The struggle is real – every single time. I coach myself. “You can do this. You were born for this.” I do a few warm-up drills. “Reach to the back seat reach to the front seat reach reach reach” I breathe deeply, attempting to tune every muscle of my body for the exertion that is […]
Ten Types of Runners.
I’m no trailblazer when it comes to running – although I’ll take a new path for an adventure, on my normal runs, I prefer the most favorable locations. Minimized elevation changes (difficult to find in Birmingham), close to my house, running trails or sidewalks, and a clear route. As such, I pass and am passed […]
An Appropriate Goodbye.
We’ve been inseparable for 33 and a half years. Unequivocally attached to one another, bound by each other’s decisions, moods, and words. But in one week and one day, that will end permanently. My tonsils will be cut from my body and thrown away without so much as a proper goodbye. In fact, I’ll sleep […]
Breaking: Age Guessing Website a Conspiracy
It has been discovered today that how-old.net, the currently viral website that allows you to upload a photo and then tells you how old you look, is actually a conspiracy by multi-level-marketing behemoth Radon + Folds. Redarn + Flan is a direct sales skincare corporation that relies primarily on women who don’t mind utilizing Facebook […]
Fully Endorsed Anxiety.
These are the things I worry about: stray cats slipping into my car while I’m unloading groceries, my phone becoming sentient and turning on the camera at inopportune times and live-streaming those inopportune times to the world, and the consequences of endorsing my husband’s name on the backs of checks. Every now and then, he’ll […]
An Important Opinion Piece on Emoji.
Emoji have always been a peculiar thing. A thing that I use every day, but that also creates many problems in my mind. A year or so ago, I began documenting these issues in a note on my iPhone, hoping that one day, Siri would read my note and offer an answer for my many […]
Diary of a Tired Mom: If the Shoe Fits.
Thursday night, there was a strange man with a high-beam flashlight walking around my front yard. I never got up to check, nor did I scream for my husband, because I totally assumed that he must be one of Fred the Cat’s dozen or more common-law owners, and he was out looking for Fred to […]
The Unpaved Road to Kid’s Market.
This has been my permanent position this week. Because I’ve begun the process of consigning. For the first time in my life. With eight years of children’s clothes to wash, sort, match, pin, tag, and tape. Take special notice of the container of apple juice on the coffee table, where children have begun to resort […]
Diary of a Tired Mom.
Why is the most overused song lyric in the history of the world “All Night Long”? The phrase spans decades and genres, has been in more songs than the words bae, shawty, and boo combined, and IT IS A LIE. You know what happens all night long? Not what they’re talking about. No. Uh Uh. […]
The Panty Incident.
So I was buying panties. That’s how all good stories start, right? I was buying panties, and had just handed them to the store clerk to ring up. She looked down, had a spark of eureka come over her face, and I watched as my future panties lassoed a memory in that cashier’s mind and […]