Welcome to the final stretch of your stay in GestationLand!!!

Requiring a nine-month stay, GestationLand is a theme park that may get you treated like a Princess, but guarantees that you won’t feel like one!!

By this time, you’ve already ridden on many of the thrill rides that the park has to offer, including:

  • The Puking Pitfalls
  • Foodophobia Fantasy Land
  • Sleep Deprivation Pinball Slam
  • Pee Splash Mountain
  • Reflux Roller Coaster
  • Brain Blank Riverbank
  • Rib Kick Railroad

Now, if you can only make it through a few weeks of constantly riding on the Contraction Cyclone followed by Labor Longer Lighthouse and the Recovery Haunted Mansion where you will experience the Nightmarish Jelly Belly Syndrome, you might be able to leave our theme park in one piece!!

And, the added fun of being in this theme park is that your stay will create to the absolute most glamorous part of your life!  After being here for a few months, you have …

  • The Bodily functions of a 500 pound man,
  • The snoring capabilities of a bear halfway through hibernation,
  • The dietary fiber needs of an 88 year old lady,
  • The Emotional Well-Being of a 14 year old girl,
  • The flexibility of wearing a full-body-cast,
  • The speed of the love-child of a sloth and a turtle, and
  • The energy of a dead and eroded battery.

What’s that?

No, you can’t leave early.

No, you can’t get off this ride.

No, we don’t offer Fast Passes.

No, all arms and legs, both yours and your baby’s, must stay inside the ride at all times.

And yes, the minute you leave GestationLand, you will be escorted straight into SleeplessScreamingNewbornWorld!!!  Two parks for the price of one!!!

…But don’t worry, you’ll have a long, glorious break until Six Flags over Teenage Hormones!!

24 thoughts on “GestationLand!!!

  1. You have outdone yourself. That has got to be the most original funny post I have ever read. I will have to read over and over.

  2. You are hysterical with your pregnancy commentaries…love it. Now I picked tomorrow for the little man to appear, he better not disappoint. LOL

  3. LOL, that is too funny. I just recently found out I got on this ride again. It should be interesting. How do I subscribe to your blog by email?

  4. This is hilarious! I definitley feel like I’ve been on these rides. I recently watched an episode of America’s Funniest Home Videos, and there was a video of a lady on some kind of ride — she was screaming, “Let me off! Make it stop!” I told my husband that that is how I feel about pregnancy sometimes.

  5. I’m 4 months away from most of those lands, wow it’s amazing how quickly you forget, & how quickly something takes you back. As always thanks for the humor, sometimes you just have to laugh!!!

  6. I agree with what Beth said: genius, my friend. I believe I’ve told you that a time or two. I’ve been to this park 4 times because it’s so much fun and during that 4th time, it was double the fun! There are no discounts for frequent visitors either.

  7. That was hysterical!!! Blake just said it is like Hotel California – You can check out but you can never leave. Still laughing at this post.

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