In our pre-kid days, Chris and I had the peculiar hobby of reading Screen It reviews before, during, or even instead of watching movies. Geared toward parents, the site gives an intensely detailed yet discreet laundry list of every profanity or slightly negative word in the movie, detailed descriptions of all violence, drug use, or […]
Toddler, Interrupted.
I woke up yesterday morning holding a handful of vomit. I quickly took in my surroundings, trying to orient myself as to how I had come into possession of someone else’s stomach contents. There was a screaming toddler sitting on his bed in front of me, his carpeted floor was dotted with stepping stones of […]
Seven Years Comin’
From our honeymoon onward, Chris and have I adored the beach. We would spend entire days laying on the sandy shores of Alabama, reading, napping, swimming, and living as if we had no responsibilities. NONE. It was our most freeing happy place in the world. And then, six years into marriage, we had a baby. […]
Things that Blow My Toddler’s Mind.
Every time we bathe, dear child, I will wash and rinse your hair. This is not some sort of water torture I have forged break your will and make you scream. There is no reason to fight me on leaning your head back – I am trying to save your sensitive little eyes from soap. […]
A Rainy Day With Thomas.
On Monday morning, nine out of ten Facebook Statuses in my feed were bemoaning a flooded basement, a flooded back yard, a flooded street, or a flooded everything. Sunday was slightly moist around here. And of course, that would be the day we had picked out to visit Thomas the Train. It was the last […]
On Making Something so Easy so Hard.
So I tried to potty-train my son. Remember that? I quit the day I blogged about it, because he was clearly determined to never acquiesce in this matter. Ever. He was overjoyed to be allowed to crap in his pants in peace again, and I was a much better person for not trying to make […]
What’s that Sound, Volume Three
A few nights ago, I was rocking Noah before bed. Which is when he discovered my boobs. He began rubbing them vigorously, all while saying excitedly, “I found your TUMMY!!!!!!” Then he looked at his chest…then looked back at mine…then at his… “Wait a minute.….…….What’s that poppin’ out your shirt?” I ignored him, hoping his […]
Taking Issue With the Compliance Department.
Dear Noah, We took a break from our potty-training failures so that I could take you to the dentist last week. It was only your second trip ever, and your first time to get x-rays. And you were an angel. I need you to know that I am not okay with this. First of all, […]
McQueen Will Get Us Through It.
I have two problems with potty-training Noah. No, three. One. Noah doesn’t want to. That’s kind of a biggie. You can not force bodily fluids out of a kid that doesn’t want to play along. Two. Last time we tried (in August,) Noah had a crippling fear of letting any output from his body fall […]
The Lyrics That Will Kill Us All.
Today was the day that I realized my two-year-old was a musician. Not because he’s ever touched an instrument, but by watching his face. As we were driving home, just the two of us, he kept asking insistently for me to put on “Seven Bridges Road.” I finally did, and turned it up. Then happened […]