I do all of the budgeting, bill paying, checkbook balancing, and money laundering in our family.

Okay, not money laundering, but I tell Chris that I do, because he never checks behind me to see how I’m handling our finances.

He says that he trusts me implicitly.  Some combination of my accounting degree, the fact that I’m always nagging him to spend less, and being a tightwad in general, I suppose.

But this flying-solo-on-the-budget thing can sometimes get complicated.  Especially since he’s usually off running or working when I’m balancing said budget.

For instance: he and I each have our own credit cards for our personal expenses.  I think the idea was that we could buy each other nice things without the other one knowing how much we paid.

Problem is: I have to try and figure out his credit card bill each month when I pay it off.  Therefore, I know exactly how much money he spends on me.

He bought me flowers a month ago for our anniversary.


(They were perfectly lovely, and I kept them overly long like I usually do, mainly because I dreaded cleaning out the funky smell of rotted flower water.)

So I was paying his credit card bill this month, and I saw the charge for my flowers.  I usually try to avoid looking at the dollar amount (because who wants to fuss at their husband for spending too much on flowers??), but I noticed THREE charges from the florist – so I looked.

Of course he wasn’t home to ask about these suspect charges, so my mind took off pondering all of the possibilities…

a. The florist accidentally triple charged him – seems unlikely, but maybe the inherent stresses of floral arrangement are more destructive than I imagine.

b. The florist knows that I do all the bills and that I would probably just trust Chris’ floral purchases and not question the amount, so they triple charged on purpose.

(The weasel.)

But, although Chris has been buying all of my flowers from this same florist since before we were married, and at one time the receptionist knew his identity by voice alone, I think intimate knowledge of our marital financial practices is probably unlikely, at least until they read this.

c. Chris has three wives, all who happen to be on the same anniversary.  Seems unlikely as well, but really, if one WAS going to have three wives, it does make sense to try and work it so that you did have the same anniversary with all three – (different years of course) – but that way you’d only have to technically remember one anniversary every year. I’ll keep this option on the list.

d. Chris has three wives, NOT with the same anniversary, but was placating the other two wives with flowers for leaving town on an anniversary trip with me. Since I’ve never been placated in said manner, this seems to rank low on the plausibility scale.

e. My flowers were ridiculously expensive, and so Chris took the “Three Easy Payments” plan, whose fine print indicated that he’d be making all three payments at once. This may be far-fetched, because Chris has listened to enough Dave Ramsey to get sick at his stomach at the prospect of making payments on something that is already dead and in a garbage truck.

With all financial and marital fidelity at stake, I left Chris a copy of his bill with all of these options listed and asked that he please circle the correct answer.

His response?

“None of the above.  I have five wives, but two of them prefer chocolate.”

Look for us soon on a TLC show near you.

20 thoughts on “The Complications of Budgeting.

  1. Ha! ha! Too funny. Yes, do tell. I think the credit card wasn’t going through quickly enough and they kept swiping it.

    Chris’ response was the best!

  2. That is hilarious. I love Chris’ reply, very smart man, he knows what his wives like. I agree, you now need to tell us the real reason.

  3. Good answer, Chris! Now tell us the REAL reason…. you do this on purpose, don’t you? We really do LOVE to read your blog…. we depend on it. So tell us already! :-)

  4. Well, the explanation that Chris gave me is that two of the charges together were what my flowers cost, and the third charge was a duplicate charge of one of the other two. Still a bit confused about all that…

  5. Lol, loved this! My husband does not buy me flowers because I balance our checkbook too (even though he is the accountant…wait a minute…) and I would see how much they cost and think he is crazy for spending that much money on something that is going to die. The only kind of flowers I like to receive from him are the kinds I can plant. And he does bring me those occasionally. :)

    1. I’ve told Chris tons of times NEVER to get me flowers I have to plant – because I will kill them, immediately. Me and plants just don’t get along…

  6. Hilarious! Thanks for the laugh. I’m glad I’m not the only one who waits way to long to throw the flowers out. I feel like I have to get our money’s worth out of them, and I want my husband to know that I really appreciate them, so I want to keep them longer. I end up letting them sit there forever, and then they stink and have moldy stems by the time I finally throw them out.

    1. …and the garbage can is ALWAYS full when I decide to throw them out, therefore leaving stinky, moldy stems right on top of the garbage. Yuck.

  7. Oh my goodness, this is the funniest thing I’ve read all week. I love your sense of humor!

    I’m married to a Chris too. He’s a clean-cut, God and family loving man like your Chris. It’s always those types you have to wonder about…..

    So did you get your money back?

    1. I hope so – Chris called and they said they credited it back. We’ll see next month when I have to reconcile his bill again! :)

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *