have entrusted me with their funds, I want to make sure that I use them as effectively as I possibly can.

So for this project, I AM a couponer. But I’m clueless, so please give me your tips! We have CVS, Walgreens, Rite Aid, Publix, Piggly Wiggly, Target, and Wal-Mart around here. I know the general idea is that I’m supposed to match sales with coupons, but that’s where my extensive couponing knowledge stops.

So please – enlighten me! Give me tips! Tell me where to print coupons! Send me your coupons if you don’t need them! I need help!

Thanks so much for what you all have already done – I am literally blown away with the kindness within Alabama AND outside of Alabama!