Rachel Callahan

Bumptastrophe.

July 4, 2010September 7, 2014 Rachel Callahan A Day in the Life, I'm a Glutton for Adventure, Just My Luck, Kids: The Experience., Mystery Solved

Yesterday morning, I noticed some red bumps on Ali.

Due to where they were, I assumed that it was a heat rash due to our hour and a half of blueberry picking in the extraordinarily hot Alabama sun the day before, but decided to keep an eye on them.

By last night, they had quite rudely spread further, and were starting to look raised. Being this this morning was Church, and other parents, in general, frown upon bringing children to Sunday School with communicable diseases, I mentally noted to do a full body scan again before we went to church.

This morning, it was a definite diagnosis of no Sunday School. Now some of them were raised and had yellowish pus in them and very suspiciously looked like….The Pox.

Chicken Pox, that is.

Ali had gotten the vaccine for that unmentionable disease, but I knew it wasn’t foolproof. I called several “experts” (i.e. my Mom and my nurse friend Lydia), and everyone agreed that it did indeed sound like The Dreaded CP.

I called in to the nurse on call, and she also, much to my chagrin, agreed.

Normally, I wouldn’t mind a case of the Chicken Pox. I mean, it’s not something I look forward to, but it’s workable, and somewhat of a rite of passage of childhood (and parenthood).

BUT. We’re supposed to go on vacation at the end of this week. With another family. With small children. And swim in pools. With even more people. People that, I’m sure, frown on seeing communicable diseasy rashes on other kids swimming in the pool with them.

So the Chicken Pox would mean certain Vacastrophe.

AND, I’m pregnant, and although I got a (very nasty) case of the CP when I was a kid, I have some itchy bumps myself that I thought were something else but if they weren’t…it’s quite dangerous to mix Pregnancy and Chicken Pox.

So the Chicken Pox could mean potential Pregastrophe.

SO, with these concerns and the confirmation of all of the experts and the fact that our doctor’s office will be closed Monday for the holiday, we decided to do the ultimate: take Ali to the after-hours clinic. On a Holiday.

We called to make our appointment, and you would have thought I had said “Swine Flu” – or “bomb” in an airport. They told us to call when we arrived BEFORE we came inside, and they would take us through the side entrance so as not to darken the door of the waiting room. Which meant no wait – on a holiday weekend! Who knew? Communicable diseases equals the number one spot in line!

Sure enough, they sent an escort to meet us, who whisked us away.

THEN, to really drive home the point that we were potentially carrying a Biological Weapon disguised as a three year old, they made Ali wear a mask.

And when I say “made”, let’s just say I’m glad Chris was with me, or it wouldn’t have happened.

After he wrestled it onto her, she wouldn’t look up, she wouldn’t talk – her spirit was broken.

You would have thought we’d just put her in the cone of shame.

(And no, I didn’t take that photo of her for this blog out of the cruelty of my heart – I took it trying to cheer her up and show her how she looked like Daffy Duck.)

(It didn’t work. Nothing could overcome The Mask of Shame.)

The nurse agreed that it definitely looked like The Dreaded CP, warned me that I needed to call my Obstetrician the SECOND Ali was diagnosed to prevent Pregastrophe.

When the doctor arrived, she very kindly examined Ali, talked through everything, and decisively diagnosed her (and, therefore me)…

With Chiggers.
…from the aforementioned blueberry picking.

I had actually suspected my itchy bumps were chiggers, as I’ve been the feast of Chiggers before (55 of them to be exact, while being a camp counselor for our Church Junior High group, which to smother them and prevent them from further boring into my epidermis, I covered all of my bites with bright pink Junior High fingernail polish, thereby making myself look like a prime candidate for a girlfriend for someone in the Blue Man Group), but Ali’s sores looked COMPLETELY different.

Luckily, the doctor was an expert.

Apparently, children’s chigger bites look totally different than adult’s – eerily like the Chicken Pox, in fact.

So, for the first time in my life, I was thrilled to hear the word “Chigger”.

Yes, they itch like crazy. Yes, it’s disgusting that bright red arachnids are still boring into our skin. But it’s not the Chicken Pox, so life can go on. It may be a bright pink fingernail polish covered life, but it’s our life.

Giveaway – $100 Shopping Spree from CSN Stores!

July 2, 2010 Rachel Callahan Giveaways and Contests

CSN Stores is a great online shopping destination – they have over 200 stores that specialize in every item imaginable – from toys and games, to shoes, to furniture – they even have a whole store devoted to dining room sets!

Their whole listing of stores can be found here, and you’re sure to get lost in the endless possibilities! They have great brand name coverage, an awesome rating and review system, and great tools to help you find exactly what you’re looking for.

You may remember that I had a giveaway for them not too long ago – and they were so happy about the number of you that wanted to try out their stores (over 500 entries!) that they offered to repeat the giveaway!!!

So, if you would like to win $100 to spend at any of CSN’s 200 stores, simply leave a comment here with what you’d like to go shopping for!

You can earn up to four extra entries if you:

Tweet, blog, OR Facebook about this giveaway
Follow CSN Stores on Twitter or Facebook
Subscribe to OR Follow my blog
Follow me on Twitter OR Facebook

(be sure to leave separate comments for your extra entries.)

Best of luck! This giveaway is open until Monday, July 12th. The winner will be randomly selected and posted on my giveaway winners page on Tuesday, July 13th.

Also – an extra hint – I have ANOTHER CSN Stores $60 Gift Certificate giveaway going on my other blog, Alabama Bloggers – feel free to enter to win that one as well!

Disclosure: I received no compensation or review products for this giveaway. My opinions are always my own.

Random Pregnancy Updates, and Life Lessons from Glee.

June 30, 2010 Rachel Callahan A Day in the Life, Pregnancy: The Psychoses.

For all (none) of you that have been waiting with baited breath to hear the exciting outcome of my doctor visit, my doctor did indeed have an Otoscope (thank goodness, no Torture Pappy Device needed), and said that I had a lot of pressure in my ears, but no infection. The cure he prescribed was Sudafed.

Which…oddly enough, I had started taking the night before for a minor cold that Ali had been so kind to pass on to me. The only problem was, I took it at midnight, thinking that it, like most cold medicines, would have that drowsying affect along with making my nose quit draining.

Then, as I lay in bed with my mind running completely wild and buzzing about in a million different manic directions at once, I remembered an episode of Glee…

…The one where Terri is the school nurse, and she’s trying to remember how she made it through high school so energetically so that she can help Finn…and then she remembers!! She took Sudafed! Aka PseudoEPHEDRINE.

So then she tells all of the students to take them – “They’re basically Ephedrine, except legal!” -and they’re all running around completely buzzed and getting tons of stuff accomplished with wide, drugged and crazed eyes…and of course Terri got fired.

Oh yeah.

No wonder I can’t sleep.

Mental Note: Must review Glee Life Lessons.

So if yesterday’s post seemed a bit manic and written after midnight, it was. It was written on a Sudafed Buzz.

(As is this one, since my doctor told me to take Sudafed three times a day. I’m not sure if the crazed speed I’m typing is coming across in the post, but believe me, it’s quite buzzy in my head right now.)

(But rest assured, I will NOT be taking it at midnight again.)

So, since I’m already on the completely narcissistic subject of myself and my pregnancy, several of you have asked how the nausea has been. It’s getting better, finally. I’m not sick every day, which is a welcome change, and since I’m only nauseous every two or three days, I can take Zofran effectively to treat it without The Unspoken Horrors of Side Effects being so Unspokenably Horrific.

But now that I’m progressing to the other side of the Nausea Train, I can appreciate the one and only benefit of being so sick that I could barely move for eight weeks….the hope of becoming (less) huge.

Here’s me on Sunday, 14 weeks pregnant with Newbie:

And here was me pregnant with Ali at 13 weeks:
On second thought, maybe I was just entirely and ridiculously GIGANTICALLY GINORMOUSLY DINASAURICALLY MASSIVE with Ali….

Or maybe I was so excited to finally be pregnant that I was sticking out my tummy every chance I got….

Or a combination of the two.

At any rate, to continue my long and meandering update, my sonogram is two weeks from today, when we finally get to find out if it is a Newbie or a Newbette.

…and yes, that’s as far as we are on the naming thing. Of course, Chris is STILL wanting to discuss names and I am STILL refusing. So instead, we have this discussion a lot:

Him: “You know you’re just delaying the inevitable arguments by not discussing it now..”

Me: “No, by waiting until after we find out whether it’s a boy or a girl, I am effectively reducing our number of arguments by FIFTY PERCENT, and you can’t beat that rate of return!!!”

…Because that’s the kind of logic he has to put up with since chose to marry an accountant.

How Ear Fluid Can Adversely Affect the Contents of your Refrigerator.

June 29, 2010 Rachel Callahan Kids: The Experience., Mystery Solved, Pregnancy: The Psychoses., Weird Strange and True

My ears are driving me crazier than pregnancy is already making me.

They have been for three weeks, but they’re getting increasingly, and very quickly, worse this week.

So much so, that for 15 extra potential hours of relief, I moved my next OB appointment up by one day in hopes that he could fix my ears.

(Not until, of course, I checked with my OB office to make sure that OB doctors do, indeed, keep Otoscopes around for the occasional ear-looky and would not need to use the Nightmarish Pap Smear Torture Tool to pry my ear open to see what the problem is.)

(In case you’re wondering, yes, OBs do INDEED have the proper equipment to look in ears. Thank goodness.)

Anyway, so my ears have been popping constantly, especially when I leave the house, for some odd reason. And now they’re getting painful and making me dizzy.

So I’m always trying to talk to people, and my own voice in my head (the real one, not the crazy one) is coming in and out, softer and louder, poppity poppity pop, and driving me so crazy that it might CAUSE a crazy voice in my head to take up permanent residence by the time it’s finished.

And, as I suspected, the whole popping thing is causing some communication breakdown – I am apparently slurring some of my words.

Last night, right before Ali’s bedtime, I happened to be in the kitchen at the right moment to witness a very bizarre occurrence: I watched Ali purposefully take her sandals over to the fridge, open it up, gingerly place the left one on the middle shelf by the milk, and then move some things around on the top shelf to make room for a careful placement of the remaining right sandal.

I watched, completely puzzled by her apparent studiousness in this very odd activity, and called to Chris halfway through: “Hey baby…come watch what’s going on here.”

Ali was so focused on moving the contents of the top shelf around that she didn’t flinch at my request.

Chris came in, and being of much sounder mind than I (most likely due to not being pregnant and all), knew exactly what had happened and said, “Ali baby, Mommy told you to go get your JUICE and put it in the fridge, not your shoes.”

Ali and I proceeded to share a relieved duet of “OOOOOH!”

Let’s hope my baby doc can fix my ears today.

But in the meantime, at least I can take comfort in the fact that my daughter is unquestionably obedient…possibly to a very unsanitary fault.

An iPhone Apology.

June 28, 2010 Rachel Callahan A Day in the Life, I'm a Blog Geek

Dear Chris,

For all of those times that I marveled at why you were STILL playing on your iPhone even though much more interesting things were going on…

For all those times I snarkily laughed and rolled my eyes at all of the $0.99 iTunes charges on your credit card…

For all those times where I rolled over huffily in the bed, trying to fall asleep by the light of your iPhone…

I’m sorry.

Because now, I understand.

Since the delivery of my iPhone on Thursday, I have..

Played up to seven concurrent games of Words with Friends (aka Scrabble) with other iPhone users (I’m ObjectivityRach).
Figured out how to sync my Facebook friends with my contacts so that my Facebook profile pictures pop up when one of them calls me.
Set up my pregnancy to be tracked to the minutest details. On my phone.
Built a metropolis in Sim City.
Taken, edited, and published pictures, all from my phone.
Had a video conversation with Chris and Ali with the click of a button.
Spent a bit too much of a percentage of my life on my phone, but yet not talking on it.
Downloaded three free games for Ali, of which I’m not yet sure was a brilliant move or a rookie mistake.

And I haven’t even learned 1% of my new toy’s capabilities yet. Your input into my new obsession is quite welcome – favorite apps? Favorite features?

On a completely separate note, as you may already know, I like to get to know my readers. But there’s a couple of new commenters out there that your names don’t link back to your blog, if you have one. You may have it set that way on purpose, but I’ve found most people don’t realize it when that’s the case. So, if I haven’t been by to visit your blog and you like visitors, check and see – you can test it by logging out of Google, then clicking on your name on a comment on someone else’s blog.

Also – When I respond to comments, I typically do it via email if I already have your email address or if it’s linked on your comment. If you want to know how to do this, you can go to edit your profile –> email address. By putting an email address in there, it allows other bloggers to reply to your comments. Or, you could just email me your email address.

Of course, if you don’t want to do any of this at all, by all means ignore it. I just wanted you to know why I haven’t said “hey” if indeed I haven’t said “hey”.

Okay, enough housekeeping. My iPhone is calling me. What should I try next?

Cousins, Mud Puddles, and Philosophies of Life.

June 27, 2010 Rachel Callahan A Day in the Life, I would NEVER take too many pictures. . ., Kids: The Experience., Quirky quirky quirkiness

There are two types of people in the world…
The type that jump into life’s mud puddles full force…

Embracing every drop of nasty gooeyness…
Without concern for fashion…

Or appearance…

And requiring a new transportation system to be invented to avoid their
completely organic embodiment….

And then there are the uptight.

That can play outdoors, in the mud, all day long, with mud-covered cousins, and sticks to splash with, and still come away with less than half a dozen specks of dirt on their person.

…But at least she comes by it naturally.

Sticky Mosaics Giveaway!

June 25, 2010 Rachel Callahan Giveaways and Contests

A few weeks ago, I mentioned one of Ali’s favorite special treats, Sticky Mosaics.

It’s tons of fun (for both the kid and the adult lucky enough to help with this very therapeutically rewarding craft), and it’s also a great reasoning skill builder.

The first time we used Sticky Mosaics last fall, Ali learned very quickly how to use the legend to match up what type of mosaic piece belonged on each number. This time, her legend was a piece of cake:

And, we were able to relay that skill into understanding how to use a legend to decode a secret message (and practice our writing skills in the process).

I’m thrilled with the reasoning and concentration skills Ali has learned from Sticky Mosaics, and she is thrilled with her new creations:
If you would like to enjoy this fun project with your kids, I have two sets of their newest product, set to be released on August 1st, to give away to two of you!

They are coming out with two 3D Sticky Mosiac kits – the fun of the mosaics along with the extra treat of your project coming alive in 3D!

They have a Pixie Magic kit:

And an Ocean Magic Kit:

The Orb Factory is providing one of each of these for me to give away to you. If you would like to be one of the first people to get these new products, simply comment on the post and let me know which one you would like to win (or either, if you don’t have a preference)!

You can earn up to four extra entries if you:

Follow The Orb Factory on Facebook or Twitter
Subscribe to OR Follow my blog
Follow me on Twitter OR Facebook
Tweet, blog, OR Facebook about this giveaway

(be sure to leave separate comments for your extra entries.)

Best of luck! This giveaway is open until Monday, July 12th. The two winners will be randomly selected and posted on my giveaway winners page on Tuesday, July 13th. The prizes will ship around August 1st, on their release date.

Disclosure: I received no compensation or review products for this giveaway. I truly love the Sticky Mosaics product and want to share the fun with you.

The (In)Appropriateness of Toddlers and the BCS.

June 23, 2010 Rachel Callahan A Day in the Life, I embarrass myself just for your amusement., Kids: The Experience.

Toddlers are inappropriate. That’s all there is to it, and if you try to explain to them how they’re being inappropriate, it just makes it funnier and, therefore, more desirable behavior.

So, all you can do is hope for Best Case Scenario (BCS): That no one else is around so you can just enjoy the moment without feeling the burning shade of red creeping up through your cheeks.

This week, my BCS score is 2-1.

(I bet you thought this post had something to do with Football, didn’t you? You should know me better than that.)

BCS One: Sunday.

Bloomer Head.

I mean really, what can you do with that but photograph it and hope it never happens outside of the house especially down the road at a College Toga party?

Yes, Bloomer Head consisted of running around the house screaming, “I’m a Bloomer Head!!!!” repeatedly.

Thank goodness she decided to do that AFTER Church, rather than me getting the pleasure of picking Bloomer Head up from Sunday School.

BCS Two: Wednesday.

We watched Tinkerbell, and at lunch, had the following conversation.

“I like it when Tinkerbell says ‘the Main Land is Titterific!!’”

“No baby, Tinkerbell says the Main Land is GLITTERIFIC. There’s a big difference.”

“Oh. Well, I like titterific. Let’s yell titterific together!! TItterific!! Titterific!!”

“No, I don’t think I want to yell titterific.”

“Why not?”

“Umm…Let’s just say Glitterific.”

“I really like Titterific much better. Titterific!! Titterific!!”

“But Glitterific is talking about GLITTER. Isn’t that cooler?”

“I like Glitter….but I sure like Titterific.”

So please, if you hear my child screaming Titterific, please know that it came from TINKERBELL, not Showtime.

WCS One: Monday.

We were at the grocery store, and a lady with a VERY intricate hairdo consisting of a huge stack of small, perfectly coifed hair balls on top of her head (looking much like the Chiquita Grape Lady, if she ever decided to branch out to other fruits) was browsing nearby.

“MOMMY!!! LOOOK AT THAT LADY!!! SHE IS WEARING BLUEBERRIES ON HER HEAD!!!!!”

Yes, because Bloomers on your head is SO much better of a choice than blueberries.

A Craving Fulfilled.

June 22, 2010 Rachel Callahan A Day in the Life, Pregnancy: The Psychoses.

Chris felt very cheated during my first pregnancy. He was oddly, yet very excitedly looking forward to me tapping him on the arm in the middle of the night, telling him that I just HAD to have three soft taco supremes with extra sour cream from Taco Bell right now, and him jumping out of bed, racing to Taco Bell, and fulfilling all of my pregnancy needs and desires.

But I never *really* craved anything with Ali.

Sure, I had my likes and dislikes, but I never HAD TO HAVE something RIGHT NOW, especially not at 3 am.

He felt totally gypped.

I kept telling him that the concept was much more romantic than the actual event, and I’m sure it would totally be annoying to be woken up in the middle of the night and sent to Taco Bell, but it didn’t relieve his perceived experiential lack.

(He also felt gypped that he didn’t get to race me to the hospital at 120 mph with his hazard lights on, screaming out the window “MY WIFE IS HAVING A BABY!!! MY WIFE IS HAVING A BABY!!!!”. It’s really a shame that I am such a disappointment as a (pregnant) wife.)

This time around, though, I’ve been much more in NEED of things, and he’s gotten to pick me up some cravings, albeit not in the middle of the night. Yet.

But last week, I had to figure out my own craving.

It was 11pm, and we were laying on the couch watching TV, procrastinating from going to bed.

All of a sudden, I sat straight up.

“I need Red Licorice. Red Licorice Super Ropes. The really long ones. Now.”

“Okay. Where do I go get them?”

“They quit selling them everywhere years ago. They may have quit making them, just like they did all of my other childhood red licorice favorites because I am apparently the only person in the entire world that loves the stuff, the evil candy-makers.”

I immediately left the couch and searched Amazon. No luck – out of stock.

I Googled it. A few random candy companies came up, so I started trying to figure out which was the most trustworthy.

(Not which was least likely to steal my credit card number and identity, but which was most likely to actually send me, as quickly as possible, my MUCH NEEDED RED LICORICE, identity theft or no.)

So I picked one and ordered, and, relieved, re-joined Chris on the couch.

“Did you buy it?”

“Yup, but I had to buy it in bulk.”

“So how many are you getting?”

“30 pieces…of 34 inch ropes.”

Chris pulls out his iPhone.

“That’s 1,020 inches of licorice…85 feet!!!”

“That sounds delicious.”

He starts googling 85 feet…

“That’s the width of a Hockey rink…the distance between bases on a baseball field…way longer than a bowling lane…and the LENGTH of a high school basketball court!!”

“Sounds even yummier.”

“Well, did you at least get expedited shipping so it’d get here faster?”

“Nope, just normal.”

“If it’s a craving, you should have gotten it overnighted!!”

Thank goodness I have an understanding husband.

So, after 6 days of excruciating red-licorice-filled thoughts and checking UPS tracking every few minutes and trying (unsuccessfully) to get Chris to drive to Montgomery, break into the UPS terminal, find my licorice and bring it back to fulfill all of his crave-hunting desires, my box finally arrived.

It was even worth the delicate operation I had to work out to get rid of an overly-full box of these banes-of-the-universe to unearth my prize:

And then, there it was.

My basketball court of red licorice.

The first bite was just as good as I had hoped, my entire childhood flooding back to my tastebuds.

I did a bit of math, and to make my 1,020 inches last through the rest of my pregnancy, I was allowed to have 5.66 inches a day.

Of course, the first 34 inch rope was gone in about 10 minutes.

Good thing I know where I can buy myself another candylicious basketball court.

But next time, I’ll tap Chris on the shoulder at 3 am and ask him to go order me some. With overnight shipping, of course.

Dora, The Saint.

June 21, 2010February 7, 2011 Rachel Callahan "Deep" Thoughts by Rachel, Kids: The Experience., Parent of the Year, The Cartoon Age, Weird Strange and True

There’s a new trend in cartoons this generation, and it kind of freaks me out.

Attempted Interactivity.

I say attempted because half the time I can barely get my toddler to interact with me while she’s watching TV, let alone the TV itself.

Dora does it. Handy Manny does it. Even Mickey Mouse has come on board with animated interactivity.

But I personally find it unnerving.

Dora, like any normal toddler, never shuts up. Jabber, jabber jabber. But then all of a sudden, she’ll turn, look piercingly through the screen straight at us, and say, “Do YOU see the forest??”

Then she stares blankly in long seconds of awkward silence and, making it even worse, blinks.

Blink.

Of course, even though the Forest is lighting up and then getting pointed to by an arrow to make SURE that you can help Dora with her mission, Ali just stares blankly in awkward silence back at Dora.

Blink.

It’s weird. It’s not at all like the manic slapstick cartoons we had as kids, and so I decided that Ali needed to experience a REAL cartoon.

So I Netflixed Looney Toons.

It was a collection of Daffy Duck shorts, circa 1976, and we snuggled up on the couch to experience cartoons done right.

And I sat there, completely shocked, unable to do anything but blink.

Blink.

In the first ten minutes of the cartoon, Daffy…

Tried to sell used cars by throwing in a six pack of beer,
Had a whole collection of scary looking monsters in a bar acting drunk and drinking various alcoholic drinks while Daffy entertained them by singing a song about Monsters pulling out entrails and eating human’s remains,
Smoked a Cigarette,
Smoked a Cigar,
Drank Wine and a Cocktail,
Used the word “Stupid” in a very angry manner,
and sang a song about greediness and deception, and how he could totally get away with it because the dead guy (that made him promise to be good) would never know, and did indeed get away with it in the end, which was the “happy” ending.

When my shock at what us kids were being taught by our classic and “innocent” cartoons passed, I amused myself by imagining Dora, Cigarette hanging from her toddler lips while she gulped down a bottle of wine, stumbling around drunk and calling Boots the Monkey stupid (while he smoked a cigar and drank a cocktail) and then talking about pulling out little children’s entrails and eating their remains.

And all of a sudden, today’s cartoons didn’t seem so bad after all.

Dora, I pledge my eternal devotion to your awkward silences.