I had to kill a very large spider this morning…out of my children’s bathtub. Then, I had to dismantle his carefully constructed home, saliva-web-piece by saliva-web-piece, before I could start their bath. This COULD be considered a sign that I don’t bathe my children often enough. Or perhaps it’s just a sign that I have […]
The Day He Received His Third Nipple.
Chris, upon changing Noah’s clothes for bed… “Um, how did Noah get a third nipple?” Well, you see, it’s a long story, babe. It all started with a successful mall trip. Too successful, really – I should have been suspicious of the trouble headed my way. I had managed to make it to two stores […]
The Complications of Riding a Roomba.
Several months ago, Chris introduced me to the fabulous YouTube trend that is the sport of combining a Roomba, a Bumbo, and a Baby. It was brilliant. It was hilarious. And I was jealous that I hadn’t thought of it. (I mean, with names like Bumbo and Roomba, why didn’t I realize the obvious destiny […]
It’s Like Riding a Bike…
This photograph describes my daughter in a way that words cannot. This is The Essence of Ali. There’s a certain gene of cautiousness that runs deep in Chris and his family, and Ali got every last drop of it. Origami would be a risk in her book, what with the potential for paper cuts and […]
Baby Tips, 2.0
Prequels: Baby Tips Toddler Tips Baby Tips, 2.0 You will have a lot to teach your baby over the years, so it’s never too soon to start. Especially regarding complicated matters, such as The Facts of Life. Older siblings are also helpful in teaching Baby, but take care that you leave them in a safe, […]
How to Act When They Have a Baby.
You know how some people contract an illness of ridiculous speech when you’re pregnant? Regarding that disease, I have grave medical news: that craziness doesn’t always fade after you deliver your baby. In fact, in some cases, it can grow worse throughout your baby’s infanthood. I experienced someone with a most serious case of the […]
Because I Like to Be Helpful: Baby Feeding Tips.
* One should be very structured in introducing babies to solid foods. Do not introduce them to too many different flavors at once, and keep the variety of foods to safe, bland choices. ** Rice cereals should be offered first (unless your particular doctor says they’re now poisonous…much debate is currently in action over the […]
The Misconceptions of Childhood.
I distinctly remember a feeling from when I was a kid that I am now knowingly repeating in my daughter. It’s kinda like deja vu, but not. I remember having assumptions about the world – assumptions that my parents had definitely (at least in my mind) confirmed for me at some point, either by emission […]
Making Little Old Ladies Happy Cry Since 2011.
Noah and I have a dirty little secret. He is ticklish EVERYWHERE. Especially if I am touching him – I know all of his hot spots. I can’t even change his clothes without him giggling until he gets the hiccups. (My offspring all have a weird genetic mutation that makes them get the hiccups every […]
Pointless Parenting.
There are moments in every parent’s job that they wonder what good their efforts are producing. How any positive impact could possibly come from all of their hard work. …Trying to logically reason with a teenage girl, for instance. (Sorry, Mom.) …Or perhaps trying to convince a ridiculously cautious four year old to try something […]