– I resolve to run into less objects, which leave mysterious bruises on my upper thighs that I then spend days trying to remember what exactly I ran into. – If that resolution doesn’t stick, I resolve to keep a bruise diary. – I resolve to invent a car floorboard that eats Chick-Fil-A crumbs and […]
Isn’t it Time to Talk to Your Doctor?
Have you found yourself weepy during this deplorable deletion of Daylight Savings Time and simultaneous bout of horrific weather? Have you looked out the window to the darkness, cursing its existence? Do you feel hopeless, as if warmth will never return to your life? Then you may be suffering from Seasonal Affective Disorder, or SAD, […]
Drug of Choice.
This blog post has not be evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. It is not recommended to assume its contents are useful medical advice or life advice. Actually, that might be true of this entire website. I am currently taking 125 calories worth of Vitamins a day, with the option of 20 more calories […]
Sunsets By the Package.
In two days, I got two emails from different guys that I have zero connections with. (They were real emails from real people, guys!) One wanted advice as to where to take his girlfriend for a special date, and the other wanted advice as to where to propose to his girlfriend. This might sound extraordinarily […]
On My Whirlwind Relationship with a Spammer.
As a blogger, I get hundreds of emails a day. Of those, approximately one is a real person emailing me to genuinely correspond. If I’m lucky. I adore emails from real people. In the stack of emails, there are definite patterns that can be found. PR Firms sending me press releases, hoping that I’ll write […]
A Call for Felinism.
A guest post, by Fred the Cat. The time has come for a revolution. We live in America – the land of the free, the land of equal opportunity, the land of respect. But cats, my friends, are not getting these basic rights. Cats are humiliated on YouTube. Villainized by Disney. Ignored by Government. Scoffed […]
Cherries Need New PR.
I spent 31 years of my life automatically assuming that I despised cherries. There was the cherry cough syrup I was given against my will as a young child, shaping my first impressions of cherries as The Fruit That Tastes Like Gastric Acid. Then there was cherry-flavored candy – it didn’t matter whether it was […]
Technology Killed the RomCom.
I admit it. In the past, I was a Romantic Comedy junkie. (I still really really really like them but have tried to move on to more adultish genres.) (I am sometimes successful at this.) The 80’s and 90’s were a hot bed of Romantic Comedies, and as that paralleled with my impressionable childhood and […]
If Only God Had Expounded.
I think we can all agree that God could have been more detailed. I mean sure, He wrote the #1 bestseller of all time and it is QUITE voluminous. But there were some items that He could have really made our lives smoother if He’d fleshed out a bit more. Sprinkle or dunk? Wafers or […]
Modern Communication with Men.
I prefer texts over all forms of communication. (Except for the fact that iPhones won’t let you mark texts unread. This might be the most glaring failure of technology in our society today.) Besides all of their other benefits, sometimes texts can tell you so much more about a person’s belief system than conversation. Because […]