I had my last doctor’s appointment yesterday.  You know, the one where my doctor promised to do The Procedure to help me go into labor.

So, after my appointment (which did not make me feel very hopeful of labor at all), and after I checked out without setting another appointment (which was a bizarre feeling), I went out in the hallway and sat down to call Chris and give him The Appointment Download and try to get a bit cheered up before I got on the elevator.

So there I am, sitting rather uncomfortably from The Procedure (albeit not as uncomfortable as I’d heard I’d be…which may explain why I’m still sitting here typing and NOT IN LABOR), talking to my husband and completely minding my own business.

Then this other lady walks out of my OB-GYN’s office.

After pushing the elevator button, she unnecessarily crosses the hall, walks right up to me, gets in… well, not my face – gets in my belly’s face if it had one – and starts oohing and aahing loudly.

“OH! You’re JUST SO CUTE!!! I bet that baby’s going to be born tonight!!!”

I look at her with a forced-yet-slightly-polite smile and try to motion that I’m on the phone.  Trying to HEAR over her belly-cooing.

Then, her two friends come out of the office.

(And, by the way, who goes in groups of three to the OB-GYN office?? It’s not quite like going to the bathroom together.)

Anyway. So her two friends come out, and she calls them over and loudly points to my protruding abdomen.  “LOOK AT HER BELLY!!!!”


Then they all three come over and start talking loudly about my condition and just barely preserving their lives by choosing to not quite reach out and touch my belly, although I could literally feel the magnetic draw of their desire.

First of all.  I cannot POSSIBLY be the first pregnant woman you’ve ever seen.

Secondly.  You just walked out of an OB-GYN office.  Over 90% of the women in there look JUST. LIKE. ME.

Thirdly.  I am ON THE PHONE.  Carrying on a CONVERSATION.  Trying my absolute best to ignore you.

Fourthly.  Go home and Google a blog post called “How to Act When They’re Expecting.” I’m pretty sure you were exactly who I was writing about.


They continued carrying on an entire and quite detailed conversation about my apparently bizarrely pregnant state until finally, after what had to have been nine months of stranger torture, their elevator arrived.

Never before has an Elevator saved the lives of three women AND an iPhone, which was about to be used as a flying weapon of destruction.

Is there an app for that?

22 thoughts on “Stranger Danger.

  1. Oh how I remember those days…you should have seen the looks I got when I was 9 months preggo walking around Opryland, you would have thought I had 3 heads! Sorry “the procedure” did not work, that stinks to go throught the torture and having nothing to show for it :(

  2. the app could make throwing star points pop out from the sides, then it’d be even better for throwing at socially ignorant morons wanting to touch the beeeeeeelllllyyyyyyy!

  3. Sorry you had “the procedure” done. i have never had one so i can’t speak about it.
    i did have the awkward last app. and feeling you are just going to be pregnant forever and people pointing at you and making comments.
    Like i said in my blog “Women are the most cruel at the whole pregnancy things. Something, i will never understand.”
    Most EDD are wrong by 3 days. so give yourself another 3 days of pregnancy and then let all of those feelings in.
    it is hard to do but EDDs (estimate due date) aren expiration dates, like some might say.
    Also, docs. have said that a big amount of women who come in with a broken bag of waters were vacuuming before it happened.
    You could try that if you want.
    Prayers your way as the end of pregnancy gets closer and closer.

  4. It’s moments like these that I wish pregnancy woes could also be used as super powers. Like vomiting on command. On them. Exorcist style.

  5. That was very rude and unacceptable behavior. You should have had Ali with you to tell them the proper conduct. Had these ladies never seen a pregnant woman before? Could they not see the phone at your ear? Hopefully it is your last appt. before he makes his appearance. Apparently your babies are very happy in your tummy since they do not seem to want to enter the world. Prayers are with you.

  6. Well, I personally think pregnant women are beautiful, but my heavens, you don’t go on and on and on about it. Strange, but one of these days you will laugh about it.

    Here is a sure fire way to get labor started. “Do not WANT to have labor started.” Pick a day when it would mess up everyone’s schedule. Pick a day when there would no way to get a babysitter for Ali. Pick a day when the roads are icy and you can’t make it up the hill to the hospital. Decide that no matters what happens you just CANNOT have the baby on that day.

    And guess what? On THAT day you will have the baby. So go make a lot of plans for tomorrow and BAM! you got yourself a baby.

  7. Wow. Just … wow.

    Personally, I think being supercharged with hormones gives any woman the right to just reach out and smacked the dawg-dickens out of anyone behaving so rudely and stupidly.

    … And if it doesn’t, my brother is an excellent lawyer. :D

  8. Wow, what would those three have done if they’d gone into the ob’s office?? :)

    So sorry that you had to go through the “procedure” and nothing’s happened yet! I knew someone that had it done and the next day things got going…if that’s any help at all. Maybe it will just take some time. I bet we will be seeing some adorable pictures of a new baby boy on here very soon!!!

  9. I totally would have punched her! (And when else could you get away with something like that?) I’m not generally good at being approached by complete strangers on the street, especially not ones who then proceed to ask me REALLY personal questions and debate over whether I’m carrying a boy or a girl because of how far I’m protruding or how high I’m carrying. That’s one of those pregnancy things that I could’ve done without. It’s right up on the list with peeing all the time and stretch marks.

  10. I am so thankful I have not dealt with that from anyone except my MIL, my own Mom, a good friend and a male friend who had never touched a pregnant belly before…

  11. Good Lord! People have no sense at all. You should have told them ‘I’m not pregnant. Why would you say that?” That would have probably scared them off. :) Also, we need another belly shot on B-Sides before you have Noah. :)

  12. Wow! Amazing how rude people can be. I’m in my first pregnancy, and I have been amazed at how people act like I’m the first pregnant person they’ve ever seen. You would think that women especially would be understanding of how a pregnant woman wants to be treated. I”m sorry you had to experience this, and I admire you for being able to see it from a humorous perspective.

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