I began noticing the rampant nature of it last week. Everyone I talked to told me of their illness woes, of their family’s, or of their school’s. “My kids have been throwing up since last Wednesday.” “Just so you know, two people who were here yesterday have been confirmed to have the flu, and I’m […]
The Thumb of Christmas Present.
My husband is Clark Griswold. I’ve mentioned this a few times – in his house lighting projects, in his pining and chasing the perfect holiday moments, and definitely in his reaction when those holiday moments are ruined. I have come to realize this, and so I prep him before Christmas morning. “Honey, someone is probably […]
How to Properly Dress Your Children for the Holidays.
It was a bit of a last minute decision. Chris came home from work and was like, “Hey! Let’s go to the mall tonight and soak up some Christmas atmosphere. And see Santa if the line isn’t too long!” So I did what any sane mother would do. I hurriedly redressed my children, changing them […]
Smells Like Tween Spirit.
My daughter is tall – like 90th percentile tall. She’s always been tall. And we’re not quite sure why. Lately her tallness has been catching us off guard – if Chris takes a picture of her, I flip out a little on the inside at how old she looks. http://instagram.com/p/vtpUMIsb8i If I take a picture […]
A Full Shut Down.
This blog has been temporarily suspended due to the author being in the middle of a near death experience. Though not Ebola, the author accepted into her bloodstream a severe dose of Poison Sumac, an element that she is quite familiar with, as it plagued her already-awkward tween years with large, weeping mounds of burning, […]
The Brush of Death.
I’ve made many humiliating parental admissions on this blog. You guys know that I only bathe my children twice a week. You are aware that I never make their beds. You have been apprised of my issues with Sippy Cups and Mold. So you probably won’t be shocked that I’m not the best teeth-brushing mother, […]
Tales from the Porch Swing.
The kids were playing outside while I was lounging flat on my back on the porch swing. (That happens more than it should. But Motherhood as an introvert is exhausting.) (And I’m exceptionally good at lazy when I want to be.) Noah needed to go to the bathroom, so he headed over for me to […]
When Death Is Stranger than Fiction.
It was bath night. We had been to the playground, we had eaten popsicles and let them drip down our entire being, we had handled with our bare hands an opossum jawbone found in the wild (another story for another time), and, most compellingly, it was technically our twice a week appointed bath night. There […]
The Cost of Extroversion.
“Hey…did you know The Redmont Hotel is still open? I mean, who knew, right?” I groggily recounted this extraordinarily urgent information to Chris at 6:15am Saturday morning. I had not slept all night, and was entrapped in a heavy delirium that later made it impossible to walk in a straight line. “I mean, I figured […]
Short Stories From the Road.
So you drive a Prius. You park next to me at the bank. With an empty parking space on the other side of you. The bank has very, very spacious parking spots, too, by the way. Yet you park so close to me that I literally (and I do mean literally literally and not figuratively […]