So I’ve been thinking a lot about Eve lately.

No, not because of that disturbingly bizarre Pomegranate juice commercial where naked-but-tattooed-with-fig-leaves Eve is laying on the ground with a huge snake coiled around her…

(washing the mental image from my brain)

But because of The Curse.


It’s becoming more and more apparent to me that our bodies were not originally designed to carry around 5 to 9 pound babies, PLUS all their luggage, AND life support apparati.  There’s really just not enough room in there, as is evidenced by the foot sticking six inches out of my side right this moment.

But, thanks to Eve, it is what it is.

But it makes me think… how would incubation and childbirth have worked if she hadn’t had to go and get us all cursed?

My first thought was eggs.

How awesome would it be to lay an egg and be done with it, other than having to carry the egg around in a specially-designed grow-with-your-egg warming purse for nine months?  I mean, we do live in the modern age, so you KNOW that there would be multiple amazing inventions to help us tote and care for our eggs, not to mention Full Service Egg Daycare Centers.

But then I thought about my Mom’s chickens.

And the relative size of their eggs to their body.

And the fact that they lay one every day.

And, since I’m a geek, I had to do the googling and the math.  An average chicken egg weighs 57 grams.  An average chicken weighs 5-7 pounds, so let’s say 6 pounds, which is 2721 grams.  Which means that they lay an egg that is 2.1% of their body weight every stinkin’ day.

And let’s not even talk about relative circumference.


So it OBVIOUSLY wouldn’t have been eggs.

Maybe it’d be like those TLC reality shows…”I didn’t even know I was pregnant!”

Pregnancy would be so easy and painless and completely devoid of nausea and vomiting and ridiculous amounts of bathroom breaks and horrific weight gain that you wouldn’t even realize that you were pregnant until you sneezed one day, and out popped a happy, cooing, perfectly content and never colicky baby.

(Because I’m convinced that the demanding and ungrateful attitude of newborns is most definitely part of the curse as well.)

At any rate,  I’m sure it would have been awesome.  And I’m QUITE sure that Eve has NEVER been voted “Most Popular With The Other Women Residents” in the heaven yearbook.

14 thoughts on “Curses.

  1. Love the new look…hang in there, girl! What exactly are the who’s who categories in heaven?? (New post idea!) ; )

  2. Girl, everyone time I get PMS I tell Mark I would like to have little talk with Eve and I would punch her in the mouth. Mark, all reformed and all, says I would have done the very same thing she did. And then I want to punch him in the mouth.

    And I have personally heard a chicken laying an egg, and they do it on average every 36 hours. You do not want to be a chicken.

  3. I’m all up with you, but let’s give credit where credit is due – Adam was standing right there. I mean be a man and just slap it out of her hand. I obviously have issues with accepting responsibility…

  4. But that is what God designed our bodies for, procreating. Imagine no children in the world. This coming from a woman who has never had a child. I agree with Jennifer, Adam whould have manned-up. Just think, not long now and Ali will have that little brother she thinks is coming out like Radford.

  5. Here is what I always wonder, since the woman is punished with pain in childbirth, do animals feel pain in childbirth? Think about it, you see puppies, calves, eggs come out and you don’t see any howling, retching, clinching, etc. They just stand (or lay) there and they seem to pop out.

  6. It would nice if having a baby worked like those “just add water” toys where you add water and watch it “grow” into some kind of animal. It woudl be nice if we could lay a tiny egg or have a VERY tiny human and then add water and watch it grow to the newborn size and….instead of having a bunch of weight to lose afterwards, we’d never gain weight to begin with and instantly look even better after having the baby.

  7. I rolled over the other night in my sleep and was awakened by my own screaming self as my belly was racked with round ligament pain. I personally vote for egg laying. To be able to sit still for 9 months while I was fulfilling my motherly duty? Awesome!

    And, my veterinarian hubby says animals do feel pain in childbirth.

  8. First of all, please tell me the layout change is recent or I will feel like a total heel. I have not made the rounds in Blogland lately and I’m so out of touch. But hey! I’ve missed you!

    OK, comment on the post at hand… I probably shouldn’t admit this but I am SO relieved that I’m not Eve. I don’t think I would have handled it any better than she did. In fact, I probably would have handled it WORSE and the Lord only knows what we would be dealing with now.

    Have a wonderful weekend Rachel! (It is a shame your name isn’t Rache; since I typed that about 4 times before I managed to find the “l”)

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