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Zulily: The Burning Questions.

April 24, 2012August 27, 2012 Rachel Callahan "Deep" Thoughts by Rachel, Do You Know? Because I Don't., Don't Listen to my Fashion Advice, Photographical Oddities, Shopping: A Girl's Best Friend, Weird Strange and True, Zulily

I do love me some Zulily.

Half of Ali’s summer wardrobe, including her Easter dress, arrived via Zulily.

Every morning, I fit it into my routine to peek around at the day’s sales before my miniature tenants wake up. Besides the benefit of getting to shop the best deals for both me and the kids, I also get the privilege and joy of checking out the…other stuff.

And, being the introspective, overly curious person that I am, these other things always lead to many, MANY unanswered questions.

So. I thought that perhaps, just maybe, if I post them here, someone, somewhere can help me answer one or two.

After all, last time I came to you with my Zulily Questions, you actually solved one of them. So it seems completely worth it to try again.

So. Let’s begin.

1. Where are the Afghan Blanket and Great-Grandmother-curtains that got together and had this baby?

2. Why didn’t anyone tell me that Blossom was back and designing children’s clothes?

3. Where is the parent that said, “Yeah, I’m totally okay with my little girl having pulled-back curtains down the middle of her skirt.”??

(Many of my questions are followed by a long and uncomfortable shudder.)

4. I know I’m more of a prude than most when it comes to my daughter’s wardrobe, but really, people? Butterflies??

5. Who stole Dolly’s outfit from Best Little Whorehouse in Texas and reproduced it in child’s sizes?

6. Why haven’t I gotten on the bandwagon of having carousel horses on my thigh?

6b. And Fantasy Islands on my kneecaps???

7. Who stole this from my Mother?? Because I distinctly remember last wearing this in the spring of 1984.

8. Are there four words in the English Language that should go together LESS than “Leopard”, “Bikini”, “Toddler”, and “Girls”?

8b. Oh wait. Perhaps “Cheetah”, “Girls”, “Spandex” and “Booty Shorts” could compete.

9. When did it become necessary for toddler girls to go into Full Mourning, Downton Abbey Style?

10. How did the 1986 El Dorado Kansas Wal-Mart Clearance Rack make it onto Zulily?

11. Wasn’t there a Star Trek Episode about this swimsuit?

12. What exactly makes this worthy of originally costing $1,200? 12b. And did anyone pay it? Because I would like to meet them. Now.

13. Who was the marketing genius that came up with the byline “Ready to Boogie”? Because I want to meet them. Now.

14. Does she have her office door closed? 14b. And does she have to look over the top of her glasses quite so sultrily? 14c. And why isn’t anything written on her notepad? 14d. And don’t those red polka dots show through her white shirt when buttoned up? 14e. And why oh why didn’t I patent this when I invented my own five years ago with an old tank top and scissors???

15. How exactly does smock hold up under water? It seems as if it would perhaps weight a child down past the point of flotation…

16. Why aren’t more kid’s clothes screen-printed with belly dancers??

Just in case you wanted to see her closer…

17. How cool would Ali think I was if I looked like Jasmine on the beach?

18. And speaking of the beach, who needs help looking wrinkled, drooping, and flabby? Because I’ve found the suit for you!!

19. How can I make sure that Chris NEVER sees this and forces me to buy a matching set for my children?

20. Isn’t this what was left of Cinderella’s dress after the Stepsisters ripped it up?

21. Where were Tube Socks for Babies when my Babies were Babies?!?!?! Because who wouldn’t want to pay $62 to make their baby’s head be mistaken for a soccer player’s calf??

Please. Feel free to answer below.

Ultimate Blog Party 2012!!!

Hi, fellow partiers!!!

I’m Rachel.

Sometimes I can be found with this guy,

But most of the time I can be found with these guys.

However, every now and then you can find us all hanging out together – and those are the best times by far.

By the way, have you ever met Susan and Janice? If not, you totally need to stalk them until you have the opportunity. I have had that privilege, and they are hilarious!!!

…in a Canadian sort of way – you know what I mean? As in, seeing that I’m from Alabama, their words proceed from their mouths at a rate of approximately 4,692% faster than mine.

Which, I suppose, makes them more efficient.

And faster thinkers.

But enough about Susan and Janice. Let’s talk about me! Because that’s why you’re here, right??

I blog for relationships. I love the friendships I’ve formed with other bloggers, and would love to get to know you as well!

So what do I blog about?

Or. What don’t I blog about?

(Well, I actually do have a list of things I don’t blog about, but one of the things on that list is blogging about the list, so I guess I should stick with what I do blog about.)

I blog about Mom Jeans, Long Butt, and how to avoid both.

I blog about all of the various recipes available with which to eat a delicious meal of Placenta.

Speaking of Placenta, I blog about how to write a Social Media Policy for Labor and Birth.

I love to make diagrams to explain the world, such as this very important one on Downton Abbey.

And every now and then, I get a tiny bit serious and blog on subjects such as Honesty about Parenthood, Social Media Addiction, and Coexisting with other Mommies.

So please feel free to look around, check out my “most popular posts” listed on the left sidebar, and be sure to leave a comment so that I can come visit you!

Happy Partying!!

The Presidenim Election.

March 13, 2012November 3, 2013 Rachel Callahan Denim Drama, Don't Listen to my Fashion Advice, Pop Post, This is TONGUE IN CHEEK People - Don't take me Seriously., Utter Silliness

I have a list of subjects that I refuse to blog about, and my political leanings are very near the top of that document, right behind – oh wait – blogging about the contents of the list is on the list.

However, I find myself at a place in time where I absolutely MUST make an exception. The reason is that despite the continuous election coverage, the endless mailers, and the mind-slaughtering number of robocalls I’m getting from beggarly candidates (who also don’t give a flip about the fact that I’m on the Do Not Call list), there seems to be a significant gap in coverage about one vital issue in the presidential campaign.

Thank goodness for Shepard Smith, because he’s the only one brave enough to bring it to the forefront – well, he and I are, anyway.

We need to talk about Presidential Denim.

We can’t have the Leader of the Free World prancing around the globe trying to act all powerful and in-control while wearing Mom Jeans.

Shamefully, we’ve had to suffer this fate worse than death for four years already.

Do you know how much Paris must be sniggering at that jean length?

And London at the circa 1985 denim wash?

Milan is scoffing the fact that he has enough room in those pants for an Iranian Spy to hide out, and Italian shoemakers are sobbing into their Fettuccine, praying that he would trade in those rubber sneakers for some nice leather boots made to go with jeans.

Unfortunately, though, some of his opponents appear as if they will take this travesty to new and cruelly horrific heights.

Literally.

The only thing that makes the plight of Mom Jeans on Men (MJoM) worse is when they’re worn in a 62 inch inseam.

Romney has perfected the art of Mom Jeans, heralding the high waist, the horrible blues, the shapeless legs, and the terrible pocket placement at every campaign stop.

(If only he had asked for denim advice from the dude he’s standing next to in this photo, his campaign and therefore our world could have the potential to be totally different.)

His opponent, Rick Santorum, brings the fashion bar slightly higher by wearing what can clearly be defined as Dad Jeans.

At least they sit below his nipples, are the right color, and have some shape to them. This earns him the Dad-hipness level to star in a Swagger Wagon video.

Ironically enough though, the best jeans in this whole race also happen to belong to the oldest man out there.

Seventy-Six years old and this man is blowing away the competition.

Look at that wash!

Look at that fit!

Look at those nice stylish fade lines!

Look away before you get to his old man orthopedic shoes.

Thank you, Dr. Paul, for showing the other contestants* how it’s done. Not to say that I’m going to vote for you (or that I’m not – after all, I don’t talk politics around here), but it’s nice to see that someone has at least this vital issue clearly under control. You officially win the race for Presidential Jeans.

* No Newt-in-denim photos could be attained. But if I had to guess, they wouldn’t be pretty.
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Downton Abbey, Explained.

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