The Secret of Halal

Our trip to New York last week was was Chris’ first visit, so he got to experience the full unexplainable magic of the city, and he also had a few adventures along the way.  This post is one of his fabulous guest posts (written the night before we left), so be sure to give him props, as he is my official Contributing Editor, Rump Photographer, and Man On The Street.


 

So, Halal.

It is a popular Mediterranean cuisine in New York City, found everywhere on street carts.  According to Wikipedia, Halal is defined as “foods that are allowed under Islamic dietary guidelines.”

As it happens, the most popular food cart in Manhattan, a halal one, was right outside of our hotel, at 53rd St and 6th Ave.

Rachel told me about this particular food truck a couple of years ago, when she was attending BlogHer at the same hotel.  She hadn’t partaken from it, but she’d witnessed the phenomenally ridiculous lines.

The Halal Guys.  Gyro & Chicken. Yes, We Are Different.

This food cart has a line every night. A long line. Every night.

Therefore, since we were staying right across the street, it must be tasted.

There was one small problem, but I’ll come back to that.

I came running by this cart about 5pm. There were about 15 people in line, and it smelled fantastic.

I made a mental note: come back and try the Halal late tonight when the post run munchies come around, because that’s what parents do when kids are elsewhere: go out after 7pm.

So at 10pm, we checked out the Halal situation. By this time it was the Twilight Zone.

There was no longer one Halal Guys cart at 53rd and 6th – there were now three. All Yellow.  Same logos.  Same T-shirts.  Same smell.

VERY different lines.

Halal Guys cart #1 (which housed the 5pm line of 15) had no line.

Halal Guys cart #2 (that was a new arrival since 5pm) had about 60 people in line.

Halal Cart # 3 (also new since 5pm) had no line.

There must be some mistake.

We analyzed this situation, then headed upstairs. Not long after, I proceeded, Man on the Street style, to figure out what was going on.

I presented my question to several people huddled around their sacred foil pans filled with Halal goodness at super-line Cart # 2.

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“That cart had a line at 5pm. Now they have nobody. This cart has a huge line. They weren’t even here at 5pm. What is the difference?”

Responses barely varied:

“Because people are sheep.”

“There is no difference. Same guys. Same everything.”

“I don’t know. We just heard this was good.”

Could this really be possible? That native New Yorkers and tourists alike just assume that a longer line means its better?

I continued my interviews at ex-popular Cart #1. I was taking pictures when three girls walked up. In response to my question:

“We’ve never been here before, We heard this was good. Its the same thing, right?”

I proceeded to always-a-bridesmaid Cart #3. This time I was going to solve this. These guys had nobody in line.

So I asked the yellow shirted Halal guy who tried to help me. His heavily accented response, gesturing with annoyance at Prom Queen Cart #2:

“They are only open at night.”

“Yes, but WHY are more people there?”

He shrugged his shoulders.  “They have been there for 25 years.”

THERE IT WAS.  THE TRUTH.  THERE IS NO DIFFERENCE.

If these guys were not the same company, surely in this city of 139 hour workweeks for freshman lawyers there would have been a trademark infringement settled long ago.

There are three identical Halal Guys carts at 53rd and 6th, and depending on what time of day you go, you think you are getting the “good one” based on the line length.

I bought a plate from the Unlucky Cart #3. Gyro over rice. Rice, gyro (lamb) meat, lettuce, pita bread, and sauce. Two sauces actually. White sauce, which appeared to be the common sauce, and red sauce, which was duly noted as very spicy.

I asked my Halal Guy, “What are the sauces?”

“I gave them to you. They are in the bag.”

“Yes, I know, but WHAT are they?”

“I gave them to you! They are in the bag.”

Right.

So turning the corner,  there was another Guy refilling the extra sauce bottles to be used at one’s leisure.

I asked new Halal Guy, “What are the sauces?”

“The white sauce and the red sauce.”

“Yes, I know, but WHAT are they?”

“The white sauce and the red sauce!”

Yeah, OK.

I took the hot foil platter upstairs to share with Rachel, and we began to investigate. It was yummy. Really yummy. She wasn’t terribly impressed, but she never is with street/fair food.

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So the sauces. The white sauce tasted like ranch dressing made with yogurt instead of mayo. It was good stuff.

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Then I tried the red. It was a tiny container. Too tiny.

But I tried it anyway.

Despite my heavy Hot Wing habit back home, this was quite possibly the hottest thing I had ever eaten. Within a minute, my nose was running, my eyes were watering, and I was duly impressed.

Goodbye, red.

I’ve been nibbling far too much on this Halal as I have written this post tonight on our last night in New York.

And I am going to regret this at LaGuardia tomorrow.

Especially the red sauce.

But tonight, we are young. And the Halal Guys are making BANK outside.

A New Level of Whelm.

How I Spent My Trip to New York

At this point every year, I typically have a well-thought out, hopefully entertaining blog post about my (mis)adventures at BlogHer. I really don’t know how, but I somehow manage to get it typed out despite woefully minimal levels of sleep and the smothering deluge of BlogHer information spinning around in my head.

But this year…I don’t have it.

I’m sorry – I really am. Allow me to offer my excuse.

Starting on Thursday, the day we left for New York, my Inconvenient Gap of Truth Post went a little crazy.

Okay, a lot crazy.

Grasping for Objectivity Stats

And yes, this seems like it would be a really great thing – and it is! I simply adore meeting new readers.

BUT.

Crazy takes maintenance. A LOT of maintenance.

For one, the crazy was so crazy that it crashed the server my blog was hosted on, then crashed the dedicated server that they moved me to, then crashed the doubled-in-size dedicated server, then crashed it again.  And then two more times on Sunday.

(Needless to say, I wrote many a panicked email and tweet to my hosting company this weekend. And will probably switch hosts by the end of the week.)

Secondly, I am now entombed under a massive Mount McKinley of emails and comments to which I need to respond.

Thirdly, the crazy doesn’t seem to be waning much, which means that my burial is only going to continue to reach new depths.  And I really don’t like to be behind, so I will be nervous over my lack of response until I get it done.

And finally, I’m pretty sure that Gap now has a restraining order against me.

So. Why do I tell you all of this?

Because I had to have some excuse for this sorry lack of a blog post.

And because I want you to know that my commitment still stands: I will answer every email and comment-with-a-question that I have received. But please be patient with me – it’s going to take a while, especially since I missed my kids like crazy this weekend and I will still only be using naptimes to somehow get all of this done.

But please know that I really do love getting to know all of you – just like I explained a couple of weeks ago, I blog for the relationships, remember each of you and think fond thoughts about you often, and I have met many of my close friends solely because of blogging.

So if you’re new around here, please feel free to introduce yourself in the comments below!

(Just be patient for my answer.  I read everything in real time, but answering takes a bit more focus.)

And if you’re not at all new around here, please don’t run off or quit talking to me because it got a bit crowded. Just like a new restaurant, the shine will wear off and then it will be totally back to normal around here.

Because if there’s one thing I’m not, it’s shiny.

(Except on hot Alabama days.)

(Which means that I’m shiny about 80% of the year.)

Okay. I’m done here. And off to my email inbox.

Update: Thanks for bearing with me – my site has  been going up and down all day, and was completely down around lunchtime for about an hour.  It **seems** to be up now, but please let me know if you have any other trouble with it.  I’m doing what I can to keep it afloat, but it hasn’t been easy.  Thanks, y’all!

Time for Formal Introductions.

Blog Welcome Mat

So Hi!

Let me introduce myself.  I’m Rachel, and this is my home.

I’ve had a few posts making the rounds on Pinterest and a few other places lately, and as a result, there are a bunch of new readers that have been hanging around.

And I always like to get to know new people, so today, I’m talkin’ to you.

The first thing you should know about me is that I adore interacting with my readers.  I’ve read plenty of blogger’s “About Me” pages that have given some sort of apology with their email address such as, “Here’s my email address, but the chances of me having time to answer you are pretty much less than Conan and Leno joining forces and creating a collaborative show.  So feel free to email me – if you like talking to an echoing cyberwall.”

I am the complete opposite.

I get ridiculously excited when I get an email from a reader, and I promise that I will respond within a day or three.  If you don’t get a response, then either your email got stuck in my spam filter or my response got stuck in yours.

(Unless you’re the son of the President of Equatorial Guinea and are wanting me to help you smuggle your fortunes out of the country.  Then I’m most likely not going to answer you.)

So if you ever have a question, comment, suggestion, funny photo, blog idea, or just want to say hey, please feel free to email me at graspingforobjectivity@gmail.com.

Also, about the comments.

Every time I visit a blog, I muse to myself, “I wonder how many comments it takes for them to know who I am?”

Around here, it’s 1 to 5.

If you tell me something unique and personal about you in your first comment, I’m likely to keep that framework in my mind and think fond thoughts about you often.

(Unless that unique and personal thing is that you hate me with every fiber of your being.  I’ll still remember you, though – no worries about that one.)

If you comment more generically, I will categorize you as a distinct individual somewhere between your first and fifth comment.  This has to do with how unique your name is.

If your name is Clarissa, I promise to remember you immediately.

Ooh! Or Tori.

But if your name is Rachel (people are attracted to like-named bloggers), Jennifer, or Julie, be patient.  It might take me a minute longer to assign you an individual compartment in my brain.

I also try to reply to as many comments as possible, and do my darndest to visit my reader’s blogs, because I do this whole blogging thing for the relationships.

Have I mentioned that?

I really like you guys.

If you want to read some posts that further explain who I am and what I do at this blog, here are some suggestions.

~ I like turning subjective stuff into objective stuff:

Bathing Practices as Indicated in Children: A Scientific Study.
The Categories of Scream.
The Presidenim Election.

~ I like solving mysteries:

Dr. Pepper Ten: An Investigative Report.
Uncle Joe’s Tot Locker: An Investigative Report.
On Meeting the Party Friends.

~ I like finding new ways to explain life:

Parenting, 2.0.
Social Media Policy for Labor and Birth.
United Toddler’s Union, United Mommy’s Union, and Mommy Benefits Package.

~ I like capturing the chill-bump inspiring moments of life:

Yard Bunny
Tiny Bits of Grace

~ I don’t exactly mean to, but I have a way of telling my stories and, in the process, making giant corporations despise me.

The Chuck.
The Inconvenient Gap of Truth.
Can’t Buy Me Love.
Zulily. Really??
How it Feels to be Hated By a Celebrity.

…and perhaps make one or two happy every now and then.

Frequently Asked Idiocies
The Mommybloggermobile

~ I occasionally share some homeschooling and/or child-teaching tips:

Geography, Pre-K Style
Best Educational iPad/iPhone Apps
On Creating a Miniature Shopkeeper
Creatively Encouraging Reading and Writing
Geography Geektasticness

~ And even a craft project or two, this coming from a very uncrafty person:

Paint Chip Art
How to Make Word Search Gift Wrap
Framed
Tangled Birthday Party

~ And I like offering “helpful” tips for life:

Kiosk Warfare: A Guide for Survival.
Baby Tips.
A Shredded Diary.
The Decaffeination Report.
How to Act When They’re Expecting.
On How to Diaper a Newborn.

But seriously – enough about me.

Back to you.

If you’re new around here, or have just never properly introduced yourself, or if you’ve been around from the beginning but just want to tell me something new, it’s your turn to talk.

Say hey!

Tell me where you’re from!

Tell me something unique about you!

Ask me anything you’d like to know!

Snag your much-deserved compartment in my brain!

I look forward to getting to know all of you.