I had my last doctor’s appointment yesterday. You know, the one where my doctor promised to do The Procedure to help me go into labor. So, after my appointment (which did not make me feel very hopeful of labor at all), and after I checked out without setting another appointment (which was a bizarre feeling), […]
Bama Belles: An Official Rebuttal
For those of you not “fortunate” to watch it, TLC kicked off a new series Sunday night titled Bama Belles which documents the lives of five women from Dothan, Alabama… Dear TLC, Although I’m flattered that Alabama Women have made your Person of Interest List with the likes of Polygamists, Little People, families with 19 […]
GestationLand!!!
Welcome to the final stretch of your stay in GestationLand!!! Requiring a nine-month stay, GestationLand is a theme park that may get you treated like a Princess, but guarantees that you won’t feel like one!! By this time, you’ve already ridden on many of the thrill rides that the park has to offer, including: The […]
The Coping Mechanisms of the Extraordinarily Pregnant.
I’m SO done. Well, I’d like to think that I was, except for the fact that my dang belly button won’t pop out in a turkey-timer like fashion, announcing “ding! ding!! You’re done!!!”. Instead, it’s just shrunk to a freakishly-pin-sized hole that looks even freakishly smaller than it already freakishly is, seeing as how it […]
Curses.
So I’ve been thinking a lot about Eve lately. No, not because of that disturbingly bizarre Pomegranate juice commercial where naked-but-tattooed-with-fig-leaves Eve is laying on the ground with a huge snake coiled around her… (washing the mental image from my brain) But because of The Curse. It’s becoming more and more apparent to me that […]
Being a (Pregnant) Girl is So Subjective: A Journal.
This post is dedicated to everyone who’s been complaining that I haven’t posted any pregnancy shots. (Besides the belly shots on B-Sides, anyway.) After this post, you may officially quit your whining. Saturday: I realize that my legs don’t fit so well into my jeans anymore. Crushing reality. Hate all my alternatives. Start feeling like […]
An Ode to Waistbands.
Dear Regular, Wonderful, Adored-With-All-My-Being Jeans, You have served me well – much longer than I thought you would possibly be able to. Somehow, with your certainly-miraculous stretchiness and the help of many tortured waistline-expanding rubber bands (most who lost their lives in the line of duty), I have been able to enjoy your comfort up […]
Adventures in Illnesses. Of Every Variety.
So this week isn’t starting off with quite the happy vibe I would hope. I’m thinking about declaring Wednesday to be Monday and starting over, but two Mondays in one week sounds rather worse than just accepting that it’s a bad week and moving on, so I think I’ll just look forward to next week. […]
Hijacked.
These days I often feel like I have been totally and completely hijacked. It’s as if Noah is a miniature computer-programming genius (I picture him looking like a 15-inch-tall Riley from National Treasure) that has broken into my system controls, cracked my password, disabled my alarm system and security cameras, and scrambled all of my […]
Heavy.
People constantly complain about flying: the ridiculous costs and add-on fees, delays and cancellations. I don’t understand these people. Flying is a blissful experience of adventure, independence, and expediency that I absolutely adore…. Until now. I finally have a bone to pick. You see, I ever-so-carefully packed my monstrous giant of a suitcase for BlogHer. […]