A flock of Emus in a Wastewater treatment plant… The Church of Holy Water/Wrestling Federation… A Labelmakered all-caps toilet instruction – “DO NOT FLUSH ANYTHING BUT TISSUE” – to which we almost left a post-it note underneath it saying, “But where do we put the poo?”… These are the things I didn’t manage to get […]
The Ticket to Preschool.
As I mentioned a few months ago, Noah is attending Preschool this fall – three days a week, and his teacher is his precious Godmother, Miss Janey. …whom he calls “Miss Jamie”, because I make him eat lunch with Jamie of Jamie’s Rabbits way too often and once one has encountered Jamie and her Rabbits […]
Wal-Mart’s Revenge.
Sam’s Club. Despite my feelings toward his mother Wal-Mart that I shared without reserve last week, I’ve always found Sam to be a delightful fellow. Big quantities, cheap prices, more locations than Costco, adorable little old ladies handing out samples… Actually that last point is starting to change. Because my third to last visit brought […]
Toddler, Interrupted.
I woke up yesterday morning holding a handful of vomit. I quickly took in my surroundings, trying to orient myself as to how I had come into possession of someone else’s stomach contents. There was a screaming toddler sitting on his bed in front of me, his carpeted floor was dotted with stepping stones of […]
Three Teeth and a Babysitter.
Upon the loss of one’s eldest child’s first tooth, parental discussion has to take place. Are we going to do the Tooth Fairy thing? How far does our willingness to “Fairy It Up” go? How much does the Tooth Fairy pay for teeth these days? We agreed that yes, we would do the Tooth Fairy, […]
The Origins of Topper.
A couple of months ago, Chris and I took our nasty, stale, extraordinarily aged wedding cake topper on our anniversary trip. Our thirteenth anniversary trip. Topper got to enjoy every aspect of Asheville, The Grove Park Inn, Sunset Chasing, Chocolate Shop Visiting, and we even took him to The Biltmore Estate. I’m waiting for them […]
If Only God Had Expounded.
I think we can all agree that God could have been more detailed. I mean sure, He wrote the #1 bestseller of all time and it is QUITE voluminous. But there were some items that He could have really made our lives smoother if He’d fleshed out a bit more. Sprinkle or dunk? Wafers or […]
Things that Blow My Toddler’s Mind.
Every time we bathe, dear child, I will wash and rinse your hair. This is not some sort of water torture I have forged break your will and make you scream. There is no reason to fight me on leaning your head back – I am trying to save your sensitive little eyes from soap. […]
Why I Will Henceforth Dehydrate Myself in Public.
Caution: This story is so humiliating that I didn’t even tell it to my husband for several days. And it took me all of a month to come back and read it and decide whether I’d cringe too much to share it here. (I will, for the record, but alas. I am a blogger. And […]
The Bathroom Chronicles.
Stuff happens in public restrooms. Right? Sometimes you get to see it after the fact, like this beautiful graffiti on a Church bathroom door… …even for defacing Church Property. And sometimes you are blessed enough to live through it – like the time, almost exactly a year ago, when I was in a Tampa restaurant […]