“Pick something from Disney,” Chris said. “It’ll be a safe choice.” I was desperately thumbing through NetFlix, looking for something, anything to entertain our children for the last hour before bedtime on the worst parenting day of our lives. Chris and I had both woken up with the stomach virus Saturday morning. We were incapacitated, […]
How to End a Plague of Bats.
November is a costly month for our family. In 2012, on the fifth day of the ill-fated eleventh month, Ali had a slight bathroom flood. That created 184 days of construction, renovations, and water damage mitigation. In 2013, on the seventeenth day of the eleventh month, a mutantly giant bat invaded my son’s room, alerting […]
DETERMINATION.
That’s what it takes to achieve the mailing out of Christmas Cards. I am convinced that the twenty-nine step process of Christmas Card Creation is the single most trying test of adulthood. (At least this week.) And, being that I have a severe aversion to being late to any function, the fact that I cannot […]
A Series of Unfortunate Events.
He’s stinking cute. But he thinks too much. And also? He’s a toddler. And toddlers break things. He’s actually always been a rather careful kid, though – bred from the highest of OCD stock, he had no choice in the matter. He carefully closes every door, turns out every light, sorts his toy boxes when […]
The Home Invasion.
Sunday afternoon. Noah was lazily waking up from his nap, I was finishing a couple of blog posts, Ali was having quiet time, and Chris was out running. It was a calm, lovely day. Noah started moaning, so I went to retrieve him. He was crying by the time I arrived, which led to cuddling. […]
I’m not Crazy. My Mother Had Me Tested.
Spoiler: I won’t find out the results until Wednesday. Sometime after that point I’ll give y’all a full update. I got my head examined last week. It was a lovely procedure, really, shoving me into a capsule only slightly bigger than an extra-strength Tylenol and using experimentally psychosis-inducing cacophony to peek into the depths of […]
The Overnight Stay.
Upon putting Noah to bed on the last night of our weekend away together, he casually asked me, “But what about the monsters?” He’d never mentioned monsters in this or any other room before, so I assured him that there were no monsters and not to worry. He did not, however, take my assurances to […]
On The Torture of Pumpkins.
Disclosure: The crafts contained herein are not Martha Stewart Approved, nor are they stolen ideas from said Martha. We must remember: I am not the expert. So our Pumpkin Saga left off with us having three nearly microscopic pumpkins, an aversion to all future field trips, and cotton nightmares for life. The children wanted to […]
Why God Made Them Short.
There are times when it would be immensely convenient for toddlers to be taller. During Potty-Training, for instance. Especially for the hand washing segment. It is a delicate art indeed to balance a child between you and the countertop so that both of your hands are available to help them while leaning on their fragile […]
To the Young Parents of the World.
Dear Parents that have yet to reach tooth-pulling age, I owe you an apology. And a grave warning. In December of 2012, after only three weeks of Ali having her first loose tooth, I penned the following paragraph: “Shocked at her sudden burst of bravery, I quickly grabbed the napkin, reached in, and popped it […]