Baby Tips, 2.0

Prequels:
Baby Tips
Toddler Tips

Baby Tips, 2.0

You will have a lot to teach your baby over the years, so it’s never too soon to start.  Especially regarding complicated matters, such as The Facts of Life.

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Older siblings are also helpful in teaching Baby, but take care that you leave them in a safe, soft, stable environment for that training to take place.

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Take care to not foster an attitude of rebellion into Baby – it will come back to haunt you.

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If your baby happens to be a boy, when changing his diaper, always ensure that things are pointed in a downward direction.  This will help ensure that he doesn’t soil your friends and family.

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Your baby will most likely go through an awkward stage at some point.

Do not make fun of him.

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Always remember the rule of thumb: Awkward Babies are Sensitive Babies.

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As your baby is learning to sit independently, always place him on soft surfaces, and make sure that there are no sharp objects anywhere nearby.

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Babies are easily addicted.  Choose very wisely what substances you choose to share with them, or else you may have grave results.

Day Zero

Take care to not let Baby anger or disturb any animals – they may react unfavorably toward their aggressor.

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Be cautious when placing your hands around Baby’s mouth and face so as to not transfer any germs.

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Also, do not let Baby stick anything into his mouth on his own that might have been exposed to germs.

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Especially items that may have been snotted on by over 682 children since last washed.
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Do not feed baby items just for the enjoyment of his facial expressions.  This is cruel.

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Babies should typically not be allowed to eat paper products.

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Take care when choosing baby toys – make sure they aren’t large enough to obstruct Baby’s breathing.

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Prepackaged, preservative-filled sugary snacks should never be given to Baby.

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These sorts of disgustingly unhealthy products can give Baby terrible tummy-aches.

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Do not let Baby eat sand.

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Nor should you let Baby’s sister feed him large handfuls of sand.

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Do not place Baby inside of easily capsizable objects.

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Start forming a habit early of only allowing Baby to play with gender-specific or gender-neutral toys.

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Do not allow your baby to play with any small toys or items of any sort, due to eating and/or choking risks.

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Also, babies should never be allowed to play with rubber, bag-like, or latex items, due to the dangers of suffocation.

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No matter how young and un-mobile baby is, do not place him on elevated surfaces to take his picture, even when placed with a “responsible” older sibling.

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And finally, don’t let Baby get lost in his older sibling’s shadow…or Entourage.

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