The Scientific Study of Chick Cars.

A few months ago, My Dad was tossing around the idea of buying an old(ish) sports car.

(Clearly, something very unhealthy was in our family’s air during the month of May.)

He was planning a Grand 40th Anniversary Adventure with my Mom – something really spectacular – and he needed to right car to set it off.

(By the way – he is also blogging about their adventure here – you should follow him.  You’ll be glad you did.)

On the first iteration of this plan, he informed me that he was thinking about getting a Mazda Miata.

WHAT?! Dad!! You can’t get a Miata!!  It’s a total Chick Car!!”

“A what?”

“How can you not know this?? You’re the epitome of a car guy.  Miatas are total Chick Cars.”

“Really?  I’ve never thought of them as a Chick Car.”

“Have you SEEN her with her eyes open??”

Mazda Miata Chick Car

“Well, I think they’re great! And besides, our Pastor drives one.  Is his a Chick Car?”

“Well, his has all sorts of racing edition stuff on it, and a really revved-up engine.  And it’s a newer model, which really helps.  And he kinda gets a pass because he has a history with Miatas.  So…not entirely.”

(Please – no one send a link of this post to my Pastor.  And if his wife is reading, let’s just keep this our secret.)

I troubled my Dad’s soul more than I realized.  The next time I saw him, he said,

“So I’m thinking about getting a Mustang.  Is that a Chick Car?”

“What happened to the Miata?”

“Well, you happened to it.  So what about the Mustang?”

“It depends on the year.  The 90’s model was definitely a Chick Car.  But when they went retro in the mid 2000’s, it reverted back.”

Ford Mustang Chick Car

“Good to know.”

I actually did feel guilty about popping my Dad’s Miata Bubble.  But every time I saw a dude driving around in one or folding himself into the driver’s seat, I found myself giggling on the inside.  I felt better about the fate from which I saved my Father.

And then, as I was bearing my MiataGuilt to some of my friends, they told me about the “Yes, Dear” episode that was all about the Miata being a Chick Car.  And if I needed any more evidence, the Miata is the main Chick Car referenced on Urban Dictionary.

Yes, I had truly been a helper.

So I decided that it was high time for a Chick Car Index to be created – you know, to help more people make informed buying decisions.

But if I just made the judgments on my own, they certainly wouldn’t be scientific, and I’d have all sorts of haters leave nasty comments.

Because if people can get all worked up about jeans (and believe me they do), then how much more angry could they get about the supposed gender of their car?

Yeah.

So I decided to crowdsource the blame.  An official survey was in order.

With the weightiness of this information in mind, it is critically imperative that you answer these questions as soon as possible.  Please feel free to have your husbands, brothers, mothers, and third cousins twice removed weigh in as well.

1. What cars do you consider to be Chick Cars?

2. What cars do you consider to be Dude Cars?

3. What cars are completely androgynous?

And If you’ve never considered the gender of car models, the time is now, people.  Start pondering.

I’ll compile my opinions with yours in a complete geeked-out graphed-up scientific study.

Oh – and by the way.  My Dad’s final choice of car for their Grand Anniversary Adventure?

This one:

IMG_2850

IMG_2847

That, my friends, is no Chick Car.


I am awaiting with open spreadsheet for your Chick Car votes.  And better yet, weigh in on each other’s votes as well (with much respect and southern charm please) so that we’re all talking about the same cars. 

You could be contributing to a study that could upturn the car industry, so consider your choices vigilantly.

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The Presidenim Election.

I have a list of subjects that I refuse to blog about, and my political leanings are very near the top of that document, right behind – oh wait – blogging about the contents of the list is on the list.

However, I find myself at a place in time where I absolutely MUST make an exception.  The reason is that despite the continuous election coverage, the endless mailers, and the mind-slaughtering number of robocalls I’m getting from beggarly candidates (who also don’t give a flip about the fact that I’m on the Do Not Call list), there seems to be a significant gap in coverage about one vital issue in the presidential campaign.

Thank goodness for Shepard Smith, because he’s the only one brave enough to bring it to the forefront – well, he and I are, anyway.

We need to talk about Presidential Denim.

We can’t have the Leader of the Free World prancing around the globe trying to act all powerful and in-control while wearing Mom Jeans.

Shamefully, we’ve had to suffer this fate worse than death for four years already.

Obama Jeans 1

Do you know how much Paris must be sniggering at that jean length?

And London at the circa 1985 denim wash?

Obama Jeans 2

Milan is scoffing the fact that he has enough room in those pants for an Iranian Spy to hide out, and Italian shoemakers are sobbing into their Fettuccine, praying that he would trade in those rubber sneakers for some nice leather boots made to go with jeans.

Unfortunately, though, some of his opponents appear as if they will take this travesty to new and cruelly horrific heights.

Romney Jeans 3

Literally.

The only thing that makes the plight of Mom Jeans on Men (MJoM) worse is when they’re worn in a 62 inch inseam.

Romney has perfected the art of Mom Jeans, heralding the high waist, the horrible blues, the shapeless legs, and the terrible pocket placement at every campaign stop.

Mitt Romney Jeans

(If only he had asked for denim advice from the dude he’s standing next to in this photo, his campaign and therefore our world could have the potential to be totally different.)

His opponent, Rick Santorum, brings the fashion bar slightly higher by wearing what can clearly be defined as Dad Jeans.

Santorum Jeans

At least they sit below his nipples, are the right color, and have some shape to them.  This earns him the Dad-hipness level to star in a Swagger Wagon video.

Ironically enough though, the best jeans in this whole race also happen to belong to the oldest man out there.

Seventy-Six years old and this man is blowing away the competition.

Ron Paul Jeans 3

Look at that wash!

Look at that fit!

Look at those nice stylish fade lines!

Look away before you get to his old man orthopedic shoes.

Thank you, Dr. Paul, for showing the other contestants* how it’s done.  Not to say that I’m going to vote for you (or that I’m not – after all, I don’t talk politics around here), but it’s nice to see that someone has at least this vital issue clearly under control.  You officially win the race for Presidential Jeans.

* No Newt-in-denim photos could be attained.  But if I had to guess, they wouldn’t be pretty.
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