People constantly complain about flying: the ridiculous costs and add-on fees, delays and cancellations.

I don’t understand these people.

Flying is a blissful experience of adventure, independence, and expediency that I absolutely adore….

Until now.

I finally have a bone to pick.

You see, I ever-so-carefully packed my monstrous giant of a suitcase for BlogHer. Since I couldn’t very well pick it up without my pelvic floor giving way and instantaneously birthing a baby, I had Chris hoist it up onto the scale before we left…

49 pounds.

Perfect. One pound under the weight limit – as long as our bathroom scale isn’t overly nice, I’m good.

I packed an empty bag for swag, and set off on my journey.

They didn’t even weigh my bag at the Birmingham airport – score!!!!

Once I got to BlogHer, things didn’t go exactly as planned.

My empty swag bag (which was going to be my carry-on, seeing as how I didn’t want to pay a SECOND bag fee and hadn’t used a carry-on traveling there) had an irreversibly broken zipper.

Luckily, BlogHer provides a shipping station to ship your swag home.

So I utilized said shipping station.

….BUT…I had already told Ali all of the wonders I was bringing home for her – Play-Doh.. Mister Potato Head.. Light-Up Rings.. and what she REALLY wanted, Play-Doh perfume.

Yes, people, Play-Doh perfume!!!IMG_0071

For a kid that’s always wanting use Mommy’s “smell-good”, it’s perfect – she can put on her own smell-good, and no one will judge me – they’ll just think she’s been hitting the Play-Doh a bit harder than usual.

But I digress.

So I shipped most of it, and packed a few things in my bag for Ali and Chris.

It couldn’t have been more than a pound or two…surely. And they probably won’t weigh my bag again, right?

Apparently, I don’t estimate well.

I get to La Guardia.

My bag weighs in at a completely-unbelievable-they-obviously-have-cheater-scales-to-make-us-pay 64 pounds.

14 pounds overweight – there’s no WAY I have 14 pounds of added swag in my suitcase!!!

Okay. Surely this won’t cost more than $20. Right? I can handle that.

WHAT???? You CANNOT be serious.

$90 ?!?!?!?!

This has GOT to be the most ridiculous unfairest most exploitive charge in the world.

Then, they add even more insult by putting an ugly, bright orange, horribly accusatory “Heavy” tag on my bag – something every girl wants associated with their person.

Here’s the way I see it, Delta:

A) A second bag costs $35. Why can’t I just pay for two bags and let them be melded into one?

B) I have no carry-on, which could easily weigh the plane down by more than 14 pounds. Why can’t I have credit for that???

C) There are no weight limits on people, so why is it that my bag is penalized, but the guy that just ate a 14 pound Denny’s Grand Slam breakfast still gets to take up his seat and half of the guy’s next to him without having to pay $90??

I vote for my ticket buying me a certain flat weight limit. You weigh me, my bag, my carry-on, and anything else that is going onto the plane due to me (weigh the coke I’m going to get in-flight – I don’t care!), and if all of that combined is over the weight limit, THEN you can charge me.

Granted, one might think that women might be opposed to getting on a scale in front of the world, but they’re already seeing us naked in the x-ray machine (or groping us like I chose), so it’s not like getting weighed would be most personal thing going on here.

Delta, you nearly made me cry, and you certainly wilted the rose of my love affair with flying. I want a refund, or at least I want my cost to be split with Denny’s Grand Slam Breakfast Man.

23 thoughts on “Heavy.

  1. Amen! I totally agree! They did that to my mom and I and we just kept taking things out of our suitcaes, pound by pound, and cramming them into our carry ons.

    I was thinking "HELLO people, you realize it's STILL going on the SAME plane, right???" And there was totally a 300 pound guy on our flight and I bet he didn't have to pay an extra dime even though he weighed more by himself than we did with our suitcases, plus our carry ons, plus our in-flight drinks. :) Good grief. That's just ridiculous!

    Okay, I'm done now. Haha:)

  2. Just speculation: The baggage fees probably go into the worker's comp fund for injured baggage handlers. If you can't lift your 50# bag, imagine these workers that have to continually lift up to 50# repetitively during the day. That alone puts a lot of stress on a human body. Now imagine the heavier bags and the increased liklihood for injury (especially back injuries!). You're probably paying for the added risk and liability the airline assumes for workers' health.

  3. It's an experience a traveler must have at least once in their lifetime!

    I have been that person reorganizing the contents of my two bags while everyone in line watches. Oh so fun!!!

    After that, I gave away my gigantic suitcase since there was no way to ever pack that thing within the weight limit. I mean…suitcases were never meant to have extra space in them! They have to be stuffed to the point were you can barely zip it up! Right?!

  4. Okay, too weird. We call perfume smell-good around here also.

    That is a strange rule and I will mark that up to another reason I like to stay in Sweet Home AL.

  5. Anonymous – I did consider that – good point. But $90 per overweight bag seems more than a bit outrageous for insurance…

  6. when we first moved overseas, there was NO weight limit – so we had these massive suitcases and trunks that were each easily 80 or 90 pounds. Those were the good days!

    This last trip, I seriously spent hours weighing and sorting and carefully planning how I could get the most bang out of my 10 pieces of luggage we were allowed. [I know…you're thinking "10 pieces! Who needs 10 pieces!" But you'd be surprised…..) I think they're a LITTLE more generous with international flights (or at least, maybe they were to us because we try to be extra nice and make our children behave as if they were perfect angels during check-in time) but I totally empathize with your extra-baggage pain. We surprisingly made it through with no baggage fees!

  7. I usually really love your blog, but as an overweight person this post was pretty upsetting. All I can say is "ouch". Low blow.

  8. Very offensive indeed! They say those "see you naked" scanners emit radiation. They also say it's the equlivent of 2 minutes on a plane. I feel a little better about the scanner (not the whole naked part!) but I am now scared to death of the plane! Oh, I love Ali's explorer shirt! I saw that on Nick Jr. Been meaning to get some transfer paper to make my Ray one.

  9. Oops, meant to say " Very offensive indeed! The color if the HEAVY tag should at least be a pretty color to help soften the blow!"
    And one of my favorite film makers Kevin Smith had to pay for an extra ticket cause he's larger BUT a much larger man on the same flight didn't. All overweight people should have to pay it, whether or not they're famous.

  10. I'm sure you've seen it by now…I's all over the news…that flight attendant that got hit in the head with a piece of luggage. He opened the escape hatch, grabbed a beer and slid down the escape hatch right after he said a few choice words over the PA system! I guess everyone from the employees and the passegers has had it with the airlines.

  11. Anonymous – I do apologize – I certainly didn't mean to be insulting at all. Weight was not the focus of this post at all – bizarre airline fees were. I had no intention of being rude or insensitive and I am very genuinely sorry if it came across that way.

  12. $90!!! If you had know, you could have bought another bag and paid the extra $35 and still come out cheaper. Good grief!

  13. That is a whole lot of swag you got at BlogHer!
    You should fly Southwest next time, you can check 2 FREE bags with them!

  14. one word: Southwest.
    and no i don't work for them. :) Compared to the other flying choices out there, they are blissful.
    and playdough perfume. hilarious.
    AND…if it's any consolation, I agree about the Denny's dude.

  15. Christen and April – I agree – Southwest is the way to go – I used Southwest last year to go to BlogHer in Chicago.

    BUT if I'm going to fly, I desperately want a non-stop, and Delta is the only company that provides non-stop to New York.

    Alas, I paid for it. Dearly.

  16. Oh uh uhn. That just isn't fair. I'm glad it happened AFTER the trip so it didn't cast a shadow over your good time.

  17. this is why i chose southwest even though i couldn't go non-stop. i was able to check two bags at no cost. i think i packed a 48.5 and a 49 pound bag home. if we were playing the price is right though, my mom who came to new york with me but not to attend the conference packed a bag home that weighed 49.5lbs.

  18. I completely agree.

    And for the record, I hate Delta. Hate. Delta.

    (It almost makes me want to go all terrorist and start throwing donuts at the CEO's)

  19. Completely outrageous! I had a fit last year when it cost me $28 for my teeny tiny box that I shipped for the stuff that wasn't worth half that much. $90 is ridiculous for 14 extra pounds!

    I was really lucky this year and had my car so I could just stuff everything I desired in it. Great to see you again!

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