Requiring a nine-month stay, GestationLand is a theme park that may get you treated like a Princess, but guarantees that you won’t feel like one!!
By this time, you’ve already ridden on many of the thrill rides that the park has to offer, including:
- The Puking Pitfalls
- Foodophobia Fantasy Land
- Sleep Deprivation Pinball Slam
- Pee Splash Mountain
- Reflux Roller Coaster
- Brain Blank Riverbank
- Rib Kick Railroad
Now, if you can only make it through a few weeks of constantly riding on the Contraction Cyclone followed by Labor Longer Lighthouse and the Recovery Haunted Mansion where you will experience the Nightmarish Jelly Belly Syndrome, you might be able to leave our theme park in one piece!!
And, the added fun of being in this theme park is that your stay will create to the absolute most glamorous part of your life! After being here for a few months, you have …
- The Bodily functions of a 500 pound man,
- The snoring capabilities of a bear halfway through hibernation,
- The dietary fiber needs of an 88 year old lady,
- The Emotional Well-Being of a 14 year old girl,
- The flexibility of wearing a full-body-cast,
- The speed of the love-child of a sloth and a turtle, and
- The energy of a dead and eroded battery.
No, you can’t leave early.
No, you can’t get off this ride.
No, we don’t offer Fast Passes.
No, all arms and legs, both yours and your baby’s, must stay inside the ride at all times.
And yes, the minute you leave GestationLand, you will be escorted straight into SleeplessScreamingNewbornWorld!!! Two parks for the price of one!!!
…But don’t worry, you’ll have a long, glorious break until Six Flags over Teenage Hormones!!